Author's Note – More silliness ahead. I just love torturing poor Spiky. Oh and the cookie goes to PoutingCutie who came up with "The Kill" by 30 Seconds to Mars...before everyone else.

Chapter 6 – More Than a Memory

Much to my annoyance, Sara and Jaden were back in Tifa's room later that night. So much for the peace and quiet I wanted so I could go through the papers I pulled out of the folder Redgrave had on me.

I sat cross-legged on my bed and went through each piece of paper. Most of them were computer printed articles like the ones in the newspapers, about AVALANCHE's involvement in some incidents. Again, it was all from the perspective of different reporters. All the stories were wrong. They made us look like terrorists trying to sabotage the power generators.

There were no stories mentioning that the power generators were sucking the life out of the planet, which resulted in the surrounding wastelands. No stories mentioning the increased monster population, that they were being manufactured in the reactors and that's why the cities were on constant Red Alert.

One of the pages had a current profile on me.

First Name: Cloud
Middle Initial: None
Last Name: Strife
Age: 21
Birthdate: August 19
Birthplace: Nibelheim
Height: 5 feet 7 inches
Weight: 165 pounds

Aha! Wrong. I was 164 pounds. I stopped eating fries for breakfast.

Hair Color: Blonde
Eye Color: Blue (Mako enhanced)
Marital Status: Single
Status of Father: Deceased
Status of Mother: Deceased
Brothers: None
Sisters: None
Traditional School Years Completed: 10
Professional School Years Completed: 1 year SOLDIER Academy

Correction…I had been at the SOLDIER academy for one year and two months. If they were going to keep a file on me then the least they could do was get the information right. Dumb asses.

Current Occupation: Self-Employed Delivery Service
Previous Occupations: Shinra Guard, Bartender

Bartender?? When was that? Did Aeris make me work behind the bar and I forgot about it? Come to think of it, didn't I spend a couple months grooming chocobos at the Gold Saucer after Meteor was destroyed? They didn't have that in the file.

Vehicle Operating License(s): Automobile, Motorcycle
Traffic Violations: None
History of Arrests: None
History of Substance Abuse: None

Wrong again. I was abusing the bottle quite a bit lately. But that wouldn't be on any report because I never went to the hospital for alcohol poisoning or anything…although there were a couple times Aeris almost called an ambulance because I got out of control and it took Barrett to keep me from going out and crashing my bike.

Medical History: Nibelheim Medical Clinic – broken left hand (Feb 10), two broken ribs (Jul 23); Midgar Emergency Center – skull fracture (Jan 18)
Blood Type: AB+

"Why the hell would they need to know my blood type?" I mumbled outloud.

"Did you say something, Cloud?" asked Tifa.

I looked up from the papers and found Tifa and her two friends looking at me. I shook my head with a frown. "No."

She gave me a funny look. "Bad day today?"

I quickly blocked out the traumatic memory of being under Redgrave's desk. "You have no idea." I gathered the papers into a pile and shoved them under my mattress. Since they were still looking at me, I thought I could get some information out of Tifa. "So how long do you have to stay in this school?"

"Students usually graduate when they turn twenty, or for as long as the parents can afford to keep paying."

"This place is run like a prison. Do they ever let you out on good behavior?"

Sara laughed. "It's not like we can't leave if we wanted to."

"But they never let us go out alone," added Jaden. "Because there's always something lurking around in the forest."

"Well, whatta you do for fun around here?" I asked. "This place is a drag."

"Not used to the quiet life anymore, huh, Cloud?" said Tifa. "I'm sure the big city has all kinds of things to do when you're bored."

"I've got my delivery service to keep me busy."

"What do you deliver?"

"Whatever people need."

"Hey, I read something in the paper the other day," said Jaden.

I jumped in before she could say anymore. "Yes, I was at that Strip Club and no, I didn't have a party with six hookers! Why does everyone ask me about that and not about how I saved the planet a few months ago?"

Jaden blinked in surprise. "Actually… I saw an article about automobile prices going up and I was going to ask if you knew of a place where I can get a cheap car.."

