AN: Sorry it took so long to update, I was getting so involved in the story, I needed to get away and take a step back. I got caught up on reading other stories, and got the creative juices flowing again. I don't know if I will update as often as I was, it was getting too overwhelming. I think I'll try for every other day. I really do wish someone would review, I see people are reading my story, but would like some opinions with this being my first FF ever. Well I'm done pressuring for now, sorry about that.

Much love,

Phoenix Bride

Chapter 4: Release

Ellexia awoke to a pounding on the door. She was about to yell for someone to knock it the fuck off, when she realized she wasn't at her parents' apartment any longer. She remembered that she was in London surrounded by wizards and witches. Her life had changed so fast, that everything new just felt like a hazy dream.

"Miss Baine, open up this minute or I'm coming in!" a voice yelled from the hall outside.

"Okay, okay, I'm coming, hold on a sec." Ellexia mumbled, stumbling toward the door.

She opened the door to her room and smiled slightly to see a very tired and aggravated Professor Snape standing in front of her. She didn't know why, but she was actually happy to see him. She was usually never happy to see anybody.

"Do you know how long I was standing out there, Miss Baine? I was starting to think something...happened...to you..." he trailed off looking down at her naked arms and legs covered in cuts and gashes, all at various healing stages. Ellexia was standing in the doorway in nothing but a tight black t-shirt and quite short dark gray jogging shorts, which barely covered her more than underwear. Ellexia didn't even realize how little she was wearing, she was still mostly asleep. Upon seeing where his eyes wondered she tried to slam the door on him and run to her trunk to retrieve a robe or anything to quickly hide her mutilations. But Snape was too quick, he jammed his foot in the way of the closing door and grabbed tightly onto her bare arm before she could move even two feet away from him. With the force and quickness of his grasp, Ellexia fell back into his surprisingly strong and hard body. Her professor caught her under her arms before she could fall and steadied her on her feet, still not letting her go. He spun her around to face him, and not knowing what yet to say, he just held her arms and look carefully up and down her beautifully pale soft supple skin, surrounding perfectly the bones and muscle of her arms and legs. He didn't know whether the strong feelings welling up in him were of anger or sadness for the ugly and blatant scars and gashes raping her beautifully milky skin. He looked into her radiant green eyes as he seethed with anger, knowing full well she had done these atrocities to herself. Ellexia just stood there, similar to a deer caught in the headlamp beams of a speeding car. Her body quivered in fear, tears escaping her eyes, she wondered what was going through her professor's mind. By the look in his eyes she knew that he had no previous knowledge of her experience with a razor blade.

At seeing this poor innocent creature cowering under his stare he calmed, moving his hands to her shoulders, he slowly guided her back to the bed where they could sit. He pushed down just slightly on the tops of her shoulders, implying for her to sit down. Still looking her strait in the eyes, Snape finally found words to express how he felt. "How could you do this to yourself? What happened to you to make you feel that you wanted to do this?" He now held one of her hands in his and using his other hand rubbed back and forth over the lines of cuts upon her skin. He stopped his hand next to her most recent slice, gliding his thumb along the scab covering the exposed inner flesh of the wound. His face holding a very unusual look of deep concern, he pleaded, "Why?"

Ellexia couldn't say a word, she felt like all of her secrets, every feeling that she had ever felt was being given away. She couldn't handle it, she felt so ugly and ashamed. Never wanting to look anyone in the eye ever again she wanted to retreat back into her dark, lonely existence. This wasn't supposed to have happened, how could she have let someone so easily see her so vulnerable. She had just exposed the pain which she had been trying to leave behind. She wanted to escape, to leave this place any way possible. She did the first thing that revealed itself in her mind. All of a sudden, Ellexia leaped up from the bed, punching Snape square in the nose, causing him to release his grip on her. She ran to her trunk, flinging her things about, and found a small wooden box and opened it, taking out a sharp fresh razor blade. She didn't know why she had felt like she needed to pack it, something just wouldn't let her leave it behind. She raised the hand grasping tightly on the razor blade up to her neck, pressing it against her jugular vein.

The professor was still in shock from the unexpected blow to the nose, his hand pinching off the blood flowing out of it. He subconsciously began to reach in his robes for his wand to fix his nose, when Ellexia screamed, "Don't do it, don't move!!! If you move one inch, I'll do it. I'll kill myself. I am not afraid." Snape stopped, he even held his breath.

Finding his composure, Snape stated, "Don't be silly girl. Even if you were to cut yourself, don't you think I would be able to heal you before you hardly spilled any blood? Now just come back over and sit down. I am not judging you, I can probably even understand some of what's bothering you if you would just come back over and talk to me." Snape negotiated.

"You don't care about me! Why would you even stop it? You don't even know me." Ellexia returned, still yelling.

