Meredith awoke to the sound of at least two sets of small feet pounding past the door. She blinked and breathed as she became aware of a set of strong arms holding her securely to an equally strong chest. And, by the relatively shallow breathing of the man behind her, she knew he was already awake.
"Morning," she mumbled as she pulled his arms tighter around herself.
He shifted closer, his chin reaching as far forward as hers. "Good morning."
"I don't even remember you coming to bed last night." As soon as Derek had headed into the bathroom for his shower the evening before, Meredith had dug her pyjamas and toothbrush out of her suitcase, got changed, barged into the bathroom to use the sink and was in bed before the water was off. She hadn't been conscious enough to realize he had joined her in bed, but it was evident that even though he wasn't allowed certain privileges this weekend, he wasn't about to sleep on his own side.
He chuckled, the sound rumbling from his chest through her back. "You were out cold."
"I was tired."
"Hmm," he pulled his head back and buried his nose into the pile of dirty blond hair that had accumulated at the base of her neck.
Meredith sighed contentedly. This was definitely the best way to wake up in the morning. "How long have you been awake?"
"Not long," he said into her hair.
She gently rolled her eyes. That was always the answer she got, leaving her with no idea whether he spent minutes or hours holding her while she slept. It had bothered her before, but ever since her revelations regarding his experience during her drowning, it no longer troubled her. In fact, she welcomed it. And on the rare occasion she found herself awake when he wasn't, she did the same thing. She had discovered a peaceful sense of intimacy in the behaviour.
"What time is it?"
He groaned and pulled away to roll over to consult the clock radio on his side of the bed. "Almost nine," he told her when he rolled back and resumed his original position.
She yawned and took advantage of the fact that his hold was a little looser and turned to face him. "We should get up."
He smiled and weaved his fingers through hers. "We should."
She giggled when neither of them made a move. "It's a comfy bed," she commented.
He nodded. "It is, though it's too bad we won't be able to fully try it out." He raised an eyebrow.
She snorted. "Are you seriously still on about that?"
He nodded. "Absolutely. I'll be on about it until we leave."
Meredith laughed out loud and kissed him. "That's for being supportive," she told him sarcastically.
"Hey, just because I'm complaining does not mean I'm not being supportive. I love you, and I'll do anything you ask, but it doesn't mean I have to like it or agree with it."
She kept laughing. "You're such a man."
He nodded quickly. "I am a man, and you're denying my needs."
"I'll make up for it when we get home. I promise."
He leaned close, his lips barely a hairs width away from hers. "I'll hold you to that."
"I'm sure you will..." Anything else she was going to say was cut off when he finally closed the gap and pulled her into a long kiss. His arms found spaces on either side of her, and he lazily pulled his body over top of her, straddling her leg. There was no urgency in his moves, as if to tell her that even though she had placed a sex ban, it didn't mean he wasn't going to touch her.
"It's really too bad we won't be able to try out the bed," she said when he eventually pulled his lips away, and she laughed when he groaned at her words.
"That was cheap," he told her, smiling downwards.
She smiled back up at him, but was hit with a flash of a memory.
So, you're staying in the same house, in the same room, that Derek spent eleven years sharing with Addison? You don't want to realize that at a bad time, like when you're in the room, in the bed, under-
Meredith stiffened at the realization that, regardless of the warning her best friend had given her, she was still being struck by it, in exactly the position Cristina had foreseen, albeit Cristina had likely meant something slightly different.
"What?" Derek asked quietly, having obviously noticed the change in her demeanour. He held his head up and cocked it slightly; listening for something she may have heard from the world outside the closed door.
"It's nothing," Meredith told him quickly, attempting a smile.
He raised an eyebrow and lowered his head to peck her on the lips. "I don't believe you."
"It's not important."
"Meredith..." He spoke gently.
She sighed, for once wishing he couldn't read her so well. This wasn't exactly something she wanted to discuss with him; here, now, in this position. "It's just... It's stupid. Really, it is. But my friends warned me, and they were right. Because it does bother me, suddenly. And I don't know why, because it really is stupid. And it shouldn't bother me, because I know I love you. And I know it's this insignificant little... thing. And I guess it bothered me at the trailer, but we barely ever stayed there after we got back together, so it wasn't ever something I had a chance to think about. But now... five nights... that's a lot. And... I'm thinking about it."
Derek, still situated directly above her, blinked twice and then rolled off of her, coming to rest on his back and pulling her towards his chest. "Mer, sweetie, I do love you, but I have no idea what you're ranting about this time. You need to tell me what it is."
She sighed. "Addison. And the fact that you two shared this bed for more than eleven years."
His breathing caught. "Meredith-"
"No. It's okay. You don't have to say anything. I know it's stupid, and there's nothing you can do about it, it's just on my mind suddenly. I was so tired last night that I didn't even think about anything before I went to bed. And it just sort of hit me now, and it's a little disconcerting."
"Meredith," he spoke again. "You're right. There's nothing I can do about it, other than to tell you how much I love you... and mention that the sheets and pillows are new."
"That actually helps a bit," she admitted.
"Which part?"
She smiled. "Both, though the new sheets thing more so, cause I already knew about the other thing."
He laughed. "When I told mom we were coming out here, she said she was going to replace everything, so that you'd feel more comfortable."
Meredith smiled at the thought. "Really?"
"Yeah. She wants you to feel at home here."
She smiled, but couldn't respond.
"How uncomfortable do you feel at the trailer?" He asked quietly.
She sighed. "Not that uncomfortable. And I guess I had never quite put my finger on what it was that I didn't like anymore."
"Anymore?"
"Yeah, you know, when you first started taking me out there, before everything went to hell for a while, it was like a sanctuary or something. It made me feel close to you, knowing that I was the only person you'd ever shared it with. And I can remember waking up a few nights, and it was so quiet and peaceful; all I could hear was the wind and you breathing. It was ... special."
He smiled at the thought. "It was really peaceful out there, wasn't it? It stopped being peaceful when she moved in. I hated sharing it with her, and I kept wishing it was you, regardless of the snoring. She just didn't get why it was special."
"It was special." Meredith chose to ignore the snoring comment.
"And I ruined it for us."
Meredith sighed. "It's not ruined. It's just different. And it's not like we don't have a new spot that's all our own." She smiled at the thought of the apartment they had now shared for over four months.
"Yeah," he agreed. "I guess, but the trailer was still..."
"Special."
"Yeah."
She shrugged. "We could get a new trailer," she said jokingly.
He laughed. "Cause that wouldn't give my sisters even more ammunition."
