Howdy! So here's chapter five! Hope you like it!

Author: Mel
Copyright: 2007
Title: Stay Illogical
Rating: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: This is a relationship between two girls if you don't like that sort of thing then please discontinue reading. This chapter deals with a death in the family and how they cope so it's not going to be all sunshine and buttercups.

Chapter Five

The drive home to my house was long and quiet. Even the bustling of people in the streets and cars honking at one another couldn't break the silence that was in my head. I wanted to get home as soon as I could and change so that I could head right back to the hospital.

I pulled into my driveway and sat in my car for a few minutes. I turned off the engine and looked up at my house to see that only one light was on. Kyla was still up and I wasn't really ready to talk to her again. I still couldn't believe that she was on Aiden's side in all of this but she also didn't know all the facts of what had happened at prom.

I opened my door and stepped out. My footsteps seemed to be so loud and heavy as I made my way up to the house. I reached for my key and unlocked the door. I shivered slightly as a warm breeze blew past me into my house.

I closed the door and saw that there was no sign of my mother. I knew that the possibility of her actually being here after what had happened at the school was really slim to none. I wasn't even sure if she had heard about the shooting. Would she have even cared? Hell she probably would have been happy if I had been shot. It would put her hands that much closer to my father's money.

I walked up the stairs and to my room slowly so that Kyla wouldn't notice that I had arrived home. Every few steps I took a creak would reverberate down the hallways and I would hold my breath. She never appeared and I silently closed my door.

I walked over to my dresser and pulled out a pair of jeans. I headed over to my closet and grabbed a t-shirt and a sweatshirt to wear. I threw the clothes on my couch and went to my bathroom.

When I looked in the mirror I saw my swollen eyes and the dirt that was covering my white dress. My hair was disheveled and it was up on one side of my head and loose on the other. I looked like a complete mess and I felt like one as well.

I took a deep breath and slipped off my dress. I looked it over before I placed it on the bathroom counter. There were tears all over and many of the sequins had fallen off. There was a small spot of blood on the front that I assumed was from Spencer's back.

The sight of the blood made my stomach tighten sharply. I traced the stain and felt a tear come to my eye. I quickly wiped the tear away and turned towards the shower. I turned it on and stepped inside.

I washed and washed my skin trying to erase any piece of the horrible experience from before. I never felt like I was clean enough but when I looked down at my body and saw the red markings I knew that I had to stop. I turned off the water and leaned my head against the cool tiles.

Standing there vulnerable in the shower made me think back to the days when my father had died. The feelings that had made its way through my body at that time were so mixed and strong that I felt like at any moment I could have shattered into a million pieces.

I pushed everyone away and I tried to grieve alone. Spencer kept pulling me back to her to help me through that time. I kept pushing and pushing but she never backed away. She was my rock and she had been my rock throughout everything.

I realized that she was hurting now just as much as I was back then. Now, I thought to myself, it was my turn to be her rock and to help her through her pain.

I stepped out of the shower and reached for a towel. I dried off my body and headed back into my room. I made my way to my bed and my foot came across one of Spencer's t-shirts. I stared down at the wrinkled shirt and smiled. I picked it up and carried it over to my bed and I fell back onto my soft sheets.

I brought the shirt up to my nose and smelled the sweet scent that was left behind on the material. The smell was overtaking my senses and I thought about Spencer lying in that hospital bed surrounded by foreign objects and overcome with grief. I brought the t-shirt up to cover my face as the tears that had threatened to fall earlier finally came down.

I curled up on my side and used the t-shirt as a makeshift pillow. I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

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"GUN!" The voice rang out into the night air.

It felt like a slow motion movie as bodies began to duck and run for cover. I looked towards Ashley and our eyes met for a brief moment as she reached out for me. Aiden was moving towards Ashley and I began to fall to the ground.

"Aiden!" Ashley cried out still reaching for me. I didn't understand why she was yelling for Aiden. I felt a slight pain in my back and staggered to my side.

I could hear the thuds of bodies as they fell on the sidewalks and grass. Everything was becoming a blur and I was having trouble seeing.

"Aiden, help!" I heard Ashley's voice cry out.

My body suddenly went straight down into the ground and my head hit the concrete and everything went dark.

After what felt like an eternity I was brought out of my daze and my head was throbbing. I felt my body moving and felt a soft light on my eyelids. I could hear a muffled voice that sounded like Ashley's calling to me.

"Spencer…baby…please…open your eyes." She said. I felt her fingers brush strands of my hair out of my face.

I slowly opened my eyes and saw her look away searching for something. I reached out and lightly touched her arm. She looked back down into my eyes and I could see the worry that had taken over her face.

"Oh god Spence…are you ok?" She said pulling my body tightly into her chest.

"I…I think so…" I said still unsure of what had actually happened.

