Suing the Unsueables

The Grand Headmaster Of Hogwarts

A/N: Here's the next chapter. Sorry for the HUGE wait.

OOO

Harry burst into the common room. Somehow. Well, he actually drifted in, but it sort of looked like bursting.
Hermione looked up at him. "What's up Harry?"
"I sued the school, won, and became Headmaster of Hogwarts in one night. What did you accomplish?"
"You WHAT?!" Hermione said, standing up suddenly and throwing Crookshanks off her lap, causing a chain reaction of events including Crookshanks flying up the boys' staircase, being thrown out the window, being caught by a passing Thestral, deposited in the lake but being grabbed by the Squid who reached up a huge tentacle to the Gryffindor tower where it dropped the terrified cat through the common room window gently, and having the cat pee in terror on the carpet. Not that it matters.
Harry grinned at Hermione and drifted out of the tower. "You'll see at breakfast tomorrow."

Hermione shook her head mutely and cleaned up the cat pee on the carpet.

OOO

The next day at breakfast, Harry sat in the Headmaster's seat and Dumbledore sat next to him.

This caused a lot of commotion.

When everyone was there, Harry stood up.

"Attention students! I have an announcement to make. Starting yesterday, I am now the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Until I die. Again. Since I don't see that happening in the near future, tough toenails. Now, Dumbledore is your new Senior Deputy Headmaster, and McGonagoll is Junior Deputy Headmaster. All the other staff positions are the same, except one.

"Professor Snape is my new butt-monkey."

"WHAT?!" Came out of the mouths of every single person in the Great Hall.

"You heard me."

"No way!" Snape said, standing up. "I quit!"

"No you don't. Because you betrayed my parents and that means no one else will ever hire you."

Snape glared and sat down.

"Let's test. Butt-monkey! Come!"

If looks could kill, then Snape's glare would have grown flowers. It was so awful, that it actually went out the other side.

It was that horrible.

Snape walked over to Harry, metaphorical flowers sprouting all over.

"Y-e-s?" The word was drawn out and cut short.

Harry smiled happily. "Butt-monkey! You must wear the traditional suit of the butt-monkey." He held out a man-thong. (A/N: That is the most disgusting thing I have ever written. Go on. Try and get the picture out of your head.)

There was silence. Now there were metaphorical fuzzy pink kittens.

Snape took the er, sorry all. I can't even type that.

He took the … and said, "…Living on the street would be better then that." Then something clicked.

He ran into a side room, changed into… It… And then came running out again.

"I quit! I quit!" He yelled, took off his thong and put it on Dumbledore's head, then started running around the hall naked yelling, "I'm a cat! Meow! Now I'm a bear! Grr! Now I'm a…!" He abruptly ran into a pillar. Then fell backwards. Everyone hid their eyes.

A couple of house-elves came in. "We'll take care of him." They dragged him into a wall, that turned out to be a secret passage-way.

Moment of stunned silence.

Then, Harry said, "Well… That was interesting. Who wants to be my new butt-monkey." There was a large silence.

"OK then. I am officially closing Hogwarts!"

More silence, then Harry realized something. "Hey! Why did everyone leave?" He turned to a house-elf standing next to him. "When did he leave?"

"Right after Snape crashed into the pillar, sir."

"Oh. House party!"

The house-elf shrugged, and then waved his arm. Decorations appeared out of no where, and music. Instantly, people started bursting into the Great Hall.

"Welcome! To Potter Manor!"

There was silence, then cheering.

And Harry lived like that, happily ever after.

Until someone sucked him into a vacuum cleaner.

XXXOOO

A/N: Well? You like? It was OK, and an interesting ending. Hope you liked it!