Disclaimer: They are not mine…just playing.
Thanks to all who have been especially supportive during this story!
-------------------------Blind Justice---------------------------
Epilogue: A Year Later
Most couples find the first year of marriage challenging for a whole host of reasons. The endless effort to balance life and love can result in arguments, compromises and making up. The year for Mac and Harm was just the same. First there was the aftermath of Harm's announcement after their marriage, that being his resignation from the Navy. Whilst Mac hadn't said anything in the first few days it got the better of her and it became their first official argument as husband and wife. In the end, with the damage done, Mac sought reassurances from Harm that he would talk to her before making any life altering decisions. While he agreed in principle, he still firmly believed he had done the right thing. Sure, they had lost the financial security a few more years and a retirement would bring but he had put Mac ahead of everything else and there was nothing he would not sacrifice to ensure she was never without him again.
Their second argument came soon after when Mac was seriously considering a medical retirement. With her vision still severely affected she could not remain a marine and believed this was the best option, despite her doctor telling her she was improving and her sight would return. It was Bud who swayed her to use up all leave possible before making a decision. He confided in her just how often he wanted to throw it all in but battled through and was so glad he had. Mac had spent the year on leave but knew she had to make it all official soon.
So the year went on. Harm established a small practise in DC and Mac helped out in an unofficial capacity. She attended her doctor appointments, her rehabilitation and mobility sessions, a support group for injured military personnel Bud had directed her too, worked in Harm's office and from their home, Harm's old loft. She had also done additional computer training specially in voice activated software. Now, with slow but steady progress with her sight, a computer which spoke to her and a full schedule, she found life was far busier than she had ever anticipate during her first darkened days.
As their first wedding anniversary approached Harm was cautious about making any set plans to celebrate. Mac's mood had been all over the place lately and he knew he'd have to tread carefully. Tonight was no different from the last two weeks, he came in from the office only to find her in tears, He had tried to soothe her only to be yelled at, he tried to talk to her only to be yelled at, ignore her – yelled at, avoided her – yelled at, hold her – yelled at.
In the end he scooped her up and sat down with her in the armchair and held her so close she had no choice but to stop resisting him. Harm held her tightly and when she calmed enough lessened his grip, to his surprise Mac didn't get up but snuggled in closer to him.
"Tighter," she whispered and he pulled her too him once more. "Tighter," she begged.
Willingly Harm sat and cradled her in his arms for hours. His kissed her head and repeatedly whispered his love into her ear. He ignored his rumbling stomach, the cramp in his arms and the crick in his neck and simply held her tightly, praying she would talk to him.
Finally she eased back and gazed up at him.
"Love you, Harm," she whispered.
"Love you too, Mac," he replied, dropping his head to gently kiss her lips.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled into his mouth.
"Don't be sorry, baby, just talk to me," he pleaded.
She shook her head and slid her hands around his neck. "Can't."
"Yes you can, you can tell me anything. Please!" he begged.
Mac sighed deeply; trying to steel herself for the conversation she knew was a long time coming.
"We never had our wedding," she said quietly. "Never got to see you in your dress whites on our wedding day."
Harm kissed her forehead. "Mac, I…" She pressed her finger to his lips; if she was going to get this out he couldn't speak.
"I was supposed to be better within six months, then nine months, then…" her voice trailed before she took a few deep breaths and tightened her grip on him. He kissed her head again, leaving his lips on her head in an attempt to bring her some comfort. "But while my sight has improved it's still poor and I …I feel so useless…and everyone says it will get better but I'm thinking … that this is it…that I'm never going to see your face again…"
Her tears cascaded down her face yet she ignored them in favour of trying to wipe his away, she couldn't see them but she could feel them splashing down on her.
"Baby, don't cry, please don't cry," she begged him, pulling herself around so she was straddling him. "Don't…please!"
"Can't help in, Sarah. I love you so much and it kills me to see you in this much pain," he sobbed, pulling her closer to him.
"I'm sorry…" she began.
"Please don't be sorry, if I hadn't put you on hold…" he interrupted.
"No!" she injected.
"Yes, Mac, I did this to you…I shouldn't have…"
"NO!" she screamed, slapping his chest. "No! This is not your fault, it's not mine…it's just the way it is. Please don't tell me you still blame yourself?" she cried.
"I do…I can't help it," he sobbed in reply.
"You promised me you were okay with this," she said, clasping on to his shirt.
