Sorry that this took so long, but I was finding it very hard to decide what Bella would write in this letter. Just from that you can probably guess who it's to. Anyway, I think this may be the last chapter, but I also might add one more, just a short one to finish it up, so keep wathcing out for the finale.

I've ben having quite a bit of trouble with my writing lately, so for all my stories I can almost guarentee that they won't be updated soon (that's if I have any to update... do I?). I might be starting another series of oneshots, similar to I Want but for Animorphs. But people reading this probably have no interest in either High School Musical or Animorphs, so you're probably the wrong ones to tell. But if you would at least review something liek that (even if it's just to say that you hate Animorphs/have never heard of it) then that might be an incentive enough to actually post it. Maybe.

Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. As if.

I sat at the little table, one sealed envelope lying before me. I couldn't help but feel as if I'd only done the easy part. And dried tears still stained my face.

Behind me, Edward stood motionless, and, although I couldn't see him, I knew his expression was hard and set. He didn't want to think about what I was going to do next – he shouldn't need to think about it. A bitter taste flooded my mouth. Why was I such a bad person?

"Bella," his voice was soft and his tone was controlled. He knew that by breaching the subject he was stepping on very thin ice. "You want to do this, even if you don't know it."

I dropped my head, closing my eyes so that I didn't have to look at the piece of paper before me. I was in pain, that much I knew, but the pain was so source-less and impulsive, that it was almost like I was meant to feel like that. Like it was hardly a feeling at all, more of a constant thing. It had been there for so long that I was numb to it. And I hated that. I wanted to hurt, to be able to sting one more time. To feel bad for as long as I could before I'd forget how it felt.

"You're wrong." I muttered, quietly.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are. I don't want to do this. I need to."

"Same difference."

I shook my head stubbornly. He was wrong.

Using my anger as energy, I reached out for the pen. My hand slammed onto the tabletop. Frowning in frustration I felt around for the pen, still keeping my eyes trained on the paper. I still couldn't find it. Had I really slammed my hand that far away from where the pen was?

"Where's my pen?" I asked, my voice high pitched and much more feeble than I'd hoped.

Edward made a small noise behind me and I felt him move away from my chair.

"Give it back."

Silence.

"Edward, give it back." My tone was growing hysterical.

I heard bedsprings creak as he sat down. He was on the other side of the room already. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to stand up and walk over to him. My entire body felt numb. I doubted that my legs would work at all.

"Give me the pen!" I yelled, my voice was throaty; I could feel more tears welling up in my eyes. I didn't even know why I was crying.

"Come over here."

"No!"

"Bella, come."

"No! I don't want to!" The tears were running freely down my face now. I was barely aware of my hysteria anymore; it felt as if I was far beyond any sane emotion.

"Why are you angry?" His tone was worried and sad. It caused me actual pain to imagine his expression, so I didn't.

At first I had no plan to answer his question, I was much too angry, but something about the way he asked it struck a chord.

"I can't feel anything, Edward! I should be sad, scared, worried, confident, something! But I'm not feeling anything – I've gone numb – and I don't want to live the last few moments of my life like this! I want to feel something! Anything!" I collapsed in my chair, my head falling heavily onto the table. The crash was loud enough to make me think tat it should've hurt. It didn't.

"What's wrong with me, Edward? Why can't I feel anything?"

Before I knew what was happening two cold arms were wrapped around me and I was in the air. Edward carried me carefully back to the back and laid me down on it, extracting his arms from under me and then siting down beside me. My breaths were quick and thin, my heart was hammering much too fast and my eyes were dry and stinging. It took me a moment to realise that all of those things were things that I felt.

Just that made my breaths suddenly deepen and my heart slow. No more tears attempted to leak from my puffy, red eyes.

"Bella, relax, please."

I nodded slowly, trying to calm my breathing. Edward stayed beside me, motionless in such a way that made me think he was ready to spring to my aid if he thought I'd need his help. But the thing that was wrong with me couldn't be fixed by Edward. I knew that. He knew that. And the thought of that pained him.

"How long?" I murmured, my breaths still a little raspy. "How long will I still be human for?" I'm not sure why I wanted to know, and a part of me was conscious that the decision was mine, not his. Nonetheless I wanted to know. I desperately wanted to know.

"As long as you like. Forever. You could be human forever."

A choked sob escaped my lips as I shook my head fiercely.

