I still wish I were a boy, because ever since that little accident, walking around had been uncomfortable, moods swept and slipped in and out, and almost all the time, I craved sweets, which I didn't eat too much of. And for some reason, this "phase" seemed to cause the strangest curiosity.
This one day, I asked the strangest question, strange for me, at least. Tsunade-sama was sitting on the couch, reading this book that I didn't know of. I absently crawled beside her and asked, "Tsunade-sama? Who does love feel like?"
Tsunade-sama removed her eyes from the book to me, not moving her head. "And what brings you to such a question?"
"Dunno."
Tsunade out down the book and smile as she laid my head onto her lap. She brushed through my hair and starred blankly at the wall. "I don't know Shizune, I did only fall in love once… With your uncle Dan." I remained silent and let her have a thought to herself. I knew mentioning his name brought on painful memories. The day he had passed away I had never seen Tsunade as happy as she was with him. Although I was young, I still have the image in my head.
She finally opened her mouth to speak but still faced the walls blankly. "Never fall in love, Shizune. Or at least wait until your ready." I looked up at her, confused at what she meant.
"You're too young to feel the damage." She sighed.
I sat up again, crossing my legs. "Hai."
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Few years later
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I woke up in distress—until I had looked at the calendar. It was November 18. It was my birthday, and I was now 13. I jumped out of bed, but I wasn't at all that excited, for the rest of the birthdays were all the same. I went to the living room to see Tsunade-sama with a red suitcase. Inside was a lot of green stuff. Money. I put my finger on my lower lip in pondering. "What's all that, Tsunade-sama?" She smirked at me.
"You're old enough to come with me to go gambling." She said.
"But isn't gambling bad?"
"Hehe, I've been trying to hold back gambling cause I had to take care of you. But since you're old enough to take care of yourself."
Tsunade-sama was being very foolish. Though I have never watched her gamble, I knew very well of her losing streak. Most of the time when Tsunade-sama and I would play a little game when bored, I know she'd always lose,
"But Tsunade-sama, you know very well that there's a … big… chance we can lose all the money we have if you continue to gamble…"
"Psh. I know what I'm doing." She roughly said, taken a gulp in her sake. No, she didn't know what she was doing. "Come on let's go." She said closing the suitcase and putting on her jacket. She went for the door before she did and blocked her way. "I know it doesn't sound like a big deal right now but it will be when you lose everything and you'll have to make up for the money and pay back—"
"How do you know the money was borrowed?"
"Because I know more than you think, Tsunade-sama."
Tsunade-sama had an angry glare at me. "Now who do you think your talking to, hm?"
I shut my mouth and tilted my head down, my eyes still looking worriedly at her. I picked up Tonton and followed Tsunade-sama.
Tsunade-sama was acting foolish—no doubt about that. Even I, a great inferiority to one such as Tsunade-sama, knew better. As we walked down the street she went into the gambling hall. She told me to stay outside and sit on the bench, which I did. I had Tonton on my lap. Only then I had noticed how slowly Tonton grew—he only grew twice his size in 4 years. And when we found him we was very small.
I waited about 2 hours and eventually fell asleep. I was awoken with a bunch of laughing from men and a women voice going, "KUSO!" I immediately stood up and peeked inside. All I saw was the suitcase empty and Tsunade burying her face her hands of failure as the other men were wallowing in the money they had won from her. Tsunade looked like she was about to cry. Not about losing. About me.
As she walked out with the empty suitcase I looked at her angrily. And that time I didn't think it's because of the moods coming and going. "See… Tsunade-sama." I started quietly. "See what happened." She glared at me sorrowfully. I kept on giving back the glare. "Do you think I don't know better? That I'm just a child who doesn't worry? Scratch that, do you really expect me at this age to be able to take care of myself? Giving you an excuse to throw away all that? You think I don't see anything that you obviously try to hide? You went all stubborn, and now the consequences, we'll be kicked out of our home; we'll be locked up forever until you can pay back the money. Which I can't see possible anymore!" I let it off there and just stood.
"So what now? You're not going to run back home and leave me? I thought you were angry."
I shot back a glare. "I would, but you see, we have no home." I dug into my pockets and revealed a note from the hotel owner. Tsunade-sama didn't pay the rent. She could have with the borrowed money, and still had some left. But she threw it away.
"We're being evicted." I said.
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We returned back to our newly former home to pack up. I couldn't help what happened back there. I was just so angry. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but to it was. All this time I've been listening and obeying Tsunade-sama. But not once has she ever listened to me. And then I didn't mind. But when it counted most, then it effected me. Second, it was my birthday. She had tossed it aside just to gamble.
And from then on I despised the sight of it.
As I stuffed my clothes and items into my bag, I heard muffled cries from Tsunade-sama's room. I peeked in the door, to see Tsunade sitting on her bed with her hand covering both her eyes is some sort of guilt. I peeked down to see where her free hand was. She was holding the calendar with her fingered in the 18 box. I stepped back and started to cry as well. I had hurt Tsunade-sama badly. I never knew I was capable of such a thing. I was wrong to be so angry. She probably forgot what today was. I couldn't shove the all the blame onto her side. As I leaned onto the wall with one wrist faced up into my eye and other faced down, tears fell onto the floor, of which Tonton smelled up and came skedaddling to me. I rubbed away at my wet eyes and picked up Tonton and went into my room. I sat down on my bed and laid Tonton onto my lap. "At least I haven't hurt you y-y-yet." I said with water dripping from my eyelashes. I carried him by the arms to make him stand on my lap. "Am I bad person, Tonton?" Tonton put on a serious face. "Oink oink oink oink, oink OINK oink oink!!" He said. It didn't sound like it was discouraging, for he was wearing a smile after he oinked it. I smiled as well. "I have no idea what you said, but I love for it." I said, as I hugged Tonton tightly.
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I was asleep on the bench with all our suitcases and bags with me, for Tsunade-sama had told me to wait there. I was awoken with Tonton in my face. I was startled but then Tonton jumped off and signaled me to follow him. I held my bag in my arm and held Tsunade-sama's suitcase in my other hand. Tonton led me in front this old shack. I wondered if Tonton was working for a killer. But then again I had my logic.
I stepped inside and flickered on the lights. Tsunade-sama was on a ladder putting decorations on the ceiling but as I came in she fell off, startled. "Tonton! I told you to wait before you called!"
"Oink…!" Tonton laughed. Tsunade fixed up the ladder and put her hands on her waist. I looked around the room. There was a table with purple cloth decoration, and a huge chocolate cake with 13 candles on it. I looked at Tsunade-sama who was smiling the whole time. There were chocolate patches on her face, there was dough on her hands and a few paper cuts. At first I was confused until I looked at the ceiling decoration. I looked at what was written on it. It read Happy birthday, Shizune. I began to tear up as I realized Tsunade put all her work and time with her own hands to set this up for me. I wiped off my tear and ran to hug Tsunade-sama. "I'm sorry." I muffled a cry. Although I was too old for crying and hugging, there was only one person in the world to bring that out of me. Tsunade smiled and ran her doughy hands through my hair.
"Happy Birthday, Shizune."