Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or its characters.
Title: Baking Cakes
Status: 4/?
Belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! (Yes, I started writing this around the beginning of 2008 XD) Sorry for the late update – the wheels in my brain don't seem to be working quite as well when I'm sick. So, if this chapter isn't as funny, I blame it on the cold, and the late hours. Yep, it's midnight. xD
Thank you for all of the reviews! They really make me happy reading them, and I love to hear your feedback! Though I'm surprised no one had anything to say about the many many typos in the last chapter. I just read through it and found so many.
Jazzy – Your review cracked me up XD I'd say I'm sorry, but really, I'm not xD I've read stories like that too, and most of the time my getting in trouble is due to me blowing it by laughing. I'm just glad that you're enjoying the fic!
Izzay – I totally agree with your last line!! Just like Misao to think something like that!
Aoshifan – Haha! Well laughter is the best medicine, so I'm sure there's nothing wrong with having a good laugh!
-
When Aoshi was 20 and Misao a mere 10 years old, another misfortune befell the poor, unsuspecting prodigy. It had been only 2 years since Misao had fired one of her questions (of course in the name of childish curiosity) that resulted in the inevitable jab to his dignity. And little did he know that she would strike again.
It was just another of those beautiful days that he spent outside, sitting at the base of a tree, quietly reading a book. He was just reflecting on how peaceful it was when the very epitome of un-peaceful and energy came bouncing up to him.
"Ne, Aoshi-sama" She saw one of his eyebrows raised up and took that as a cue to continue. "I—"
"Hm?" Aoshi peered at her over his thin wire-framed reading glasses.
"Never mind." She sat down next to him, unusually silent. Her forehead was scrunched up, her eyebrows close together as if she was deep in thought. She chewed on her bottom lip; a habit Aoshi observed that she had picked up just recently when she was pondering the great wonders of life.
The great wonders of life, Aoshi mused. Surely she wasn't thinking about— There couldn't possibly be anything else she could ask him—
"Aoshi-sama, why don't I have these lumps?" Misao gestured wildly in the vicinity of her chest.
Heck, why him.
Aoshi sighed, carefully took off his glasses and put them in his pocket. One good thing was that with age he had learned to handle these questions with a little more maturity and—
"Do I need to put watermelons in here?" She stretched out her shirt a little, just enough so she could look down at her chest.
"gd;ajg klda." Aoshi's book fell to the ground, both pairs of eyes watching it as it squashed a poor, unsuspecting grasshopper. Maturity, his foot. If this was handling questions with maturity, then he must be a grasshopper with 6 legs.
Upon regaining his composure, he picked up his book and watched silently as the squashed grasshopper took its last breath, its last erratic leg shake, and its last little taste of life so cruelly and unfairly ended. And with the death of the 6-legged grasshopper, he too, fainted.
"Aoshi-sama?" In vain she tried to shake him back to consciousness, but instead fell face forward on to Aoshi's broad body, which in turn woke him up from the impact. "Aoshi-sama… your hands…"
He gulped. His hands were on her chest. And her chest was really, really flat. It was like… he searched for a phrase that would describe it. It was like putting his hands flat down on a table. A rigid, wooden table.
"S-sorry." Still in a half embarrassed state, he slowly retracted his hands from said surface that held likeness to a table.
Misao was close to tears.
"Misao-chan?"
"AOSHI-SAMA WON'T LIKE ME BECAUSE I'M FLAT!" Her sudden outburst took him aback.
"Hah?!"
Misao ran off to the house bawling her eyes out, leaving her dear Aoshi-sama dumbfounded and just a little, only a little, embarrassed.
-
"Hannya, I really don't know how to approach this situation." Aoshi pleaded his friend, who hid a smirk underneath his mask. "How do I tell her that, that br— breasts— just come naturally?"
"Maybe she's just a late bloomer," was Hannya's only response to the captain's predicament.
"Well I wish Mother Nature would shine on her more so I wouldn't have to handle these absurd questions she asks." The two men exited the room, unaware that there were two ladies listening in on their conversation.
"Late bloomer, huh?" Okon and Omasu snickered behind the door, amused by Aoshi's plight.
-
That night, Aoshi got very little sleep. The image of the poor, unsuspecting grasshopper dying plagued his mind. He tossed and turned and tossed and turned until he fell into a light, restless sleep. As he was drifting in and out of consciousness, he thought he heard Misao's shrill voice vaguely in the distance, asking, "Okon, is this how I do it?" He quickly dismissed the thought and closed his eyes.
The next morning, Misao crept into Aoshi's room to look into the mirror. She started doing her exercises quietly, or so she thought, until Aoshi woke up. He sat up and with one hand rubbing his eyes sleepily he asked, "What are you doing in my room, Misao-chan?"
To which she replied oh-so-honestly and graphically, "I'm exercising, Aoshi-sama. See?" And she demonstrated for him. She pulled her elbows back so her chest was thrust forward and then brought her elbows back to her front and repeated the same movement. "Okon and Omasu told me that this should strengthen my muscles in my chest and then I'll be able to get the same lumps as them."
Aoshi abruptly fell back, his head narrowly missing his western-styled pillow and hitting the floor with a resounding smack.
"That's got to have hurt," Misao muttered to herself.
"Misao-chan, come here and sit on the futon." Aoshi sluggishly dragged himself up from the floor, rubbing his sore head. He waited until she did so and then inhaled deeply; preparing himself for what he knew would be one of the biggest embarrassments in his life. "These—" Aoshi awkwardly pointed towards his own chest. "The lumps on women don't come naturally. There is a… a stork which gives each woman a magic potion when they feel it is time."
"I thought storks brought babies, not m-magic potion to grow lumps."
"dakjglsa." Aoshi coughed violently. "No, they do not bring babies; they bring this, this magic potion. Just think of it as water needed to make a tree grow."
"Right. Why don't boys get them?"
"B-boys," he stuttered. "Storks don't like boys. They only like girls."
"So when will they come to me?"
"Just wait your turn, Misao-chan. I'm sure they will very soon," he choked out.
Surprisingly Misao accepted this without much further ado, leaving the room whistling a happy tune. Aoshi was feeling quite pleased with himself until he overheard her conversation with Okon.
"Okon, Aoshi-sama says that storks carry magic potion to make these grow bigger. When did you get yours? If the stork doesn't give me my magic potion now, Aoshi-sama won't like me!"
Aoshi stuck the tissue that was preventing his nosebleed further up his nose. Maybe he should have just left her to doing her exercises.
- Owari -
OMAKE (for those who want more)
-Aoshi and Hannya are sitting quietly in a damp, gloomy corner-
Aoshi: Hannya, I know how you feel. I ended up telling her that storks bring around magic potion that make breasts grow.
-Hannya laughs bitterly.-
Hannya: At least you didn't tell her that women stick watermelons down their kimonos.
Aoshi: I-I did touch her chest though. She's quite f-flat.
-A gasp is heard from behind the door-
-Hannya glares daggers at Aoshi as Misao's wails are heard.-
Hannya: Pervert.
Aoshi: gdaljgdalg –sweatdrop-
-
Author's Notes
Mmm. I need sleep. Like now.
Next chapter… perhaps menstruation? Keep tuned for the next installment hehehe.
--Duckii Mustang