Derek took his large coffee gratefully and thanked the coffee cart attendant with an appreciative nod. He breathed in the comforting scent of hazelnut wafting from the small hole on the top of the lid as he turned to head back for the surgical floors, hoping to run into Meredith. He had just finished informing his patient's family on a slightly complicated, but nevertheless successful operation. He was tired, but held high hopes the coffee would be enough to kick start his energy level again. He and Meredith were both scheduled to be off relatively early that evening, and he was hopeful they could do something that night. With their hectic jobs, it wasn't often they had time to go out.
Humming quietly to himself, Derek was half way across the lobby on his way back to the elevators when he did a double take at a small group of family members seated across the waiting room. He stopped dead, staring, trying to convince himself that he was not looking at his mother, Anna and Natalie. He blinked. He blinked again. But there was no escaping it. There they were.
Shaking his head, Derek manoeuvred around the sections of chairs and approached his family, a small smile on his face, despite the surprise at recognizing them. His mother and Anna sat beside each other, both absorbed in a magazine, looking ever the mother-daughter pair with their matching wavy brown hair. Natalie, the only Shepherd child to inherit their father's sandy hair sat kitty corner, her nose buried in a novel.
Derek stopped before them and cleared his throat, causing all three heads to pop up.
"Derek!" Natalie exclaimed, dropping her book on the chair beside her to jump up. She threw her arms around Derek's neck and hugged him tightly. "How's my favourite little brother?"
"I'm your only little brother," Derek responded automatically; it had been their thing for as long as he could remember. Natalie was only eighteen months older than him, so they had practically grown up together, which made her the sister he was probably closest to.
Natalie pulled back, but left her hands on his shoulder to survey her brother. "You're looking pretty good, baby brother." Her voice was light and amused as she tilted her head at him.
Derek rolled his eyes, knowing from experience to simply not bother arguing with her choice of terms. "What are you doing here?" He questioned.
"We gave up waiting for you to visit us, so we came to see you," his mother cut in, practically shoving her middle child out of the way so she could hug her only son. Natalie was nice enough to take the coffee cup out of his hand so he could properly greet his mother. Her fine boned arms wrapped tightly around his frame, one arm over his shoulder and one tucked under his opposite arm. She hugged him close, and he responded warmly, closing his arms around his mother.
"We've missed you," his mother told him when she finally released her grip. She stretched herself up on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on his cheek.
"I missed you too, mom," he told her, knowing it was what she wanted to hear.
His mother smiled and rolled her eyes good naturedly at her son. "No, you didn't, but it's nice to hear anyway."
"Well, then, you've got me," he joked.
She shook her head, her blue eyes bright with laughter. "Your sister is right. You are looking good," she commented.
"Just because he moved across the country wouldn't mean he'd ever give up the diet," Anna, said.
Derek glared at his younger sister as she moved in between him and their mother to hug him. "I'm not on a diet. I choose to eat well. I'm a doctor."
She shrugged and pulled back. "So? I'm a doctor and I allow myself to eat food that actually has taste. And Nat's a doctor and she eats good food too." She waved a hand at their fair haired sister. "And Kathleen and Nancy-"
"I get your point," Derek cut in.
His mother laughed. "Be nice to your brother, girls," She chastised lightly. "And it's not the diet. Something else looks different." She narrowed her eyes, as if a smaller view would help pinpoint exactly what it was about her son that had changed.
Her daughters joined in and the three women stared at him, their matching blue eyes squinting as they studied his face, searching for any sign that stood out and said 'Hey! Look at me. I changed.' He rolled his eyes and stole his coffee back from his sister.
"Maybe he just has more wrinkles," Anna piped up with a smirk, causing Derek to roll his eyes. Being the only sister younger than Derek, Anna made sure to get every slight in she could to make up for their more than three year difference.
Derek huffed. "I'm wrinkle free," he shot back. "And stop staring at me," he commanded to all three of them.
"He looks calmer, less stressed maybe," Natalie suggested, ignoring Derek.
"Yeah," Derek agreed. "Less stressed because I don't have to deal with you lot all the time."
His mother scoffed and smacked him across the chest gently. "Derek," she chastised. "Be nice. We're family."
"Yeah," Anna nodded. "You know you love us."
"How long are you staying?" Derek asked sarcastically.