Meredith laughed. "It was just a suggestion."
"You know what? I can take whatever they throw at me. We should get a new trailer."
She hadn't expected him to take her seriously, and still wasn't sure if he was being serious. Regardless, she rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say."
He laughed.
"Were you unhappy, when we got back together, and you stayed in my bed?"
"Maybe a little," he admitted. "But you took me back, and really, that was all I was focussing on. It wasn't really an issue until we moved."
"Hence the new furniture."
He nodded. "Exactly."
She sighed and pulled herself up his torso to kiss him. "See, it's really a non-issue."
He nodded. "You're right. And I promise you, that other than here, I won't ever make you sleep in a bed that I've shared with anyone else."
She smiled. "Me too. You're definitely the only person I ever want to share a bed with for the rest of my life."
Derek beamed, obviously taken by surprise at her comment. She had been making more and more gestures regarding their future, but really only when he was the one to bring up the subject. "Good, because I never want to share a bed with anyone else ever again, either."
"I think that's fair."
He smirked. "You know what's not fair?"
She shook her head, knowing he had a comment planned. "What?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Sleeping in new sheets without christening them."
Meredith laughed out loud and pressed her lips against his before rolling out of the bed, leaving her grumbling boyfriend behind.
000
Hours after breakfast, Meredith found herself seated beside Derek on the short end of the large, L-shaped wrap around couch in the living room. A loveseat and two arm chairs completed the arc that subtly faced the entertainment unit against the wall. A second, smaller, semi-circle of lounging furniture was set up by the front windows. Carol, Kathleen and Megan were squished together on the shorter couch, which would have made a good picture of the three generations together; matching eyes and hair, the only difference being age and height. The other three kids shared the long end of the couch, and Mark sat in one of the arm chairs.
Kathleen's husband, Simon, sat in the other arm chair. He was barely taller than his wife, with slightly greying brown hair, but there was laughter in his eyes. After a quick introduction, Meredith found she liked the man very much. He was quiet and unpretentious, and obviously adored his wife and kids. As a writer, he had time and flexibility in his schedule to be around his kids as much as he could. She had come to learn that his exhaustion induced coma from the previous evening had been the result of pulling double time while at the skating competition with his daughter. He had been at the rink all day, and spent his evenings, and most of his nights, working away at an article so that he could finish before Thanksgiving and be free for family time.
"So, Andrew," Derek was saying to his nephew. "Are you still into football?"
"No. Baseball now."
Derek nodded appreciatively. "Baseball is a good sport to follow. But, please, tell me you're a Yankee's fan."
Andrew laughed and rolled his eyes. "Of course, Uncle Derek, who else is there?"
Derek smirked. "He's a good boy," he told his sister. "You did good."
Kathleen laughed and shook her head at her brother. "I know," she told him. As she had basically shared her position as oldest with Nancy, there had been competition for the stereotypical niche. In the end, Kathleen had taken to being more of a tom boy growing up, following and playing various sports, while Nancy had stuck to fashion and boys and such.
"How are you liking high school?" Mark asked. Andrew had been somewhat short with him all morning, but it wasn't stopping Mark from talking to the boy, trying to win back his affection.
Andrew regarded Mark darkly and shrugged. "It's fine."
"Are you having any trouble with your courses?" Derek questioned.
His nephew turned to him and shook his head. "No, not really. It was hard at first, having to switch rooms every period, and it's way bigger than my old school, but I figured it out. The classes themselves are actually really easy. I barely get any homework."
"Have you met any girls yet?"
Andrew scoffed at Mark's question. "That's none of your business."
Meredith felt Derek tense at Andrew's obviously tense words towards Mark. Derek had assumed the teen's angry reactions the night before were based on his and Mark's extended absence, but Meredith had a growing feeling it was something else. Andrew was clearly only mad at one of his uncles.
"Andrew has a girlfriend," Stephanie piped up.
"Steph!"
She giggled. "He looooves her."
"I do not!"
Meredith laughed at the sibling interaction, which resulted in Andrew huffing and leaving the room, two of his sisters right behind him, leaving only the youngest, Megan, who was evidently quite content between her mom and grandma.
"Ah, those were the days," Carol said through her laughter. "I can't even count the memories I have of you kids acting exactly like that."
Kathleen rolled her eyes and turned towards Meredith. "See, this is where you were lucky to be an only child. There was no way any of us could keep a secret for any length of time."
Meredith laughed.
"I can remember my first boyfriend," Kathleen continued. "I think I was twelve, and it was one of those holds hands at recess and brag to your friends type of relationships." She shrugged. "We 'went steady' for about three days before Nancy scared him away."
"And you were so crushed," Carol recounted. "You cried yourself to sleep that night."
Kathleen laughed. "Hey, at the time it was traumatizing."
"Yeah, it's a wonder she ever found love again," Simon piped up with a smirk.
Kathleen snorted and responded with a wry, "A wonder is right." Simon rolled his eyes and huffed good naturedly at his wife.
"I can remember Derek's first girlfriend," Carol said with a smile, which caused both Derek and Mark to groan in unison.
"Come on, mom, we don't need to hear the story," Derek spoke.
"Why? What happened?" Meredith asked, her eyes darting between Derek, Mark and Carol. This was definitely a story she wanted to hear.
Carol clicked her tongue. "You mean you haven't told Meredith? Then we definitely need to tell her."
Kathleen nodded her agreement, smirking at her younger brothers. "Oh, she definitely needs to know."
"It was the first time you two had any sort of rift between you," Carol told Derek and Mark.
"You see, Meredith," Kathleen explained. "Mark saw her first, and Derek swooped in and stole her."
"There was no swooping," Derek tried to argue. "She came to me-"
"And Mark was so crushed. They didn't speak for nearly a month." Carol ignored Derek's protests.
Kathleen laughed. "They had this huge fight at school, and Mark swore he would get his revenge, no matter how long it took him..." she trailed off suddenly as she processed her own words. Everyone was silent, the unspoken thought on everyone's mind. She cleared her throat. "It was very melodramatic, really..."
"What is it?" Megan asked. She had been loosely following the conversation about her uncles, but didn't understand the sudden silence. And she was too young to recognize the tension.
"Nothing, sweetie," Kathleen quickly shushed her. "Anyway," she continued, quickly changing the subject. Mark's actions with Addison had obviously not been revenge from the ninth grade, but she had accidentally brought up the subject and felt the need to change it. "Meredith, any interesting stories from grade school?"
Meredith shook her head. "Not really." She smiled as even Derek turned to her in interest. This wasn't something they had ever discussed. "I guess I had a few holding-hands-at-recess-relationships early on, but that was really all."
