Disclaimer: They are not mine…just playing.
There are two chapters to go and then it will be followed by an epilogue set a year later.
Thanks to all who have reviewed, this is for you.
-------------------------Blind Justice----------------------------
The ten days were a complete rollercoaster of emotion for both Harm and Mac; he fluctuated between the lows of guilt and the highs of his love for her. Mac moved between her love for him and the guilt of what this was doing to him. Meanwhile plans for the wedding were still being made. Harriet arrived every afternoon with her notepad, checklist and a pile of bridal magazines and despite everything else which was going on she remained upbeat and positive about the whole thing. Harm did his bit towards the preparations and although he wanted to marry Mac with every ounce of his being, knew that it wouldn't happen if the bandages came off and she still couldn't see. He knew if the worst happened Mac would need more than the two weeks to come to terms with the blindness before she considered anything else.
The ninth day was a difficult one, Mac was agitated and Harm could do nothing right. He was holding her too tight or not tight enough, he was eating too loudly, his breathing was too noisy or he was just too quiet. When Harriet arrived in the early afternoon it took her twenty seconds to realise all was not well. Quickly she wrote a note and gave it to him folded, told him it was some errands she needed doing and it would be a great help if he could do them while she visited with Mac. With minimal protest Harm kissed Mac's forehead and departed. He stepped into the corridor and opened the note:
Breathe Harm, just take some time out and breathe. She'll be fine.
Harm folded the note and leant back against the wall, slowly bouncing his head off the white wall fighting back the tears which had been welling up all day. He took a deep breath, then two, then…the tears spilt over and he left to find some solitude in the nearby park.
Meanwhile Harriet shifted her chair closer to Mac's bed and took her hand. "He's gone Mac, it's okay," she soothed. Mac quietly began to sob, the stress of trying to maintain her composure in front of Harm too much. "It's okay, honey." It took a while for Mac to stop and to be ready to speak. "Tell me what's going on?" Harriet said, squeezing her hand.
"I'm just really scared," Mac replied. "I mean after tomorrow we're going to know one way or another and I'm….terrified."
"Mac, the doctor has said your sight should return, it won't be perfect tomorrow but in time it should," Harriet soothed.
"I know, Harriet, but I can't help but thinking the worst….nothing's ever gone smoothly for Harm and I, hell, we couldn't even toss a coin without it going awry…" She stopped to concentrate on her breathing. "What if…"
"What if what, Mac?" Harriet prompted.
"What if I never see again, Harriet?" she whispered, afraid of saying the words too loudly. "What if I can never look into Harm's eyes again?"
Harriet's first instinct was to take the positive tack, tell her she'd see and all would be well but deep inside she knew she couldn't. "Mac, when you think of Harm right now, what do you see, right here in your heart?" Harriet tapped Mac's chest.
"I see a man who loves me. I see a man who has probably always loved me. A man who would do anything for me…a man who I…love with all my heart," Mac replied.
"That's right," Harriet replied. "You don't need eyesight to see those things."
Harriet heard a slight sniffle behind her and turned around to find Harm, who had returned for his jacket, leaning against the door jamb, tears streaming down his face, he had heard them.
"Harm?" Mac called.
"Yeah baby, it's me." He swiped at his tears, willing them to stop.
"I might just go," Harriet said collecting her things, she kissed Mac's cheek and Harm hugged her tightly on her was out.
He slowly moved to the bed. "Harm, are you crying?" Mac asked, sitting up and stretching out her arms to find him.
"Aha," was all he could manage lest more tears escape.
"Oh baby," she replied, as her hands found his arms and wrapped around him. "I'm sorry I've been horrible to you today."
"Don't apologise, Mac, you're scared. I understand that," he whispered into her hair.
"Are you…scared?" she asked quietly.
"I'm terrified, Mac," he admitted quietly. He felt her tense up in his arms. "I'm terrified you won't see and then you won't marry me, I'm terrified you will see and find someone better than me and …"
"And what, Harm?" she prompted.
"I'm terrified this overwhelming guilt I feel is going to come between us because you keep telling me it's not my fault and some nights I just can't breathe because it's suffocating me," he answered and she pulled him tighter to her, hating the pain he was experiencing. He clung to her as much as she was clinging to him; every fear, every ache, mending a little more in each others arms.
Day ten dawned bright and crisp, not that Mac could tell in her darkened world. She paced back and forth from her bed to the ensuite bathroom door, the only path she'd been able to take during her hospitalisation. Harm stood at the door, watching her take the five measured steps, reach out for the door, turn around, take the five paces back, reach for the bed and repeat. It took him a couple of minutes to compose himself, his heart seemingly beating a thousand times a minute, his stomach feeling like it had risen into his throat. He shifted nervously, checking the time.
"Harm!" Mac froze, her bandaged face looking towards the doorway.
"Yeah baby, it's me," Harm said, moving in and taking her in his arms. He felt her nails dig into his skin as she grasped him tightly, her fears for the day ahead clearly evident. He dropped his head and found her lips, kissing her gently, surprised when, for the first time since his return she kissed him forcefully. Carefully he moved his hands up to cradle her head, giving her everything she wanted, everything she needed from the kiss. Knowing that when the doctor came in within the next few minutes and unbandaged her eyes every single thing in their world could change.
Finally, Mac pulled back, trying not to sniffle and alert Harm to the fact she was crying. She dropped her head onto his chest and concentrated on her breathing. Harm knew her tears were there, just as they were flooding down his cheeks. He was just thankful she couldn't see him in his current state.
"Colonel MacKenzie," Captain Richardson announced, coming into the room. Harm tried to break away but she wouldn't release him. "Commander Rabb."
"Good morning, Doctor," said Harm, reaching around Mac to shake the hand the doctor was offering.
"How are you this morning, Colonel?" he asked, scanning her chart.
"Great…good…okay," she rambled. "Nervous as hell."
Harm squeezed her tightly.
"Well, how about we sit you on the bed and get things started?" he said, taking her arm and guiding her to the bed. She sat down and clutched the blanket tightly. The doctor nodded at Harm to sit beside her and he did, he slowly extricated one hand from the blanket and held it in his hand and wrapped his other one around her waist.
A young nurse came into the room with a small tray and placed it on the tray table.
"Okay, Colonel," he said, unclipping the bandage. "We spoke about this a couple of days ago. When the bandages come off you'll still have significant vision difficulties. But indications are your sight will improve over the coming days and weeks. You do remember that I said a full recovery could be up to six months away, don't you?" Mac nodded but Harm shuddered. "Commander, everything alright?"
"Um, yeah…I …" he started.
"I'm sorry, Harm," Mac said leaning into him. "I just couldn't tell you." He kissed her head it was too late to have any discussion.
Captain Richardson unwound the crepe bandage which was holding the eye pads in place. "Shade your eyes, Colonel and I'll take these away." Mac did so and the pads were removed. Harm closed his eyes not yet prepared to see her face. "Now, very slowly open your eyes…just take your time and give them a chance to adjust to the light." Mac followed his instructions and within a few minutes her eyes were fully opened and unshaded. Harm knew the outcome long before it was official.
"What can you see, Colonel?" he asked. She shook her head, not able to utter any word. "You need to speak to me," he said gently.
"Nothing," she whispered. "I see nothing…not even the shades and shadows I saw before the surgery…nothing." The silent tears which ran silently down her cheeks were matched by Harm's. She reached up and instinctively wiped his face. "It's okay, Harm, It's okay."