This chapter is entirely flashback.
First part is Ben (John)/Jessica, second part is Remy/Rogue.
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Phoenix, Arizona
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She looked at herself in the mirror. It was all that she had imagined, dreamt of, wished for -- the strapless white dress with the tiny pearl buttons, the lacey veil that flowed down her back and onto the floor, the pearl earrings and necklace her grandmother had given her on her sixteenth birthday, the bouquet of pink and white roses clutched tightly between her hands.
She was getting married.
She was getting married to him.
She closed her eyes and remembered the first day she saw him.
They made him climb the ladder, saying that the rookie had to go -- it was all part of the initiation, they said. He just shrugged like it was no sweat off his back and started to climb. All the men and women in uniform chuckled and started taking bets on how long it would take him to get that cat out of the tree. Even the people in the crowd who had gathered around the fire truck wanted in on the betting. But her eyes were only on him. He moved up the ladder with no hesitation, reaching the top of it at a dizzying height but the cat was still just out of reach. She couldn't really tell what he did, the sun in her eyes, but the cat started to gingerly climb down. The cat jumped from limb to limb, until he was just within arm's reach and then jumped again into the arms of his rescuer like it was the most natural thing to do. He reached the ground with the cat snuggled against him, purring with content.
It had taken him a total of five minutes -- four of those minutes used for climbing up and down the ladder. People looked at him in stunned silence for a moment but then erupted in applause and cheer.
Too bad that was the only cat who seemed to like him, she thought with a smile. He was definitely more of a dog person.
She opened her eyes again and sighed. Why had she eavesdropped? Why had she stood there and listened to what they had said to each other? She should have just walked away the moment they said things about him and what happened to him before his accident.
She knew that he was having problems with his memory. He had confided in her, late at night, when they were lying in bed together. She would curl up against his side, he would have one arm around her waist, another arm folded behind his head. She would lay a hand over his heart and he would tell her things in the dark that she knew he didn't tell anyone else. He had told her about the pictures in the photo albums, his suspicions that something was wrong, his parents' refusal to answer his questions.
Other times, when he knew she couldn't sleep because of that extra cup of coffee with dinner or stressed over work, he would lay beside her, stroking the space on her skin between her ribs and hipbone. Then he would start telling her stories...stupid fairy tale stories that she knew he would make up on the spot but claim that he read in some book or another. Some of the stories were so ridiculous, they would end up just laughing and giggling through the night. Her favorite had to be about the one about the giant teddy bear who came to life and went off to save the princess who was trapped in the castle tower.
I should tell him.
But I can't.
He would leave.
"Jessie? Are you ready?"
I don't want to lose him. I can't even imagine my life without him.
"Jessie?"
She doesn't hear the door opening and she literally jumped when a hand came to rest on her shoulder.
"Jessie? You all right?"
She turned and smiled slightly at her father. "I'm fine."
"Ready to do this?"
"Yeah."
He helped her with the veil and held out his arm for her to take. She entwined her arm into his and they walked out the room together.
The church doors were closed. She could hear the music playing softly inside. The music stopped for a moment.
Then the organist started playing again -- the Bridal March. It was time.
The doors were flung open by the two ushers and her hand tightened on her father's arm.
They walked slowly down the aisle. She doesn't hear or notice the soft murmurings of the people standing in the pews, she doesn't even hear the music. Her eyes were on him and she felt the indecision creeping through her bones again.
If I don't tell him, it'll haunt him forever.
But if I tell him, he'll leave. He'll leave and won't come back.
She doesn't even realize when they reach the altar until her father lifted her veil and kissed her cheek. He stepped back and took his seat next to her mother after he said his rehearsed lines to the priest.
It was her last chance.
Tell him now or forever hold your peace.
She took a breath and made her decision.
She wanted him to lie beside her and stroke that space on her skin between her ribs and hipbone. She wanted him to tell her stupid stories about giant teddy bears who save princesses in towers. She wanted him, lost memories and all.
It's my wedding day. Can't I be selfish for just one day?
God help her, she knew he would never forgive her for keeping this from him, but she just couldn't let him go.
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Savannah, Georgia
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He was leaning against the door frame to the bedroom, watching her. She was sleeping on her side, away from him. She had on those skimpy boy shorts and a thin cotton camisole. The night was hot and sticky, their air-conditioning on the fritz again. She had opened every window they had in their small apartment but there was no breeze to speak of on this summer night.
He had just come back from working another shift at his job. He had to chuckle quietly to himself. Who would have thought he would be working at a goddamn honest to goodness job? He who made his entire month's paycheck in one night of stealing and conning.
But she was worth it.
