Disclaimer: See chapter 1.

A/N: Before I forget to mention, there are some spoilers of seasons 2&3. Thanks for the reviews!!!

Chimp1984: Patience is a virtue...:-)

Chapter 12

One day I started to burry myself in work once more and the contact with Lise diminished. Not that she held it against me or blamed me, no she understood that my work was very important to me. I worked so much that I became addicted to work again, I pulled doubles and triples neglecting the effect it had on my health and my mood.

In the beginning I could get away with it, nobody complained or badgered me, but after a couple of months they started to notice yet again. I became dark Sara: workaholic, take out on speed dial, no diversions, almost no sleep, moody, haunted by her very own demons… I could go on for a while but I think this covers it well enough.

Nick thought I could do with some human contact and tried to hook me up with friends of him, he always told me I needed a diversion and even though it was nice of him I wasn't interested in his friends. I could have told him I was gay, but I decided against it, I'm not sure what made me holdback but I don't like talking about myself and I knew that he would ask me a lot of questions I wasn't ready to answer. Eventually he would tell someone and then the whole lab would know, I'm not ashamed of who I am, but I hate it when people start to use labels, plus there are probably some people working in the lab who aren't sympathetic towards homosexuality, maybe one day he would realize it without actually telling him.

Not so much luck, he kept on giving me numbers of his male friends and telling me I should go out more. I was sick and tired of it and I decided I would take him up on his offer, what harm would it do to just have a good time with someone. Nick and I were assigned to the same case, we had a decomp in the dessert, I'll never forget the smell. After shift I would tell him I wanted to "date" one of his friends, but then I met Hank… He seemed a nice enough guy, maybe if I became friends with him everybody would stop nagging me about getting a life…

Maybe now is a good time to tell something about my "relationship" with Catherine first. As I said before she was hostile towards me in the beginning and although I was mesmerized by this stunning woman, I didn't trust her. Maybe it was her unreceptive attitude or the fact I couldn't read her or because she seemed to really hate my guts or maybe a combination of those things, I don't know.

But it was hard for me to be in the same room with her, part of me wanted to become friends with her but another part told me it was best to keep her at a safe distance. She became an enigma for me, in order to know what kind of person she really was, I initiated a little investigation called Who is Catherine Willows.

When she was working, I watched her intensely and I started to notice a lot of things, for instance she talks about the victims using their name, when she's on a case she tries everything in her power to find out what happened letting not one thing distract her, the cases that get to her the most are the ones which involve children, although she acts like no one can intimidate her and she on top of everything she's a little insecure when it comes to her personal life, when she has worked a hard case only one thing helps her to put it aside: sex, she uses her sexuality when she wants to get information from anybody involved in the case, and she's a great mother.

It's not easy on her, being a single mom working nights but she tries to give her daughter the best and she really loves her little one. I learned a lot about her just by watching, okay I admit it might sound a bit freaky I know so much about her, it's almost like I'm stalking her but that's not what I'm doing.

When she thinks nobody sees her, she lets down her guard making me able to get to know the real her. I basically became an admirer, because she's a really great person. I tried to avoid her as much as possible to give her time to get used to me and it worked, she became friendlier with every passing month. We worked perfectly together, our minds thought as one. We collected the evidence, discussed COD with Doc Robbins, divided the things that needed to be processed without argument and talked about our findings. We even completed each other's sentences when we were recreating the scene verbally. I liked working with her, she's so passionate about solving the puzzle. She gets this sparkle in her eyes which make the blue come out even more. That doesn't mean we didn't have any arguments anymore… I don't know why, but it seems we are incapable of discussing something without getting on each other's nerves. She always knows how to push my buttons and I know exactly how to infuriate her. And although she hurt me more than once, I enjoy our heated conversations too much. You're sick, Sidle. But… we work together as a team.

When we worked the homicide of a six-year-old girl in the Tunnel of Love at a travelling carnival, I understood how much cases with (dead) children got to Catherine. Catherine didn't wait for Grissom to assign her this case, she picked it herself and she handpicked me to help her. From the moment we arrived at the scene Catherine behaved strangely, she almost slapped the assistant coroner because he didn't use a new body bag, then she almost harassed the witnesses/suspects.

After collecting the evidence and questioning the owners, employees and the mother we headed back to the lab. Catherine, of course was driving. I was afraid she would get us in an accident with the way she was breaking the traffic laws. I wanted to tell her that it was better to let me drive, but I know this was very dangerous seeing the mood she was in. I looked at her, her jaw was clenched, she had a death grip on the steering wheel and she was looking intensely at the road in front of her. I became very nervous but I had to do this.

"Erm…Catherine…I know this case is hard on you and I understand how you are feeling, but I really think it's better if you let me drive."

Her head snapped in my direction and daggers were flying from her eyes. 'Very bad idea indeed.' She remained silent, though I thought she was going to attack me. I couldn't look at her, her glare made me scared, for a moment I thought she would slap me. Then she relaxed a bit and sighed, without saying a word she stopped at the curb and got out. I got out too and walked over to the driver's side still not knowing whether I should say something or remain silent. Before we drove off I looked at her again and saw the sad look on her face. I couldn't stay quiet, this case was eating at her.

"So, you want to tell me what you are going through?"

She looked at me and gave me a small smile.

"Thanks for asking, I know when I get like this most people think it's better to leave me alone. I just hate it when children get hurt, they're so small and vulnerable! What's wrong with the world!" she said, the anger clear in her voice.

