"Are you okay?" Burke's questioning words pulled Derek from his thoughts. The relief that Meredith had passed her test was mixed with his thoughts on the meeting he had with the chief that morning. Coupled with everything else that had occurred through the week... and it was needless to say Derek was somewhat distracted. He really wasn't giving the best man gig his full attention.
"I'm fine. You need anything?" Derek asked, reaching forward to adjust Preston's tie. "Need a mint? Get away car?" He asked jokingly, happy with his best man skills when he made Burke smile.
"If it's the chief thing, don't worry about it. You deserve it," Burke told him, breaching a subject Derek really didn't want to talk about right now, especially not with Burke, right when he was about to get married. He still wasn't sure how he felt about it.
"Richard didn't pick me to be chief," Derek told him.
Burke looked taken aback. "We all assumed..." He trailed off. "Who did he pick?"
"I don't know, but it wasn't me." Derek said, avoiding making eye contact. He really didn't want to talk about this now.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Burke asked again.
Derek smiled and shrugged. "It's just been a really stressful week. I guess I'm still working through everything. But don't worry, because today is your day. It's all about you today."
Preston smiled. "You really are a good best man."
Derek smiled. "I sure am." They both laughed.
After a few moments Derek took a breath and tried to read Burke's expression. "Okay, now it's my turn. Are you okay? You look...I don't know...off?"
Burke shrugged, sloughing off the question. "I'm fine. A little nervous maybe?"
Derek smiled, surprised to see the other surgeon admitting to being nervous. "You sure that's all it is?"
"Weren't you nervous?" Preston questioned.
Flashes of his wedding came flooding back to Derek. Pacing in the back room, waiting for the ceremony to begin. Mark pulling a flask out of his jacket pocket, a knowing smile on his face. Being told it was time to come and stand at the altar. Mark pushing him through the door. The sea of smiling faces staring up at him.The inability to differentiate between any faces in the sea of guests.His throat getting tighter. Mark trying to joke with him, trying to make him relax. The music starting to play.The doors at the back of the church opening. The smiling faces moving their attention off him. Thebridal party making their way up the aisle.Losing track of the number of bridesmaids walking past him.The music changing Addison making her way down the aisle, led by her father. His throat tightening. Knowing he should be feeling something, but not feeling anything. He was too numb, too nervous.
Derek laughed and nodded. "Hell yeah, I was nervous."
Burke returned the laugh, but sobered quickly. "But it didn't work out," he said. "Maybe you were nervous for a reason?" And suddenly the conversation was serious.
Derek hesitated, surprised to be in the position he was in, but knowing his words could have increased effect if he failed to properly explain. "It didn't work out," he agreed. "But I was really young when I got married. We were both really young. And we grew apart. You guys will be fine," he said, trying to sound confident, knowing it was what Burke needed right now. "You're older than we were, more settled. If anything you can grow closer, not further." He hesitated. "I didn't know who I was then. It... it took me a long time to find out who I am. You know. You'll be fine."
Preston nodded, and Derek smiled. He hoped he had helped. They remained silent for just a few moments before the music began and the sea of faces turned expectantly to the back door, which remained closed.
And remained closed.
Still closed.
Derek gulped as he glanced at Preston. The other man was tense, his jaw set tightly. There was still no movement from the back of the church. "I should go see what's going on," Derek said quietly.
Burke shook his head. "No, I should go."
But Derek shook his head. "Sorry, but as best man, I can't let you break the bride-dress rule, the women tend to be very strict about that." He tried to make a light joke and quietly made his way past Burke, as if the congregation of people in the seats in front of them wouldn't notice if he didn't make any noise. "I'll be right back."
As he made his way down the aisle, he smiled at the guests, trying to look confident. He passed Addison, who was sitting alone at the edge of a bench, and she gave him a concerned look, to which he simply shrugged. When he reached the doors, he pushed one open just far enough to slip through.
The situation that met him on the other side came as no great surprise. Cristina was freaking out. Meredith was trying to calm her. Both Izzy and Callie were standing back, away from each other, obviously unsure of what to do.
"I have no words, Meredith. No words!" Cristina was near hysterical.
"It's going to be okay," Meredith was trying.
"Stop saying that! It's not going to be okay."
"Well, then what do you want me to say?"
"I don't know Meredith, just something else!"
There was silence while Meredith struggled to come up with something to tell her best friend. Derek cleared his throat.
"Is everything okay?" He asked gently.
"No, McDreamy!" Cristina really was closing in on a complete meltdown. "Everything is not okay! Okay? I have no vows."
Meredith sighed. "She had her vows written on her hand, and when she scrubbed in this afternoon, she washed them off."
Derek tried not to smile. He really did. He tried not to laugh. He tried really hard. And then Cristina was glaring at him, and he knew the yelling was about to start again. He held up a hand.
