Meh, this is so long overdue! Sorry for the wait for this. I almost discontinued it…
And everything totally messed up when I converted to Vista, so I almost had to redo it ALL. And I learned FanFiction doesn't support the new "Microsoft Word."
Oh, and whole "Santa" thing is a little late, but most of my humor comes from spur-of-the-moment stuff, so whatever. Fi!
Also! I do no own WalMart, Cheerios, or the "I gotta pee" song.
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I knew that calamity would ensue. We all knew it. What peril we would encounter! One could purge just mulling over all the events that have unraveled themselves. Disney World, as Xaldin said (and as one of the few cases where he is correct), was not the greatest choice. I haven't the slightest clue why the Superior would choose to turn us in to the hands of destruction at this hour. I questioned him, and he said that is was for 'the greater good'.
It was a very insubstantial answer, but it was foolish to probe him further. You will always wind up like Lexaeus did after taking dance classes. But I suppose the first few days were not as terrible as I predicted they would be. This time, it was Axel's turn to dive us into silly nonsense.
It started when he stole Larxene's left shoe. What foul thought commanded him to do that, I have no idea. But after a very mad feminine voice penetrated Disney World, everything snowballed. First, Xemnas found the man wearing the Mickey Mouse suit and shouted "CHARGE!" I think that man won't be having any kids after what happened to him… Then, Zexion decided that he wanted to bring his DDR mat to his new room in the Disney World hotel. I think he's half deaf, because he turned the volume on MAX and we were forced to listen to a series of thumps from his dancing and "Kick the Can" about 20 different times.
And then, "Zexy"; as it is repulsively said; fangirls started paying each other $20 apiece to get a view of him through the crack under his door. That was creepy. But Axel walked up behind him, and turned on a "RAAAARGGGGHHHH!!!" voice recording of Saix, hoping to scare all of them. Instead, they turned and glomped him, mistaking him for Saix. He deserved it.
Demyx found a new hobby of…well, eating. I warned him that all that sugar wasn't healthy, but after hearing the words "you could die" he instantly started his new hobby of drinking coffee.
Xemnas liked the roller coasters. Somehow, he managed to read the newspaper while riding them. That's what made his conversations on the ride so random.
"Hey Vexen," he would start, "what's the best part about this whole Disney World experin- WHAT??!!? Man managed to break out of jail when he threatened to eat the last doughnut if they wouldn't let him-I'm sorry, what did you say, number IV?" Like I said, he likes to multi-task during a conversation when he has a paper.
And Luxord decided that he needed a new "random word" to say every time you pass him. Today, it was 'WAFFLE$'. So when you saw him at the lottery ticket stand, reading his fortunes from his fortune cookies for lucky numbers, he'll be murmuring about death, destruction, Kingdom Hearts, and what he ate last year. And "WAFFLE$."
"AIIIIEEEE! WINNE THE POOH!!! You're, like, my favorite person EVER! Will you give me your autograph??!!?" Marluxia was practically shaking the ground in his excitement.
"Sure thing, kid."
"Wait a minute, pal! Hold it right there!" demanded Marluxia. "You don't sound like Pooh!"
"Look, sir-"
"IMPOSTER!!! GLAREAAAA!" Marluxia immediately started punching every part of the Pooh man he could reach, screaming "ARISE MY DAISIES!"
And then they had hired a new Sora-suit man. Who ran away screaming after we put him in the same room as Xigbar. Poor Freeshooter, he still hasn't recovered from his mental illness.
And then we ran out of doughnuts. Xemnas drove to the convenience store to pick up some more, and just had to drag all thirteen members along. Demyx whined about Axel eating all the ice cream all the way there. The others have started to really attack the food lately. I don't see where it all goes.
"And you…sniff…bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!" Suddenly, the bus gave a sudden jerk from a bump on the road. "AAAHH! What'd we hit?"
"You! Stay under the wheel; we'll be there in a minute," teased Marluxia.
"It's Xigbar! He jumped out the window and got ran over!" Everyone gave some type of sound, weather it was the amused snort of Axel, or the grunt of Saix as his coffee poured down his face and front from a spill. Most of the Organization scrambled out the bus to see number II's pain.
"I've gotta pee, I've gotta pee! I've really really really gotta pee!" Demyx started getting antsy, and you can guess why, running around in circles as soon as he got outside. "I've gotta pee! I've gotta-!"
"SHUT THE FUDGE UP!" screamed Axel.
Xemnas leaned down to the smashed Xigbar's level, picked him up by the collar, and shook him. "………H…e…y……"
After a few groans, Xigbar looked up at Xemnas, and then gazed around himself. "There are…little fairies…everywhere…uuugh…" And then he fainted. Again.