Natalie rolled her eyes. "Shut up, Derek. Mom said you sounded lonely, so we came to see you."
"When did I sound lonely?"
"Derek, sweetie, you called me." His mother told him. "You've been out here for over a year, and every time we've talked it's been because I called you, or because you were returning my call. But last month you called me without any prompting, and you sounded down, so your sisters and I decided to fly out and visit."
Derek sighed as he realized his mother was right. He hadn't initiated any contact with his family since he had moved to Seattle and called to give them his new address and number. They had been shocked to say the least. He hadn't told any of his family about Addison and Mark. He had hidden himself away in a hotel for two days before he got a call from Richard. It seemed like a sign, so he had immediately agreed, packed up as much as would fit in his car and drove to Seattle. It was two weeks after that fateful night that he finally worked up the courage to call his mother.
"Hello, Dear," she had said. "It's nice to hear you voice."
"Yeah," he had responded dully, his voice leaving him as he realized he had no idea what to say to his mother; he had not idea how to explain.
"Is something wrong?" Her voice grew concerned.
"No," he told her. "I'm just calling to give you my new address and number." It may be harsh, but it was the truth. It was a good start.
"Your new address?" She questioned, her tone still concerned.
"Yeah, I, uh, I moved, mom. Sorry I didn't tell you before. It just happened really fast." He sputtered as he realized how much this would upset her, and how much he needed for her to not lecture him. He just couldn't handle that right now. She needed to understand.
"Moved where?" There was just a touch of dread in her voice.
"Seattle."
"Seattle?! Derek, is this some kind of joke?" Her voice was raised, and regardless of her question had no sense of hope in it. She believed him.
"No." He answered anyways. "I took the position of head of Neuro at Seattle Grace. I drove out here last week. I start tomorrow."
She sighed, obviously contemplating her next words. "Is Addy with you?" Her tone was flat, only a shimmer of hope evident, like she expected his negative answer, but needed to ask anyway. Have I lost a daughter in law? Are you getting divorced? Is there any hope?
"No." He had responded, his voice cold. He needed her to know there was no hope. She had to let go and leave the subject alone.
"Oh, honey, what happened?" Sympathy. Pity. Wonderment.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"But..." A little anxious.
"Mom. I just don't want to talk about it." He cut in. "I-I can't talk about it." His voice cracked.
"Okay," she had said. "We don't need to talk about it. But when you're ready, I'll always be here to listen." She sounded sincere and understanding, but still motherly. I love you son. I want to help you. I hate when you're in pain.
He didn't respond. He couldn't.
"How do you like Seattle?" She asked, obviously trying to calm him down with a new subject.
He had sighed. "I don't know. I don't really... It rains a lot. But it's quieter than the city, so that's something."
"Have you met any people yet?"
"There's a mixer tonight for the new batch on interns, but I don't think I'll go."
"Interns? So, I take it this is a teaching hospital?" He had had his own practice in New York, but his sister worked at a teaching hospital, so his mother knew the terms.
"Yeah, one of the best in the country."
"Well, Derek, you should go. Then you'll at least meet your new co-workers, they'll be there too, right?"
"I think so," Derek sighed as he contemplated spending the evening at the mixer: meeting the new interns, but having no way of answering any of their questions because he hadn't started himself yet, Richard introducing him to all of the Attendings and residents who attend the party; sticking out as the new guy. He definitely didn't want to do that. And he didn't have anything to wear, as he had left all of his formal clothes in New York. He apparently had no eye for fashion, so Addison had picked them all out and he wanted nothing to do with them right now. "I really don't think I'm going to go. I'm just not up to it. Maybe I'll go out and get a drink or two instead."
That had been the only time he had initiated contact with his mother until the previous month. Meredith had been gone for eleven days and he was lying in bed, awake early in the morning, unable to fall asleep; unsure of whether he had slept at all that night. The sky was still dark outside, but the sun was already beginning its journey across the sky above his mother's house across the country. And when he had suddenly felt the strong urge to call her, he had his phone in his hand, ringing, before he had realized exactly what he had been doing. If she realized the time difference, she hadn't mentioned it. And when he got off the phone, he felt better. He missed his family, and it was wonderful that he could call and after just a short conversation he could feel a little better about his life.