She made it worth it.
Ever since he had ran into that convenience store, trying to dodge that pot-bellied cop who had managed to chase him down the street, his life had changed.
He had been roaming up and down the aisles, ducking behind the shelves whenever he saw the cop through the store windows. It was a relief to see the cop finally give up and walk away. He was about to leave the store when he saw her. Actually, the first thing he saw was her booted foot, tapping unconsciously in rhythm to the music that was playing on the store's speakers. His eyes roamed upwards over her bare legs to the short denim skirt, over her frilly blouse to finally rest on her face. She was just standing there, chewing on her finger, trying to decide which candy bar she wanted to buy.
He felt like he was hit by a dozen thunderbolts. He had never believed in love at first sight...hell, he never even believed in love at all. But since that moment, he believed it.
It hadn't been easy, of course. She tried blowing him off -- he was a complete stranger. Girls like her never talked to strangers, especially strangers like him who had trouble written all over him.
She did tell him that she was going to be leaving soon but he had managed to convince her to stay another day, promising to give her the real tour of Savannah. He'd like to think it was just him who got her to stay and not his usual hypnotic charm he used on other girls and sometimes the occasional angry store owner.
But then a day turned into a week, a week turned into a month, a month had turned into two... And, out of nowhere, he realized that they were living together. He had given up on the con games and coming back with other people's wallets, he had a real job, and she was still there with him. And he was actually pretty glad that she was.
They still fought like cats and dogs -- partly over his inability to keep his eyes from roaming, partly over his inability to tell her complete truths, and partly over his inability to throw his dirty clothes in the hamper.
But she stayed. Always gave him another chance. Giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that this time he would change. And, God help him, he was trying...trying to be that better man she deserved.
He pushed himself off from the door frame and slowly walked over to the bed, being careful not to run into anything that might wake her. He crawled on top of the bed towards where she laid. He leaned over her shoulder, just staring at her for a moment while she slept. Her lips were parted slightly, her chest rising slow and steady, tiny beads of perspiration covered her forehead.
He smoothed a hand over her hair -- remembering the time when she finally told him why she had those damn white streaks. He knew she still held onto more secrets, probably as many secrets as he did. He was pretty damn sure that no one would willingly name their daughter Rogue.
His hand came to rest at the small of her back where the camisole rode up a little and a bare patch of skin was visible. He leaned further over her to kiss the corner of her mouth.
He saw her lips curl into a smile in her sleep. He started to grin but as she breathed out a name, his grin and his good mood rapidly disappeared.
"John..."
She didn't wake, just snuggled closer to the pillow she had been clutching.
He got off the bed and slowly backed out of the bedroom as quietly as he entered. Once he got out the front door, he ran as far as possible until he was out of breath and had no idea where he was.
Now would be a good time to get drunk...
He went into the first bar he saw and sat himself down in front of the bartender. He ordered a line of tequila and drank them down like they were water.
Who was he? Had she been thinking about this other guy the whole time they were together?
God, he did not want to think about that.
He needed more to drink.
And in that same dinky little bar, three days later, she found him. He was still sitting on that same barstool, a random blonde girl draped over him, cooing into his ear as his hands glided over what was left of her curves.
Even in his drunken haze, he saw the way her eyes had widened, the shock at seeing him like that written all over her face. He saw the hurt on her face too, heard the anger in her voice as she yelled and screamed at him.
Then he would remember the second chances she had given him, the doubts she would push aside for him, the silent hopes that she knew he could be a good guy if he really tried.
He hadn't even give her a chance to explain who this other guy was. God, he never felt so stupid.
When he finally managed to stumble back to their small little apartment, all of her things were gone. Her car was gone. She was gone.
The only thing she had left behind for him was that damn map.
The map she had tacked into the kitchen wall the first day they had moved in and then every morning right before she made them both some eggs and toast for breakfast, she would trace her finger over the highlighted route she had made so many months ago.
...through Charleston to Myrtle Beach where I'm gonna lay in the sun and drink beers all day then drive to Raleigh and through Durham where I'm finally gonna have some of that Carolina barbecue then Virginia Beach where I'm gonna lay in the sun and drink beers all day too then Richmond then Fredericksburg then D.C. where I'm gonna go to every single museum then Baltimore then Dover then Atlantic City where I'm gonna lose a whole lot of money then all the way up until I finally reach New York...
That damn map.
It had been a constant reminder that she would leave. It was like she knew that eventually he would fuck things up and give her a reason to leave.
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A/N: Just wanted to say that there is a reason for this chapter. And for those of you wondering, Remy will make a reappearance. He still has a bigger part to play.