"Forever doesn't exist if I'm a human. And I want forever. I want you forever."

"Do you?"

His tone was one of actual questioning; he honestly thought that I didn't want this. How wrong he was. As I opened my mouth to answer him, he cut me off.

"Bella, wait, let me rephrase that: do you want this forever? Because it will all be there." I looked up at him, and, just to emphasize his point he motioned around the room. The letter on the table, the blank piece of paper beside it. The walls and floor and roof, everything that I used to have, all of the memories of it. Did I really want those memories forever? "Do you really want to remember everything that you once had forever?"

"It will fade. The memories will fade with time." I muttered, trying to convince myself as much as I was trying to convince him. "You said it yourself, you barely remember your life as a human."

"I barely had a life as a human. Not in comparison to what you have. All of my family was dead, everyone and everything I loved was gone when Carlisle changed me. What sacrifice did I make?"

"You sacrificed your life."

"It was going to be sacrificed anyway."

"That's beside the point." I insisted.

"And I didn't sacrifice it, Carlisle did."

"You blame him for it?"

"Of course not. I thank him, millions of times over. If he hadn't chosen for me to make that sacrifice I would never have met you." His eyes were smouldering, burning into mine. "But I don't want to be Carlisle. I don't want to be the one to choose whether or not you make that sacrifice. I don't want to do it – you have to. It's your decision to make."

"It's not my life that will be ruined once I'm dead."

"I know. But I can handle that. I'd still do anything to spend al the time up until then with you."

"I don't want to spend that time with you. I want to spend all of time with you." My tone was insistent, almost whiny, but I had to get the point across. He had to understand. "I can cope with the memories and the pain, as long as I know that once it's all over you'll still be here."

"But, Bella, that's the problem. It's never all over. Eternity is forever- nothing ever finishes. Nothing is ever over."

A single tear escaped from my eye. It left a fiery trail as if rolled down my cheek, dropping onto the mattress beneath me. Only then did I realise that I was sitting up now, my face inches away from Edward's. Both of us were panting from the argument. And both of us could feel the tension mounting between us. Maybe there was a better way to express my passion than in words.

Quickly, so that he wouldn't have time to stop me, I dipped my head forward and closed the gap between us. My kiss was desperate, right now I needed to feel him, I needed to explain to him, I needed him.

He returned the passion a hundred times more powerfully, grasping my face between his hands and pulling himself closer to me. I shivered as his icy tongue traced my lips.

Leaving my mouth so that I could take a few gasping breathes, his lips moved down to my neck, kissing from my collarbone to my chin and back again. The sensation spreading through me was like electricity, jolting through my body and making me buzz with energy. Energy and confidence.

My hands traced over his shoulders and to the collar of his shirt.

Simultaneously, two things happened. A pair of vice-like hands gripped mine, and pulled them away from his shirt, and his lips ceased their intense kisses on my neck. I was hard to decide which disappointed me more.

"You have a letter to write." He murmured. I could tell that he wasn't breathing, but didn't need to wonder why. My own breaths were much too fast to be completely healthy.

Nodding, I stood and walked numbly back to the table, sitting stiffly on the chair. After a moment Edward followed me, standing in the same place as before, just behind my chair. I leant into his chest for a moment before taking the pen that he'd replaced on the table.

The moment it touched the paper, words seemed to straight from my thoughts to the pen, and as it skimmed along the page smoothly, I barely noticed how fast I was writing.

Dear Jacob,

I'm sorry. Maybe that's all I should say in this letter, I'm sure it would be easier for both of us if it was, but it would also be better for both of us if I said more. I sort of feel like sorry doesn't quite cut it. In fact, I know that sorry is nowhere near enough for you, hen again, nothing I can do or say will ever be enough for you. I'm sorry for that, as well.

I don't supposed it really matters to you where I am now or who I'm with. Maybe the latter matters – a little – but I'm sure you know anyway, so why waste time with the small talk? After all, I didn't write this to you to discuss Edward, did I? I can't help but wonder how you reacted to reading that. Were you angry? Annoyed? Upset? I guess I'll never know, will I? But I'd like to know. I'd like to still know you, to keep knowing you, no matter what sort of boundaries are placed between us.