"So, write them back on," he stated, going with the simplest suggestion. Okum's Razor was always the best plan of attack.
"How?" Cristina demanded. "We don't have a pen," she motioned toward their outfits. "And I don't even remember what they said in the first place. Callie wrote them on my hand. I can't remember what they said," she repeated. "Which is why they got written on my hand in the first place."
Derek shrugged, reaching into his inner jacket pocket, and pulling out a pen. He tossed it to Callie, who eagerly stepped forward, grabbing Cristina's hand. The atmosphere of the room was calmer. Meredith smiled as she approached him, leaving Cristina, momentarily, in Callie's capable hands as the two tried to remember the original words on her hands.
"Ah, you're my hero," she spoke softly, jokingly, as she reached her arms up for a short hug.
He laughed and returned to hug. "It's what I'm here for," he whispered, making her laugh harder as they pulled away. "Anyway, I have a groom to get back to," he told her. "Just wave or something when you're ready."
She nodded and leaned in for a short kiss. "Thank-you," she whispered. "You saved us."
He shrugged. "Just doing my job." Then he smiled and raised an eyebrow. "I'm running for the best Best-Man of the year award."
She laughed and rolled her eyes. "Don't you lose points for the bachelor party?"
"Hey! That's not fair. It was a great bachelor party for the amount of time I had."
She smiled and shook her head. "What ever you say, Derek."
He narrowed his eyes at her. "It had the same number of guests as your party, and you had way more time to prepare than me."
She rolled her eyes. "It's not my fault Cristina doesn't like people."
He mock-glared at her for a moment before leaning in to plant a kiss on her cheek and turning for the doors. "See you girls soon," he called before pulling open the door and disappearing through them.
All the way back up the aisle towards Preston, he tried not to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. He couldn't meet any of the guest's faces in fear of laughing. Preston remained stoic, standing stock still at the altar, not portraying any emotion across his face. He met Derek's eyes discreetly, and Derek nodded, trying to relax the man. Preston wouldn't want anyone to know if he was anxious, but Derek knew he would be freaking out inside if he were ever in the same situation. The door at the back of the church not opening when the music started rarely ended well.
He stepped up to the front and turned to address the guests. "Don't worry, everything is going fine. The girls just have a... small technical issue," he said, successful in keeping the laughter at bay, but not the smile. "It'll just be a few moments." Then he turned away from the crowd and stepped towards Preston.
"Apparently your bride-to-be had written her vows on her hand," Derek whispered. "And just noticed now that she had washed them off when she scrubbed in this morning."
Burke's laughter was a welcome response. The man seemed calmer. "That sounds like Cristina."
Derek returned the laughter. "It sure does. They really aren't like other girls, are they?"
Burke shook his head. "No, no they're not." He really did seem calmer, more relaxed. The anxiety was washing away. He wasn't about to be stood up and embarrassed in front of his friends, family and coworkers.
"They just need a few minutes to re-write them, that's all. Meredith will motion when they're ready."
Burke nodded. "Okay." And he still seemed calmer, still a little tense, but calmer. And not anxious. And the guests, seeing the groom and best man laughing together were calmer. They turned their attention away and went back to quietly talking amongst themselves.
"You hanging in there?" Derek questioned lightly.
"I think so."
He wasn't sure how far to push things with the man beside him. Derek didn't know him well enough to read much past the surface. "You sure, man?"
Burke took a breath and nodded. "Sure. It's natural to be nervous, right?"
And even though he was pretty sure the question was supposed to be rhetorical, Derek nodded anyway. "Yeah, yeah I think so." He was still concerned, but the back door was opening and Meredith was nodding at him. He motioned to the priest and the music was starting again.
Callie made her way down the aisle, an apprehensive expression masked behind the smile. He could practical hear her silent, inner monologue with every step: don't trip, don't trip, I hate heels, don't trip, don't trip. He caught her smiling at George as she passed him on her way up the aisle. Then Izzy began her walk, a bright smile spreading across her features as she easily made her way up the aisle, no fear of tripping and falling in front of over a hundred people evident in her movement. Derek was surprised to see her give George the same smile Callie had, but the return from George was different, and that was...strange. But he had no time to debate it because Meredith was on her way, glancing behind her once or twice, as if to make sure Cristina was still there, and not running the other way. She held a happy smile on delicate features. She met his eyes and smiled at him, just him, for a moment as she carefully made her way up the aisle. And suddenly Derek's throat was dry as all he could do was smile back at her. Then she was taking her place across the altar, still smiling at him, and the music was changing, and everyone was silent. Cristina started making her way up the aisle, not quite smiling, but looking happy. A little apprehensive, but truly happy.