"Waited until high school for them?"
Again, Meredith shook her head. She was somewhat uncomfortable, but determined that she was going to do the open, talking, communicating family thing if it killed her. And if this was what families talked about, she would do it. "No. I never did the normal high school sweethearts thing."
"Too busy with class?"
Meredith snorted before she could help herself. "Definitely not. I barely went to class; just enough to get my attendance and write all the tests and stuff. My teachers hated me. They kept calling my mother in for meetings, or tried to anyway..."
Kathleen laughed. "Definitely not something I'm looking forward to. How did she handle it? Was she mad?"
"Only at the teachers for wasting her time. She went to the first meeting, and was enraged when they told her I barely went to class, but my grades were straight As." Meredith laughed at the memory. "She told them they had wasted her afternoon, and were evidently trying to waste my days, which shouldn't be spent in class if I could do it without them. Then she basically called them useless and stormed out. She didn't go to any meetings after that." It was one of the best memories she had growing up. Her mother had furious at the school, and had ranted with Meredith on the way home, telling her she agreed with her decisions to skip class, and that if they should mention another family meeting, that Meredith had her permission to tell them to go to hell.
Everyone laughed, and Derek wrapped a loose arm around her. "That sounds like Ellis," he said as he pressed his lips against the side of her head.
"So, no high school romances?" Kathleen asked.
Meredith shook her head, her demeanour darkening. "No. I was far to disillusioned by that age. I was raised to believe those things were frivolous and a waste of time."
"That's horrible," Carol spoke. "They may just be frivolous things at that age, but they're an important part of growing up."
Meredith nodded her agreement. "Not according to my mother."
"How did she expect you to ever find someone?"
She sighed inwardly. The conversation was approaching that point again. The point where she was uncomfortable. She felt Derek breathe beside her and knew he was about to step in. "She didn't," she told them quickly, effectively cutting Derek off. As easy as it would be, she couldn't keep letting Derek shield her from things with his family. It may help in the present, but she knew enough to know it would always keep her to the outside. She had learned that not talking meant not fully connecting. And she was being offered a one time opportunity to be part of a family. There was no way she was going to let it pass. "Men. Relationships. Family. They were all a waste of time to her. I was supposed to learn from her mistakes."
"I'm sure that's not true," Carol said immediately. "Having a family is a joy."
Meredith felt tears pricking the back of her eyes, but she fought them off quickly. She had already almost cried once in front of these people. She wasn't about to do it again. "Look, I'm sure that's true to you. And to a lot of people. And, trust me, I'm slowly being drawn to your way of thinking," she glanced quickly towards Derek, who offered her a supportive smile. "But according to my mother, it was all a waste. She was completely devoted to her job, and my father and I were just things that got in her way; things she regretted."
"I'm glad you're changing your mind, dear. I can't imagine life without family. I didn't get nearly enough time with my Sam, but I wouldn't change that little time for anything in this world. And becoming a mother was the single best decision I ever made. I'm sure your mother felt the same way."
Meredith sighed. The pricking behind her eyes was back. "My mother was... sick. She was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's right after I finished my undergrad..."
"I'm so sorry, dear," Carol comforted, and was quickly joined by her daughter and son-in-law. "That must have been difficult. Please tell me she at least recognized you?"
Meredith shook her head. "Not for very long. It progressed very quickly. But she was admitted to Grace early in my internship for about a week. And she did her residency there, and even though her current ability to remember anything was gone, she could still remember everything about her years in Seattle. And because she didn't know me as her daughter, she had no trouble telling me everything." Meredith broke off for a moment and swallowed. "She relived her residency for months. And I had to listen to her repeatedly tell me how much she regretted getting married; regretted having a child." There was suddenly a blur of sympathetic expressions facing her. She bit back a sob and shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. "Anyway, those were her beliefs. And they're what I was raised with. But not what I believe anymore." Her voice only wavered a bit at the end of her last statement, but it was enough for Derek's arm to tighten around her. She gripped onto the loose fabric of the knee of his jeans and breathed. She would not let herself cry. She was supposed to be making a good impression. She was supposed to be integrating.
"I'm glad you're realising there's more to life than career, Meredith," Carol spoke softly. "A job won't ever be there for you, but a family always will." She smiled. "That's our motto, anyway. And it's a good motto to live by. You'll always be welcome here, Meredith."
The last line and its implications were too much for Meredith. She barely managed to choke out a quiet, "Thank-you," before the first tear overcame the threshold and spilled over her lower lid. She shuddered as she fought back an overwhelming wave of emotion. She couldn't do this. She couldn't make a scene in front of Derek's family. For a second it was too much, and she seriously considered running; and the only thing that stopped her were the pair of strong arms wrapped around her torso as Derek hugged her.
But, to her surprise, there was no staring. There were disdainful glances or rolling of eyes. After a gentle smile, Carol changed the topic, and everyone easily followed suit, leaving Meredith in a small, isolated bubble of privacy that only included herself and Derek's comfort. She wasn't being singled out as the girlfriend who couldn't cut it. She wasn't even getting any attention by anyone other than Derek, who other than his embrace and a few soft words, was also contributing to the new conversation. It was as if they were stepping back and allowing her to take as long as she needed to collect herself, and was welcome to rejoin whenever she wanted. Suddenly the pressure of not being able to breakdown was gone, and Meredith revelled in the feeling of Derek's warmth as she breathed silently for a few short minutes. She sighed and smiled to herself at the lack of judgement; she had expected to feel judged the entire weekend. But this was... very non-judgmental.
Derek smiled at her and loosened his hold, so that she was only enveloped in one arm. He kissed her forehead and whispered that he loved her.
"I still can't believe Andrew is in high school," Carol was saying. "I can remember the day he was born; my first grandchild."
"It won't be long before he's off to college," Mark said.
"Oh, don't remind her," Simon said quickly, but it was too late.
Kathleen clutched a hand to her chest, tears welling in her eyes. "I just can't believe how quickly he grew up. I mean, he's a teenager. When did that happen?" She shook her head. "I can't fathom that in a few short years he'll be out of the house."
"Is he still thinking pre-med?" Derek questioned.
Simon nodded. "Of course. He told us when he was four years old that he wanted to be a doctor. And he's never wavered."
"It's in his blood," Carol spoke. She smiled at Meredith. "Not only are most of his aunts and uncles on this side doctors, but Simon's brother is in internal medicine."
"Pretty soon you'll have another picture for your bragging wall," Mark joked.
