Author's Note – Thanks for all the reviews! I love hearing what everyone has to say. I made a promise to post a new chapter every two days, so unless I get run over by a bus, you'll expect to see some new chapters coming up. Like I mentioned before, there will be some good times and some bad ones…and some crazy and embarrassing moments for poor Cloud. Heehee.

Chapter 4 – Boring Classrooms

"Historically, the first method of manipulating very small quantities is by infinitesimals. They can be treated like numbers, but infinitely smaller. On a number line, these would be locations which are not zero, but which have zero distance from zero. Who can tell me why non-zero numbers cannot be an infinitesimal?"

I wanted to raise my hand and say 'because you're the most boring teacher in all of Gaia'! But I remained quiet in the back row, sitting directly behind Lockhart.

"Yes, Katie?"

"Its distance from zero is positive."

"Correct."

I rolled my eyes and exaggerated a sigh. If I had to sit through one more boring class that made absolutely no sense to me, I'd have to commit suicide. Maybe I could sit out in the hallway and practice some moves while I waited for Tifa to go from one class to another. It seemed pointless anyway because she pretended I wasn't even there as she stood with her friends between classes and talked about things I had no business listening to. Most of the day's discussion centered on me, which was no surprise. This was only the second day and my name had already been associated with chocobo…Were they making fun of my hair?

Tifa glanced over her shoulder at me. "Will you shut up?" she whispered. "I can't hear Miss Dennis over your stupid sound effects."

I leaned forward, taking the deskchair with me. "This is bullshit," I whispered back. "I don't remember anything about infinite decimals in calculus."

"Infinitesimals," she sarcastically corrected.

"Whatever." I motioned toward the notepad on her desk panel, where she had been doodling chocobos. "I really see you concentrating there, Lockhart."

"Shut up!"

"Is there a problem back there, Miss Lockhart?"

As I pulled my desk back, Tifa immediately faced forward. "No problem with me, ma'am."

"Mr Strife," said the teacher in a very condescending voice. "If you disrupt my class once again, I'll have to ask you to leave."

I didn't have to be told twice. I got up and mumbled to myself as I headed for the door. "No problem. I'm outta here anyway. Hope you and your infinite decimals are happy together." I heard a few laughs as I walked out and closed the door behind me. Stupid teacher. Just the sound of her monotone voice grated on my last nerve. How the hell did anybody stay awake in there?

A quick glance at my watch told me there was only five more minutes left before the bell sounded the end of class. I went in my pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. It was a copy of Tifa's class schedule, which I had to bribe Hutchins for. Tifa's next class was Advanced Biology in room 587 with Mr Eastman.

I refolded the paper and stuck it back in my pocket. When I looked up I noticed a pretty redhead walking in my direction...which immediately made me think of Aeris and how much I already missed her. This girl's plaid uniform skirt seemed a little shorter than everyone else's and her blouse was unbuttoned a few more buttons, revealing a really nice cleavage in a lacy black bra. Cough.

She smiled as she walked up. "Hi. You must be Tifa's friend."

I cleared my throat and tried to maintain eye contact, even though my eyes wanted to wander down to what she obviously wanted me to look at. "We're…we're not...I'm just here to…to…uh…" Why the hell was I stammering? "Actually, you don't need to know why I'm here."

She made a show of checking me out and placed a hand on my shoulder. "My name's Priscilla. But you can call me Priss." Her fingers trailed down the front of my shirt. "I would really love to see you handle your…sword?"

I frowned at her disturbing statement. Yeah, I was disturbed because I had a feeling she didn't mean the sword strapped to my back. This wasn't the first time I was propositioned so directly, but I had to refuse…only because I didn't want Warden Redgrave to give me a lecture on how I was supposed to be keeping my hands off the students.

The bell rang and the usual pandemonium followed as students emptied into the hall to rush to their next class.

Tifa came out of her classroom and glanced in my direction. Then with a frown, she turned and walked the opposite way.

"Excuse me," I told Priscilla and abruptly pushed passed her. As I made my way through the mass of girls, hoping to reach the stairs before Tifa disappeared from my sight, I felt a pinch on my ass. I whirled around but it could have been anybody…or maybe it was my imagination after nearly being molested by that redhead…what was her name again?

I went up the stairs, taking them three at a time and caught up to Tifa who only quickened her steps when she saw me.

"I thought you had a girlfriend," she said without turning to me. "Aeris, right?"

Girlfriend? Oh yeah. I forgot I told Tifa that Aeris was my girlfriend.

"I don't think she'd like it if she knew you were flirting with the biggest flirt in the school."

"Who? That girl downstairs?"

"Fair warning, two male teachers were fired because of Priscilla."

"Just cuz I was talking to her, you immediately assume I was flirting?"

"She wouldn't be interested in you if it was for anything other than to…you know."

I pretended I didn't know what she meant. "No, I don't know."

"Yes, you do. Don't make me spell it out."

I felt another pinch on my butt and this time when I turned around I saw a blonde girl wink at me as she kept walking. Damn…whatever happened to the conservative girls who played hard to get? If I was a real asshole, I'd take advantage of every opportunity. But I wasn't here to see how many times I could get laid. A mental image of a long line of girls extending from my room came to mind. They'd deplete me of all my bodily fluids. What a great way to go.

