Chapter 5

Haunted by your Past

Do you know those times when the sky is thick with clouds, its raining like hell and everything is just dark? Those times when the world around you just shuts down and there's only you and that annoying little voice that never shuts up. That voice that gives you wisdom, advice, and compliments but at that moment is allowing you to grieve and hate yourself. It's often at those times that we discover our true faces. Are we brave in the face of danger? Are we able to keep up with the best of wits? Do we sink when we feel the first touch?

----

Putting the keys into the lock she opened her apartment door and dragged her bag over the threshold. Heaving the bag over her shoulder she made her way to her room via the common room.

"Hey."

"Shit!" she jumped at Jims voice. "God you're like Ruth Gordon sitting there, make some noise or something…Wo déjà vu."

"We had this conversation before?"

"No I had the same one with someone else."

"Another lifetime ago?"

"You could say."

"Good or bad."

"That's subjective."

"To?"

"To where said person ends up."

"But you're said person you should have an opinion."

"Yeah well that involves deep thought which I'm fruitlessly avoiding."

"Ahh…I see."

"What are you doing here anyway don't you have your own apartment to do…" She looked him up and down trying to find what he was doing. "whatever you were doing?"

"I'm here waiting for you, I don't know if you know but I was worried sick when you weren't at home on Saturday morning I did tell you I was coming over. I freaked out and phoned your Mom she told me you were there."

"You did? She never told me that."

"She thought you needed a break from anyone connected to Boston."

"Ahh. Sorry by the way."

"What happened? I mean I know you were in a bad place that night but you've never not told me what was going on or if you were going out of town."

"I know it was more of a spur of the moment kind of thing."

"So did you have a good time?"

"Yeah I did it was good to just have a weekend away from school and stuff."

"Yeah you needed that." He glanced at his watch. "I'll get out of your hair now. Call me later okay?" He pushed himself off the couch walking to Rory and kissing her on the crown of her head.

"Will do." She smiled.

"Good." He smiled making his way out of her apartment. She smiled after Jim, she loved the man to death for caring so much for her he was her angel taking care of her from the minute he saw her even when he could have left her to fend for herself.

Rory moved her bag to her small room unpacking it which mostly involved throwing it all into her laundry basket and silently cursing herself for not doing a free load at her mothers. The phone rang a few moments into her unpacking and she left it to be done later picking up her cordless.

"Hello."

"Hey."

"Jim what's up? You couldn't possibly need anything you were just here."

"I know but I want to take you somewhere tonight, be ready at four."

"What if I don't want to come?"

"You want to come the curious reporter in you won't let you stay home."

"Okay fine I'll be outside at four."

"Good." The phone went dead and she switched it off her brows knitting in worry. She had heard the conspiratorial tone in Jims voice and she didn't like it one bit.

---

She slid into the passenger's seat of his '98 Honda Civic, good ol'reliable he called her.

"So where are we going?"

"No comment." He answered strait faced.

"No comment?" She restated quizzically.

He gave her a half smile. He was so sure of what he was doing just a few hours ago but now with her so close he wondered if she'd break at seeing it all again. His knuckles tightened on the steering wheel. He glanced at Rory she was staring out the window her eyebrows furrowed; she was worried. He and Lor had discussed this, they had both agreed. He took a right at the lights. He saw it the exact moment she understood where he was taking her. She didn't protest she didn't say anything at all but her eyes brimmed with tears.

He blinked back his own tears trying to forget when they had made their first venture back. He had hardly known the woman she was, her eyes had been hollow then as if she wasn't seeing anything. Now though he noticed she was soaking everything in, seeing the streets that had been her home for a small part of her life, with an all new perspective. He slowed to a stop in front of the red brick building and cut the engine. She opened the door and stood on the sidewalk with not a word to him and he followed her slowly as she made her way to the building.

Rory let the door slowly creek open the dim light of the waning sun filtering into the gloomy building highlighting the resident cobwebs. She tentatively stepped through the threshold glancing back and forth. She heard the sounds of old televisions behind the closed doors, the arguments of men and women, the smell of the poorly ventilated building. She ascended the stairs following them to the building where it had all been, her life when she was just trying not to die. Then she was there standing outside the brown door frame. She rapped on the door before her mind could stop her. It pushed open to her surprise and she peered through the gloom. Suddenly she was back there sitting in front of the small fireplace grey blanket wrapped around her. The dull blue eyes watching the fire crackle and spit at her. "Hey what are you doing in here?" The voice surprised her and she glanced up from her flashback to see a petite chestnut haired woman stare at her with those hollow eyes. She turned from those eyes and ran out the door down the staircase past Jim. She fled onto the streets, behind buildings. Before she knew where she had gone she was sitting on the top of a small hill looking out over the city of Boston.