Carol smiled and nodded as she glanced across the room to the wall where all of her children's graduation photos hung. "It's not a bragging wall, Mark," she told him, but it was common knowledge that Carol was infinitely proud of her family. And it didn't hurt to let the rest of the world know that. Starting at the far left was Kathleen at her med school graduation and then Simon with his Master's degree in journalism. And then Nancy, and Dean. And Natalie, and Phil. And Derek. And a space. And Mark. And Anna, and Spencer. Meredith sighed, not needing to be told what used to hang between Derek and Mark. She did, however, smile at the shot of Derek. Some of the other photos were obviously taken by professional photographers well before the actual date of the ceremony. She could remember the posters up in her school, and she recalled her friends dressing up and going to have their photos taken. But Derek's wasn't one of those. It was the day of the ceremony, with a blur of people behind him. It looked to her as if he had just walked off the stage and paused for the camera, most likely in the hands of his proud mother. He looked carefree and ecstatic; his brilliant blue eyes shining. And she was pretty sure that if she looked closely enough, she would recognize Mark as the blurry individual stepping down the stairs behind him. Meredith didn't know what types of degrees Dean or Spencer had, but she definitely recognized Dartmouth colours in the background of Phil's med school graduation photo. She was pretty sure Natalie had said he was a GP.
Carol sighed. "I'm going to have to do some rearranging, won't I?" She stated more than asked. "I can't imagine what it would look like in ten or twenty years. I'll need another living room." She laughed. "And can you imagine when they all start to get married?" She turned to look past where Derek and Meredith were sitting towards the shorter wall by the front furniture that boasted the wedding shots. Meredith craned her head towards the wall she hadn't noticed before and caught sight of five silver frames; Carol and Sam, and their four daughters and their respective husbands. And again, there was a conspicuous blank space. It made her wonder if Carol had held onto the thought of Addison for as long as she could, and had simply taken the photos down prior to their arrival. Hell, they could just be tucked away under one of the couches or something, ready to be replaced after they left.
Kathleen laughed. "You'll definitely need a bigger living room. Or you'll just have to choose you favourites."
"Nonsense," Carol gently chastised, although she had a happy glint in her eyes. "I don't have favourites." It was infinitely obvious that she was proud of her family, and her admittance to Meredith about family being a joy was in no was untrue to her. This was what the woman lived for.
"Well, at least you have a few years to find a solution yet," Simon spoke. "You'll be able to fit the first few to graduate before you need to make changes."
Carol nodded, and glanced at the grad wall again. "Oh, that reminds me," she turned towards Meredith with a smile. "Meredith, I'm going to need a picture from you medical school graduation."
Meredith blinked. "W-why?"
"To put on my wall, of course," she told her as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Meredith blinked again. Carol, Derek's mother, wanted a picture of her, Meredith, Derek's lowly girlfriend. To put on her wall. She actually wanted to have a picture of Meredith on the wall along with her children. Meredith glanced over at the empty space beside Derek's frame and realization hit that Carol hadn't waited until now to take down Addison's photo. She had purposely kept the space open. For Meredith. She swallowed. Hard. "I, uh, don't have any photos," she whispered as her mind whirled to process what was happening. Carol had kept open a space on her bragging wall for Meredith. She breathed. It made her suddenly think about the empty space on the other wall, and of what would one day be filling it.
"You can't say that," Simon spoke up. "If Carol wants a picture, she'll get it, no matter how bad you think it is. Spencer told her he didn't have any, but she called his parents and had them courier it here." He laughed.
Meredith smiled. "I'm sorry, but I really don't have one. I thought the professional photo thing ahead of time was stupid and... there was no one at my graduation from med school." She shrugged.
Carol paused, but apparently took Meredith's words for what they were. "That's okay, dear, I can live with your college photo."
Meredith shook her head. "Sorry, I don't have one of those either. My mother and I weren't exactly on speaking terms." She swallowed.
Carol looked sympathetically at her. "High school?"
Another head shake. "She, uh, was going to come, but got caught up at work." Meredith could remember taking her diploma and looking out over the crowd, in hopes that her mother had just arrived late, but there was no sign of Ellis Grey in the crowd of proud parents. She had blinked back tears and instead of returning to her seat, had left the ceremony. After spending a good ten minutes crying in the parking lot, she had driven to the hospital to find her mother in her office. She hadn't even been in surgery.
"You missed it," Seventeen year old Meredith said as she barged through the half-open office door and tossed her diploma on top of the chart Ellis had in front of her.
Ellis looked up with a start and glanced at her watch. "I'm sorry, Meredith, but I have an important job. I don't always have time for-"
"You never have time! It was my graduation, and you missed it. Could you not have taken an hour out of your precious life to remember you're a mother?"
Ellis sat upright and shook her head at her emotional daughter. "Meredith, I apologized already, but you need to understand that I have a responsibility here. It was just high school; that hardly means anything anymore. I'll be there for the next one."
But she hadn't been.
"Well, I'm sure we'll figure something out," Carol spoke, pulling Meredith out of her memory.
She shook her head. "Really, don't worry about it. You don't... I don't... there doesn't need to be a picture."
"Nonsense," Carol said with a wave of her hand. "I have a picture of everyone else. There will be one of you."
"We could get Spencer to photoshop one," Simon suggested with a grin. He turned to Meredith. "Spencer never graduated from college, and after his parents sent Carol his high school graduation photo, he photoshopped himself into a med school graduation ceremony as a joke."
Kathleen laughed. "But mom didn't notice and he forgot to replace it with the real one when they left. It must have been a month before mom had a party and it was one of her friends who pointed it out. Nancy was the only one of us here, and said mom was mad."
"I wasn't mad, dear, only surprised."
"Surprised enough to call Anna and Spencer as soon as the party was over."
Carol laughed at the memory. "Well, he deserved it." She turned her attention towards Meredith once again, and looked about to say something when the sound of the front door swinging open reached the living room.
"Haley's here!" Megan cried as she launched herself off the couch and sped off towards the front hall.
There was a series of muffled voices and stomping as the newly arriving family set to dropping bags, and removing coats and shoes. No one made a move to get up; it seemed that the norm was simply waiting for them to present themselves. Meredith inhaled, deep and shuddery. She had been doing well with Carol and Kathleen and her family, but she knew things wouldn't go as well with the sister who already didn't like her. She and Nancy had gotten off to a very bad, and very short, start. And Meredith was about to have to deal with Nancy and her husband and their three daughters, as well as Carol and Kathleen and her family. She felt Derek tighten his hold on her. He knew she was nervous, and he was showing his support.