I followed Tifa into the classroom at the end of the hallway. While she took a seat at one of the eight tables, I headed for the side with the windows and sat cross-legged up on the shelf. Each table had four chairs for four students and the room began to quickly fill. I continued to glance around, noticing a tank full of crickets. This was what Tifa had gotten in trouble for the day before. Next to it was another tank, this one containing a large lizard with a red crest. Nice pet. Then I remembered this was a Biology class. If I heard a single peep about dissecting that lizard, I'd have to rescue it.

My eyes shifted to the teacher, who I noticed was eyeballing me. According to Hutchins, the staff at the academy were all made aware of my presence and were told to just ignore me as long as I didn't interfere with the class activities. But this Mr Eastman, I didn't like the way he was looking at me…like he was undressing me with eyes. If he didn't stop looking at me like that I'd singe the hair off his head with a Fire materia. See how he liked feeling that.

"Good afternoon, ladies," Eastman said, reluctantly looking away from me.

I fought against a cold, disgusted chill that shot up my spine. The guy actually left me feeling violated and dirty, like I needed to take a shower.

"We're going to continue our discussion of the male reproductive organs."

'Are you kidding me?' I thought to myself.

"By some divine intervention, we have a live model today." And he turned in my direction.

My eyes widened as the rest of the classroom turned to me too.

"Surely you don't mind, do you, Mr Strife?"

I hopped off the window shelf and unsheathed my Apocalypse. As I held it defensively in front of me with both hands, I glared at Eastman. "You touch me and I'll gut you like a fish."

"You cannot go around threatening the lives of my staff!" Redgrave yelled as she slapped her fist on her palm.

"That creep wanted me to strip in front of his class!" I defended.

It was obvious she didn't believe me. "Mr Eastman is a well-respected teacher at this academy and not once in his thirty year employment has there ever been an issue with any of the girls."

"That's because he likes boys!" I shook my head at her. "You can't tell he's a fucking queer?"

"I will not tolerate that kind of language, Mr Strife."

I rolled my eyes. What was wrong with everybody in this school? Was I the only normal one around here?

"I kindly ask that you apologize to Mr Eastman for your behavior."

"What?" She had the nerve to ask me to apologize to that douche bag? "No fucking way."

"Mr Strife! I told you not to use that language in my presence. I will not tell you again!"

That was about as much as I was going to take from her and her patronizing, stuck-up puss. I leaned over her desk and pointed a finger at her pointy nose…with the big wart on the side of it… "I don't like this situation any better than you. But I've got a job to do and I told you to keep everyone out of my way. That includes Mr Twinkle Toes. If he so much as tries to kiss me or ask me out on a date, I'll shove my sword so far up his ass, he can floss his teeth with it. Trust me, I'll do it. I've got nothing to lose." I turned and started to walk away. Then I remembered I had more to say to her, so I turned back around. "And I'll say whatever the fuck I want. I don't give a fucking rat shit ass who the fuck you are."

Redgrave stared at me with her mouth open, her face pale and clammy looking. After a good thirty seconds, she fell into her chair like she just ran a marathon. "I'll…I'll notify Mr Eastman to…to leave you alone."

"And tell him not to talk to me."

"He won't speak to you."

I walked to the door. "In fact I don't want that cocksucker even looking at me."

"Oh dear Gods, help me."

Once I was out of her office, I couldn't stop myself. I was laughing so hard I was bent over, holding my ribs. Too bad Zack wasn't around to see me fluster that old battleaxe. He would have been so proud.

What a sad thing to know the only thing keeping me entertained around here was irritating the shit out of people.

The dining hall was full, just like the night before. As I grabbed food and tossed it on my tray…ham and cheese sandwich, chips, some kind of jello…I had a chance to really survey the room. Everyone was segregated into age groups. In a corner table was where the teachers and staff sat. After the incident with Eastman, I wanted nothing to do with that group.

I found where Lockhart was sitting and headed in that general direction. When our eyes met, she quickly looked away. Just to save myself some unnecessary aggravation, I sat down at the next table, among the safety of seven and eight year olds. They were laughing at each other, placing carrot sticks under their noses and pretending to have mustaches. Real cute.

As I took a bite out of my sandwich, I looked up and found Tifa's group staring at me. Everyone except Tifa. I wanted to call Aeris on my cellphone and talk dirty to her, just so they'd think I was in a committed relationship. But that might provoke them further. I needed to implement my original plan of psycho Cloud. I'd wait until the little ones were sent to bed, then I'd sit around and sharpen my swords. Maybe pick my teeth with them.

"Is that your real hair?"

I shifted in my seat to look at a cute little blonde with blue ribbons in her hair. She stared at me through lenses so thick, it made her eyes look extra small. "Yeah, it's my real hair." I ignored the snickers coming from Tifa's table.

"Why does it stick out all over like that?" asked another little girl.

"A side effect from Mako injections."

"What's Mako?"