There are so many things that I wish I could've told you face to face. So many things that you deserve to know, but probably wouldn't want to. In case you're wondering, they're not the type of things that I'd write in a letter. So now you have some sort of incentive to see me again. I hope that's enough of one for you, because I'd hate to lose you again. We both know how I get when I lose people who I love. We both know that you wouldn't want that to happen. Or at least I know that. Maybe you do, maybe you need a little while to figure it out yourself. I hope that doesn't take too long. It's barely been a month and I miss you already.

I don't think I have much to explain to you, you are so much a part of this world that you already know most of it. Much more than I would ever have let you know if you weren't a part of it all. Does that count for something? Anything? Does the fact that I wouldn't have forced all of this upon you like it has been if it had been my choice comfort you? Maybe not. I hope it does. I like the idea that maybe you and me could just have been normal. Normal friends, best friends, maybe more, later. But just for now, we'd be friends. Wouldn't that be great?

It's funny (almost) that when I write to you like this the only feeling I can convey is happiness. I'm pretty sure that's you, or at least the way I remember you. My sun. My bright, shining ball of happiness and joy. Always smiling, playing, having fun. Always living. That's something that I've never really been able to do, and that I never really will be able to do. Not after now, not after… well, you know. It's not that I'm in denial. It's just that when I talk to you - just to you as Jacob, my Jacob, not the werewolf or the Jacob who kissed me – I can't bring myself to talk about stuff like that. It's so natural yo hide it all, deny it all, pretend that I'm normal, pretend that I'm like you. But I'm not normal, or like you, I never was and because of the way things have turned out I never will be. From now on, it won't just be Bella and Jacob and Edward. It won't be Virgos and Geminis; we'll be Vampires and Werewolves. We won't be us anymore.

That scares me. It scares me a lot more than I'll ever really be able to accept; I think feelings that intense and big just sort of make me numb rather than actually feel them. You've witnessed that. You know how I am when I'm numb. But you also know how to make me feel again. You know how to make me alive and how to forget the numbness. Sure, it's still there, that pain, that terrible feeling so great that its too overwhelming to even consider, but its not as big, not as scary or as menacing. I'm sort of hoping that you can do that now. I know you're not actually here, but maybe if I just know that you're thinking of me, trying to help me from all that way away, maybe then I'll be able to get through it.

Just because I don't love you enough doesn't mean that I don't love you at all. Because I do. And that bit of my heart, that bit of pain and suffering will always be there. Even if it doesn't beat, my heart is still there. It's still intact; it's still willing to break at the smallest warning. It still has that one tear that will never fix.

So maybe you can help me, maybe you can help me to forget about that little tear, to forget about the part of me that longs to be with you. I know it's cruel, and I know it's a terrible thing to ask of you, but maybe that sun in you can help me to forget the break in my heart and instead remember the bit of it that is now a part of yours. Because I know I can trust you with a piece of my heart, and I know that even if it is torn in two, the piece of those two that you have will be safe. You won't give it back, sure, but you'll help me to forget that you even have it. Just like a friend that's taken your favourite top and denies that they have it, even though they know that you know that they do.

And yes, I agree, that was a terrible example.

But you know what I mean.

See what I mean about the happiness thing? Even when I'm talking about you ripping out a piece of my heart and taking it for yourself I can't hep but joke about it. What can I say? My sun is a very bright one. Bright enough to be able to warm me even when the rest of me is cold. Bright enough to make my skin sparkle like a diamond whenever its light falls on me. Bright enough to keep me smiling, even when I'm broken. Wow, my sun must be pretty bright. And it is. I know it is, maybe it doesn't know just yet though. So if you ever see my sun, my Jake, tell him please? Because I'd love to keep in contact with him. I'd love to see him again.

And remind him that he owes me a lifetime of servitude. Which, for me, means an eternity of servitude. Handy, right?

By my shoulder, Edward let out a reluctant chuckle. I turned to smile at him briefly, before signing off.

It was right to end it like this, wasn't it? It was right to end everything with me smiling, not crying. It was right for to end with Jacob's name on a letter before me, the word love right beside it. He deserved that, at least. I deserved that: to sign off with a bit of class. Not sobbing my eyes out as I remembered the sacrifice I was making, but laughing as I remember the great times I'd had leading to this, and the ones I could still have in the future.

My life was far from over. It was just at a brand new beginning; that was all.

Love, for as long as you're still my Jacob, Bella.

P.S. I'll never forget you