Xejicka: I'm back! Man, does it feel good.
Thalkxene: Tell the nice readers the message you have for them.
Xejicka: Yeah, I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so
A couple of chicken burritos and a nice cup of hibiscus tea later.
Xejicka: So so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry that I haven't updated for over a month. I had school, the new Harry Potter book, a procrastinated book report, homework, band and writer's block eating at me. I know it's no excuse for the hold back, but this chapter was hard and I am working my nonexistant tail off to write funnier stuff.
Thalkxene: Xejicka finally found out what a Mary Sue was!
Xejicka: And Gary Stu. I now have to do some serious editing to do on a lot of my characters. I'm sorry if some of you nice readers noticed and got disturbed by it. I will try to make the characters more normal and hilarious. Can't say that for Fate because she is based on nobody in particular. Everyone else though, is based on somebody I know. Especially Matt. So don't think some of the people on here a little farfetched because some of the people I know have weird abilities.
Thalkxene: It's the first Jackie free chapter! One step closer to de-mary sueifying the characters!
Xejicka: Actually, that was accidental. This chapter would have been alot longer if I added her story in and it would have held the writing off another couple weeks. I've been in desperation on experiments. I often found myself questioning: What would Hojo do?
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts Series, Final Fantasy Series, the actual being that is Durus, only his name, Amaterasu- she belongs to the great writer rikufanattic, or Reno's crotch.
Thalkxene: Thank you rikufanattic for telling us about the ownership of Durus.
Xeijcka: I feel so bad for what I did to Reno in this chapter. I love him to death, man do I love him. But hitting him is fun, not bashing! I still think Sephiroth is out to get me. I feel his shadow lurking...
Thalkxene: I may be a girl, but even I winced when I read over this.
Xejicka: Somewhere, out there, Reno is plotting my doom. It will be the most painful thing I'll ever experience, even writing his bit was painful.
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Chapter 18: Hit Where it Hurts!
In an alley way
"Say my name, bitch!" Jessica evilly and furiously to the very very unlucky Reno. The unfortunate turk was pinned to the ground. Tears crawled down his tattooed cheeks as he felt the vile knee cap of death dig deeper and deeper into his crotch. Reno's whole life, or the past five minutes at least, flashed before his eyes. How had he gotten himself into this mess?
Reno thought on it for a split second. The last thing he remembered was tripping on his own rod, falling back and seeing the psycho bitch pounce on him like a wild puma. The evil bone structure of joints and bones dug mercilessly deeper and deeper. "I don't even know what it is!" he cried out in a very high pitch voice.
"It's Jessica," Jessica replied in a normal voice. The force of the knee cap let off, for only as long as Jessica said her name. The knee ap dug back into Reno. He couldn't handle it anymore, this woman may have just deprived him of his ability to have kids! With a rush of adrenaline, he slammed the maniac off him with all the force and energy his arms could muster. Jessica flew back and slammed against a nearby wall.
Reno got up and ran for his electro rod as Jessica recovered from the blow. Reno grabbed the rod, the pounding of running feet became audible. Jessica charged at Reno, her fist ready to throw a hard hit. Reno knew she was coming and he quickly turned around, whacking Jessica in the face with his rod. She flew back on the ground with a hard thud. The turk looked down at the fallen woman.
She looked back at the fiery red haired man. Her nose had a large amount of blood coming from it. "That hurt like Hell," she said in a normal, nonpsychotic toen as she wiped the blood off her face with her arm. "Thanks for knocking some sanity back into me," she said as she got up from the ground. Reno was hopelessly and utterly confused.
"What the Hell is wrong with you?!" he questioned Jessica.
"That was a fun fight. I love the physics here. I'm sorry if I injured you if I did," Jessica glanced down. " I probably did," she said with a small chuckle as she gathered her mangled whip. "I've been dealing with a bunch of crap lately. Kinda stressed me,"
Reno saw he was dealing with a mentally unstable woman. That and there was something bothering this woman, he didn't really want to know. He could only figure that it started before the fight even happened. "That's no excuse for fighting dirty!" he shot back at the dark haired woman.
"I'm sorry, turk. I'll make it up to you later,"
"What did you call me?"
"A turk, thst's what you are, aren't you?"
