Howdy! So here's chapter four! Hope you like it!

Author: Mel
Copyright: 2007
Title: Stay Illogical
Rating: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: This is a relationship between two girls if you don't like that sort of thing then please discontinue reading. This chapter deals with a death in the family and how they cope so it's not going to be all sunshine and buttercups.

Chapter Four

I let my hands stroke the back of Glen's head as he held onto me tightly. I noticed a movement from the corner of my eye and looked towards the window to see Ashley turn her head and move away. My heart skipped a beat knowing that she hadn't left but I pushed it out of my mind.

Glen stood up slowly and sat in the chair that Ashley had occupied earlier. He kept his eyes on the ground as we both just sat in silence. The closeness was enough to keep us comforted while we let everything process.

It was hard to think about the fact that Clay was no longer with us. It seemed like it was only seconds before that we were all having fun together dancing and laughing. Chelsea was so happy and so was Clay.

My thoughts were all over the place while I thought of everything. I thought back to the time my mother and father had adopted Clay. To times when he and I would have our sibling arguments and times when he would let me cry on his shoulder.

He was there for me through so many hard times in my life and not once did he ever complain. He was one of the first people to support my relationship with Ashley and was the first to defend me when things started to go wrong.

I placed a hand on my head and closed my eyes. I felt a little bit light-headed and I tried to calm the pounding that kept coming as the clock on the wall ticked off the seconds.

I felt a strong light on my closed eyelids and opened my eyes to see my mother and father walking inside. My mother rushed over to my bedside kissing me on my forehead and I saw my father start to walk inside but then disappeared back into the hallway.

"Oh Spencer I'm so happy you are ok…I'm so sorry we weren't here sooner." My mother said as fresh tears fell down her already tear-streaked face.

"It's ok Mom…I'm ok." I said reaching out my arms and holding onto her tightly.

My mother hadn't noticed that Glen was sitting next to my bed still looking at the floor. She moved back and finally saw him and wrapped her arms around him kissing the top of his head.

"Glen are you ok sweetie?" She asked my brother softly.

He didn't say anything and nodded his head slowly. She pulled back and took one of my hands in her own and reached down for Glen's. He flinched slightly when her skin ran across his fresh wounds.

"What is it Glen?" My mother said looking at him with a concerned look.

"It's nothing." He said quietly.

She looked down at his hand and noticed the broken skin and drying blood. She gasped and looked at Glen.

"What happened?"

Glen looked at me pleadingly as if to ask me to not tell our mother about what he had done. I nodded my head and squeezed her hand.

"Mom…" I said quietly.

My mother still had her eyes on Glen but when I called out to her again she turned and wrapped both her hands around mine. She pushed a strand of my hair out of my face and I smiled weakly at her.

"Where did Dad go?" I asked looking at the door where my father had been just a few moments before.

"Ashley was in the hallway and I think he went to talk to her." She said stroking my hair.

I cursed myself for feeling happy that Ashley hadn't left me to go find Aiden. I shouldn't feel any kind of happiness after my brother had been killed. I looked at the closed door and wondered what it was that Ashley and my father were saying to one another.

The door opened slightly and my father re-appeared. He looked back out and nodded his head at who I assumed was Ashley. He closed the door and made his way over to my bed.

He placed a hand on my mother's shoulder and leaned over to kiss my forehead. He pulled Glen in for a quick hug and I could tell that he was trying to be strong.

My mother looked at my father and squeezed the hand he had placed on her shoulder.

"I'm going to take Glen to go get his hands checked out Arthur." My mother said after a few moments of silence.

"What happened to your hands Glen?" My father asked concerned.

"It's no big deal…just lost my temper." He said standing up and putting his hands behind his back.

"We need to get those cleaned up and bandaged." My mother said her doctor instincts taking over her emotions.

Glen nodded his head and they walked to the door. My mother turned back towards me and gave me a small smile probably trying to reassure me that everything would be ok.

My father remained standing and I could tell that he was ready to break down.

"Dad…" I said softly. He looked down at me and gave me a small smile.

"How are you feeling sweetie?" He said sitting down in the chair.