"I think he's really cracked this time," noted Roxas.
"Houston, we have a problem." Axel remarked, smirking.
"Hey, Axel…where's Houston?"
"Why did your other ever even bother going to school?
"Hahahaha, just kidding! I know that Houston is in California."
"Oh, never mind. It's pointless teaching you anything."
"B-but, I…"
"Just shut your face."
After shoving Xigbar somewhat upright into a seat and everyone got back into their rightful positions, we finally got to drive to a store to pick up some doughnuts, number IX screaming all the way.
"AIIIEEE! HELP MEEEEE! I'S Mr. &$!!!" And he runs over and squeezed Xemnas for protection from Mr. AKA: Saix, who apparently attributed this whole ordeal for Demyx going through his "Whazzat, I hate you" stage and to have some attention muttering something about monkeys. Unfortunately, the Superior doesn't take a liking to having his guts squeezed out, so he roughly shoved Demyx aside.
"OWWW! NON-EXISTANT MOOOOOOOOMYYYYYYY!!!" And then he stuck his head out the window and screamed it off. After many screams, a certain embarrassed, furious feminine nobody yanked number IX's head back into the automobile. Then Demyx started having psychotic seizures and slowly sank to the floor.
Meanwhile, Axel was reading Roxas a "horror" book he nicked of the NEA (Not Even Adults) section.
"And then he opened the door, the bug-ridden wood slowly creaking away from the wall, aaaand…"
"And? And what?"
"WHOOOOSH!"
"AAAAAHHHH! No more! I can't take any more!" Demyx had been listening in on the tale, and was now shielding everything from his vision. "PLEASE, I'll give you Squeezy; my pink bunny-bear from 8th Grade if you stoooop!!!" Xemnas seemed to perk at the words "Squeezy" and "pink".
Rolling his bright green eyes, Axel continued. "WOOOOSH!" Demyx gave a high-pitched scream at this. "Was the sound of the wind as the man stood stricken at the sight of eternal nothingness."
"Well, duh! Nothingness IS eternal. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT?" Xemnas squawked. Slowly.
"Hey Axel," Roxas started, turning to him, "You know what could have been better than nothing?"
"What?"
"ANYTHING AT ALL!" And with that, Organization XIII arrived at a local convenience store.
As Xaldin was departing from the bus, he gathered up the courage to speak, and asked Demyx, "Didn't…you have to…well, you know, take a leak?"
"Oh, yeah! I gotta pee! I gotta pee! I really really really gotta pee! I gotta pee! I gotta pee! I really really really-!"
"For Billy Bob's sake, will you shut the-"
"Billy Bob?"
"Yeah, "Pete" got old, not to mention who cares about that old cat's sake…"
"All right, settle down in the ranks!" shouted Xemnas. "Now I want no more squabbling or any mis-"
"WALMART??!!? THAT'S WHERE WHERE'RE SHOPPING??!! Not Wally World! NOOOOOOO!"
"Would…you just calm down…" But Xemnas was too late, because Demyx had already gone to the lavatory. And after the Superior walked away, Luxord leaned over to me, asking about my "lavish use of words.""
"Well, I suppose I have to go to the john too," stated Luxord.
"You mean the lavato-"
"NO! No scientific words for the john for me! Use oval office; the W.C.; dunny; loo; toilet; restroom; potty; whiz; anything other than some fancy…annoying…"
"…Eloquent?"
"Yeah, eloquent, egotistical- wait a minute, you've given me a scientific germ!!! AHHH!"
"Oh, I'm so ashamed; could I get you anything?"
"Uh…really? Get me some port wine please, so I can get a good rest."
"That's not sleeping, that's drinking too much until you pass out," noted Zexion, who looked quite drowsy. And then he went back to sleep.
"Close enough."
"Alright!" Xemnas' voice sounded over all the hustle and bustle. Time to…number X, could you please tell me what you are doing?
"Nuffin'," he oh-so-innocently stated as he shoved a few more doughnuts in his mouth. "It's just da ice-cream man," he took pause to swallow, "ran out of sorbet!"
"And I care bec-"
"ARGHHHHHH! I'VE GOTTA GO GET A CONE TOO!" And with that, Marluxia dashed off, running straight into the door, knocking him flat, but after recovering, got up and ran on screaming "BAGOOGA!"
"…Bagooga?"
"Superior," started Saix, "Can we go now; I believe number X has acquired the doughnuts."
"I don't know, the way he just scoffed the last five, I don't think there will be any left," Roxas muttered.
Xemnas thought on this while Luxord shoved another doughnut in his face. Then Lexaeus joined in the fun.