"Grandma!"A small girl with curly, light brown, hair flew into to the room, Megan right on her heels. She jumped onto the couch and flung herself in Carol's arms.
"Hi, Haley," Carol said animatedly. "How are you? I haven't seen you in too long."
"It's been a week, mom," Nancy said as she entered the living room, two older girls flanking her. The family had, of course, all congregated the week before for Stephanie's birthday.
Carol rolled her eyes at her daughter. "Well, it feels much longer than that..." Haley giggled.
Nancy's two older girls recognized their uncles and immediately ran to greet them. Derek was, of course, annoying perfect and dreamy with both girls. He seemed to know exactly what to say and do to get the happy smiles. Meredith met Nancy's eyes briefly and offered the older woman a terse smile, and was surprised when Nancy approached her.
"It's nice to see you again, Meredith," she greeted, holding out her hand.
Meredith jumped up and shook. "You too, Nancy." There was tension, but there didn't seem to be hatred or unease or anything.
"Where's Dean?" Carol asked, finally releasing her granddaughter.
Nancy smirked. "He can't find his cell; went back to the car to look. I swear that man can lose anything..."
One of the older girls laughed. "Daddy lost the remote last week, and it was in the fridge."
Nancy shook her head with a gentle smile. "Haley, sweetie, go say hi to your uncles," she told the young girl who was gripping against her legs, staring at the people seated across the room. She shook her head. Nancy crouched down and placed a supportive hand on her daughter's back. "Do you remember them?"
Haley made a small head move that could have been a nod or a shake, or any combination of the two.
"That's your uncle Derek, and your uncle Mark."
Haley nodded, the names obviously meant something to her. And, with a small push from her mother, she approached slowly.
"Hi," she said quietly as she approached Derek first. With her older sister seated on the couch beside him, he was apparently the less scary choice.
"Hi there, Haley," Derek said softly. There was a hint of sadness in his eyes that his niece didn't outright recognize him. "I haven't seen you since you were three years old. How old are you now?"
"Five," she said with a proud smile. She lifted her arms and Derek scooped her into his lap.
"Five!" He said animatedly. "No wonder you're so big! Have you started school yet?"
A small nod. "I'm in junior kindergarten. I go to the same school as Jess and Tina."
Derek smiled. "That must be fun."
Nancy smiled at the sight of her brother and her daughter and turned to Meredith. "That's my youngest, Haley, obviously. And that's Jessica," she motioned to the girl sitting on the other side of Derek. "She's eleven. And Tina is nine," she said towards the girl who had said hello to her uncles and wandered over to her grandmother. The door opened in the front hall again and a slightly flustered man came through the doorway. "And this it my very forgetful husband."
"Ah, spreading lies about me already," he chastised as he stepped past his wife.
"Don't believe anything she says," he told Meredith as he stuck out a hand. "I'm Dean."
"Meredith," she offered as she shook his hand.
"Derek, glad to see you again," he said, shaking Derek's hand around his daughter.
Derek smiled. "I see she's still the same."
Dean laughed. "Your sister is a very difficult woman." Nancy scoffed behind him, but he expertly ignored her. "Mark," he said brightly as he shook hands with Mark as well.
"Where did you find your cell?" Nancy asked when he finally turned to face her again.
He regarded his wife and muttered something in response.
"What was that?" She asked, an eyebrow raised.
He sighed. "It was in my pocket," he admitted. "But it was in my left pocket, and I don't know how that happened. I always put it in my right pocket..."
Nancy shook her head and covered her face with her hands.
Dean laughed and hugged his wife. He planted a kiss on her forehead before releasing her making his way over to the long arm of the couch.
"I swear," Nancy muttered as she followed suit. "You lose everything."
"I don't lose things, I misplace them. There's a difference."
Nancy laughed.
"Hey, I'm allowed to be a little scatterbrained. It's not easy living with four females."
"I here you, man," Derek spoke up, causing Dean to nod his understanding, and his mother and two sisters to shake their heads. Simon and Mark laughed.
Meredith smiled at the family dynamics in process.
"Well, kids, your cousins are downstairs," Kathleen announced, which caused her youngest and Nancy's three to all leave the living room and race down to the basement. She laughed and turned to Meredith. "Now that there's this many of them, you won't see any of them much for the rest of the weekend. They keep each other occupied."
"How was the flight yesterday?" Dean asked. "Was the airport packed?"
Derek nodded. "Flight was good; on time and everything. The airports weren't too bad, though I think today is really the busiest day. We originally looked for a flight today, but there was nothing available."
Dean nodded and then narrowed his eyes, glancing at Mark, and then at Derek and Meredith. "Wait, weren't there supposed to be four?"
Nancy nodded. "That's right. Michelle, right?" She smirked at Mark. "Where are you hiding her?"
Mark sighed. "Seattle," he responded dryly. "She, uh, something came up last minute and she couldn't make it."
"That's too bad."
Mark shrugged and almost pulled off a believable look of nonchalance, but Meredith could see past it. She knew how much he wanted to show the Shepherd family he was growing. She sighed sadly; they were both striving to fit in with the same family, although he obviously didn't recognize he was already a member. And she almost hated him for his ignorance. He didn't know how lucky he was.
"Anyway," Kathleen spoke up, effectively pulling the attention away from Mark. "We were just telling Meredith about the time Spencer photoshopped himself into that fake graduation photo."
Nancy laughed. "Oh, I remember that. Mom was furious."
"I was not, dear."
"Oh, you were. When Lisa Edelstein came up to you and asked 'does you son-in-law really have a triple medical degree from Harvard, Yale and John Hopkins? I didn't know that was possible...'" She trailed off laughing. "You were stunned. And then you had to explain..."
Carol huffed. "He could have at least made a believable one, then it wouldn't have caught anyone's notice."
"But the point was to catch notice, mom. Hell, he even gave himself a crown. He was getting you back for calling his parents."
"I had every right to call his parents. All of my kids go on my wall, no matter how bad they think their photo is."
000
It was a few hours later that Meredith found herself alone in the living room. After a long, comfortable, family chat, the Shepherds had dispersed. Nancy and Dean had taken their bags to their room. Kathleen and Simon had disappeared to check on the kids. Carol had just disappeared. Mark excused himself citing some time alone to work on his case study, though Meredith was pretty sure he just needed some time alone. And Derek had just headed for the bathroom.