Derek sighed and pulled his attention back to the three women still staring at him. "You could have at least told me you were coming."
"What, and give you the chance to make yourself too busy to have time for us? I don't think so," Anna said.
"I would not..."
"Oh, yes you would," Natalie joined her sister.
Derek rolled his eyes, but knew enough to stop arguing. He wouldn't win against them. He never won. "How long have you been here?"
"A couple hours. We landed late this morning and checked into the hotel. We showed up here a little more than an hour ago. One of the doctors took us to your office, but you weren't there. Then he said you were probably in surgery and brought us here to wait."
"Who brought you here?"
His mother pursed her lips. "I can't remember his name. Very well mannered young man. Said he was an intern."
"And speaking of interns," Natalie cut in and Derek tensed as he knew exactly where his sister was headed.
"Yeah," Anna added without missing a beat. "When do we get to meet the intern Nancy told us about?"
"Meredith, was it?" Natalie again.
"You still together?" Anna.
Derek sighed as he surveyed his sisters, commonly referred to as the Shepherd Sister Tag Team. His mother didn't give him any support; if anything she looked proud of her daughters. "Yeah, we're still..." Crap. He trailed off as he realized he had twice now forgotten to inform his mother right away of an address change.
"Is she here today?"
"When can we meet her?"
Derek glared at his sisters. "You have to be nice to her. You only get to meet her if you promise to be nice."
"We're always nice," Natalie told him.
He scoffed. "You're rarely nice. And Nancy was horrible to her."
It was his mother's turn to roll her eyes. "Oh, Derek. I love all of my children, but we all know Nancy isn't exactly the best representative for this family."
"That's an understatement," Anna added. Being the youngest, she had been on Nancy's receiving end more than anyone else.
"Derek," his mother spoke up again. "You've been with this girl for some time now, and if this is a serious relationship, then you need to introduce her to your family."
"It is serious," Derek said, suddenly defensive.
"Good. I wouldn't expect anything less from my perfect son." She placated. "We'd like to meet her because she obviously makes you happy, not to scare her away."
He narrowed his eyes at all three woman, surveying them one at a time, searching for any reason to doubt their intentions. It wasn't that he didn't trust them. He loved his family, and was continually grateful for the loving atmosphere he had grown up in, especially with the intimate details about Meredith's less that loving childhood environment he had learned about. But being one of the youngest had its drawbacks, as did being the only boy. He had a number of overprotective, nosy sisters. And one supportive, but equally protective mother. All they ever wanted was what was best for him. In their mind. And right now, Derek wondered if they would be prone to believe Meredith wasn't best for him. Not only had he failed to discuss her, their relationship or his feelings for her to any extent with any of his family, but he had failed to execute damage control following Nancy's visit. Now the only base they had for any opinion of his girlfriend was whatever it was his sister had passed on months before. And he wasn't naive enough to believe it was all warm and fuzzy.
"And we promise to be nice to her," Natalie added with a roll of her eyes.
"I mean it," Derek told them.
"God, Derek, if she scares off that easily..."
Derek shook his head. "You need to give her a chance to realize that our family is a good family."
"If she's looking for a perfect family, we may be far from it," Anna joked. "We're all a little out there."
Derek allowed himself a smile. "True, but we're pretty good."
His mother smiled proudly. "We're a great family. And if Meredith is going to be part of your life, then she'll be welcome."
"Good. Because she's a big part of my life." He added with a smile.
His mother smiled warmly back at him. "Maybe that's what's different." She had narrowed her eyes and was appraising him.
"What?"
"You're happy, Derek. Happier than I've seen in a long time. Seattle's been good to you."
Derek smiled back at his mother and nodded. "Yes, it has." And they all fell silent.
"So, it seems like a nice hospital," Natalie commented, choosing to start a new subject.
"It is. Have you seen much?"
She shook her head. "No, not really. We got from the front desk to the nurses' station, and then up to your office. Then right back here. The doctor that took us up to look for you said you were probably in surgery and would most likely come through here to inform the family. We were keeping watch for you."
He rolled his eyes. "A lot of good that did you."
"Hey, we found you."
"No. I found you. You didn't even see me," he shot back at his older sister.
Natalie waved a dismissive hand at him. "Whatever, we still made contact one way or another; only the ends matter, not the means."
