Thalkxene: The following chapter contains attempts at crack, a shard of angst and Xejicka having the shit beaten out of her.

Xejicka: Dammit, get me out of this mess! -starts getting beaten with a bamboo stick by her martial arts instructor as well as Reno and Jackie still-

Thalkxene: What's your martial arts instructor doing here?

Jackie: He's helping us demonstrate a true story!

Reno: It's fun, yo

Disclaimer: Xejicka does not own the Final Fantasy series, the Kingdom hearts Series, Fooby the shadow heartless, the Black Mages, Amaterasu, or any delicious fruit.

Bill the martial arts instructor: You need to learn how to dodge.

Xejicka: Injuries...

Bill the martial arts instructor: Stop being a baby!

Chapter 24: Dreams of Humor and Horror

Reno's Dream

The turk found himself in a suit, different from what he usually wore. It was black and there was an untied bow that rest around his collar. His partner, Rude, was right behind him, he looked nervous. Reno looked around himself and realized he was in a church. There were several people in the pews, some he recognized, some he didn't. The sound of the wedding march started and everyone in the pews rose.

The ring bearer and flower girl came in first. Reno recognized them to be Marlene and Denzel, even if they were young, they were way too old for this job. Then came in the bride, her veil covered her entire face so no one could see it. A silver haired man with a slightly fuzzy chin that appeared to be in his thirties was bringing the bride up. Reno looked away from the bride and to the priest only to gape in some minor shock as to discover it was Cid Highwind! The air pilot looked very proud as the bride finally came up and stood across from Reno.

"Do you, Reno the fucking turk, take this woman to b your lawfully wedded wife?" Cid asked.

"I do, yo," Reno said without realizing it. Where those words even his? They certainly didn't feel like it. He just spurted it out against his will, he at least wanted to know who he was being bound to.

"And do you, take Reno to be your husband and ass slave for all eternity and longer?"Cid asked the bride more sweetly.

"I do," the bride said in a feminine voice that seemed eager and ready for this.

"By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you fucking man and wife, you may kiss the bride," Cid said. The bride took off her veil, making Reno scream in terror.

"You're my bitch, now and forever, Reno," Fate said with a horrid smile of satisfaction. Reno screamed and tried to run away only to discover he was handcuffed to the psycho. Fate wrapped her arms around him and groped his rear rather tightly. The unfortunate turk tried to fight but he felt his body couldn't move as he felt his pants slide down and the vile woman's face press against his.

Amaterasu's Dream

Amaterasu was sitting comfortably on the beach. A shirtless Durus was waving a large fan to cool off the dark haired girl. Another man that looked identical to Durus, only slightly less muscular, was feeding her delicious cookies. Moogles, puppies and and adorable but harmless shadow heartless scurried around the beach. Everything was perfect in her dream except for a couple of things.

Then Matt Holden appeared on the beach. "Ooh! Ooh! I'm a dancing fruit. I like to do the robot and get millions of fan girls. Watch me as I dance!" the brunette shouted nearby in an idiotic voice as he started to dance. A grin curled on Amaterasu's lips as she saw his presence.

"Perfect," she said almost evilly. The Black Mages fan turned her attention to a nearby heartless. "Fooby," she said, the heartless turned to her. "Sick him!" she shouted as she pointed to Matt. It was then that the shadow tackle glomped Matt's head.

"Gah! Get it off me!" the leader of the small army shouted as he frantically ran around in circles. One could see little hearts float above Fooby's head as he nibbled the guy's head. Amaterasu, Durus and the other silver haired teen laughed hysterically at Matt's misfortune. Then the sound of a Black Mages concert interrupted the laughter. Amaterasu turned around to smile as she saw the band start to play Blue Blast Winning the Rainbow.

"Would you like some more freshly baked cookies, princess?" the silver haired teen next to her asked. Amaterasu nodded as another cookie was placed in her mouth. She smiled. Despite the fact that this dream was rather short, it was probably one of the best she ever had.