Well, now I felt like a complete idiot for barking at her like that. "Oh. Sorry, I don't."

"Where'd you buy that motorcycle?" asked Sara.

"You can't buy something like that. I built it myself."

Tifa looked like she didn't believe me. "Doesn't that take special skills?"

"Who says I don't have them?"

She shrugged and turned the conversation elsewhere.

For the rest of the night, I tolerated their discussions about clothes and guys and school and guys and hairstyles and guys. Mostly about guys.

What irked me more than anything was that they treated me like I wasn't even there. I was just a piece of furniture. They had no qualms whatsoever about what they discussed in front of me. I mean…too much information didn't describe the things I heard. I knew how many guys Sara slept with before she turned seventeen. I knew Jaden was drunk when some guy felt her up at a party…when she was only fourteen! I even knew things about girls Tifa wasn't friends with. Like Priscilla, the School Tramp, as she was dubbed, and how she coaxed two different male teacher into compromising situations only to be discovered soon after, resulting in the teachers getting fired. She made it look like they forced her.

The worst was knowing about Tifa's bad experience at the gynecologist's during her first visit when she was sixteen. I didn't know if she was exaggerating the story to make it sound worse than it really was, or if it really had been that bad. Who was I to judge? I had no idea what kind of examination a girl got at a gynecologist's.

It was a traumatizing couple of hours listening to them talk. My ears were actually bleeding by the end of the night!

Friday soon came and I had heard that after today, there would be no classes for a week. I had been playing bodyguard for four days now and so far there hadn't been any threats on Tifa's life. Not that I wanted anything to happen to her, but I was really hoping something would come up so I'd have something to break up the monotony around this place. There were only so many people I could tick off to keep me amused, unless I started razzing the first graders.

The third graders had been a lot of fun. I made them think I was a walking zombie that ate human brains if I didn't get enough meat to eat. They all scattered and came back five minutes later with two trays piled with burgers. I never realized third graders could be so impressionable.

While Tifa was in her classes Friday afternoon, I decided to do something totally immoral; snoop around in her room. Maybe I'd learn a few things about her, instead of trying to break into the file room in the middle of the night. But if I didn't find anything useful, then the file room was my next resort.

Since I had already seen everything in the bathroom, I stuck to the bedroom.

I started with the closet. She had a lot of clothes, which made me wonder why she needed all this stuff. It wasn't like the girls in the academy made it a habit to leave the premises and hang out at some local bar in Icicle Village. From what I learned, forms needed to be filled out in triplicate and twelve signatures were required, just to get permission to leave the place.

As I browsed through her outfits…just in case there was something in a pocket…I came across a black leather vest with a zippered front. Clipped together and hanging with the vest was a pair of black leather gloves. Cool. I wondered when she planned to wear that vest because I definitely wanted to be around to see it on her.

When I got bored with the clothes, I crouched down and eyed the five pairs of shoes stacked neatly on the floor of the closet. Mostly athletic shoes. In the corner were a pair of heavy black boots with long laces. I picked up one of the boots and inspected it. It was pretty new with just a couple of scuff marks on the toe. Some sick instinct made me raise the boot to my nose. It smelled like leather and not stinky feet like Redgrave's shoes. I put the boot back and got up.

On the shelf above the bar with the hangers were neat stacks of sweaters or teeshirts. At the left corner was a shoebox. I grabbed it and walked away from the closet to sit at the bed.

After I removed the lid from the shoebox, I rummaged through what looked like a bunch of junk. A couple of beaded bracelets, an old ring with a jade stone, a white sachet that smelled nice, a matching comb and mirror that looked pretty old, a glittery ornament, some pens with different company names, some keys and a dog's chew toy shaped like a bone.

I was about to put the lid back over the box when something made me stop and reach for the chew toy. The second I touched it, an image of a very young, teary-eyed Tifa filled my head.

"Shadow got sick. We had to put him to sleep."

"I'm really sorry, Tifa. He liked playing with this. You might want to keep it."

"Thanks for staying with me, Cloud."

"I don't like seeing you cry."