It was quiet, and Meredith wandered along the wall behind the television, staring up at the family photos. If there was a grad wall, and a wedding wall, this was obviously the family wall, boasting an array of frames of all sizes and colours artfully arranged. There were group shots of all of the families, along with singles and combinations of many Meredith recognized and many she didn't. She smiled at a young picture of Derek and Mark, likely in high school or early in college. They looked close, and Meredith could only hope they could get back to that one day.
An older photograph caught her eye, placed centrally in the collage, high off the ground. A small boy, who could only be Derek, stood wide eyed and excited, fishing pole in hand. An older man, who looked so close to what Derek looked like presently, knelt behind him, his arms around his son to expertly guide him through the process that would one day be so natural. Although his face was turned most of the way away from the camera, you could just see the hint of a smile on the corner of his lips.
"That's the last picture taken of Dad and Derek, before Dad got sick."
Meredith jumped at the voice that was suddenly so close. She spun and came face to face with Nancy. "You scared me," she stuttered, her hand on her chest.
Nancy offered a small smile. "Sorry. You seemed a little off in your own world."
Meredith nodded. "Yeah, I, uh, do that sometimes. Sorry."
"You don't have to apologize."
Another sorry died on her lips as she nodded. "It really is a great picture," Meredith stated. It seemed like a safe topic.
Nancy nodded and stared off at the frame for a few moments. She sighed. "We didn't know he was sick, until he was really sick. No one knew. He spent so much time with us... I guess he ignored symptoms. They must have been there. We were all too young to fully understand, but he must have deteriorated for a while without anyone noticing. He took Derek fishing one weekend, with his brother Cliff and his sons, our cousins," Nancy added. "It was a boy's weekend. We don't even know who took the picture." She shook her head. "When he died... it was horrible. I can't imagine what mom went through. I only have three kids, but anytime I begin to think of life without Dean... I can't imagine what she went through. She was so strong. And life changed really quickly, and for a long time. It was like all the happiness of being home was sucked out of our lives. But then, about a year after he died, mom found the camera stashed in the back of his closet. And she had the film developed and..." Nancy shrugged. "That's what was on it. I was with her at the store when she picked it up. She opened the package and then closed it and dragged me out to the car. And then she sat and cried for close to an hour. She showed me the photos and I cried too. Things were better after that. It was like a sign from him that we needed to be okay." Nancy had tears in her eyes when she finished.
Meredith breathed and was surprised to find her eyes watery as well. "Wow," she said quietly as she wiped her hand across her cheeks.
"Yeah," Nancy agreed. "It really helped Derek, too. Dad was all he had. We bug him all the time, but really, he had to become the man of the house when he was eight years old. It gave him something to hold onto." Nancy paused and surveyed her for several seconds. "I, uh, heard that your mother passed away," she said quietly. "I'm really sorry."
Meredith was surprised to have the subject brought up so openly, although with the context of their conversation, maybe it was normal. "Thanks, but really, we don't have to do the thing..."
Nancy nodded her head. "Yes, we do." She took a breath. "Look, Derek kind of demanded I be nice to you and apologize and-"
Meredith wanted to laugh. Of course Derek would do that and think it okay. "Really, Nancy, it's okay. Derek is... I can take care of myself. You don't need to do this for him."
"I'm not," she said simply. "Well, okay, I am, but not because he asked." She paused and met Meredith's eyes. "He's my little brother. And he was married to one of my best friends. And I knew he wasn't exactly happy, but he was successful..." Nancy sighed and shook her head. "One day I got a call from mom saying she had just spoken to Derek, who had up and moved across the country. He gave up everything in the blink of an eye; his family, his marriage, his practice. And when we found out what happened between Addison and Mark... it was like we just didn't want to deal with it, because they were family too. And he had a ton of pressure from us to make it work again. But after, when I came out to Seattle..." Nancy trailed off and took a moment to collect her thoughts. "I owe you an apology. You didn't deserve to be treated that way. But you have to understand that we were getting so little information from Derek, that in all likelihood he was just..."
"Having a midlife crisis?" Meredith suggested.
Nancy almost laughed and nodded. "Yeah, and I'm sorry that we thought that, but-"
Meredith smiled. "Look. I get it. I really do. He left overnight and all you heard was he had given up Park Avenue, his perfect wife and a private practice for a trailer, a hospital job, and a slutty intern."
Nancy returned her smiled. "Don't let Derek hear you say that. He takes great offence, believe me." She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I was surprised when I left Seattle at the brother I had found there. It was... unexpected. And not in a bad way. So, I'm sorry for the way I treated you."
Meredith nodded. "Thanks, but it's really not necessary. You were looking out for your brother, and you have a loyalty to Addison, I get that."
"Had," Nancy corrected quickly. "I had a loyalty to Addison. We didn't know... when we pushed so hard for Derek to forgive her, we didn't know the full story. All we had heard from Derek was he found them together one night. And believe me, we were thinking alcohol and coincidence and everything. But when Derek told me that they'd spent months together before she followed him to Seattle..." Nancy huffed and shook her head. "Believe me, we would never have even told her where to find him. One time is maybe forgivable. She had an affair. That's not forgivable. I haven't spoken to her since then."
"But, I thought you were good friends?"
"I'm not friends with people who do that to my brother, even if we were close, and even if we were in the same field. Someone does that, you cut ties. That's it."
"I don't think it's that black and white."
Nancy raised an eyebrow. "You want me to be friends with the woman you basically replaced?"
Meredith sighed. "Look, I love your brother, a lot. And I hate Addison for hurting him, but I don't hate her. She's not a bad person. She doesn't deserve to lose everything. And you've forgiven Mark."
"I forgave Mark because Derek did."
Meredith smiled. "Derek forgave Addison, too."
"He wasn't even speaking to her when I was there."
"I know, but talk to him. He's forgiven her."
Nancy regarded her for several seconds. "You're very surprising, you know that?"
"You mean very surprising for a slutty intern?"
"She's not a slutty intern," Mark's voice called as he entered the living room from the stairs by the front hall. "She's a dirty mistress."
"Former dirty mistress," Meredith corrected.
"Whatever you say," Mark said with a wink, causing Meredith to roll her eyes.
"Seriously," she muttered.
"She's my VP and cofounder."
"VP and cofounder of what?" Carol asked as she appeared in the kitchen doorway.
"Uh," Mark stuttered. "Nothing important; hospital stuff."
Carol shook her head, used to her children thinking they were pulling things over her head. "How about instead of standing around, you kids make yourselves useful and help me make dinner."
Meredith smiled and followed Nancy and Mark obediently into the kitchen. Kathleen was already there, cutting vegetables at the center island.
"Where are the boys?" Nancy asked.