"And you promised me you were okay." His grasp on her tightened.
"So I lied a little," she admitted.
"And so did I," he acknowledged.
Mac leant forward and rested her forehead on his, exhausted by the conversation, by the stress of recent weeks and by life in general.
"You know," he whispered. "I love you so very much, Mac." He felt her nod. "And if this is it, if this is as good as your sight gets, we'll manage. You do know that don't you?"
Mac nodded again but then it became a shake of the head. "No?" he asked, gently pushing her head back. "Why not, baby? Why not?"
"Exactly," she whispered.
"Huh?" he asked confused. "I don't understand."
"When I went to the doctor last week…" she began.
"You didn't tell me you had an appointment," Harm interrupted.
"I didn't want you to come," Mac admitted. "I didn't want you to hear what I thought he'd say."
Harm ran his hands up and cupped her face, holding it up in front of him. He knew she couldn't see him but he had to look at her, had to try to read her face.
"Mac, honey." He steadied her face as she tried to drop her head. "Talk to me…what did the doctor say?"
She gave up resisting and fell into him. "Love you," she mumbled into his neck.
"Love you too but I still want you to talk to me," he replied.
"The doctor said I'm pregnant," she whispered, clinging onto him when he tried to push her back.
"Pregnant?" Harm echoed. Mac nodded.
"Mac, that's wonderful!" he exclaimed. "Isn't it?"
"Baby – yes! Never seeing my child…no!" she sobbed.
"Did the doctor say that?" Harm asked gently.
She shook her head. "Said he was optimistic I'd see all of him or her."
"You will, baby, you will."
Six weeks later
Mac awoke with a headache; she'd had a low grade one for days now but being pregnant had resisted taking anything for it. She felt lethargic and getting out of bed required more energy than she thought she was capable of generating.
"We've got the sonagram at 0900, Mac," Harm reminded her as he placed a kiss on her lips.
"I know," she mumbled, swinging her legs from the bed and stumbling across the room to the bathroom.
"You okay, Mac," he asked, grabbing her before she walked into the door frame.
"Yeah Harm, just a little dizzy," she replied, "I'll be fine."
Not trusting her in the least, Harm hovered nearby just in case she needed him.
They were in the exam room waiting for the OBGYN to come in. Mac was laying on the gurney, her gown pulled up over her abdomen, a blanket over her. Harm stood by her head and bent down to kiss her forehead, as he did he noticed how pale she was.
"You okay?" he asked, caressing her cheek.
"Yeah, just this damn headache, it's persistent," she replied, placing a hand over her eyes to shield the bright lights of the room.
"Anything I can do?" he asked. She shook her head.
"Colonel, Mr Rabb," Dr Langley said coming into the room. "How are you both?"
"Nervous. Excited," Harm replied. Mac just nodded, her head hurting more by the minute.
"Well, let's get started then." The doctor squeezed the cold gel onto Mac's stomach and grabbed the probe. She made gentle sweeps across her body before settling onto a specific area. Harm squeezed Mac's hand as the picture crystallised on the screen. It took a few moments but finally he saw the image he'd been longing to see; the image of their child.
"Wow!" he muttered, as the OBGYN pointed out the body parts. Still too early to tell whether it was a boy or girl Harm didn't care; he just wanted everything to be well. "Mac…" He looked down to see her tear stained face. "Sweetheart, are you okay?" She shook her head. "Is your pain worse?" She shook her head again. "What is it?"
"That's our baby," she cried gesturing towards the screen.
"Yes it is," Harm replied.
"And…and…" she paused in favour of trying to breathe.
"And what, Mac?" Harm asked, his eyes firmly focused on her.
"And I can see it!" she whispered.
"You can see it?" he whispered back.
"Not clearly but enough…" She looked up at him, he was still blurry but his blue eyes shone out at her, glistening with tears. "And I see you too."
Harm grinned broadly. "You can?" he asked.
She nodded. "And you look amazing," she said, not caring that the last fourteen months had taken their toll on him and he looked much older than she expected.
"You always look amazing," he whispered, reaching down to kiss her lips. Doctor Langley pulled the monitor closer to them before stepping out to give them this special moment. "Anything you need, Mac?"
"Yeah." She looked up at the monitor, tracing the outline of their child with her finger before looking back to him. "I need you to marry me again…I want to have our wedding…I need to see you when I promise to love you forever. Can you do that for me?"
"Nothing has ever been easier, Mac, nothing."
The End