I sighed and wanted to kick myself for even bringing it up. Now I'd have to answer a gazillion questions because every answer I'd give would only prompt more curiosity. "It's the planet's energy."

"Eww, you got a shot with that in it?"

"Is that like the planet's poop?" That got the little girls giggling even harder.

More snickers came from Tifa's table and I noticed she was the instigator, whispering comments to her friends and making them laugh louder.

"No, it's not poop," I replied irritably, but despite it all, I gave them a brief lecture about Mako and SOLDIER. I even went into graphic detail about a recent battle I had with Sephiroth. It was more for the ladies in Tifa's table than the rugrats at my table who were staring at me with terrified looks on their little faces, hanging on my every word. "Then one of the brothers shot me through the back…BANG!"

The little girls all jumped and squealed.

"That was followed by a big explosion…" I made my best imitation of an explosion. They looked impressed. "But I didn't die because I have a guardian angel. He protects me."

"Really? What's his name?" one kid excitedly asked me.

"Zack. He talks to me sometimes, too."

"Mumble... mumble… invisible friend… mumble… mumble… jerks off… mumble… mumble…happy ending…" That's what I heard Tifa whisper to her friends.

I frowned in her direction and she gave me a brief look before turning away with a victory smile. Fine, I let her have one for now…but not for long. I glanced at my young audience. "No more questions. Eat your food."

They quickly did as I ordered…like my own little army of midgets.

I looked down at the blue jello on my tray and glanced toward the tray closest to me. The little girl, whom I learned was named Jessica, looked up at me through her thick glasses.

"Trade ya," I said, motioning toward her red jello.

She thought about it for a minute before taking her jello and exchanging it with mine.

"Thanks."

Tifa had seen the transaction and had a small smile on her face, which instantly vanished the second she saw me noticing. She went back to her friends to continue their conversation about an upcoming school thing…a dance of some kind. "I can't wait to see Robbie." She said the name loud, obviously to get my attention.

"I thought he was seeing some girl named Candace who lives in Mideel," said the girl named Jaden.

"He'll forget she exists when I show up in that dress I saw at the boutique. I just need to get my brother to send me the money to buy it. He'll do it if I sweet talk him."

Rufus Shinra couldn't be sweet talked into anything. He had a heart as cold as Ice materia. "Bullshit!" I blurted with a fake sneeze.

Twelve little girls immediately blessed me for sneezing while Tifa gave me a frigid glare.

To further amuse the little ones, I raised the jello cup to my mouth and slurped it all up in one shot. I saw it in a movie once. That earned me a bunch of giggles, even Tifa's friends laughed. But she didn't find it funny at all.

That's it. Trying to be nice and entertaining at the same time was too exhausting. I got up from the table. "Well, sleep tight, little rugrats. See you all at breakfast."

"Bye, Cloud."

"Bye, bye."

"See you."

I walked away and heard footsteps behind me. It was Lockhart. "Well, this is different. You're chasing me for a change."

"Give me your phone," she ordered.

"Where's yours?"

"Back in my room."

"I'm not giving you my phone."

She gave me a challenging look, like she'd kick my ass if I didn't comply. "Give it to me."

"Why?"

"I'm calling Rufus, since you don't believe he has a soft spot for me."

I snorted. "Yeah, he's got a soft spot and it's between his ears."

She stopped and held out her hand.

I walked a couple more steps and stopped. After retrieving my phone from my pocket, I walked back to her. Why was I such a sucker?

Tifa snatched the phone out of my hand and quickly punched in some numbers. After a second, a smile came to her face. "No, it's not Cloud, Rufus. It's Tifa."

I folded my arms and waited as patiently as I could manage, listening to her going on about this and that before she got to the real purpose of her call. So there was a family resemblance after all, they both rambled on and on about nothing.

"There's this dress I saw at the boutique in Icicle Village. I'd really love to get it for the school dance this Saturday. Problem is, I don't have the money for it." Her brows drew together as she listened to Rufus. "I know, but…" She turned away and heatedly mumbled something I couldn't hear. Then she turned around and handed the phone back to me. She didn't look happy at all.

Victory was mine. I put the phone to my ear. "You still there?"

"I send her money once a month. I'd like to know what she does with it."

"Your guess is as good as mine." When I looked up at Tifa, I suddenly didn't like seeing the disappointment on her face. "But I'm sure it wouldn't kill you."

"So you think I should open my wallet everytime she wants something?"

"I'm not saying that at all. Just do the right thing, Rufus."

"All right. I'll set up an account for her at the Icicle Village boutique. But only to buy that one dress."

I shut my phone and the snide remark I wanted to make about that soft spot she referred to early decided to fall back down my throat. "Yeah, it's all set."

Her frown deepened. "What's all set?"

"Go pick up the dress whenever you want." I waited to hear a thank you and got nothing. Crickets chirped in the silence. Not even a smile of gratitude. "Yeah, you're welcome," I spat out with my own frown before walking to the door and leaning against the wall to wait for her. Too bad I didn't smoke, because I really felt like lighting one up just so I could have the satisfaction of blowing smoke in her face when she walked by.

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