---

Logan sat at his desk putting the final touches on a letter to his father when his cell phone beeped. He flipped the cell open surprised to find a text message staring at him.

Logan, we need to talk, meet me at the top of Dunseberry hill take a left at Main. Jim

Logan frowned at the text something felt off about it and not just because Jim wanted to meet him at the top of Dunes hill on the outskirts of town. He grabbed his keys and set off to his car trying Jim's cell on the way. It went to his mailbox and he clicked off trying twice more before someone picked up, but there was no greeting on the other end, "Hello Jim?" Logan opened his car door getting into his seat and switching his cell to the other ear. "Hello?" He was feeling a deep knot in his stomach. "Jim?"

"Logan." The voice came as a quiet whisper but Logan recognized it instantly.

"Rory." The line went dead and he threw aside the phone roaring his engine to life.

-

Easing his car to a stop at the end of Turnes, off Main he locked the door and made his way along the path leading to the top of Dunseberry. In the light of the setting sun he saw her staring out over the city her face marked with dry tear tracks.

"Hey" he spoke quietly coming to sit next to her.

She turned to look at him.

"You okay? Your phone cut out."

"It went dead." She unnecessarily showed him.

"How come you were phoning from Jims?"

"I didn't think you'd come if you knew it was me who was calling you."

"Rory that's silly you know I'd be there for you at a moments notice if you needed me."

"But I don't know." Her voice barely audible.

"You know now." He spoke quietly back.

Fresh tears sprang to her eyes. She didn't know what she was expecting when he showed up and she didn't know what to expect now. She was spinning and spinning and she couldn't find her foot hold. His hand brushed the small of her back just then and she let out a deep breath finding a small hold with that human touch. Staring out over the city she opened her mouth letting her mind speak freely for once without a second thought.

"Do you know how many times I've sat here in this exact spot looking over the city wondering whether he is down there wandering the streets free; alive?"

"Rory?" he asked questioningly not knowing who she was referring to.

"I never told anyone, no one, that the story I gave Jim, my mom, you, the police it wasn't true. He told me not to pursue it not to try and find the man. He made me promise and I did. I ran around the corner when I heard the shot…so loud…and there he was feet from Mac the gun still pointed at him I looked him in the eye, I looked through him and he saw me, void empty eyes.

He pointed that gun at me and I stood there caught in the perverse thought that it was finally all over I could go to that place I had been forever searching for. I waited for it.

It never came.

He used his last breath to tackle that gun. I never moved I was stuck in that place between knowing and doing. The sirens came then and he fled glancing once at me I saw the twinkle in his eye, I'll never forget that face."

"They never caught him." Logan recognized.

"They searched but no clues surfaced and it was pushed to the back of the pile. A 'bottom dweller' isn't really top priority when there are celebrities available to be pulled over and let go again for DUI's."

"Rory." He spoke her name softly.

"He made me promise not to pursue it and I kept my word but I don't think I can do that anymore. It's eating me up. I can't live like this."

"Okay well…" He started overwhelmed with the amount of her hurt and truth coming from her lips.

"Here." She handed him a folded paper from her pocket.

"What's this?" He asked unfolding the piece.

"That's him, I thought maybe you have sources at the police department or something. They find him I'll testify."

"Ace what are you not telling me?" He sensed her tension.

She stared at her hands intertwining her fingers again and again. "That gang Mac was part of…"

"You know which one it is." He realized inhaling hard.

"I looked into it, he didn't say not to. That gang is one of the most notorious in the East, they don't let just anyone in. What if Mac wasn't the guy I thought he was? What if he murdered people?"

"Do you believe that Rory?"

"I don't know anymore Logan. People never seem to be who they are anymore."

"Rory he got out of it, he left that life, he saved you he could have preserved that strength to live but he didn't he fought for you.

Rory I think Mac was right you can't pursue this if this gang is the one you're talking about one guy won't stop anything they'll just come after you."

"I know I just can't deal with this."

"I know but you told me, let me take some of the burden." She rested her head on Logan's shoulder losing her self-control.

-

"I like him."

"Mac?"