He scoffed and shook his head, but remained silent. One thing that growing up in a house as the sole male among five females taught you was when to keep your mouth shut. An argument like this could drag on for eons, no matter how right you actually are. Women flocked together. He wouldn't get any support.
000
Derek's eyes tracked back and forth across the OR board as he looked to recognize his girlfriend's name. He wasn't sure to be disappointed or relieved when it wasn't there. As much as he wanted to introduce Meredith to his family, he was apprehensive about throwing her in without any warning. It was getting late into the afternoon, and his mother and sisters were insisting they take him and Meredith out to dinner to clear the ice. And that didn't leave a lot of time for Meredith to get used to the idea of meeting his family. Actually, that didn't really leave any time for Meredith to get used to the idea. Her being in surgery would have been a good excuse for why she couldn't come out that night.
It wasn't that he didn't want them to meet. Both parties were very important aspects of his life. He loved his family. And he loved Meredith. His family was always there, always supportive. But Meredith was... everything. She was the love of his life, his best friend, his future. He winced at the thought of continuing his life indefinitely this way; two important, independent features. They needed to meet eventually, and all he could hope for was that they could at least tolerate each other and get along. He didn't dare to believe they would like each other, at least not for a while. But in the future...he hoped they could. He hoped his family would absorb Meredith and show her what it was like to be part of a real, functional family. She deserved to know what it felt like to be loved unconditionally, to have the support of a sibling, the understanding of a mother and the respect of nieces and nephews. And maybe one day more...
He knew she had her own family, and he respected it completely. The five interns had turned to each other for the familial support and understanding they all seemed to be lacking in one faucet or another. They were supportive and protective of each other; Derek had experienced that first hand when Alex had refused to allow him near Meredith only weeks ago when he had suspected Derek of hitting her.
Don't think I'm going to let him anywhere near you if he's hurting you.
Meredith had a wonderful family, one he hoped to one day feel a part of too. But she deserved to know what it was like to have a functional family, one with different generations; parents and grandparents and kids and aunts and uncles. She deserved it. After all that she had gone through in her childhood... He was determined she would one day know unconditional love and acceptance.
He sighed and turned away from the board, hesitating in the busy hallway as he contemplated his next move. He had poked his head into the gallery already, only to find one of Meredith's interns watching Mark perform a facial reconstruction. The intern told him he had talked to Meredith within the past hour, but didn't know what she was doing.
Sighing, Derek pulled his cell from his belt clip and hit speed dial one, hoping he wasn't interrupting anything too important. It was true that she was technically off in just a few minutes, but the hospital had a way of sucking you in for hours past your scheduled exit time. Her phone rang several times before she picked up.
"Hello." Her voice sounded frazzled and rushed.
"Hey," he spoke. "You busy?"
"No, I think I'm done for the day," she responded, but her voice still had an odd quality to it.
"You okay?" He asked, suddenly concerned. "You sound off..."
She sighed into the receiver, causing a wisp of static to flow out of his phone. "I'm..." She trailed off and scoffed gently. "I don't even know what I am. I'm not not okay, if that helps anything."
He laughed and shook his head at her answer. "Not not okay, huh? I suppose in this case two negatives don't make a positive?"
She laughed in response. "Maybe not."
"Where are you?"
There was a pause, where all he could hear was several rounds of increased static as she breathed. "I'm, uh, on my way to the main floor. Where are you?" He could hear footsteps and knew she was on the move.
"I'm looking at the OR board. Can I meet you in your locker room?"
"Sure."
"If you're on your way back now, where were you?" He questioned gently, knowing she was hiding something. He could hear it in her voice, in the way she had discreetly avoided his first attempt at the question.
"I'll tell you at the locker room."
"Fair enough," he responded, flipping his phone shut and turning on his heel to head for their meeting place.
Pushing open the door into the resident locker room, Derek was relieved to find it empty. He strode across the floor and collapsed onto the bench closest to Meredith's cubby. He wondered suddenly why it was called a locker room if they had cubbies and not lockers. Although cubby room sounded kind of stupid.
Derek laughed to himself as he shook his head with a smile, realizing again just how much influence Meredith was having over his thoughts.
"What's so funny?" Her voice rang out as she stepped through the door, just catching the end of his chuckle.