"How di-" Reno was nver able to finish his sentence as a large body heartless crashed next to Jessica, forming a small crater.
"What the fuck is that?!" Jessica spurted as the massive heartless recovered from its great fall.. Being from Earth and not being a gamer, Jessica had no idea what she was up against.. Neither did Reno. They backed away from the heartless as it started to lunge itself at them. The two brawlers knew they were in for a fight.
A cocky grin formed on Reno's face. "Wh o ever kills that fatass first gets a free meal," he said, placing the bet. Jessica shot a cocky grin straight back.
"And if I win, you owe me a new weapon," she replied as she held out her whip.
"Deal," Reno pulled out his electro. The large body crashed into the wall near Reno.
"One thing that bothers me is wondering where that thing came from," Jessica added.
A few minutes earlier at a different area of Hollow Bastion...
"Why can't we use swords, or something like that? C'mon! They're superior weapons. It only makes sense," Kathleen complained. They had barely started the lessons and she was already tired due to the fact she hadn't eaten in a while. Zell shot her a look of disgust. Tifa looked a little displeased, but rather patient and calm all the same about Kathleen's remark.
"Learning to fight with your fists is useful!" Zell pointed out angrily Tifa nodded in agreement before she put in her input.
"Learning to not depend on weapons and only your hands is much handier than you think. You can be attacked anywhere at any time and you'll always have your hands to rely on," Tifa said in an optimistic tone. Kathleen shruged and rolled her eyes. She wasn't convinced, she would have rather had a sword.
"Whatever," she grumbled as she came closer to her teacher as she thought of ways to cut out of this lesson. A small rumbling sound filled the air.
"I told you should have eaten that hot dog," Zell told to Kathleen.
"Do not mention those damn hot dogs and it wasn't my stomach," Kathleen shot back in a hateful tone. The rumbling grew louder and louder. It sounded like something big was coming for them. Out of nowhere it seemed, a giant, morbidly obese heartless appeared. How it managed to do this, no one could figure out, the heartless jumped and landed, forming a giant crater. A powerful shock wave emitted from its landing, causing the three fighters to fall back.
"G-giant fat thing," Kathleen said in a shaky voice as she tried her best to scuttle away. tifa took no time to recover and she charged at the heartless. The Large body hurled itself to the fallen Zell and Kathleen. Kathleen was frozen in place with fear..
Zell jumped up and grabbed Kathleen with him, barely being smashed by the fat creature. It wasn't over yet as the Large Body thrust itself at them again. "Is it still at us?" Zell asked Kathleen as they were fleeing.
"I'm not looking," Kathleen shot out as she could feel the monster almost nip at her heeals. They were far from out running it. The wall came closer and closer and closer. "Smash," was the only word Kathleen could utter as all hope drained away from her. She just stopped in the middle of the chase.
Out of nowhere Tifa jumped out in front of the heartless. She pulled her right arm back, fist held tightly and proud. With undeniable strength she unleashed a punch so hard that the Large Body became airborne.
Zell and Kathleen watched in utter amazement, dumbfounded as the heartless flew over their heads and far beyond the horizon. The students' mouths hung open, jaws loose. Tifa brushed some dirt off herself as she neared her pupils.
"That's it, I'm learning. Gimme the gloves," Kathleen bluntly said as Zell quickly handed her a pair of navy, fingerless gloves. Tifa smiled. Zell was still wide eyed with shock and disbeleif. Kathleen took a deep breath. "That was amazing,"
"I wish I could fly up in the air like that," Zell said as he looked at the horizon where he last saw the heartless.
"Same here, but I don't want to be punched," Kathleen agreed with a nod of her head as she looked at the horizon. A light bulb clicked in Tifa's mind as she sudedenly thought of a great idea.
"How about this, if you guys practice hard enough, I can toss you. Not only will it be a way to motivate you guys, but it will also teach you how to land if your enemy ever throws you,"
"Really?!" the two students spurted with great enthusiasm. They were getting wide eyed and happy faced, like a child receiving a puppy they always wanted for Christmas or a certain authoress having her writer's block taken away in the form of a kiss given by a character she constantly fangirls about (I'm still waiting, Demyx). Tifa gave a happy nod. From then on, Kathleen never complained about her boxing lessons. If only the same could be said about the hot dogs.