"I'm a little tired and my back hurts but other than that I'm fine." I said in response.

He nodded his head and took my hand.

"How are you doing Dad?" I asked watching every move my father made.

He took a deep breath and squeezed my hand. "I'm hanging in their kiddo."

"It's ok for you to cry in front of me dad…"

He looked at me and nodded his head. "I know…I know…"

We sat there for a few minutes. I held onto his hand and squeezed every once and awhile to keep reminding him that he wasn't alone.

"Ashley wanted me to tell you something…" He said out of nowhere.

My eyes which were beginning to close snapped open when I heard Ashley's name mentioned. I looked at my father with anxious eyes and held my breath.

"She…she said to let you know that she wasn't going anywhere and that you were always her choice and that she loved you." He said softly.

My heart sped up and a small smile formed on my face. I looked at the door anxiously wondering if she was still out there. Of course she was still out there or at least that's what I hoped.

My thoughts were broken when I heard a sob coming from my father's direction. I looked back at my father and saw his strong shell break and he lowered his head letting out all of the pain he had been holding in up to that point.

The sobs were coming more and more as my father's hand slipped from my own and clutched at the blanket squeezing until his knuckles were white. I felt my own eyes tear up as my father cried in front of me.

When my father's sobs began to subside I reached out tentatively to touch his shoulder. He shivered slightly and wiped his eyes on his shoulder. He sat back and looked down at me with bloodshot eyes and a broken smile.

"Have you talked to Cecily?" I asked hesitantly.

My father shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. He sat back in his chair and let out a deep sigh.

"She wasn't home when we called so your mom and I left her a message to meet us at the hospital."

I was sure that Cecily would be just as devastated as we were to find out her son was gone. The son she had just started to get to know better. I just wondered what it would have been like if Clay hadn't found her. She never would have known how wonderful her son had turned out to be.

The anger rose up inside me every time I reminded myself how innocent Clay was in all of this madness.

"Dad…do you think I could…" I didn't finish my sentence and looked down at my hands.

"What honey?" He asked reaching out to take my hand.

"Do you think I could tell Cecily?"

"I don't know honey. This is a very delicate subject and I know you are really hurting right now. I think it would be better for me to talk to her."

I nodded my head understanding how right my father was. I could see his strength return and I knew that his small breakdown had helped him for now at least.

"Why don't you get some rest? We will be right outside the door if you need us. And I think Ashley will be here for awhile too."

I looked down and nodded.

"Spencer? Did something else happen tonight?"

"It's not that important…I'm going to go ahead and get some sleep. When you find Cecily tell her how sorry I am and how loved Clay was by everyone." I said letting a tear fall down my cheek.

My father nodded and headed towards the door. He opened it and looked back once more before shutting the door behind him.

I turned my head and sobbed into my pillow. My emotions were getting the best of me and I closed my eyes to try to escape the pain at least for a moment.

--------------------

"Ashley?" I opened my eyes and tried to focus on the figure that was hovering over me. My back was in a weird and uncomfortable position as I sat in the hospital chair.

"Hmm…" I said rubbing my eyes.

A hand touched my shoulder as I felt the person take a seat next to me.

"I think you should head home for a little while." Mr. C.'s voice told me softly.

"No I can't leave…Spencer needs to know I'm here for her."

"She knows…I told her that you were here. I just think that you should head home and get some sleep and change. You look exhausted." He said with a soft and concerned look.

I nodded back at him and stood up. I stretched my knotted muscles and looked back down at where he was sitting.

"Can I go in and see her really quick before I go?"

He looked at me with a soft look and nodded. "She should be sleeping so please just try to let her rest."

I walked over to the door and opened the door slowly. I saw Spencer curled up on her side facing away from the door.

I walked over to her bed slowly and looked down at her face. I saw the scratches on her forehead and leaned down letting one of my fingers trace one softly. Her body shivered in response and I leaned down to give her a soft kiss on her cheek.

"I love you Spencer…" I whispered into her ear.

I stood up and looked back at her once more before I headed out of the room to head home and change. I would be back there was no question about that.