He turned and smiled at her as she approached. "Nothing."
She eyes him suspiciously, but didn't push the subject as she plopped herself down beside him, leaning her weight against him as he closed his arm around her back.
"I was hiding," she whispered several moments later as she sat up with a sigh.
"Hiding?"
She stared at him, obviously hesitating, her green eyes meeting his, but shaking slightly. Her lower lip was sucked into her mouth and trapped underneath her upper row of incisors.
"What is it?" He asked gently, reaching for her hand with his free arm. He squeezed her fingers.
She let out a breath. "I, uh, don't know if you know this, but your family is here."
Derek started, not even having considered the possibility that Meredith would have found out. "Yeah, I do know. I just bumped into them in the lobby." He told her. "I had no idea they were coming."
She nodded. "I know. I know you would have told me."
"I'm sorry."
"Derek, you have nothing to be sorry for."
"But you said you were hiding. If you're not ready, that's fine..." His chest tightened as he realized just how much pressure he was putting on the situation with his unrealistic expectations. The Meredith he was now living with was amazing. She was absolutely perfect. They were communicating; talking and discussing their days, their lives and their future. But the Meredith he loved was also skittish in new situations like these. She resisted change if she wasn't comfortable. Moving in together had been amazing. And she had initiated it because she realized she was ready. Meeting the family may be too much for her right now. That was a lot of change in a short amount of time. Moving in together and meeting the family. That held a certain amount of expectation. That signalled to the rest of the world that their relationship had changed dramatically. Even if they hadn't exactly been casual before, they were certainly quite serious now. He sighed. Of course she had been hiding from them. He had no right to expect anything more.
She shook her head, effectively cutting him off. "If you wait until I feel completely ready, then I'll never meet them," she told him honestly, even going so far as to offer him a small smile. "I only freaked out for a little while. And I really didn't want to bump into them or something in the halls without you. That I can't handle yet." She bravely offered him a smile, telling him she was doing okay. She was still swimming. I need to meet them someday, why not now? I just need you there with me. I can't do it without you.
He felt his heart swell at her honesty and the realization of just how far their relationship had progressed, and just how much ground he had made up in making her trust him again. They really were talking now. They really were communicating. "You want to meet them?" He asked for clarification.
She narrowed her eyes and smirked. "I might not go so far as to say I want to meet them, but I will meet them."
He laughed in full. "I can accept that. You'll like them, Meredith. I promise it won't be as bad as you think." He could only hope he would be keeping his promise.
"Is it just the three of them?"
He nodded. "As far as I know. Just mom, and Nat and Anna. They're the nice ones."
She smiled. "Anna's the youngest, right? And Natalie was..."
"A year and a half older than me."
She nodded, committing the information to memory. Then she sighed, and her expression turned pensive. "How much ground do I have to make up?" She asked suddenly.
He tilted his head. "What are you talking about?"
"How much do they already hate me?" Her voice cracked just a little.
"They don't hate you, Mer." He tightened his hold on her.
She scoffed and raised an eyebrow at him, as if daring him to disagree again. "Seriously? Come on Derek, in their eyes I'm the slutty intern who stole you away from your perfect wife. I'm younger than you. I'm just starting out in my career. My family is a fraction of the size yours is... I don't bring anything to the table."
He shook his head, his jaw clenching involuntarily as he willed her to stop. "You were never a slutty intern, Meredith. And really, you had nothing to do with my divorce. And to be honest, Mark had very little to do with it. He maybe just sped up the process. We weren't happy for a long time. And I think my mom and my sisters realize that, at least my mom does." He sighed and made sure she was still meeting his eyes. She had been so strong for him over the past few weeks, he had to make sure she was receiving the same quality of support he had been. "And the other stuff... it just doesn't matter enough to stress over. You are younger than me. You are just starting out. That's not something we can change. But I promise you without a doubt in my mind that this is not a mid life crisis thing, Meredith. I love you more than anything. And they'll respect that." He leaned his head closer to hers, gently finding her lips with his. When he pulled back he left his forehead leaning against hers. "Trust me, Meredith, you bring more to the table then you'll ever know."
Her eyes welled, even as she nodded against him. "Thank-you, Derek."
