Disclaimer: see chapter 1

A/N: Sorry for the long wait, I have to do re-examinations so I was studying my ass off... Poor me! LOL!

Ana: I'm from Antwerp so if you want to review (hopefully) it doesn't need to be in English ;-)

To all the others: Thank you for the reviews, you guys rock :-)!!!! Oh, Chimp1984: Thank you for the suggestion, you're right, how would Sara react...I changed the chapter a bit just for you, I hope you like it :-)

Chapter 14

I'm wandering through the lab going somewhere… since I woke up after that dream I wasn't able to fall asleep again and with all the hard work from the past days I'm exhausted. I'm actually trying to avoid the break room and the locker room because shift is about to start and I really don't want to face Catherine right now. I don't think I'm going to be able to hide my feelings for her. if I have to, I'll keep on walking through the lab for the entire shift. Grissom will probably think I'm still working on an unsolved case or going over some evidence I haven't figured out yet. I keep my gaze to the floor so I don't have to face anyone, I'm really not in the mood to answer any questions concerning my appearance.

How is this possible, my brain clearly told my legs to go in the other direction but clearly they didn't want to hear it. I find myself standing in front of my locker, I hear voices outside the door telling me Warrick, Nick and Catherine have arrived and are walking towards me. I keep telling my legs to move to hide in one of the shower stalls but again they disobey me. I'm rooted to the spot… Act calm Sidle, then they won't notice anything.

"Hi Sara." Oh no, she uses her sweet voice to address me. It's different though, it sounds husky. Maybe I'm just imagining this because the last time I heard her voice, she was moaning my name.

"Hi guys." I say, still staring into my locker as if I'm looking for something.

"Sara, is everything alright?" Damn, I didn't do such a good job I didn't even look at her and she already noticed something is up with me.

"I'm fine, honestly."

"Then why do you say guys, when we're the only ones in here?" I don't even have to look at her to know she's smirking.

I feel a heat spreading across my cheeks, I open my mouth to come up with an excuse or a response but I have to close it again. My mind is completely blank, the only thing occupying it are visions of a naked Catherine enjoying what I'm doing to her. To make it worse, she steps closer towards me and she puts her hands on my hips. That simple touch makes my blood race and my breathing becomes erratic, I close my eyes and try to compose myself. She spins me around and forces me to look at her, I open my eyes slowly and lock them with her blue orbs. The same orbs that made me realize who the naked goddess in my dream was, I gasp when a shot of electricity surges through my veins.

Instead of saying anything, she turns around and walks quickly to the door before she exits she says "See you in the break room…" without turning around. I could have sworn I saw her blushing when she heard my sharp intake of breath. But I don't trust my visions or my thoughts about her right now.

It has been weeks since my little revelation and Catherine and I are still friends. Or it sure looks that way. We had breakfast on regular basis, I went over to her house a couple of times, when she needs someone to talk to, she sometimes comes to me. But I never told her how I felt about her. She didn't even know I am gay and I didn't want her to feel awkward around me knowing I'm attracted to her. It wasn't hard to hide my feelings, I'm used of hiding things about myself, feelings included. I supposed that even if she didn't feel awkward I would be pretty hurt and upset if she would turn me down. It's better not to know what she thinks of me. The important thing was we still worked great together and we were finally becoming friends. I had been thinking a lot about my feelings for her only to realize that I had been attracted to her from the first time I saw her. I just couldn't put a finger on my feelings then, because I was too busy keeping her at a distance.

Like I said, after a year and a half working as a CSI in Vegas, I became dark Sara again and Nick wanted me to go out with his friends. Luckily, or so I thought back then, I met Hank. I was processing liquid man's coat and puking my guts out because of the smell… Suddenly Hank showed up, to ask me out. To be honest I was quite flattered, we had been flirting playfully when CSI picked up the body earlier but I didn't expect him to come to the lab and actually ask me out. Nevertheless I scared him away with the unpleasant odor covering me. After showering with 20 lemons to get rid of the smell, I called Catherine. I told her about the case and Hank, nothing special just that he seemed a nice guy and that he asked me out. I called Catherine quite often when I hadn't seen her much at work, or she called me. We talked for half an hour, before I went to bed. However just before I fell asleep, my cell rang.

