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He Who Sins
Chapter Five: What Fuels Our Hearts Can't Fuel Our Minds
Rose breathed deeply feeling anger beginning to rise within her, she had enough of it, she couldn't stand the tension anymore, she breathed in and turned to face the Doctor.
'Was it that bad?' she asked wincing as she awaited his reply. The Doctors' eyes flew open and stared at her in shock
'What?' he exclaimed in disbelief
'Was it really that bad you can't even look me in the eye any more? Am I that disgusting?' she asked feeling anger starting to heat her blood just as lust had heated the Doctors the night before. The Doctor's jaw dropped
'What makes you say that?' he asked unable to understand her
'Well you can't look at me, you can't touch me, what else am I to think?' she asked feeling tears stinging at her eyes.
'Rose-' the Doctor began but she cut him off
'If I really was that bad you can just tell me you know, you don't have to tip toe around me, if you really can't stand me that much I'll just leave shall I?'
The Doctor's eyes bulged, he didn't understand how the conversation had changed so drastically that she was talking of leaving the Tardis… leaving him
'Fine, I'll pack my bags then' she shouted at him as she turned to leave. The Doctor managed to unfreeze himself from the floor and leap towards her grabbing her arm
'Rose...' he began again
'Don't touch me!' she screamed. The Doctor dropped his hand from her arm
'Then listen to me!' he said harshly. Rose blinked quickly
'Why should I?' she asked hostile
'Because you keep shouting at me and aren't giving me a chance to explain!' he replied. Rose glared at him but didn't speak so the Doctor took his chance
'I never said I didn't enjoy it! Hell, I enjoyed it, definitely more than I should have, don't you ever think I didn't!' he told her gently but Rose still glared at him
'Then why the looks? Why the sideways glances? Why all the tension?' she asked desperately
'Because…'
'Why?' Rose shouted
'Because I feel guilty!' he shouted back. Rose fell silent
'You feel guilty?' she asked in disbelief
'Yes!' he exclaimed. 'I feel terrible, like I took advantage of you. I acted on impulse, I never thought about what could happen'
'What could happen?' Rose echoed
'Hell, I made love to you on the kitchen table like you were some woman I just picked up on the street, I treated you as though you were worthless, as if it was just sex'
'Was it just sex?' Rose asked. The Doctor froze and closed his eyes thinking about his answer
'It could never be just sex with you' he replied quietly after a moment.
'Why?' Rose asked still glaring at him 'because there are too many strings attached?'
'No!' he exclaimed
'Then why?' she shouted at him 'Why am I too complex for you? Why can't you just sleep with me and be happy? Why do you have to think about every bloody thing? Why can't it have been just sex?' she yelled
'Because I care too much about you' the Doctor simply said. Rose fell silent
'What?' she finally asked, the Doctor walked up to her and framed her face with his hands
'Because I care too much for you' he repeated firmly 'It could never be just sex with you Rose, there's too much between us, so much history, … there's too much for us too lose for it to be just sex'
'But do you regret it?' she asked quietly. He paused and in that pause Rose felt her heart sink
'You do' she whispered in disbelief 'How can you stand there and say all of that to me and still regret it?' she asked
'Because I'm scared of losing you. I only regret it because I know it can never happen again, and it will put so much tension between us, Rose can't you see that things can only get worse from here?' he asked her begging her to understand. Rose shook her head, her eyes stinging with tears
'What about me?' she asked 'did you ever stop to think about what I would want? How I would feel? Did you ever stop to think that maybe I want it to happen again?' she asked, her voice hardening. The Doctor remained silent – it told Rose all she needed to know
'You didn't' she answered for him 'you only stopped to think of yourself' she realised sadly
'Well think of this, as I walk out of that door you think to yourself why was I such an idiot I couldn't see past me and what I felt, can you do that Doctor? Can you ask yourself that?' she yelled as tears streamed down her cheeks
'Rose! Damn it! Don't you dare leave!' he shouted back as she ran out of the kitchen, he ran after her and grabbed her arm
'Don't you dare touch me!' she screamed as she slapped him around the face. The sound of skin on skin echoed throughout the Tardis as Rose fled to her room
'Rose!' the Doctor thundered as he followed her. He walked into her room to see her crying as she shoved her clothes into her bag
'Where are you going?' he asked harshly
'I'm going home!' she shouted between sniffles
'Why?' the Doctor asked exasperated, his cheek stinging from her slap.
'Because you've got what you wanted, you've had your meaningless sex, so now I can go and you can move onto a new companion who you'll treat just the same' she retorted
The words stung the Doctor deeply but he wasn't prepared to let her go
'It wasn't meaningless sex!' he shouted
'How could it not be!' she yelled, 'You pretty much told me it was!'
'How the hell can it be meaningless when I love you?' he shouted. The Tardis fell silent as his words rang around the room.