"Oh, Mer," he twisted his body on the bench and enveloped her in his arms, breathing in her hair as her body shuddered once and then calmed. When she pulled back her eyes were bright, but dry, and she was smiling bravely at him. "You sure you're okay with this?"
"Yeah, I think so." She nodded. "You can't do the relationship commitment thing without doing the family thing, right?"
He shook his head. "No, not if you want to do it right." He smiled lovingly at her. "And give it some time and you'll fit right in."
She smiled back at him, the context of his words and their long term meaning not lost on her.
"So, they wanted to go out to dinner tonight, if that's okay with you. I was thinking the Italian place? It's getting late and that would save us from going home to change." The Italian place was very casual. They had shown up in street clothes, straight from work more than once.
She nodded her agreement. "Yeah. That sounds good." She stood and pulled open her cubby door. After a quick glance around the room as if to ensure it really was only Derek in the room with her, she stripped off her scrubs pants and replaced them with jeans. Then she pulled on a light sweater where her scrub top had been. He laughed lightly when she pulled a small make up kit out of the back of her cubby, causing her to swipe her hand at him.
"Don't laugh at me, Shepherd! If I want to make a good first impression on any of your family, then I need to at least not look like I just worked a twelve hour shift."
He smiled and shook his head. "You look fine."
"No, I look tired." She argued.
"No, you look beautiful," he told her, causing her to scoff and ignore him. She continued to apply her make-up and then pulled a hair brush out and set to work trying to calm her long, wavy hair.
After shrugging her shoulders at her reflection in the small mirror on the door, she tossed her brush back in, pulled out her purse and picked up her dirty scrubs off the floor. There was a crinkle as she gripped her scrub pants to pull her beeper off her waistband. Her expression immediately changed; surprise and realization mixed in with something else...
"What's up?" He asked.
She turned fully to face him, her hands wringing her scrub pants. She opened her mouth.
The door to the room slammed open, effectively breaking the sudden connection between them. Cristina nodded a greeting to him as she strode across the room towards her cubby, two down from Meredith's. She pulled out a small notepad and a pen before quickly drawing two short lines and tossing the book back onto the shelf. "It's not Alex or Smithson," she told Meredith.
Meredith tensed, but nodded, obviously knowing exactly what her best friend was talking about.
"What's not Alex or Smithson?" Derek questioned lightly, recognizing the name Smithson as another resident in their year.
Cristina turned and glared at him as she pulled fresh clothing out of her cubby. "Nothing," she muttered. She turned her attention back to Meredith. "Smithson said he was seventh. Alex won't fess up, but I know it's not him cause for one, he's Alex, and two, he'd be bragging."
He narrowed his eyes and glanced at Meredith, who just shook her head, motioning for him to not push the subject. He shrugged and nodded his agreement.
Cristina huffed and moved around the bench, so as not to change right in front of him. There was rustling as she pulled off her scrubs and changed into new clothes.
He turned his attention back to Meredith. "So, what's going on?" He asked gently, trying to steer them back to the conversation they were about to have when Cristina had interrupted them.
She paused, her eyes flicking to him and then to Cristina, and then back to him. She shook her head. Not now.
He nodded, silently belaying his understanding and agreement. Okay.
She stuffed something into the back of her cubby and closed the door. "Okay," she turned to face him. "I think I'm ready."
He stood and leaned in to kiss her. "I'm glad," he whispered, barely reacting as Cristina stormed back around the bench to her locker beside them.
Meredith rolled her eyes at her friend's antics, but smiled warmly back at him. "It's going to be alright," she whispered, more to herself than him, her voice only shaking a bit.
He nodded. "It's going to be alright," he agreed, his voice much more confident, trying to force a little more confidence into her.
She nodded and took a breath. "Okay, I'll be okay."
He reached for her hand. "You'll be great."
"Bye, Cristina," she called to her friend as they headed for the door.
"Bye, Mer. Have fun meeting the McFamily."
Derek snorted at the name despite himself. "McFamily?"
Meredith rolled her eyes. "Cristina's term."
He shook his head. "As much as I love you, there may always be this little bit of you that I just don't get," he joked.
She smiled brightly at him as she giggled. "Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be."
"Maybe."
She paused right as they stepped out into the hallway and turned to face him. "How do you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Always know what to say to calm me down?"
He smirked. "It's what I'm here for."