"He's got moxy. Listen to him Rory he has you in his heart. He's the guy."

"The guy for what?"

"And for God's sake burn that picture."

"Mac did you ever…"

"Murder anyone? Rory you live on the streets long enough you've done it all, murder however was not one of them."

"How did you…"

"Other things that you will hopefully never know. I don't want you in that world Rory once you're in you can never go back. You think about that before you convince Logan to find that man. You Rory are meant for so much more. Imagine the possibilities use your words."

"I've always respected you Mac you're a brother to me. I promise you I won't go after this guy but I will expose the world you lived in and that small piece I got a glimpse of."

"I have no doubt you will I knew it the first time I saw you."

"How cliché." She laughed.

"The best are always clichéd."

"No truer words have been spoken."

"Times up Ror, the journeys not over, and things may get tough but old places heal old wounds."

"What does that mean?" He flashed a smiled before vanishing from her sight.

-

She gasped awake trying to identify her surroundings momentarily blinded.

"Were you asleep?"

"I guess." She reached into her pocket pulling out the small silver lighter she kept with her almost all the time.

--

"You okay to do this?"

She nodded slowly walking into Macs room in that brick building. Everything surprisingly was how it had been that night so many ago. She stood slightly into the room trying to calm her shallow breaths.

"I'll wait out here." Jim offered.

She nodded again afraid words would break her spell. Slowly gingerly she made her way to his room prodding the door open with her right hand. They had been told if no one claimed his belongings the building owner would gut the room. Mac didn't have much to his name and only a few things he deeply cared about. His guitar in its case lent against the far wall, she left it where it stood fearing to go near it. She made her way to his small bedside cabinet and slid open the drawer. With trembling hands she removed the few items the drawer contained. Pocketing the folded piece of paper she knew contained the last note his parents left him before there untimely death she fingered the small silver lighter in her hand. It had been Macs and he was never found without except it seems that night. She pocketed the lighter next to the letter. Gently and swiftly she picked up his guitar and left the room.

---

She took the drawing from Logan's hand, holding it ahead of her she flicked the lighter to life and put the flame to the paper. Letting it catch she fluttered it to the ground. Leaning back against Logan she watched the paper burn and disintegrate into the now night sky. Her finger still caressed the engraving on the lighter, "Can I borrow your phone?" He pulled the cell out of his pocket and handed it to her. "What for?"

"Someone I have to call." She answered dialling his cell.

"Hello." His voice rang clear and her mind momentarily fluttered to say 'Can you hear me now?'

"Jim."

"Rory are you okay? I never meant for that to happen."

"I'm okay, sorry I ran off on you…again." She forced a laugh through her teeth. "It was hard seeing everything again but I guess you can't really move on when you're still haunted by your past."

"That was poetic Rory almost Lord Byronesque."

She laughed gently. "I wanted to let you know I'm still alive and I'm with Logan."

"Logan?" he questioned. "Okay well I'll leave you then I know you're in good hands." She laughed quietly again and he joined her. "Bye Rory."

"Bye Jim." She closed the phone and handed it back to Logan.

She closed her eyes listening to his breathing. "Logan." She twisted in his arms to see him.

"Rory" his eyes twinkled in the fully risen moon.

"I'm glad you're here and I'm glad you're…" He leaned in cutting her off brushing his lips with hers. "I'm glad you can talk to me now Ace." She smiled leaning into him catching his lips in hers. She traced his lips gently biting his lip seeking his tongue. He let out a soft moan as the kiss grew more intense pulling her back onto the grass with him.

"I'm going to expose that life Logan." She broke off twisting to stare at the stars.

"In my paper," He kissed the crown of her forehead pulling her closer to him. "I want exclusive rights." She reached for his hand entwining her fingers in his. The fell into silence once again.

Her mother had been right to tell her to pick Logan or cut him loose she was glad she had picked the former. "I'm not having sex with you." His voice broke the quiet and her thoughts suddenly.

"Excuse me." She propped herself on one elbow to better see him.

"Last time I did you ran off and I'm not willing to see that happen again."

"You Logan Huntzberger are going to abstain from sex." She stuck out her bottom lip in disbelief.

"Yes that's what I'm sacrificing to be in a relationship with you."

"Relationship?"

"Well aren't we?"

"I'd like that."

"You'd like that?" He mocked.

"Shut up." She laughed brushing her lips to his.

"Things are going to get better." He whispered.

"They already are." She murmured back.