In another part of Hollow Bastion
Durus followed Amaterasu through all the streets and alleyways. Twists and turns curved this way and that. It he wasn't following Amaterau, Durus would have been lost several mailboxes ago. "Uhhh..., Ammi?" he asked with an unsure tone.
"Yeah?" Amaterasu looked back back at Durus, both uhhh... They look like teenagers, but they aren't. The authoress will just call them neophytes, though she is very aware that this is one of the most incorrect uses of the word. Yes, where was the authoress? Oh yeah. Both neophytes were running through the alley ways. Amaterasu was looking back at Durus, she seemed to know where she was going.
"When are we going to get to the place where that weapon is?" Durus asked as he continued to follow the dark haired female.
"We're almost-"
BAM!
Poor Amaterasu never saw the low hanging sign coming. It had knocked her clean in the head and onto the ground. "You okay?" Durus asked as he helped Amaterasu up.
"Of course she is," a familiar voice answered. A woman steppedout of the shadows. She wore a long, zipped up, black sleeveless shirt with a very low cut. Over it was a long black coat that was shoulderless and it had large sleeves, but you could still see the few rings on her fingers. A dark violet belt with a pocket like sack hung loosly on her hips. Her greying dark violet hair reached her shoulders, layered with her bangs covering her eyes and the left side of her face. "Honestly, Amaterasu. I put up a sign that would specifically prevent this situation from occuring," the woman continued. Amaterasu looked up to a sign that bluntly stated: Do not look back while running.
"Hello, Fate," Durus said as if this situation wasn't in the least. Amaterasu got up from the ground and massaged her forehead.
"Hello, Durus," Fate greeted with a cool smile.
"Owwww," Amaterasu moaned painfully.
"Sorry about that," Fate said to the bruised girl. "My, Durus, you've been a great body guard,"
"Are you kidding me?! I was shot with out even landing a hit against an assassin with a crossbow!" Durus interjected.
"Just as planned,"
"What do you mean planned? Was it intentional for me, that one idiot and Kathleen to get shot?"
"If you weren't shot, then you wouldn't have seen her again,"
"Her?" Amaterasu asked. She was already lost in confusion from the arising argument.
"So it really was her at the ball. I knew I had seen her before. Fate, why couldn't she remember me?"
"She doesn't remember you because the events have not happened yet and those masks had to serve some purpose," Fate replied.
"What?" Durus was starting to get confused himself.
"I'm confused," Amaterasu sighed as she started to massage her temples. Fate sighed and took a deep breath.
"Durus, your birth hasn't occured yet,"
"Then how am I here?"
"Let me finish. You are here because I took you back in time to start your training. The date of your birth draws near. I've kept my end of our bargain. I know you have kept yours to the fullest that you could manage,"
"So that means I actually get it?" Durus was surprised. "Even though I let Kathleen get shot, I still get it?" Fate nodded wit a smile.
"That ball was fated to happen. You did all you could do to protect. You shall get rewarded for your efforts,"
"Yes!" Durus did a small jump in the air. "Does that mean I get the ability of darkness back?"
"No," Fate replied rather bluntly.
"What?!"
"You abused that power too much. You need to rely on the light and the gifts you have been given for strength. I only prevented you from using the darkness. You now have the official opportunity to use it. Yet if there is usage of this darkness, then I shall have no other choice but to banish you to its realm,"
"That just sounds harsh," Amaterasu added, cutting into the conversation.
"He deserves it. The darkness was easily consuming his heart. I should have done this earlier, if he used the darkness anymore, then he would have gone into the realm of darkness anyways. Durus, why don't you clean yourself off of that impurity. The date of your birth draws nears and you want to be simple and clean,"
"Fate got you an early birthday present!" Amaterasu interrupted only to get bopped in the back of the head by Fate. "Owwww," Amaterasu rubbed the back of her head as she silently questioned herself on why she had gotten involved wit hsuch an abusive woman.
"Don't you interrupt me. But she is right Durus. I got you a few gifts," Fate unsheathed what appeared to be a double bladed katana.
"A souba? Fate, I seriously don't think I should carry one of those around," Durus remarked, sounding almost ungrateful and worried at the same time.
"Why not? It's a good weapon. Very durable, sharp-""
"I live with Reno! I don't know if you noticed, but I bear a striking resemblance to the guys that tried to kill him at one point in his life time. You may not fear death, but I do!"