"Where's the holes to these things? What a rip-off!"
After waiting a few more minutes for Xemnas to respond, each member went off in their own directions, so it really made it hard to, shall we say, track them all. Except for Zexion, who was sleeping in the buggy that Saix was pushing.
"Whoooooo! Pretzels!" Xigbar was holding three of the uber-large ones in his hand, stuffing his face like it was the end of the world.
"Hey Xaldin! Lookie!"
"At what?" Xigbar crammed another ultra-pretzel into the gaping hole he called a mouth, so he couldn't reply at first.
"You know, you and Luxord would make nice eating buddies."
"Think so?" Luxord came in and grabbed one of Xigbar's prizes, and then rendered himself speechless by doing the same action number II had done.
"………………Yes."
Meanwhile, Saix was creating a mound in the buggy that The Cloaked Sleeper was currently napping in. It took a "heavy" packet of marshmallows to the head to wake him up.
"Nugggg…Saix?"
"Are you awake yet? Back in this world?"
"Uhhh…sure."
"I'm glad you're here, now leave." He took Zexion by the hair and threw him out.
"AAAAH! MEANIE! OH! WAIT!" He snatched his alarm-clock "Martian Mellows" out of Saix's hand. "You brought me a pillow! Thank you, whitey!" Then he went back to sleep with his new prize and drooled all over the Cheetos. Saix sighed. Now he knew what the "You're as pale as the moon!" joke was about.
Lexaeus silently screamed at Marluxia, because he stole his tub of ice cream because the ice cream man ran out of nacho chips, and had nothing to eat except Lexaeus' goods.
"……………………………...!!!!"
"Whut?" Marluxia teased, as he licked the side of his mouth.
"……………………………...! …………! …….!"
"I can't hear yooooou!" He crowed ever-so tauntingly and slowly shoved down the delicious sweet."
"$#………………………$……………$………&……!!!!" How he cussed silently we will never know. He suddenly ran at Marluxia. The pink-haired man screamed and ran. Lexaeus scooped up his prize. "………………………Mine."
Larxene was…
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Vexen, get out! And don't you dare post what you saw on our "little story!" You'll die a maggot-eaten death!"
…………In the dressing room.
"I swear I won't! Eeeeeee!" NO, I did NOT edit out a few more girly-squeals of mine.
Anyway, Axel and Roxas where looking at sporting goods, to Electronics, to chasing Santa out of the store…seriously, nobody likes people who dress up in suits in this world, do they? Here's how it went…
" Hey, Axel, look! It the jolly fat guy from Hawaii!"
"I thought he was from the N.P!"
"N.P? What does that stand for?"
"Nuclear Plasticity? I dunno. Beats me." Axel shrugged.
"Ho Ho!" said the man wearing the red suit and, that, by the looks of it, was talked into buying a life-time supply of cookies from those cheesy Girl Scouts.
"I thought it was 3 "Ho"s!" Roxas looked fairly upset.
"Why not say two so you can advertise for the HoHo Company and entertain the kiddies all the while?"
"……………………What the hell?"
"Now Roxas, you can't say the "H" word!"
"Yeah, he's right. Don't make me put you on my naughty list!"
"Oh, shut the hell up!" snapped Axel. "Who do you think you are? Santa Claus?"
"Of course."
"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I always wanted to meet you!" Roxas leaped into his lap. "You didn't give me any presents last year! Not even any coal! I was so cold that winter, because coal was what was pretty much on my list anyway!"
"Ho Ho! Sorry, youngster! It was because-"
"Beautiful Babes, the magazine under my bed, is Axel's! I'm innocent!"
"……………What?"
"YEAH, REALLY ROXAS. WHAT!" Axel was on fire.
"…Er…anyway, what do you want for Christmas this year?"
"A BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH," and so on… "And a marshmallow shooter!……Got all that?"
"I…well, that is, think so…"
"Okay! Axel's turn!"
"NO WAIT! I'm not really Santa! I don't deserve-"
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! NOOOOOOOOOOO! But can you please, at least, send him my best wishes and my list, and-"
"Aaaaarg! I can't take any more!" And the poor man ran screaming out.
"What was his problem?"
"WHAT WAS YOURS???!?" Axel still wasn't in the best of moods. "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND TELL THE WORLD ABOUT-"
Roxas turned to him with great, big, puppy-like eyes. "Did I do something wrong?"
"Ulp! Uh…" There was a sniffle. "Er, no! Of course not!"
"Yay!" Axel looked down at him with gentle eyes. "Now let's go get a Marshmallow shooter!"
"Sure!"
Then I finally found Demyx. He was seeing how much candy he could eat before he vomited.