The sudden recollection of the memory left me with a strange feeling in my stomach. I squeezed the toy in my fist, wishing I could remember more. But at least now I knew that Tifa and I really did know each other when we were young. She had a black dog named Shadow and I remembered playing with him in the backyard while Tifa did her homework.

I got up and put the shoebox back on the shelf. It suddenly became important for me to find out more, not just because I wanted to know why Tifa was so angry with me, but because I needed to remember more about the kind of relationship we had. Were we close friends?

With nothing else to look at in the closet, I closed the door and moved to the dresser.

I felt like an idiot. If she found out I was going through her stuff, she'd probably never speak to me again. I was about to give it up, but I found myself opening her underwear drawer. Everything was neatly folded, not like my own drawer back home. When I saw the days of the week stitched into some of her panties, I cracked a smile. "Real cute, Tifa. You need to look at your underwear to remind you what day it is?"

The other drawers were full of other clothes. I didn't really make a big effort to look too thoroughly. But I did notice the smell of her clothes reminded me of her, which sparked another memory.

"Come on, Cloud, it'll be fun."

"I'm not putting that on, Tifa."

"You would look so cute in my blue dress."

The image faded, leaving me to wonder if I actually agreed to put on her dress. Hopefully I didn't give in to her so easily.

I walked away from the dresser and sat on her bed so I could see what was in the drawer of her nightstand. It was a bunch of papers. Without taking them out, I skimmed through them. Mostly book reports, a couple of tests…all A's. Way to go, Tifa.

At the bottom of the pile was a picture frame. I pulled it out of the drawer and turned it over to see the picture. Surprise, surprise. It was of me and Tifa. She might have been thirteen, looking the same as in the picture Rufus had given me, except she had braces and her hair looked neater in this picture. I looked around fifteen. My hair was longer then and I had it in a ponytail. Judging from the way she was holding on to my arm and I was leaning closer to her for the picture, it almost looked like we might have been pretty close. I didn't remember posing for the picture, but obviously the evidence was staring me in the face, so I guess I did.

But she told her friends she treated me like shit when we were kids. So what was with the picture that made it seem like we were friends? I stuck it back under the papers and closed the drawer.

As I sat on the edge of Tifa's bed, thinking about her, I bent forward and absently ran my hands between the mattress and box spring. My fingers came across more papers. I got off the bed and knelt on the floor to pull the papers out from under the mattress.

Several pages of sheet music.

Another image suddenly came to me and I closed my eyes, hoping to see it clearer.

A six year old Tifa was sitting at a piano in what looked like a girl's bedroom. Probably hers. She was playing the piano carefully, trying not to mess up the song. I was sitting on the edge of her bed, my feet barely touching the floor.

Three boys suddenly stormed into the room, making Tifa jump off the piano seat.

"So this is where the runt's been hiding. Did you invite him, Tifa?"

I quickly turned to Tifa to see what she would say.

She nervously looked in my direction and shrugged indifferently. "I didn't invite him. He just came up here and wouldn't leave."

I couldn't believe she lied to them when she had been the one to ask me to come and sit with her while she practiced her piano lessons.

Her expression changed. "Who invited you, Cloud? Get out of my room!"

"You heard her, runt, get out!" yelled one of the boys.

I hopped off the bed and clenched my fists as I faced the three neighborhood bullies that were constantly giving me grief. "Make me!"

I reached up to touch my forehead, remembering the pain there from the beating I had gotten that day and the broken knuckles from defending myself. I also remembered feeling betrayed that Tifa didn't want the neighborhood boys to think she was my friend. Whenever they were around, she acted just like they did and made me feel stupid and insignificant.

It really ticked off. What right did Tifa have to be mad at me now when she never stuck up for me back then? If anything I should be the one mad at her. She made me believe we were friends…but it was only when it suited her.

The memories came crashing through my head. I had such a crush on her back in Nibelheim and everything I did was for her…to impress her. I even joined SOLDIER because I wanted to become strong and important like General Sephiroth. All of it was for her so she wouldn't have to be ashamed to like me.

I raised the mattress and put the music sheets back. Then something else caught my eye.