"Calm down, Durus," Fate spoke calmly. "Gustraba," she said as she moved her arm up and down slowly. "Gustraba,"
"Gustraba," Durus repeated, getting a lot calmer and a bit dazed. Amaterasu gave both people an odd look.
"Gustraba?" Amaterasu questioned with a chuckle. Fate looked at the girl, a kind smile formed on her face rather than expected annoyance.
"It's a calming word with magical properties not even I can comprehend. Very useful on so many levels. Look at the young man, he's calm," Durus was completely dazed out. His mind drifted off into spce. His eyes caught onto the souba that Fate still held out and what was behind it. His eyes caught attention to the very low cut in Fate's shirt.
"Fate, are you even wearing a bra?" he bluntly asked.
WHAM!
The look of rage on Fate's face would have been enough to scare Beelzebul himself. Amaterasu covered her face, whether to hide the look of horrer or to bottle the laughter she had, nobody knew. Durus stumbled over, clutching the side of his face that was hit. Some tears crawled down his cheeks as he winced in pain. "What the Hell?!"
"Never, under any circumstances, do you ever ask a woman if she is wearing a bra!" Fate said so feircly that both neophytes, again it's incorrect usage, shuddered at her words. Durus managed to stand up straight, a large bruise now visible under his right eye. He looked down at what Fate hit him with.
"A boat oar? Honestly, old woman, how old are you?"
WHAM!
Wrong question. Poor Durus never saw it coming. "Never, ever ask a woman her age, let alone call her old!" Fate said with even more rage, a vein started throbbing on her head. Her words became even more stern with every word she said.
"I was just questioning your maturity, not your direct age, dammit!" Durus cursed. He was now holding the left side of his face. Amaterasu looked down at the mage's second weapon of choice and she stepped back a few feet. It was just the woman's left hand!
"It does not matter. I thought I taught you better than that, Durus," Fate scoffed as she folded her arms.
"My face," the silver haired teen weakly moaned as he still clutched his cheeks.
"Those were the worst early birthday presents anyone could receive," Amaterasu pointed out.
"Those weren't the birthday presents," Fate corrected.
"Any other questions I shouldn't ask?" Durus asked with an almost sarcastic tone. He qickly flinched after asking for fear of being hit again, but Fate didn't mov.
"On your behalf, there is only one more that should not be inquired. Never, even as a joke, should you ask any female this: What are the odds of me having a threesome with you and your sister tonight?"
"Okay...," Durus replied, unable to think of how he would be put in a situation where he would ask such a question. "If this is all you had to give me, then I'm leaving. Bitch slapped by the hand of Fate," he muttered the last sentence under his breathe. Durus turned away after hastily grabbing the souba that Fate barely noticed it was taken from her hands.
"Glad you enjoyed the gift!" the time mage called out with a smile. Amaterasu stood next to the time mage, unsure of what to do next.
"Not much of a birthday. He should have received more. Who is her anyways Amaterasu asked the woman clad in black.
"Her is someone that he's worked almost a year to see. In a way, she is his gift. She is all he had to settle for when I wouldn't let him see the kind memory witch. He couldn't see that young girl after I saved him. I love the ability to control time and space. Without it, his existence would not have been possible,"
"His existence?"
"He wasn't suppossed to live and I saved him. He stayed with me in my realm and I educated for almost the equivalent of a year. The girl he refers to gave him a drive or motivation. Of what level, I'm not certain. I do know her memories keep him alive and hopeful. He was a lot happier than I expected when I had to take him away," Fate answered. She quickly bumped herself in the forehead. "I almost forgot!" she blurted out, almost looking clumsy.
"What?" Amaterasu couldn't even finish her one worded sentence beforer she saw Fate disappear, reappear next to Durus only to stab him in the neck with something. "What are you doing?!" Amaterasu asked with shock in her voice as she quickly ran to the stabbed young man. Durus was writhing, small shreiks of pain emitting from his lips as he collapsed to the ground. Fate stood next to him, looking down stoically at the pained young man, an empty syringe held tightly in her right hand.