"First of all, if I didn't care about you why would I still be here? As to your question, it wouldn't look very good if I came here with a young woman and left her in her room dead, now would it. Plus, Professor McGonagall left me to watch over you, I wouldn't be doing a very good job if I left you for dead. Lastly, no, I do not know you very well yet, but from what I do know, you are very troubled and have obviously survived some terrible things in your past, and it would be a waste giving up now, when you still have so much more to look forward to." he argued, slowly reaching into his pocket, retrieving his wand, and repairing his nose. "You pack quite a punch there. Next time I would appreciate it if you just pushed me away or even stunned me, that was actually quite painful and very unnecessary" He then used his wand to clean the blood from his robes, stood up from the bed and approached Ellexia calmly, still with concern in his eyes. "Now that I have answered your questions, let us sit and you can answer mine." He grabbed her hands in his and without losing eye contact ushered her back to the bed.

Ellexia still had no idea what to say, or even know if she could, all that she had wanted to do now was to die. She suddenly realized that the razor blade was no longer in her hand. She looked down at her hands, then at the floor where she was previously standing, lastly to Snape. She knew he had something to do with its disappearance, but also knew she couldn't do anything about it. She squeezed his hands with hers and broke down, she was completely powerless. She then leaned her head into his chest and bawled. Professor Snape stiffened his posture in surprise.

To Professor Snape it seemed like at least an hour before the crying calmed. It was actually about ten minutes, but his back pained with the pressure of her leaning into him. Not that he really minded, for he actually sort of liked the gentle touch of the girl's body pressed against his, the warmth, the slight squeeze of her hands on his chest. He hadn't been this close to anyone in quite some time, and never anyone so beautiful. The blood of his body started to flow toward his groin; he jumped in shock at the feeling. Fucking idiot, fucking, fucking git. What are you bloody thinking? NO. No more touching! Not a student. She's vulnerable; she's fucking mental for fucks sake. Get it out of your bloody head. Help her...don't make things worse. Talk... just talk.

Ellexia pushed herself away from his chest when he jumped. She couldn't see the horrified expression on his face, as the recent tears blurred her vision. She wiped her eyes with the bottom of her t-shirt not even realizing she was flashing her stomach to the room. So much so, that if she raised her shirt not even one inch higher, her breasts would be exposed.

With even more bare flesh in front of his eyes, every thought had left his brain. Nothing in the world existed except for him and this beautiful young creature before him. His eyes were focused on a sapphire gem resting just below her belly button and a stainless steel ball precariously floating on its inside. He didn't remove his eyes from the piercing until he realized just how high her shirt was, but before his mind could delve any further into what he would see if the shirt were to move just slightly higher, his concentration was broken by an interrupting voice.

"What's wrong, why did you jump?" Ellexia asked. Just now finishing wiping the tears from her eyes, and suddenly realizing the exposed skin. She quickly lowered her shirt, and looked into the dark eyes of her professor. Hoping he didn't think that was intentional.

"Um.. nothing, just a back spasm." He blurted, not knowing where from. "Are you okay? Can we talk about... you cutting yourself, and why?" He had to get his mind of off her partial nudity, even if he had to talk about feelings. He knew she wasn't doing it on purpose, but she was driving him to the edge of insanity.

"Uh... well it's all a bunch of nonsense really," she ignored his pained expressions, and just said what came to mind. "I don't even know why I cut myself, it just feels good...the pain...the release. Having control over what I am feeling. Seeing the blood...feeling the blade...the escape. I hated school. I hated home. I hated society. I hated myself. I was ugly...unworthy. Pain became the only thing worth living for...physical pain. The mental pain makes me want to die. I have no friends. I have no family. There's just fucked up me, waiting for a better tomorrow...never seeing it. I don't belong. I hate myself. I make myself look on the outside like I feel on the inside..." She stared down at the old wooded floor the whole time she spoke, barely aware of even existing. She finally looked up, trying to see an expression in her company's face.

Snape was completely dumbfounded, before now he hardly believed teenagers even had feelings, let alone some so dark and horrid. This girl really did live in a world of despair. He had felt torn before, even dead inside with some of the things he had done in his past. But the words just spoken before him stabbed at him like a thousand sharp daggers. He didn't think he could say anything that would ever help her. He didn't know if anything could help her.

"I should leave," Ellexia intervened. "I don't belong at Hogwarts. I don't belong anywhere. I don't know what the headmaster was thinking accepting me. I'm sorry for your troubles, I'll go now."

"No, wait. The headmaster has her reasons. I am sure of it. I don't know how, but I can help you. I WILL help you. "There was just something about this girl Snape just couldn't shake. Professor McGonagall is getting just as bad as old Dumbledore was. I knew she was up to something, but what? Why this girl, and why me? What is it? Snape brooded. "You will come back with me; I cannot leave you in this state. I must send a message to Professor McGonagall, and then we will apparate to Hogsmeade. Will you be able to handle apparition again?" Snape asked, very concerned.

Ellexia was frozen in shock. What is he thinking? He wants to help me? Can he help me? I'm still going to Hogwarts? This is strange. She snapped back from her thoughts, "I think so." She finally answered.

"Stay here, I will be back in two minutes. I am just going down stairs to send a message to Professor McGonagall. Will you be okay here by yourself?" Snape hated to leave for a second with her in such a state.

"I will be fine." She replied, hoping it was true.

AN: Chapter 4 revamped……more coming soon……..