"Sidle."

"Hi Sara, it's me Hank." I don't know how he got my number, not that it mattered anyway.

"Hi…" Okay he seemed nice, but I don't know him at all so I'm not sure what to say.

"I hope you're not mad because I rang you but I wanted to apologize for my childlike behavior earlier today."

"Oh…forget it. The smell was really bad, I understand why you left. Apology accepted." I smile to the phone.

"I was serious you know, I want to go out with you. Have dinner, maybe go to a movie." He sounds nervous.

"Great idea, a movie sounds nice."

We talked some more about our jobs and what movies we like. After making arrangements we hung up. Unfortunately work interfered with our plans and I had to cancel them. Well, that's not entirely true, I let work interfere, as dark Sara always did. I came up with excuses to justify why I worked too hard. Mostly it worked, but then we had this case about a woman who didn't leave her house only when it was absolutely necessary.

She worked at home, she ordered everything she needed out of catalogs, she cooked the same way as I did: take-out on speed dial, she had no friends or almost none. Nick told me again to get out more and I realized he was right. I went home and threw all the mail order catalogs and leftovers of take-out away. What am I doing with my life, I have no friends outside the lab, I haven't gone out with any of them anymore lately not even Catherine, it's been months since I have spoken Lise, this is not good. I can't do this to myself. I picked up my phone and called Catherine.

I broke down, she was quite surprised I was this emotional, we might be friends but I don't always show how I really feel and I still don't like to talk about myself not even with her. She convinced me to ask a friend outside work to go out. After we hung up, I called Hank. He really loved to go but he couldn't, we made arrangements for some other time and I promised myself I wouldn't let anything get in the way.

"Hey Sara…" I was on my way to Greg in DNA but apparently someone else needs me.

"Warrick…"

"It's been awhile since we went out and I was wondering…"

I cut him off mid-sentence "Sorry, but I already have plans. It's my night off." His mouth opens and closes, he's very surprised and I can see a bit of relieve in his eyes.

"Anyone we know?" He's fishing, probably the guys have placed bets about whom I was dating or something. They thought they were discrete, but mostly it was common knowledge.

So I told him I was going to the movies with Hank and that we would have dinner first in this diner I knew. He whistled clearly having the wrong impression, I didn't explain to him that Hank was just a friend, he was clearly happy with the illusion that I was romantically involved with someone.

"I would appreciate it if you kept it to yourself." He gives me a knowing smile.

I'm at a diner waiting for Hank, I'm early as usual. After a couple of minutes Hank walks in, he is smiling, he says hi and sits down across of me. We order and discuss which movie we are going to see later. The waitress brings our food, it smells great like always, I have been to this diner before, it's a nice and quiet one. And I don't think the guys know this place so I'm sure we are not going to be disturbed by anyone from work.

"I can't believe you called. I actually got you outside of work." He's beaming.

I can't help but smile. "This is nice." It feels really good to sit here with someone not work-related, also the food is delicious. I've eaten way too much take-out lately.

"I don't normally date women from work but there was…something about you. And it definitely wasn't your perfume."

Oh no, not the odor fiasco again, I laugh and nearly choke, I cough to clear my throat. Clearly he's having the wrong impression too, I really hope we can be friends without him hitting on me. I can handle the flirting, it's playful, it doesn't actually mean something. Right? "I can't believe you brought that up."

Outside the horn of a car sounds loudly, I turn my gaze towards the sound and see a car park on the other side of the road. It's a beautiful car, a Lexus if I'm not mistaken. The owners step out and I have to admit that the driver was even more beautiful than the car. I know her… it's Catherine. What is she doing here? Oh no, of all people, why her? Great. I'm shocked from seeing Catherine and begin to stutter "Yeah, that that that, uh, day we met that that was, that was very gross."

I realize I'm still watching Catherine so I shift my gaze back to Hank. Nice one, Sidle he definitely doesn't know something's up when you behave like a stuttering idiot!