An envelope. I picked it up and read the return address on the back. It had Tifa's name with a Nibelheim address. After turning the envelope over, I saw it was addressed to me, care of the Shinra SOLDIER Academy in Midgar. But someone wrote 'Return To Sender: Candidate Deceased' in big block letters across the front of the envelope. Since it was torn open, I decided to pull the letter out. But I hesitated to unfold it, wondering if I was better off not reading it. No, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing it existed and not knowing what she had written to me.

I unfolded the letter and saw it was dated one year after I joined the SOLDIER academy. Not too long before I was sent on assignment to Nibelheim with Zack and Sephiroth. I started reading it:

Dear Cloud,
I haven't heard from you in awhile so I thought I'd write and see how you are doing. Everything must be fine at the SOLDIER Academy because you're still there. Tien and Lance came back yesterday because they didn't make it through the first year. Are you learning a lot? You said you wanted to do better than you did in school here. You'll think this is weird, but Papa wants to enroll me in a private school in Icicle Village. He said I'll get a better education there. But it won't be for another year or more because it costs a lot of money to go there and Papa said he needed to talk to Mama's ex-husband about it first. Cloud, there was so much I wanted to tell you before you left, but I didn't want it to ruin your plans to join SOLDIER. Except now I feel so alone. I liked having someone here to talk to, even though I did most of the talking. You're my bestfriend. You've always been there for me when I needed someone. I just wish I could take back all the times I treated you badly because of Cory, Rich and Martin. I never really liked those boys anyway. They were so mean to everyone. The truth is, I really like you a lot, Cloud. More than a lot. I know it's stupid to tell you in a letter. I just hope you still feel the same way about me. Don't forget you promised to save me if I ever got in a jam. My own personal hero.
Love, Tifa

I lowered the letter and stared up at the ceiling, remembering everything now. She talked a lot back then and I just sat and listened most of the time, thinking I was so lucky to even be with her. But I hated whenever the others were around because she was different with me then, pretending she didn't want me there. I hated it but I tolerated it because I liked her so much.

Everything changed when Sephiroth burned Nibelheim down to the ground. I remembered it all. Yes, Tifa was there and I hid my identity from her because I didn't want her to know I was just a Shinra guard and didn't make it as a SOLDIER. I was too weak and barely survived the mandatory Mako injections. So they dismissed me from the service and gave me a position in the Shinra military. I would have just left if Zack hadn't talked me into staying. When I returned to Nibelheim with Zack and Sephiroth, Tifa asked about me, but I pretended to be someone else. She was really disappointed because she thought I'd be among them. It hurt to see her so upset.

Would it be wise to tell her the truth now? That I was at Nibelheim and after Sephiroth nearly killed her and Zack, I was the one that defeated him in the end. The truth would have to come out sooner or later. I just needed to find the right time to tell her.

At least now I understood why she hated me. I acted like I didn't even know her, thanks to Professor Hojo's experiments that robbed me of a lot of memories. When I saw her for the first time in Redgrave's office, I looked at her like it was for the first time…like she was a piece of meat I wanted to take a bite out of…not a childhood friend I hadn't seen in a long time. If I had known what I knew now, I would have crushed her in a hug and told her how much I missed her.

I refolded the letter and slipped it back in the envelope and under her mattress. Then I got up and walked to the window.

All the feelings I once had for Tifa were suddenly hitting me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't remember if I actually ever felt this way about anyone else. What about Aeris? Wasn't I in love with her? It couldn't be love. If it was, then I would have made it permanent. I couldn't ask Aeris to marry me because I knew now that I didn't love her.

And what about Tifa? How come I completely blocked her out of my life as if she never existed to me? As soon as I asked myself that question, I knew the answer. I was so afraid she would despise me, cut me lose completely…because I was a disgrace. I didn't become the great SOLDIER I said I would be. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to kick my own ass for being such an idiot. Despite all the crap she put me through back in Nibelheim, she had still been the only friend I had. The only one that ever supported my decisions.

Good Gods, she must have thought I was dead when that letter came back to her with that writing on the front of the envelope. I could only imagine what she thought when I suddenly appeared in the newspapers not too long ago? Did she think I purposely avoided her? Was this the reason she was so mad at me?