"I only gave him a small boost, to make up for the fact he cannot use darkness freely. Refining Jenova cells can have as amazing impact on a person's physical being," the time mage said calmly as she watched the replica stop writhing. She quickly stuck a small, circular bandaid with a smiley face on it on the part of Durus' neck that was injected.
"Jenova cells?! How did you get those?! Why Durus?!" Amaterasu started questioning hysterically, holding the now unconsious Durus in her arms as she kneeled down.
"I got them the old fashioned way, I stole them. There are no coincidences, Amaterasu. That should be enough said. The young man will be okay. Just leave him-" the loudest bowel movement anyone could ever hear interrupted the sound waves. Amaterasu stood stiff, her nose twitching violently from the foul stench that reached her nostrils. The fart seemed to continue, Fate stood there, her expression blank but eyes wide. Flames suddenly shot out of her rear until the sound of the massive fart ended.
Embarassment consumed the mage, her face flushed. "Redo!" she shouted as she lifted her staff only to stop as Amaterasu clung down on the mage's arm with the weight of her entire body.
"No! Don't redo! Do not redo!" Amaterasu pleaded.
Fate shook the girl off her arm. "Geroff! I won't redo if that's what you want. I was hoping to only repeat theevent without the embarassment," Amaterasu landed on her rear as she looked at Durus. "Relax, I already have someone out there that will get him," a couple of brown packages suddenly replaced the rod in Fate's hands. "I need you to deliver something for me, but here's a gift for suffering," the time mage said as she tossed one of the brown packages to Amaterasu.
Upon catching, she ripped open the box to pull out a long, white, short sleeved jacket that had buckles on the sleeves and a zipper that went down the front. The next item she pulled out was a small black t-shirt with white words on it that the girl promptly read aloud. "Join the darkside, we have cookies," Amaterasu looked at the white letters and the crude monster with cookies on the t'shirt. She shot Fate a dirty look, who in turn replied with a chuckle.
"C'mon! It's a funny shirt. The letters glow in the dark. Use it fing your way through the darkest darkness!" Amaterasu shot Fate a look that bluntly said: You are an idiot. "That jacket is cute too. It was almost stolen from its previous owner on a regular basis. It's that awesome!"
"It's used? Fate, where did you get this?"
"I broke the fourth wall, got a problem with it? On another note, I need you to deliver this other package to a dancing fruit, ya got it?"
"Don't you have Reno to rape?" Amaterasu's voice was filled with sarcasm.
"In do time, hun," Fate patted Amaterasu on the shoulder, thrust the other package in the girl's arms and pushed her away. "Off you go!" It was until Amaterasu disappeared around a few alley corners that the sound of a man's clapping hands filled the air.
He was laughing as he applauded as he walked closer to Fate. It was a mysterious Asian man, a smile on his face. "That was hilarious! I loved the part where the flames shot out,"
"Good to know you enjoy the broken language barrrier," Fate's voice filled with sarcasm and hatred. If you could see her eyes, you would have seen fire in them. She let out a growl. "You ruined a good moment," her words cold as ice. She shot her rod up to the sky. "You have four seconds to run, five seconds ago!"
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Xejicka: Perhaps I should have given Durus his own chapter. Oh well. -starts rumaging through closet- Hey, Thalkxene?
Thalkxene: -looks up from a vampire novel- Yeah?
Xejicka: Have you seen my white jacket and my darkside cookies t-shirt?
Thalkxene: I thought you were wearing them the other day.
Xejicka: I was, but I can't find them anywhere. You didn't steal them, did you?
Thalkxene: I wouldn't dream of fitting into a size small, Xejicka.
Xejicka: Dammit, those were my favorite shirts. I need them. On another note, I would like to thank you guys out there for reading.. I'm trying to make it funnier and I'm trying to demary sueify the characters. I'm sorry if the story isn't going the way you like it. I know the dialogue was crap in this chapter and I was mean to Reno.
Thalkxene: Poor Reno's crotch. I still hope he can have kids.
Xejicka: I'm trying to get this story more rolling. I have no idea when I'll have the next chapter up. Writer's block still attacks me periodically. I learned watching Family Guy and American Dad help out with humor's block. I need emotion. Note to self, get a thesarus.
Thalkxene: Sorry guys, but don't expect any chapters anytime soon. Band, honors classes, FFA, an English teaher from Hell and writer's block can make writing for fun time magically disappear.