I continue "Um…I mean, not for me but for everyone else … for you …" As if it wasn't bad enough already, the door to the diner opens and Catherine walks in. I forget instantaneously what I was saying and look at her. She doesn't seem to notice me, how can she not see me. What's this all about, she's back to bitch Catherine???

"Isn't that one of your coworkers?"

"Yeah." If he said something else to me, I didn't hear it. My mind was working overtime and I kept staring at Catherine who was now sitting at the bar with a man I haven't seen before and I doubt he's her type. What is she doing here with that man and why did she pretend she didn't know me? Questions continue swirling in my head, but I can't answer them. Hank is trying to get my attention but to no avail. When the waitress brings our desserts, I become aware of the fact that I'm not alone and that I haven't spoken for over ten minutes.

"Where were you, you looked so lost in thought…I tried to get your attention several times…"

"I'm sorry." It's lame, but I don't know him well enough to tell him about my inner turmoil. I quickly and successfully change the topic and we manage to have a nice conversation again. I'm trying to block the thoughts still swirling in my head, I'm doing pretty well until Catherine puts a glass with a bloody finger in front of me without so much as a nod.

"Is that a finger?" I ignore him, get up and walk out hoping to catch up with Catherine to ask her about this. But I'm too late…

"I'm sorry but I have to get this to the lab ASAP." Hank nods knowingly, I throw some bills on the table and leave.

Back at the lab we discovered that Catherine somehow got herself involved in a kidnapping, I also discovered that Warrick had told Nick, who had told Catherine, where I was going for dinner. Initially I was upset because I had specifically asked him not to tell anyone, but I couldn't stay angry for long. This must have been big news 'Sara Sidle dating someone outside work', we all look out for each other, so I guess Warrick just informed the others that I was finally getting a "life".

Hank and I have been to the movies a few times now, afterwards we ate something and we talked . I feel comfortable around him, but I'm not attracted to him. I know he wants more from me, but he's uncertain whether he should go for it or not. I really hate to break his heart, why didn't I just tell him I'm not interested? It's unfair, I know how he feels and I lead him on. I let him believe that we could be more. I'm using him, when realization dawns upon me I feel nauseous. Hank noticed the change in me, he looks concerned "Sara, are you okay?"

"Honestly, no I am not. I have to tell you something, I really like you Hank but…" For a moment he looked very delighted then it dawns upon him I said 'but' so I continue "I'm not interested in you the way you want me to be." He didn't say anything, then he gave me a small smile and said he liked my honesty although I knew it would hurt him. He was taking it better than I anticipated.

I have friends inside and outside of work, I go out with Hank from time to time, I have Catherine, Nick stopped harassing me about going out with his friends, Greg stopped asking me out, basically everything went great, I could have been perfectly happy. As always something has to go wrong and it does… Grissom.

I don't know what's up with him lately but he totally ignores me, I work my ass off, the only thing I want is his appreciation, I truthfully don't know what's got into him. When I first started to work here, I did everything I could to impress him. Once he told me I didn't need to impress him, I stopped doing it. It was stupid, I acted like a six-year-old just to impress him, I became even reckless sometimes.

My second year everything went great, but then he didn't acknowledge me anymore, he avoided me maybe not intentionally but I don't care. He was supposed to be my friend, he was supposed to respect me. But he didn't, he just took me for granted. As if I waited by the phone for his phone call, okay I was glad to be able to have a change but that doesn't mean I did it solely for him. I tried to impress him because it's important for me that the people I respect and admire acknowledged my work. I'm lacking confidence when it comes to my abilities.

When he asked me to get rid of his meat-experiment, I was furious! The entire lab knows I became a vegetarian after the experiment with the pig and the one, I thought knew me best and longest, doesn't! I had had enough, this is just great! If he doesn't want to talk to me, fine! But if he doesn't respect me, problem! I don't want to work for someone who doesn't respect me, what does he think I am! I don't hesitate, I go to the front desk and fill in leave of absence papers and throw them on his desk. Later that shift I pass his office and he wants to discuss it with me, there's nothing to discuss but I walk in anyway.

Thanks for reading...