Kathleen's Dream

Kathleen found herself on a floating island. A long sword was in her hands. The brunette looked around, noticing lifestream was swirling all around the island, illuminating the place. The teen looked directly in front of her to see her love staring directly at her, a grin on his face. "Sephiroth!" she cried happily.

The one winged angel lifted his sword. "I'm going to teach you how to fight. Learn and learn quick," he said rather coldly. Kathleen hunched her back over slightly, spread her feet apart and readied her stance. "Good, at least you know that much," Sephiroth complemented.

"I have a request. Can you teach me this without your shirt on?" Kathleen asked. Sephiroth scowled so slightly that no one that he did. Dream logic had apparently gotten the best of this female. If there was one thing he knew about dream logic it was that logic simply didn't exist. Yet the one winged angel had to be patient. He let out a soft sigh.

'Fight until you can cut my shirt off, until then, no," he said as he readied his stance. Kathleen sighed in disappointment but was motivated as she prepared to learn.

Jessica's Dream

Jessica was in her car, driving to Catholic high. Her sister sat next to her, arms folded as she had a look of anger and frustration. "Lay off my hair! I like it the way it is," Jackie shot angrily.

"Jacquelyn, your hair has to many split ends. Get it cut, you'd look a lot better if you did and you'd be so much happier. You would fit in so much more easily," Jessica told her younger sister.

"I amhappy I like my hair the way it is, it gives me character. I like it, I like the way the ends are split. I thin kit's cool!" Jackie objected. "At least I have the front slightly layered."

" And no one even knows it because you never do anything with it. You're not happy. I'm not happy. Happy is not crying yourself to sleep almost nightly. It's not spending your Saturday nights alone in your room," Jessica told angrily. "Jacquelyn, you have to much potential to be beautiful. All you need to do is take care of yourself, brush your hair, try make up, not wear baggy clothes-"

"Why won't you just accept me for who I am?! I know I have potential, why won't you leave it at that? I don't like partying like you did in high school. I don't date guys because I accidentally scare them and I won't change for them until they admire my flaws like I do. I know I cry every night, do you think I like that?" Jackie cried.

"If you want to be happy, you have to change. Don't complain to me about you hating school and not getting a boyfriend if you don't bother to change," Jessica angrily shot back. The car pulled up in front of the school. Jackie got out of the car and took her back pack and purse with her. "Have a good day at school,." Jessica said in the calmest voice she could muster despite the argument.

"Your a superficial bitch," the younger sister cried as she stomped into the school. Jessica growled as she drove away. She was infuriated with her younger sister. Yes, she remembered that. They had a bad argument when they went to school. Jessica only took her because their dad was busy and she was visiting.

The scene switched to where Jessica was several miles away from the school. She felt a shock wave and she slammed the brakes down on her car. She looked back and saw a black vortex in the distance. Right above where Catholic high should be. A beam shot down from it then shot back up. The dark vortex disappeared if only for a couple of minutes before an even more massive and darker vortex that started to suck up everything.

Black creatures sprung from the shadows and the ground. They started to viciously attack everyone in sight. The scene faded and changed to when Jessica found herself face down in Hollow Bastion. The scene faded again and formed to when Jessica first entered the World That Never Was and the scene quickly faded as soon as it formed.

In front of Jessica formed her whole family. All of then but one girl with her back turned faded away. "Jacquelyn?" she asked as she turned her sister around. Jackie looked up, her eyes were yellow and her teeth were sharp. Her expresion was manic and horrifying.

"Come to get me when it's too late? I thought you were better than that," the berserker growled. Chills crawled down Jessica's spine.

"Forgive me. I would have come earlier," the elder sister said sadly. Jackie struck her hand forward and wrapped her fingers around her sister's throat.

"Forgiveness is too much mercy for the damnable family that is you," Jackie growled. Jessica;s eyes widened as she saw a silver haired man with glowing amber eyes appear behind the younger. Everything disappeared into darkness and Jessica woke to the sounds of a man screaming.