Kathleen exhaled and glanced at her sister. "Where do you think? Downstairs watching the pre-game stuff."
"Of course, how could I be so stupid." Nancy laughed.
"Mark," Carol said. "Why don't you go join them, and leave us girls to chat?"
Meredith inhaled as she watched Mark nod and shoot her an encouraging glance before he disappeared. She was alone, isolated from her familiar Seattle crowd, and surrounded by three Shepherds. One on one she was fine. And in a group she was fine if Derek was there too. But she was by herself now.
"I, uh, don't cook," she stuttered as Nancy joined her mother, leaving Meredith caught awkwardly in the open.
"It's never too late to learn, dear."
"No, I mean I'm not allowed to cook. Derek... he doesn't let me cook... anymore. I burn things... and ruin things... and set off the smoke detector... a lot."
Kathleen snorted. "Come help me with the salad, then. It would be pretty hard to set off the smoke detector that way."
Meredith smiled. "I probably could," she mumbled as she took the second knife Kathleen was offering and began chopping through a stalk of celery.
"It's too bad Nat couldn't make it," Nancy said as she started mixing some spices into a bowl. "It would have been the first time the whole family was together in years."
"It is too bad," Carol nodded. "But hopefully we'll pull it off in the spring."
"Oh, are you guys coming in for mom's birthday?" Kathleen looked up, meeting Meredith's eyes with an excited smile.
"Derek's already requested the time off. He's really determined to make up for lost time or whatever."
"And you're coming too, right?" Carol asked.
Meredith inhaled and numbly nodded at the realization that it was expected she would accompany Derek; that it was a common fact that she was a permanent figure in his life and would, without a doubt, still be around in June.
"What about Mark?"
Carol sighed. "I'm not sure if Derek has said anything to him. I don't want to not invite him, but I also don't want to invite him and have Derek be upset." She glanced worriedly at Meredith.
"I think Derek expects him to be there," she told her. "He's not waiting for you to ask permission."
Carol nodded her appreciation. "They seem to be doing really well. Derek actually called me and told me he was inviting Mark this weekend. But I don't want to push things when they seem so delicately balanced. This is just not a situation I ever expected to be in. I'm not sure of what to do. Mark is like a son to me."
Meredith smiled, wishing Mark could hear what Carl was saying. "And he's like a brother to Derek."
"Is he really letting it go?" Carol asked, having forgone helping her daughter to turn and face Meredith. Nancy continued kneading whatever it was she was kneading in the bowl, but had turned to watch Meredith as well. And Kathleen had paused, a knife half way through a carrot. Meredith swallowed. She definitely had the undivided attention of the room.
"It took a while," she said gently, trying not to react to the hopeful faces. "But he let it go. He's forgiven them both. He's sees Mark as family, and he wants you to as well."
Carol sniffed, and then tears flowed over her lower lids.
"Mom," Kathleen said softly as she set down her knife and turned to hug Carol.
"I'm so glad," Carol said as Kathleen pulled away from the supportive embrace. "I'm so proud of him. I was so worried that he would suffer from not having a father, but I'm so proud of the man he has become. And I'm so happy he still sees Mark as family. Because he is family. He's a son to me."
Meredith nodded her agreement, simultaneously wishing Mark were here to hear what Carol was saying. It would put some of his fears to rest.
"Thank-you," Carol said, speaking towards Meredith.
Meredith blinked and shook her head. "I didn't do anything."
"Yes, you did. Mark told us you made Derek invite him to dinner when we were visiting. That led to this weekend and..." She trailed off.
"Oh, I didn't make Derek do anything. All I did was suggest he think about it, that's all. It was really all Derek-"
"Derek values your opinion, Meredith. You brought Mark back into this family."
"No, I-"
"Meredith, you brought our family back together."
"No, I don't bring families together," she stuttered, shaking her head. "I...don't do families. They don't like me..."
"Meredith-"
"No. No, I didn't do this."
"Why are you so determined not to allow us to thank you?" Carol asked softly.
Meredith stood almost stalk still, but on the inside she felt like she was flailing just to keep her balance. "Because. Because, you can't thank me. I'm not..." Her world was spinning. "I didn't do this. I don't deserve your thanks. I don't fix families. I get in the way, that's all I've ever done. Families don't like me, they don't want me."
Carol regarded her softly for many moments. "This family wants you," she said quietly, and the utter honesty and integrity in her voice was too much for Meredith.
"But... I ..." She couldn't even manage to string a few words into a single sentence before the emotional waterfall she had been fighting for two days pushed past her threshold with surprising force. She squeezed her eyes shut, but it proved very little obstacle for the tears already streaming down her cheeks. "I'm sorry," she managed to squeak out as she wiped furiously at her cheeks with shaking hands. "I'm sorry."
"Meredith, dear," Carol spoke softly as she approached pulled Meredith into a hug.
Meredith tried to protest, but between her struggle to breathe and control her sobs she didn't have a lot of energy to protest, so she clutched her arms across her chest and allowed Carol to hold her.
"You don't need to cry, dear," Carol said softly. "Family is a joy."
Meredith swallowed. "Not for me," she stuttered. "I... no family has ever wanted me before."
"Well, we do."
She inhaled a shuddery breath and shook her head, gaining enough control to pull out of Carol's embrace. "You don't understand. You don't want me, I'm just... me. I'm not good with families. I destroy families."
"I'm sure that's not true."
"My father didn't want me, my mother hated me. She thought having me destroyed her chance of having the guy she left my dad for. All I ever did was disappoint her. And the last things we said before she died..." Meredith shuddered. "And my father hates me. He thinks I killed Susan. I was there, when she died, I was there and she was so scared and she reached for me, but there was nothing I could do. And when I told him, he yelled and he blamed me and..." Meredith trailed off as he hand came unconsciously to her cheek. "He hit me," she choked out. "And he practically chased us out of the funeral. He yelled and said I wasn't ever welcome and he... he told Derek to run for the hills."
"Meredith..."
"No," she stepped even further back, avoiding any contact with Carol. She didn't deserve it. "I can't even... my sister started at the hospital. My half sister, that I hadn't known about before. And she's actually really nice. And she keeps trying to get to know me and I can't... All I see when I look at her is the life I never had. I won't let her in. I don't do the family thing. I don't. I... you don't want me anywhere near your family." She shook her head again, trying to calm down, but she was well out of control. She had no idea how she had gotten this hysterical, or why things kept tumbling out of her mouth, but she just couldn't stop.
"Just because you've had bad luck with another family, doesn't mean anything."
