Summary: Chase meets the most interesting man in the clinic. So of course he has to consult House. And House just has to consult Wilson.

Pairings: None.

Category: General/Humor.

Timeline: The Duckling Era.

Rated: K+

A/N: I dedicate this story to a guy I used to know. Whose name I shall not speak just incase anyone who works in a Psych ward might be reading this. This guy - who I actually knew for seven years – is, in essence, my OC in this. Trust me readers, fans, and random skimmers…you will enjoy this. I sure as hell did.

Stories

"Okay Mr. Fleming," Chase began civilly enough when he walked into Exam Room Two. "What can I do for you today?"

The well-built, twenty something white male looked up at him and smiled pleasantly. Chase thought absently that he didn't really understand why his boss hated the clinic so much. Sure, it was a bit boring, but not nearly the horror story that House so often made it out to be.

"Oh, nothing much," he waved a hand casually, still smiling politely, "I was just hoping to get a prescription for sleeping pills."

Chase pulled a pen out of his doctor's coat and made a note on Mr. Fleming's chart while asking, "And why do you want this?"

"I just have a hard time falling asleep during the day," he explained, and Chase looked up with only a slight frown. Probably works third shift, he thought logically. "It was never a problem when I was younger, but now…I don't know." He laughed slightly. "There's just so much noise during daylight hours, don't you think?"

"Sure," Chase agreed because that was always just so much easier. "Third shift job, I take it?"

"Oh, no," Mr. Fleming laughed. "I mean, yes technically, I have a night job, but I can't be awake during the day. Even doing so now is causing me a lot of stress. Some physical discomfort."

"Uh huh," Chase nodded and slowly put his pen back into his pocket, studying this man very closely. "And why is that?"

Mr. Fleming looked at him with narrowed eyes, as if Chase were missing something incredibly important.

Then he spoke in a logical and calm voice. "Because I'm a vampire."

o0oo0o

"House," Chase entered the diagnostic conference room in a flurry. His boss and his two colleagues looked up from what they'd been doing. "I need you down in the clinic for a consult."

Cameron and Foreman both stared at him as if he were absolutely insane for even joking about such a thing. House eyed him squarely. "Whatever the whining rugrat has can't be that-"

"Patient's not a child." Chase interrupted and tried his best not to start fidgeting. "I need a diagnostician."

"If you found us a new case," Cameron began, as if sensing this whole conversation was just leading somewhere bad, "Then admit him and give us the case file so we can-"

"He isn't going to be our patient." Chase cut her off, not taking his eyes away from House. "Fifty bucks says this is interesting."

"Unfair bet." House protested at once. "You obviously know something I don't."

"Well, then just trust me." Chase leveled his gaze and challenged his boss with a stare.

House sighed but stood up. "This better be worth it."

o0oo0o

"So tell me Mr. Fleming," House was sitting on a stool in the patient exam room, studying said patient far too intently. "How are you out right now? Isn't sunlight a no-no?"

"That's a common misconception." The young man either didn't get or didn't care that House was so obviously mocking him.

And in his defense, the older doctor did sound very honestly intrigued. Chase just stood by the door and smirked. This, in his book, qualified as a pretty good day.

Of course, it would have been even better if House would have taken the bet.

"Sunlight doesn't melt us or turn us to ash," he spoke logically, "Just makes us extremely uncomfortable. Very susceptible to sunburns."

"Hmm," House nodded thoughtfully. "What about the stake through the heart? If I stabbed you with my cane right now, would you spontaneously combust?"

Mr. Fleming eyed the object in question rather wearily. "Yes. That's accurate."

House gripped his cane tighter and Chase could tell he was holding back a grin. "Alright, how about garlic? Do you guys eat pizza or…"

"Myth." Mr. Fleming shot down at once. "Personally, though, I'm not too fond of it."

"Right," House made another mark on the chart he was holding, and began again. "The sunflower seed thing?"

"It's true that as a vampire I do have a certain…urge…to count them when I see them." He seemed pained in admitting that. Which Chase could understand. After all, who wanted to spend their free time counting sunflower seeds? "But I can overcome it."