He heard Burke breathe deep and then fail to exhale beside him, and he glanced at the groom. This was the moment everything else was supposed to melt away, but he was still standing very still, not portraying any emotion. Derek nudged him gently, trying to break him out of the trance he was caught in. Burke's breathing caught and he nodded in response, taking deep breaths. He wasn't as tense, but he still wasn't showing any emotion, not the smallest flicker of a smile. Derek was worried, but there wasn't anything he could do now.
Cristina reached the altar, smiling at Burke as she did so. He finally broke and returned her small smile before going back to expressionless. Derek sent a concerned glance towards Meredith, titling his head just slightly towards Burke. Meredith's eyes flickered to the groom for a few moments, and then back to him, worry coloring her features. They stared at each other for a few seconds, both deaf to the words of the priest. And then Derek's throat went dry as Burke started shaking his head.
"It's okay, man," he whispered as quietly as he could.
Burke shook his head harder. "No," he said quietly. "No."
He had caught the attention of the priest, and of the girls.
The priest paused, turning to Burke. "Is everything okay?" He asked softly.
Burke was still shaking his head. "No." He whispered.
Cristina stepped towards him, reaching for his hand. She looked worried, and scared, and maybe a little vulnerable. "Burke," she spoke quietly.
He stopped shaking his head, looking up and meeting her eyes. They stood motionless for a few moments. Then, "I'm sorry," he said, dropping her hands. "I can't. I'm sorry. This isn't..." he trailed off before turning suddenly, and then he was gone, turning on his heel and disappearing through the door beside the altar that he and Derek had entered through.
Cristina raced after him, followed closely by Meredith. Derek hesitated before following as well, leaving Callie and Izzy alone with the priest.
"Burke!" Cristina was calling before she caught up to him. "Burke, it's okay. I'm sorry I had a momentary freak out, but it was just about the vows. That's all. I'm ready to do this. I really think I want to do this.
Derek stopped beside Meredith as the two watched in horror at the demise of their friends' relationship.
"I wish you would know," Burke told her. "I want you to know, not to think. I want you to want to be walking down that aisle.
"I do," Cristina pleaded. "I love you." She begged.
"But you don't want to, not really. If you wanted to, you would know, not think. And if I loved you, not who I want you to be, but you, then I wouldn't be making you do this. I'm sorry," and with that he was gone. Cristina stood stock still for several seconds, before her breathing hitched and she turned towards Meredith and Derek, tears just welling behind her eyes, but refusing to fall. She opened her mouth a few times, but no words formed. Meredith rushed to her side.
Derek remained still and silent as he watched Meredith comfort her best friend. He didn't know what to do in this situation. Eventually he stepped forward and spoke quietly. "Cristina, do you want me to go after him?"
She shook her head. She had still refused to let a single drop of tears leave her eyes. Meredith had wrapped an arm over Cristina's shoulder, supporting, but not quite hugging. Derek hesitated.
"I'm going to, um," he trailed off, motioning over his shoulder towards the door into the hall. Meredith nodded at him, telling him she understood and turned to lead Cristina away. He needed to go and make an announcement, and Cristina needed privacy.
Derek took a deep breath before working up to opening the door. As soon as he stepped through, all eyes were on him. George had left his seat and joined his wife at the altar, where they were conversing quietly. Izzy was addressing the guests, trying to keep them calm and quiet. He met Addison's worried gaze in the crowd. He shook his head slightly, and she understood, her expression darkening. He cleared his throat before speaking.
"Can I have your attention," he began, which was stupid, really, because all eyes were on him anyway, the hall was silent. Izzy had paused mid sentence when he had re-entered, and stood frozen, turned towards him. "It, uh, it seems the groom has left the building...so you can all go home. There isn't going to be a wedding today." He shook his head sadly. Cristina's mother was sitting in the front row, tears streaming down her face. Burke's mother looked shocked and was shaking her head. "I'm sorry." With that he shook his head, and turned towards Callie, Izzy and George, hoping everyone would just leave.
"What happened?" Izzy asked him.
He shook his head. "Burke left. He said..." He trailed off, not wanting to share the horrible conversation he had witnessed. Cristina didn't need that. "He just left, didn't want to get married."
"That's horrible!" Izzy exclaimed. "What an ass, to do that to Cristina. Is she okay? Where is she? We should go help her."
Derek shook his head. "Of course she's not okay; no one would be after that." He snapped, then took a breath, calming himself. It wasn't Izzy's fault. "Meredith's with her. I think we should leave them alone for now." He spoke lightly.
Izzy was going to protest, but George nodded. "He's right. Cristina wouldn't want a bunch of people with her right now."
Izzy glanced at him, holding the gaze just longer than she should have and nodded, looking away. "Okay, you're right." Derek didn't miss the suspicious glance Callie threw between them.
"So, what do we do now?" Callie asked, looking to him.
Derek shook his head. "I have no idea." He had never been in a situation like this before.
"Derek," Izzy was suddenly saying, nodding her head towards something unknown behind him. He turned to find Cristina's mother standing there.