Regular Non-dream Hollow Bastion

Reno woke up screaming. He was drenched in a cold sweat and his heart was racing fast. Jessica jolted up sideways and fell down on top of the unlucky turk. The sleeping arrangement was for Jessica to sleep on the bed while Reno slept on the floor with most of the sheets. The turk cried out with an oof! As he had the breath knocked out of him from the woman's landing.

"Morning," Jessica said bluntly as she slid off. "You have a nightmare too?" Reno nodded as he finally caught full breath. "Care to talk about it?" the woman asked.

Reno gave her a scowl as a reply. He got up from the pilot and looked at the bed. "I'm sleeping on the bed tonight, yo," he said as he gathered blankets from the floor and situated himself on the bed with them.

"No, I'm the one sleeping on the bed. I can't sleep on the floor, it makes my back hurt," Jessica replied bitterly as she jumped up on the bed.

"It's a queen sized bed, there's room for both of us," Reno said as he laid back, pulling blankets over himself.

"Fuck you!" Jessica cursed angrily.

"My pleasure," Reno said in sarcastically sweet voice as he put his arms around Jessica. Jessica, clearly not amused by this, slammed her fist down into the turk's crotch. Reno let out a burst of air that could be considered a cry of pain. He curled up and rolled over, holding where it hurt.

"Goodnight and have sweet dreams," Jessica said as she gathered a blanket for herself, laid back into the bed and fell asleep as she rested her arm over Reno. Poor man, surrounded by psychos. This does mean that Jessica forgave him and his crotch.

Durus' Dream

Durus was at a small table with five cards in his hand. A woman by the name of Lady Luck sat across from him with five cards in her hand. She had a poker face that no one could imitate. Forty three Vexen clones watched the intense game with excitement. Durus focused on his hand and felt he was about to win it all. He slammed his cards down on the table, a look of victory on his usually dour face. "Full house, two kings and three queens!" he proudly said. Lady Luck grinned, then laughed.

"Royal flush, all hearts," she said as she laid her cards on the table. Durus' face froze in horror. "Now strip!" she demanded in a bold voice. The replica let out a cry as he fell to his knees.

"No! Never! I'll do anything! Please don't make me give a strip tease for the clones, anything!" he sobbed as he pulled on Fortuna's dress. She looked down on him and shook her head.

"You should have known not to go up against me. It was your fault and now you have to pay the consequences, now strip!" she said sternly and coldly. Durus bawled in her lap.

"Haven't I suffered enough already? All I wanted was to get released early from Fate, not ruin what little dignity I have!" Durus cried. Lady Luck rolled her eyes.

"If you have to be such a baby about it, then I do have another alternative," she said as she lifted a pair of frilly underwear.

The scene faded. Durus now found himself shirtless in a different room. "Are you almost ready, honey?" a woman's voice asked.

"Almost," Durus found himself saying as he slid his pants off. He tossed them in a corner and turned around. "Whadd'ya think?" he asked in the sexiest voice he could muster.

"Ewww, that's not hot," the woman We want your comments on each of the dreams. Just to let you know, the argument of Jessica and Jackie's is based off actual complained as she pointed at Durus' underwear. His eyes shrank as he noticed he was in frilly underwear, his build also looked different. "Axel, just stop with that and get in bed!" Fate ordered.

Durus looked at his tufts of hair and screamed in terror as he noticed they were red and spiky. Unfortunately for Durus, he would ot wake from this nightmare for a long time. A young man tormented by traumas no one deserves.

Reno: O.o You are one of the evilest beings that have ever lived.

Jackie: I want a dream like Ammi's

Thalkxene: Everyone wants a dream like Ammi's. You can't beat being fed cookies by two shirtless silver haired bishies on a beach while watching a guy you hate get mauled by a heartless named Fooby with a Black Mages concert performing for you.

Xeijcka: That's a mouthful -gets beaten by Bill the martial arts instructor-

Thalkxene: we want you comment on every dream. Just to let you know, the argument of Jessica and Jackie's is based off actual arguments, word for word.