Chapter 3- Dealing

Eruva

A/N: From Rory's side & sorry if I made Jess a little to… emo in the last chapter. Life sucks, no? & I'm also very sorry if the next chapter takes me a while to get up, school starts again tomorrow, so I'll get it done as soon as I can.

Enjoy

Rory was still trying to piece her life again. At least she now knew what it felt like to be Jess after Sookie's wedding. No letter, no phone call, no postcard, no smoke signal, nothing. A year and she got nothing. At least, with her being in Yale she was supplied a decent distraction, instead of letting her constantly think about him. Something she would have undoubtedly done if she was still in Stars Hollow.

She had tried dating again, but her heart hadn't quite fit back together yet. It was rare times like this, when she wasn't neck high in work that she thought about him. Not that she didn't on a daily bases, he was always somewhere in the back of her mind. However, on these days, she just sat in her room or on the couch thinking of all the things she missed about him, like his smirk.

Life wasn't the same, and though she tried to flaunt that she was doing fine, anyone who truly knew her could look in her eyes and see the deceit. With that thought in mind, Jess's face immediately was pulled front and center. He knew her better than anyone, excluding her mom. She knew that if he took one look in her eyes, he would see the pain that she was trying to hide. He would see the insecurities, the loneliness and the unhappiness that had come into her life the moment she realized he wasn't every coming back.

It seemed childish to spend so much time thinking about someone who couldn't possibly be thinking about you. She honestly wondered if he was holding up ok. Was he happy now that he was away from Stars Hollow like he had always wanted to be? And, did it hurt him at all to leave her like he did? After all he had been sitting next to her on the bus out of town and hadn't even said a word.

She was sour when he was brought up. Yes, she was mad at him for leaving; but she knew the moment he gave her a decent reasoning, she would forgive him. Try as she might, there didn't seem to be anyone else in her life that could or would take the place that he held. Through all the pain he had caused her, she still loved him. For whatever reasons, she wasn't sure.

There wasn't another person she had met that she felt at ease at like she had with him. No one else was able to argue with her over countless books and bands. People didn't notice that she loved books as much as he noticed. She couldn't help but think that she had given up reading to the extent that she did before she met him and when she was with him.

She spent time playing over the scenes in her mind, wondering what she did wrong. She also wondered if pushing him away that night had anything to do with the reason he left town. In the end, she had decided that it probably did. Somewhere back there, insignificantly, had something to do with it, but she hoped it didn't.

At times she'd think about all the possibilities, if she just knew what number to dial. But she didn't have the number, and when she was completely honest with herself, she wasn't so sure if she'd call. Then there were times when she'd imagine he'd come and talk to her at Yale and tell her that he wanted them to be together, to make it all work. She thought of many different ways those meetings could end, and many different explanations for why he left, but they weren't satisfying, they weren't real.

She wanted to know everything that went on in that mysterious head of his. Knowing they could read each other so well, but still not knowing what to think when he just left, or when he put up his guard. It may have been unfair that he could read the look in her eyes much clearer than she could read the look in his. But, then again, he had years of practice on her, and more pain and let down in his life. She accepted that. She just wanted an explanation.

For the millionth time, or so it seemed, she tucked his memory in the back of her mind and tried to get some sleep. She hoped beyond hope that her next visit to Stars Hollow would be uneventful and she wouldn't see or hear of him. She wanted to avoid the pain and hurt. However, as soon as that thought came to mind, it was swept away by the little voice that told her the truth. As much as she hated the way she felt right now, she loved him and she hoped that she would be seeing him soon, though, she had no idea what she would say or do when she did.

tbc