The door suddenly opened.

I didn't turn away from the window because I was afraid that if I looked at her, I'd blurt out something prematurely, like 'I'm sorry for forgetting you existed' or 'I just read your letter and I love you'.

"Cloud?"

"Yeah."

She came up next to me. "I need a big favor."

What my head was telling me to do was to just walk away, lock myself in the bathroom and call Rufus to tell him I was done here. But my mouth decided on something else. "Like what?" I asked, still not looking at her.

She opened her hand in front of my face, revealing a small wad of money. "Can you pick me up some liquor in the village?"

I turned and frowned at her. "You plan on drinking tonight?"

"Me and some friends."

From this moment on I knew I'd never be able to say no to her again. I had never been able to say no to her. I took the money and pointed a finger at her nose. "Don't go anywhere while I'm gone."

"I promise I'll stay in the room."

I went to Icicle Village, bought some liquor and snuck the bottles into the room. But I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I agreed to supply the booze for Tifa's little pajama party that night.

Besides Tifa, Sara and Jaden, there were six other girls, eighteen or nineteen year olds, sitting in a circle on the floor, wearing not enough clothes in my opinion…but I wasn't going to complain. They were sharing one bottle of grain alcohol I bought, which was going to totally fuck them up. I just hoped they didn't puke all over the room.

I was reclining in my usual place…my bed…minding my own business and drinking from my own bottle, which I wasn't planning to share with anyone else because I wanted to drown away my newly discovered sorrows and rediscovered feelings for Tifa. I had also stashed a couple other bottles under the bed, for future consumption.

What started out as an innocent game of Truth or Dare, turned into something I wanted to forget as soon as possible.

Just like the night before, I was learning a lot more than what I needed to know about these girls and I was beginning to think they were making it up just for my benefit…like I really cared. I killed monsters for a living, what did I care about how many times someone did it in the back seat of a car…as long as I didn't hear Tifa talking about it.

"Tifa, truth or dare?" asked a girl named Nicole.

"Dare," replied Tifa.

"I dare you to demonstrate…on this bottle…how to give a blowjob."

The room was suddenly filled with screams and laughs.

I pretended to be interested in the News on TV. But I admitted I was curious and briefly shifted my eyes toward the circle where Tifa started running her tongue over the lip of the bottle. When she stuck it in her mouth, I blinked and quickly looked away. Holy mother of Shiva…where had she learned to do that? I felt some movement in my pajamas and had to bend a leg to cover the evidence. Even when the hooting and hollering started up again, I forced myself to keep looking at the TV or suffer the consequences. Don't do it, Strife, I'm warning you, don't look.

Damn, if this was the theme for the night, I was in big trouble. I'd have to disappear in the bathroom for…a little relief. Couldn't they play a safe game, like Checkers or something?

"My turn," said Tifa. "Cloud."

My head jerked up at the sound of my name. "What?"

"Truth or dare."

It took me a good minute to realize what was going on. I shook my head. "No way. I'm not getting sucked into this." That was probably a poor choice of words on my part, after what Tifa just did to the bottle. The other girls were laughing hysterically.

"I promise I'll be kind," assured Tifa.

"Yeah, right, like I'd trust you."

"You're no fun at all." Tifa turned to Jaden. "Truth or dare."

Jaden rubbed her chin. "Truth."

"Did you ever catch your parents having sex?"

I rolled my eyes and looked away with a shake of my head. If anything, the alcohol was making them more obnoxious and immature.

A few turns later one of the girls asked Tifa again. "Truth or dare."

"I don't trust your questions anymore, Sheri, so I'll take the dare."

"I dare you to moon Cloud."

That did it. I slid off the bed. "I'm outta here." I took three steps before turning back around because I forgot my bottle and my phone. Then I headed for the door. "Call me when you're done playing your stupid game."

I walked out and closed the door behind me. I could still hear them laughing, even from the Study room down the hall where I planted my ass on the couch and drank. Luckily it was pretty late and no one was roaming the halls to even know I was in there.