Meredith wanted to scream. Carol was far to calm. And quiet. And supportive. Just like Derek. It was an annoying quality in another human being when you were freaking out. People were supposed to yell at you and leave. That's the reaction she was used to. That was the reaction she expected. If Carol would just yell or scoff or turn away, it would give Meredith the route to run.
"It's their loss and our gain."
Her breathing was gradually falling under her own control again, but her mind still whirled; her world still spun. "No, it's not. You think I'm helping, but I'm not. Derek's a good person. He'd do the right thing without me. That's what he does. But not me. I've hurt people. I've hurt him."
"Sometimes that happens in a relationship..."
"No, I mean I really hurt him. I almost changed him. Forever. I made a stupid mistake. And I died... I died. And he saved me. But it was really close. And they wouldn't let him help. And he couldn't save my mother either. And he was just all alone on the floor... and if I hadn't come back..." A fresh batch of tears sprung to her eyes. "If I hadn't come back you'd be stuck with a different son. He would have changed. And then you would have lost Derek and Mark." She was no longer shaking so violently, but she still clutched her arms tightly to her torso, gasping as the odd tremor coursed through her tense body. Her eyes were firmly set on a spot on the floor. She couldn't make eye contact with anyone in the silent kitchen.
"Meredith, dear, I don't know what you're talking about. But regardless, you're here now. You came back. And you came here. And you are a good person. I'm a mother, I can tell."
Meredith swallowed and shook her head, but stayed silent, still staring at the spot on the floor.
"I was worried when Derek moved so far away so suddenly. I was so afraid he was throwing away his life. But, Meredith, he's happier than I've ever seen him. He has a new life. And a wonderful woman to share it with. He loves you so much, and it's obvious you love him too. I'm grateful for that; for you."
Silent tears streamed down her flushed cheeks as she finally found the courage to look up.
"Meredith, you've reconnected me with my son, and now you're responsible for bringing Mark back as well. I understand that you're not used to a supportive family, but you're a good person. And you deserve to know what its like to be part of a family; our family. You're always welcome here, Meredith. You've brought our family back together. And you make my son happier than I ever could have hoped. Don't you see it? You mean so much to so many people. And you're here. Meredith, you're already family."
There was no hint of deception or exaggeration or even a radical attempt at reassurance behind Carol's words. And this time when she stepped forward, Meredith allowed her to gently pry her arms open and pull her in tight. After only a moment of hesitation, Meredith closed her arms around the older woman's frame. She breathed a last shuddery breath as a few stray tears made their way down the well worn path of her cheeks. It was the first time in her life that she had ever experienced something so comforting and relieving and... maternal.
"Thank-you," Meredith whispered.
"It's what I'm here for, dear."
Meredith took a deep breath and almost laughed at Carol's choice of words. They had more of an effect on her than the woman would ever know. She felt calmer and lighter than she had felt in as long as she could remember. She was doing the relationship thing. And she was doing the family thing. And, apparently, she was doing them both well. She wanted to shake her head at her earlier anger towards Mark. She had inwardly chastised him for his ignorance regarding his place in this family; all the while she had been ignoring hers.
She breathed easily and there was a short period of calm before footsteps entered the kitchen. Meredith looked up and caught Derek's worried gaze over Carol's shoulder.
"What did you do to her?" Derek demanded as he swiftly dodged his sisters. "You promised me you'd be nice to her if I left you alone."
"Oh, Derek, honestly," Carol chastised as she released her hold on Meredith.
"Are you okay?" He asked worriedly as he took both of her hands in one of his and used his free hand to cup her face. "I'm sorry I went downstairs. I know I said I'd be here, but you were talking to Nancy and I thought you were okay."
She smiled up at him and squeezed his hand. "I'm okay. I had a family... awkward... thing. But I'm okay."
"Are you sure?"
She pulled one hand out of his grasp to clutch the collar of his shirt and leaned her forehead against his chin, breathing in the comforting scent wafting from the crook of his neck. His hand slid around and down to rest on her upper spine, right between her shoulder blades. "I'm sure," she whispered. "I've never been more sure."
He kissed the top of her head and pulled away to meet her gaze. His eyes silently questioned hers, looking for a reason for her emotions.
She smiled at his concern and leaned up to kiss him. "I love you," she whispered.
"I love you, too," he responded with a small smile, only serving to momentarily block the confusion.
She took a breath and glanced over at the three women who were quietly working on dinner, giving them space. The unknown substance Nancy had been kneading was now being scooped out in reddish blobs and flattened into small patty-cakes. So that's how you make homemade hamburgers. She looked back into Derek's eyes and nodded. "You can go back downstairs."
He narrowed his eyes. "But..."
She almost laughed at his expression. He probably thought she was going crazy. He had left her alone with his family for all of a half hour, and then walked in on her in tears. And now she was telling him to go back downstairs and leave her in the same situation as before. Maybe she was going crazy, but this was something she could do; this was something she wanted to do. "It's okay, Derek. I'm okay. Go back downstairs," she commanded gently.
He looked about to protest, but the look in her eyes stopped him and he nodded. "Okay. I'll... okay." He leaned down and met her lips one more time before he squeezed her hand and excused himself from the room.
Meredith smiled and breathed, and then returned to her spot beside Kathleen, silently cutting up vegetables. Kathleen offered her a short, supportive smile. A new conversation was born out of a random subject with absolutely no emotional connections, and Meredith took an equal part, no inhibitions about speaking after her scene. And there she was, a girl with abandonment issues and family issues and belonging issues, standing in the kitchen with Derek's mother and two of his sisters preparing a freaking salad. And yet, there was no where else she'd rather be.
AN: Twenty-five freaking pages later... It's like a disease, I just can't stop writing. This is the longest chapter yet. I know there's a horrendous amount of dialogue, but I need to get through so much, and I really don't want a hundred chapters dedicated to Thanksgiving alone. Regarding Nancy, I know from reading other fics that the general consensus is everyone really hated her (or not so much her, but her reaction to Mer) from the episode she was in. But, to be perfectly honest, I don't completely share the sentiment. The sister the show portrayed was loyal to the sister-in-law and surrogate brother she had known for so long, but she obviously loved her brother, and we didn't get to see her interact with Addison or Mark after hearing of their affair. And, in the context of this fic, I think she was perfectly justified. For all she knew, Derek was having a midlife crisis, and Meredith was a slutty intern looking to get ahead or whatever. It's not like Derek gave her a chance to interact with Meredith. So, anyway, my point; I don't hate Nancy. In this fic at least, she's not the bad guy. Thanks everyone for reading this far!