He turned to face her.
"Could you...could you take me to my daughter? I know she won't want to see me... but I -I need to know she's okay. I need to know." She asked, tears still running freely down her cheeks.
Internally, Derek hesitated, knowing Cristina had thin patience for her mother, but maybe in this situation... He offered a small smile. "Of course," he answered, leading her towards the door and holding it open for her, ushering her into the quiet room behind. They were barely entering the hallway across the room when Meredith came speeding around from the other end.
"Derek, thank god. Cristina's gone. She took off. I need to follow her, but I don't have a car here. Can you drive me?" She asked quickly. "Oh, hi Mrs. Rubenstein," she sputtered when she spotted Cristina's mother behind him.
"Is Cristina alright?" She asked.
Meredith hesitated. "I...I don't know. She's Cristina..."
Mrs. Rubenstein nodded knowingly. "Please, when you find her, please tell her I'm thinking of her, that I love her. I know she won't want to see me right now."
"Of course," Meredith nodded.
"And thank-you, for being there for her," she continued. "My Cristina has always been different, every since she was very young. She's never trusted people, never gotten close to them, but she seems to trust you. I thank you for that."
Meredith nodded, tears welling in her eyes. She remained silent, seeming to not know how to respond.
"Please call me when you find her, tell me she's alright. I need to know she's alright."
Meredith nodded. "I will."
And with a sniffle, Cristina's mother turned and headed back for the wedding hall.
Derek stood still for a moment, stunned, before the sight of his trembling girlfriend broke him out of his trance. He stepped into her, wrapping her tightly in his arms and let her cry for a minute. She clutched tightly to his shirt, as she struggled to get her emotions under control.
When she pulled away her eyes were red, but her expression was determined. "I have to go after her," she whispered.
He nodded.
"Can you drive me?"
He smiled, and shook his head gently, reaching into his pocket. He reached the keys out in the palm of his hand towards her. "Her mother is right," he stated. "She only wants to hear from you right now."
Meredith nodded and closed her fingers around the keys. "Thank-you."
He squeezed her hand for a moment before letting it go. "Check in at some point tonight?"He asked. "Let me know how things are going."
She nodded. "Okay."
"Are you okay?" He questioned.
She shook her head. "I never thought... I mean I though maybe getting Cristina to actually walk down the aisle may be a challenge, but I never expected Burke to... I can't imagine what she's feeling right now."
Derek shook his head. "Me neither."
Meredith opened her mouth, as if to say something, but then thought better of it and remained silent.
"Meredith?" He gently prompted, but she shook her head. "Hey," he spoke gently, stepping forward and reaching a hand up to cup her cheek. She closed her eyes, leaning into the pressure as she reached a hand up to hold onto his hand. And they stood like this for a few seconds before she opened her eyes again. "I love you," he whispered, knowing that right now, at this instant, she needed to hear it. It's not us. I would never do that to you.
Meredith's breathing hitched and she let go of his hand, stepping closer and wrapping her arms around his neck, holding on tightly. Derek responded by wrapping his arms around her for the second time in just a few minutes. He held her tightly, running a hand up and down her back, belaying his support. "I love you too," he heard her whisper, and then, "So much."
Derek nodded and held her tighter, momentarily forgoing the running of his hand up and down her back. He knew he didn't have to say anything, knew she knew this wasn't them, this would never be them. Knew all she needed right now was exactly what she was getting. She just needed support. And the fact that she trusted him to give it...
"I love you more," he said lightly, when her grip on him started to lighten.
She laughed through her tears, and leaned back to meet his eyes. She rolled hers. "Why does everything have to be a competition?"
Derek shrugged. "It's a surgeon thing."
She rolled her eyes again. "Well then, I love you more."
It was Derek's turn to roll his eyes. "We can debate this later," he muttered.
She smiled. "You just know you're going to lose."
He laughed, leaning in to place a quick, supportive kiss on his lips and pulled back smiling. "I really do love you, Meredith," he repeated.
She nodded. "I know. I'm actually starting to know." She smiled. "And I love you too." She sighed. "I need to go," she motioned over her shoulder towards the door.
He nodded. "I know."
She started to pull away. "Are you going to be okay without your car?"
He nodded. "I have my phone and my wallet. If I can't find a ride, I'll take a cab back to the hospital." He offered a smile. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."
Meredith nodded. "Okay. Thank-you."
"It's what I'm here for."
And her gentle laughter was the last thing he heard as she disappeared down the hall.
AN: Update number four...Check! Still going strong, only three days left... Thanks to everyone responding about the interm exam results, though I'm still not sure of the process. Because they said the bottom five people get booted from the program... and the fact that we know Callie was number one, I think I can assume they give a ranking. So, I think I'll maybe that? Agree? Disagree? Input? As always, thanks for reading.