The next thing I knew, I woke myself with a snort and looked around. I looked at the time on my phone display. It was 3:00 in the morning. I was pretty drunk and losing hope that Tifa would ever call and tell me her friends had left. I got up and stumbled my way back to the room. There weren't any sounds coming from the other side of the door and I sighed in relief.

When I walked into the room though, what I found wasn't exactly what I had hoped for. No one had left and they were laying around everywhere. I stepped over the bodies on the floor and walked to my bed. Unfortunately it was occupied by a snoring Jaden and some other girl, while Tifa was sleeping comfortably in her own bed.

What I should have done was yell at the top of my lungs for them to get out of my fucking bed. Instead, I walked over more bodies and went into the bathroom. It was nice and quiet in there…no snoring. As I stepped into the bathtub with great difficulty, I raised the bottle to my mouth and found it empty. But I wasn't ready to let it go just yet, so I cradled it in my arm as I laid down in the cool porcelain bed. Ahh, it felt better than the softest bed in the world. And it was quiet…

Or so I thought…

Someone came stumbling in and nearly took the shower curtain down. The bottle slipped from the crook of my arm and made a loud ping.

That was followed by a gasp. "Cloud?" The voice belonged to Tifa.

"Wha…"

Tifa laughed with an unladylike snort. "What're you…what're you doing in there?" She sounded pretty crocked.

"I'm taking a bath, what does it look like?"

She stumbled and fell on her butt next to the tub. "It's my duty to inform you…there's no water in the tub."

"No shit."

My reflexes were a little slow due to the alcohol and I wasn't fast enough to stop her from turning the knob on the wall. Cold water came pouring out on my feet.

"Are you crazy?" I yelled and after great difficulty reached to turn the water off, but my pajamas were soaked. I fell back and didn't have the strength to get out of the tub.

Tifa was laughing.

"Shut up before you wake up the rest of your idiot clan."

She leaned her head against the edge of the tub. "My friends think you're sooo cool. They really like you."

"Yeah, I know." I sounded a little conceited, but I was drunk and she wouldn't remember anything anyway. "But you don't anymore."

"I said I was mad at you. I never said…" she hiccupped mid sentence. "…I didn't like you."

"Oh."

"And now," she said with a heavy sigh. "Now you have a girl…friend."

"I do?"

She turned her head to look at me. "Yes, her name is Aeris, remember? And she's so beautiful."

"Wait a second. You know her?"

"No, but I've seen her picture…in the papers."

"Oh yeah." A sudden feeling of guilt came over me. I had told Tifa that Aeris was my girlfriend, which was far from the truth. I needed to come clean. Damn, I hated when I felt compelled to tell the truth. "She's not really my girlfriend."

Tifa laughed again.

I frowned at her. "What's so funny?"

"I knew it." She kept on laughing. "I knew it...hiccup...all along."

If I hadn't been so tanked, I might have reacted differently when she suddenly crawled over the side of the tub and fell on top of me, laughing at her own clumsiness.

I didn't think there was anything funny about our current position. With her lying on top of me, I could have easily followed through with what I had in mind. Get her out of her skimpy sleepwear and make use of one of those condoms in the medicine cabinet. I was half naked anyway. Just my pajama bottoms.

But my reflexes were beyond help. Besides, I couldn't get it up if my life depended on it. What dumb luck on my part. I finally had Tifa Lockhart where I wanted her and I couldn't do anything about it.

"You're a lot bigger since you left Nibelheim," she said with a giggle.

I cracked a smile. "So are you."

"Cloud Strife, are you referring to my…hiccup…boobs?"

"Well, you were pretty flat-chested last time I saw you."

"I was only thirteen, you dumb shit."

I liked the way she was pressing herself against me. Too bad I couldn't feel a thing anymore from the neck down.

She picked up her head and looked at me. "You know what I've wanted to do since I saw you in Redgrave's office…even though I'm still really, really mad at you?"

"No, what?" Before I knew what was happening, she was kissing me. And it wasn't a friendly little peck, either. I was so out of it, I had no idea what the hell I was doing.

And I was pretty sure I wouldn't remember in the morning anyway.

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