She held onto me tighter and kissed my forehead. I could feel her slightly tremble as she held onto me. I looked past her shoulder and found Aiden's dark eyes looking at us. I remembered his declarations of love from earlier and I held on tighter to Ashley never taking my eyes of his.

I wasn't sure if she had noticed Aiden watching us but she held onto me like she was afraid I might disappear.

"Nooo…" I turned my head quickly to where Chelsea and Clay were laying after I heard the scream. We jumped to our feet and ran over to Chelsea and my heart stopped as I saw my brother lying there. He wasn't moving and I couldn't believe what I saw.

Over and over I kept praying in my head for Clay to be alright. There was no way that Clay could be taken from our family. Not like this.

I watched as Glen lifted himself from where he and Madison had fell. He made his way over to Clay's body and lightly turned him on his back. I could feel a sickness creep up my throat as I saw the red blood stain that was on Chelsea's dress.

I heard Ashley gasp and a sob came from my mouth as I stared down at the blood. I shook my head over and over trying to wish everything away. That if I shook my head hard enough I would wake up and everything would be ok.

"Clay…come on…Clay" Glen said over and over as the tears fell down his face.

I stared down at my brothers as Glen worked on Clay's dying body. I could see Clay's chest move up and down slightly but he was struggling for air. I could do nothing but watch. Chelsea began to scream louder and louder and with every scream my chest constricted more and more.

"Why are you all just standing around!" Kyla cried out.

My eyes never left my brothers as Glen tried to keep Clay alive. His shoulders were shaking and he shrugged off Madison's hand when she tried to reach out to him.

"Hello?...Hello!...Yes this is an emergency…there's been a shooting…yes a shooting…at King High School…King!...Please we need an ambulance…people are hurt…hurry!" Kyla's voice was like a whisper in the air to me as I looked on with disbelief.

I watched as Aiden moved forward slightly to where my brothers were and quickly backed away when Glen looked at him angrily. I felt Ashley's arms wrap around me as she began to stroke my hair.

I saw Aiden look at Ashley and I couldn't handle it any longer. "Get off me…" I yelled as I tried to push Ashley's body off of my own. "Don't touch me!" I pushed again and freed myself. I pushed Ashley again watching her fall to the ground in the corner of my eye as I ran to my brothers.

"Clay! You can't leave me…please…I need you…Clay…" I cried into Clay's chest willing him to stay alive.

Glen wrapped his arms around my shoulders and held me close. I could hear sirens in the distance and I knew that help was coming. I cried into Glen's shoulder praying that Clay would be alright.

I heard the sound of doors opening and slamming and the footsteps rushing past us as the paramedics and police arrived. When I felt Glen's body move me back I looked up to see a paramedic trying to move us aside.

I watched as he bent down next to Clay's body and tried to save him. He stood slowly after he worked and worked but the sight of his hanging shoulders let me know that it was not good news. He looked over at Glen and me and shook his head telling us with no words that our brother was gone.

My legs buckled underneath me and I screamed as my body fell to the ground. "Clay!!!" I yelled into the ground as hard as I could.

When Ashley's arms found their way around me again I didn't have the strength to push her away. I balled up my fists and pounded over and over into Ashley's back as I screamed. If she was hurting from the blows I was inflicting on her she never showed it she just held onto me tighter.

"Kids." A deep voice said as I held onto Ashley. "We are going to need you to clear the scene. You should try calling your parents and let them know that you are ok." I heard him pause and sigh before he spoke in my direction. "Miss…I'm very sorry for your loss."

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"No…CLAY!" I screamed out as my body jerked forward on my hospital bed.

"Shh…shh…honey its ok…shhh…" I heard my mother's voice say as she wrapped her arms around me. "It's only a bad dream."

I shook my head knowing that this wasn't just a bad dream. This was the third time tonight that I had watched this nightmare play over and over in my head. I would close my eyes and see Clay's body lying there on the ground. I would see the red stain on Chelsea's dress as she screamed out.

The only part of that dream that made me feel anything other than loss was the feeling of Ashley's arms around my own never letting me go. I closed my eyes and wished that her arms were around me right now.

I knew that I needed Ashley with me and I wanted to believe that she needed me with her just as much. I lifted my head and looked down at my mother's face.

I reached out and sighed. "Mom…"

"Yes sweetie…"

"Is Ashley still outside?" I asked softly. Her eyes looked at me in a bit of confusion and she shook her head.

"No sweetie…she left a few hours ago. I don't know where she went."

I bit my lip and looked back at my mother with a disappointed face. "Are you sure?" I asked hoping that she was just mistaken that Ashley had just stepped away for a moment.

"I'm sorry honey."

I lowered my eyes and squeezed her hand. "Its ok mom…at least you guys are here for me."

"We are always going to be here for you honey." Paula said kissing my forehead.

"I know Mom…I know…" I said looking off into the blackness of the room. My mind was in a state of confusion over Ashley. I had so many questions and there was only one person who could answer them.