Chapter 4: The Nature of Love

You know how hard it can be
To keep believing in me
When everything and everyone
Becomes my enemy and when
There's nothing more you can do
I'm gonna blame it on you…

- 'Opheliac', Emilie Autumn

"Really," Kat repeated. "I'm fine." She and Leks were sitting, the latter still a bit shaky, in front of the terminal for her flight to California. The plane was scheduled to leave in about fifteen minutes, and she couldn't convince the young man that she was fully recovered.

"Isabelle, that guy was nuts! You could have been killed!" He was in favor of getting her checked out at a hospital, but Kat was fervently against that idea.

"I've been through worse," she tossed out, surreptitiously rubbing the place in the middle of her chest where she'd been shot. Leks raised a brow disbelievingly.

"When?"

"You'd be surprised," Kat said with a wry smile. "Anyway, I have to be on this plane. Thanks for everything, Leks. You have no idea how grateful I am." He was silent for a moment, his clear features tightening in thought.

"Are… are you in trouble? Like, real trouble," Leks clarified hesitantly. Kat glanced at him out of the corner of her eye before dropping her gaze to her hands. The bandages were gone, replaced by fresh pink scars. Fast healing: a perk of the chronic fur. Leks followed her gaze, reaching out carefully to touch the largest of the new scars, one that cut jaggedly across the base of her left palm and tipped, lightning-like, near the web of her thumb. He pulled his finger away quickly, and Kat sighed.

"I'm not the one in trouble," she said at last. In answer to his questioning look, Kat went on. "Someone- someone else is. He needs help, and no one else is going to give it to him but me." She could hear, in her own voice, that 'is going to' should have been 'can'.

"What's going on," Leks asked softly.

"He's… confused. And scared. And he's alone; he thinks no one is coming for him."

"Except for you."

"Except for me. He doesn't know. He- he thinks I hate him," Kat added with a swallow. "He doesn't want me looking for him. He tried to make me never want to see him again, just so I wouldn't follow him."

"Why?" Kat traced the ragged little scars across her palms, breathing slowly.

"Because he's afraid."

"Do you think he's afraid of what you'll do when you find him," Leks began, "or what he'll do?" Kat blinked hard, smiling a little.

"That's exactly what I'm wondering."

"Isabelle," the young man said seriously, "is this person dangerous? Could what happened back there have something to do with the fact that you're looking for someone who doesn't want to be found?" Kat started, both from the unfamiliar name and the idea he presented.

"What? No! No, of course not. Re- he would never do that. Never." Even as she said it, Kat's mind whirled with uncertainty.

This second personality doesn't give a damn about morality or human bonds. It cares about power, and destruction, and pain.

"He would never," she repeated, much softer.

"But could he?" She turned to Leks, eyes veiled. No answer. "Isabelle, maybe this isn't the best idea. It's none of my business, yeah, but seriously."

"It doesn't matter. I have to find him."

"Why? Why not wait, get someone to come with you? Someone who knows him, who can deal with-"

"No one can deal with him," she whispered harshly. "No one but me can handle what he- what he is."

"Then why are you so scared of him?"

"I'm not scared of him. I'm scared of-" Kat stopped abruptly. I'm scared of what I might have to do.

"Of what?"

"Nothing. I'm not scared of anything. I trust him," she finished defiantly, realizing that, despite everything, it was still true.

"Should you?," Leks asked, sounding a little strangled. God, this must be so strange for him, she thought. I must seem like a lunatic.

"Probably not," she admitted. "But that doesn't matter now."

"What, have you passed the point of no return?" His voice was sarcastic, fed up. Kat glanced at the wall clock. Two minutes.

"That's one way to put it," she replied.

"So basically you're going after someone unstable who doesn't want you coming anywhere near and could easily hurt you, who you really shouldn't trust at all, alone, and you're not even gonna rethink any part of this plan?" Kat sighed, turning to face Leks completely. She took his hands in hers, her pack instinct telling her that touch would reaffirm communication.

"Don't you see? It doesn't matter if it's stupid or pointless or dangerous. It doesn't matter what other people say. All that matters is that this is what I have to do."

"But why," Leks begged, sounding like a cross between a small child and an old man asking why death has finally come.

"Because he's as much a part of me as these scars," she murmured, standing as the woman behind the counter called for passengers to board. "Losing him would kill me. Isn't that the nature-" Her words were cut off by a large man wheeling a suitcase who shoved past her and barreled towards the gate. Kat followed him, not looking back. Any goodbye had already been said, and felt. Behind her, Leks stared after the girl with the long dark hair and big dark eyes.

"The nature of love," he finished for her. "Isn't that the nature of love?"