"Mfferrmuff?" He handed me a package of Sweety-Neaty Special Edition Sour-flavored…whatever they where. It tasted like a cinnamon roll. But despite the name "Sweety-Neaty", it was also a sour mess.
"I presume that you've still got munny left over for more?"
"Muffey?"
I spat it out. "YOU DIDN'T PAY FOR THIS?" He gave me the typical Demyx look. "Ah, who cares? It's not like I'm going to get caught with your petty games." I turned to leave, but number IX grabbed me suddenly.
Swallowing the rest, he pleaded, "Don't leave! I need an eating buddy! Please stay! No one will know!"
"Ever heard of cameras?"
"You mean those weird things hangin' from the ceiling? I broke 'em all with jelly beans!" Sure enough, every one of them in view where shattered, and I saw an empty candy wrapper and a stolen slingshot. I also saw a few other things that where demolished from where he missed, and random jelly beans scattered on the floor.
Good arm, slow mind.
"Ug…I don't have time for this! Here!" I passed him the laptop, the one that stores this story. "Write me a 2,000-word report over Organization XIII's full history. That should keep you entertained!"
"But-huh? Whut? WHUUUUUUUUT? WHYYYYYYYYY?"
"Because. Your level of ignorance exceeds my level of tolerance!"
"…………Meaning?"
"Just, just, just…deal with it." And I fled the scene.
An hour later…
Laptop back in hand, I was running for my life from a burning WalMart. Demyx apparently wondered what would happen if he stuck his tongue in an outlet. I'm surprised he hadn't tried it already. And everything just snow-cheerioed. I think is what they are called, apparently as a truck carrying boxes of cheerios drove by WalMart right when the building exploded. Ka-boom.
Demyx just so happened to be in the automotive section when he concocted his "brilliant" idea, and when he received the shock from the outlet, after he recovered, he grabbed the closest thing he could find; oil, and poured it all over the outlet.
How he managed to blow the whole thing up from that? Science, for this one time, won't explain. Lets just say "because it was Demyx who did it."
And so, when the Organization was assembled after the great calamity, I let out a sigh of relief. Clearly I picked the wrong group of people to spend my pitiful "life" with.
Xemnas finally stopped thinking of whatever it was he was thinking about. Poor guy, it must have been a lecture going on throughout the whole time we where in WalMart. He looked up, wondering what just happened, and, seeing the building ablaze, instantly blamed Axel.
"Why…might I so…humbly ask…" Never mind. I'm not even going to wait for him. Then I saw a heap of electrified matter that I soon came to realize was Demyx.
"Let me read that report 2,000-word report." Was the first thing that came to mind. I didn't even want to ask about the outlet.
"Okay!" He was surprisingly energetic for his state, and showed me the file on the laptop where he had typed it up. I edited the many misstates, but never once figured out what he meant by "And we wihere verrrrry hojipogi!"
It went something like this…
ORGY"S HISTORY!
By: ME!!
Organization XIII's history is a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very interesting organization. They have many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many reasons to be famous. The reasons for being popular is a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long list that is…
"Aren't you going to read the rest of it?"
"No, because so far it's very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very dull. Re-do it!"
"WHAT!?!!?" But it wasn't Demyx that said this. Zexion was reaching for Roxas, whom apparently just took his "pillow." Or his marshmallows, to be correct.
"I need them for ammunition!" And he dumped most of them in his new Marshmallow shooter.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You're wasting their uber-gushy, squishyness of the softened puff!"
"LET HIM HAVE THE MARSHMELLOWS." The Superior suddenly loomed over number VI.
"But…"
"NOW." He gave Zexion such a glare that he would have nightmares for a month. So he fainted. Or fell asleep. It was hard to tell.
And then a marshmallow pinged Xemnas on the head. He screamed, and ran for the bus. We all stared after him in horror. Our leader. Our master. A pansy! What does it make us? Pansyettes?
"…Sorry?" Roxas looked bemused. Everyone else was horrified. Except Demyx, who was blowing bubbles.
After that, Saix was nominated to drive. Xemnas was cowering in the pink seat, alongside Xigbar, who was still stuffing his face. Roxas had overcome his shocked state, and was chatting with Axel. And I noticed that we forgot to pick up an extra packet of doughnuts.
But we always have Cheerios.
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Okay, finally done. This was a bit longer than the other two chapters so far, so I guess it barely makes up for the long-overdue-ness. I started a new Fandom, so I picked back up on this to get it done.
So, seeing as how I want to do a totally different Fic, MAYBE I'll do the rest of the Chapters quickly. But seeing as how I obviously can't keep updating promises, who knows. Maybe. But maybe not.
BETA'D BY RA-YUN. AGAIN.