"Well, I don't know why but some people just hurt children because it makes them feel stronger and better than they are. You see, they lose their way through life, they are incapable of doing anything right and they blame children, even their own. By hurting them they feel superior and it gives them so much power they fool themselves in thinking they aren't losers anymore because they control someone." Catherine just stared at me, blinking. I told her more than I wanted and she must have heard the anger and pain in my voice. I really hoped she wouldn't ask me where that came from.

"I just want justice for the kids, someone has to speak up for them." Whew, she didn't question me. "Sara, would you like to have lunch with me later today?" Did she just say what I think she said? I had to do everything I could not to crash the car. It prevented me from answering her question. "No bad idea, you probably have plans…"

"No Cath, I would love to have lunch with you…"

Back at the lab Catherine gave the urine sample to Greg and I researched the carnival's background. This was interesting the carnival had violations in eight different states and the owner of the Tunnel of Love is a convicted sex offender. I took the results and went in search of Catherine, she was in Greg's lab, when I told her what I found out she called Brass and we interviewed Thomas Pickens aka Roger Peet, the owner. Catherine thought he yanked the girl out of the car in the dark, I told her we had to support that thought with evidence, she turned and walked away. It was supposed to be our lunch break, so much for lunch with her…

After we went to see doc Robins we went back to the carnival to process the ride and we discovered that the only person who could get the girl out of the car and into the water was the mother herself. We drove to her house and asked to see the clothing she wore, her watch had been wet but her shoes weren't so she held her daughter under long enough to drown. Catherine got even more upset with the mother than with Pickens, she told Brass to arrest her and then she grabbed her purse and walked away, I followed her.

"Hey…are you alright?" I questioned, I was worried about her. She really had a hard time and I wanted to be there for her.

"Yeah." she said unconvincingly.

"Since we skipped lunch, you want to get something to eat? Walk it off?" I offered. I was really glad when she asked me to have lunch with her, it would be great to actually do something with her outside of work, alone. Maybe we would have a chance to talk a bit and actually become good friends.

She nods her head "I got to go home. Thanks. Rain check?"

I knew she was lying, I don't know where she was going but it definitely wasn't home. Why was she lying? What was I thinking…she liked me? It's not because we work well together we are friends, just colleagues and nothing more. The fact she said no didn't bother me much, but the fact she lied really hurt me. I hate it when people lie! Especially when I'm having a hard time trusting them as it is, I knew she was untrustworthy.

"Mm hmm" I didn't know what to say, I wanted to tell her she was a liar. I turned and walked away before she saw how much she had hurt me. She was probably going to one of her boyfriends to have some meaningless sex to let of steam but why didn't she just say so. I was giving this much more thought than it was worth.

I'm in the break room fixing a coffee, I hear someone enter but I don't bother to look who it is. I had a terrible night and I just need a cup of coffee. The person came closer towards me and I recognized the scent, it's Catherine.

"Hi, I'm glad I found you here. You're on a break?"

I turn around and face her, she lied to me how could she think I had forgotten about that. Then again I never told her I knew she was lying. "Actually I'm just having a coffee. I'm busy processing some evidence." I say coldly. "Why? Feeling bored… so you think let's talk to someone." I glare at her, she's confused, she doesn't know why I was acting like I couldn't care less.

"Well…em…I wanted to ask if you would like to grab something to eat." She's still trying to figure out what she's done wrong.

I snort "Ow, now I'm good enough to go eat something… what everybody else is busy?" What does she think I am! Some objects you can use whenever you need it. I don't give her the chance to respond as I walk out of the break room, just before I exit she pulls me back in. Now I'm really pissed off!

"Sidle, what is your problem? You may be really smart but you don't have any social skills!" she yelled "I was trying to be friendly here, you know because you ARE a FRIEND and you insult me?!"

Oh so now I am her friend, why didn't she tell me before. I snort again before replying "I am your friend…nice! You lie to all your friends, Catherine? Or just to the ones you don't like?" she has that confused look again, she really thinks I am clueless because I live for my job and apparently have no life.

That hurts even more. I don't wait for her responds, I don't care what she has to say. "You don't have to pretend to like me, it's okay. We can just be colleagues and work perfectly well together. But please have the courtesy to tell me the truth." She still looks hurt and I don't know why exactly. "If I ask you to have dinner with me just as friends and you want to be somewhere else more, just TELL ME! Don't say you're going home when the place you go to is anything but your home." With that I walk out and go straight to my lab.

I'm processing the evidence again when a knock startles me. Oh no, it's her again. I am still to pissed to talk to her, why didn't she see that! "Look Sara, I'm sorry. I thought it would hurt if I told you I wanted to be somewhere else."

"It's not like I was asking you out and you had to turn me down. I was just asking because I thought it would be a good idea for you to talk to someone, to a friend." I have calmed down a bit, because she is actually telling the truth. The look on her face changes, but she's unreadable again. Something I said made her built up her walls again. I hate it when she does that!

"You know what, Sidle, forget it!" Here we go again. I don't know what made her change from friendly to bitch in 1 second but here is bitch Catherine again. I sigh, I'm really getting tired of these games. We are supposed to be adults, but we keep acting like frustrated teenagers when we are around each other. I want this bickering to end! Catherine hasn't moved an inch, she's waiting for me to yell back at her, so we can have a really nice fight. But I won't. I have had arguments or differences with every single person who works in this lab, but never have we been verbally harassing each other. When I have a disagreement with Catherine, we always end up yelling at each other. This has to stop! I really want her to like me and be my friend. But every time she tries to get to know me, I push her away because I don't trust her. Or so I keep telling myself. Maybe I should stop searching for excuses…

"You want to have breakfast with me?" I say calmly.

Well...would she say yes or no...hmmmm...what do you think? Sorry for the cliffie ;-) I couldn't resist evil laugh Next chapter will be up soon!!! And that's a promise.