"Yes, alright." House made another eager note. "You suck people's blood?"

"Dr. House!" Their patient exclaimed, looking appalled. "We're not the soulless beings that Buffy and Anne Rice make us out to be. We're simply damaged people. I thought you would be able to understand that."

Chase thought for a moment that the reference to his boss's limp might be a little too much for the older man, but, as always, House surprised him. "Fair enough." He nodded. "But do you sleep in a coffin?"

o0oo0o

"So…" Wilson eyed Mr. Fleming, House and then Chase with a confused, mildly entertained look on his face. "You think you're a vampire?"

Mr. Fleming openly scowled at the Oncologist. "No, I don't think I'm a vampire. I am a vampire. You're just too goddamn closed minded to ever believe anything that doesn't fit inside your neat little socially acceptable conventions."

Wilson just tilted his neck to one side in an annoyed-trying-not-to-act-annoyed gesture. "I can see why you've been getting along so well with Dr. House." He mumbled.

The doctor in question just smirked proudly at his best friend. Chase tried to disguise a snort of amusement as a cough and failed miserably.

"Well, Mr. Fleming," Wilson took a deep breath and spoke as if their patient wasn't glaring at him intently. "I don't think you…have cancer."

"Of course I don't." The vampire rolled his eyes at them, and every single doctor in the room had to bite back some amused sound or another. "I came in for sleeping pills. What are you guys, nuts?"

"Yeah," House answered before anyone else got the chance, "We're nuts. You drink pig blood, and we're nuts."

"I told you we don't feed off humans." Mr. Fleming repeated his words from earlier, sounding annoyed. "Not anymore. That was my great-grandfather's generation. This generation – my generation – we're civil. We want to be a part of your world."

"Yeah," Chase spoke up for the first time since Wilson joined their little meeting, "That's why you work as a butcher."

"It's convenient." He snapped. He wasn't so dense that he couldn't understand why the three doctors thought this was entertaining.

"I'm sure it is." House agreed, nodding along.

"Look, I'm sure this has been very fun for all of you." The vampire started tiredly. Wilson and Wilson alone tried to interject- with something understanding, no doubt – but Mr. Fleming was having none of that. "But if I could just get my prescription. I'd like to get some sleep before the sun goes down."

"Sure," House took the lead, standing up and gesturing for his friend and underling to do the same. "We just have to get one more doctor for you. But really, it's been great meeting you."

And with that, House left the exam room. Wilson paused before following him. He opened his mouth to say something but seemed to think better of it and just smiled tightly before exiting the room.

"You understand what this is like for me, don't you?" Mr. Fleming looked at him almost pleadingly and Chase just nodded.

"I'm Australian. Of course I do."

Then he left too.

"We need a psych referral for the patient in Exam Room Two." House was telling

Brenda.

"Well…" Wilson clamped the back of his neck with his hand after the nurse nodded and went to make the call. "That was…"

"Friggin' awesome." House grinned and it was a genuine one.

"A waste of forty minutes," Wilson pressed his lips together tightly. "Was what I was going to say."

"I told you it was interesting." Chase grinned.

"Next time just say, 'Hey, dude thinks he's a vampire.' It'll get a better response." House was mocking, but in a really entertained sort of way.

"You wouldn't have believed him." Wilson took the words out of Chase's mouth so the younger man just crossed his arms and looked challengingly at the man who signed his paychecks.

"I would have been curious." House argued.

"I still am." Wilson said frankly. "Who honestly believes that they're a vampire? And manages to actually function in the world?"

"Wonder what his friends say," Chase mused.

"You think he has friends?" House questioned. "I mean, ones that don't think they're vampires too?"

"Who knows?" Wilson spoke up. "If he does, though, I'd really like to talk to them."

"Me too." Chase agreed. "They're bound to have some interesting stories."

House just laughed as the three men walked down the hospital hallway and back to their respective jobs.

"Who could not have a story after meeting that guy?"

Fin.