A/N: I know short chapter...but longer ones will follow :-) About that hating thing...well, read it and let me know. Please be nice ;-)

Thank you for the reviews! It was a real ego boost :-)

Anyway...enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 22

I wake up and try to open my eyes, but as soon as they are open I have to close them again. I have an excruciating headache and everything starts to spin. I open one eye slightly trying to observe my surroundings, I'm definitely in my bedroom which is good I guess because I can't remember how on earth I got here. My body is slowly waking up too and I feel heat emanating from someone next to me. I try to open my eyes a bit more and I see a very beautiful naked body pressed against mine.

Oh no, we can't have… it's stupid trying to deny I had sex with her, because I'm also naked and there's this musky smell surrounding us. My body feels sore and given by the stinging pain coming from my back, I guess I have several scratches on it. Damn, why do I always have to make things difficult… I remember my conversation with Hank and the visit to the strip club, images of a dancing Catherine flood my mind and I can only guess what happened afterwards.

We were both drunk, we talked about Hank and Catherine told me how depressed and frustrated she felt lately. We could have just enjoyed ourselves and could've gone home separately, but no that would have been too easy. We had to spice things up a bit, or at least I did, I asked her to dance for me. I was doing so well, I was successfully denying my feelings for her, I was effectively avoiding physical contact with her… How can I ever act normal around her again? We had sex, the feeling of satisfaction is telling me we had wonderful sex…

On top of this all I'm having a killer hangover. I sigh heavily and start to move my sore body away from the bed, so far so good. I put my feet carefully on the floor and steady myself before I stand up. I take a deep breath and stand up very very slowly. My legs are shaky but I manage to stay upright. Okay, now the hard part, moving my legs… It takes me again a couple of moments before I move my left foot first and then my right one.

It took me almost double the time it normally does, but I made it to the kitchen. I smile to myself for managing what seemed to be the hardest task in the world. I can't drink coffee that's for sure, so I make myself a nice cup of tea and decide what to do next. I should talk to Catherine but what do I say, I really want to come clean and tell her how I feel but … I don't know. Look what happened with Hank, I trusted him, we were close friends, I almost took the next step but that bastard was just using me.

What if Catherine is using me too, she almost kissed me one time then she was drunk too and she was frustrated, no difference this time. Except well…I was also drunk this time and I let her. So we ended up in my bed, but she doesn't know what this means to me, she can't know, I never told her how I really feel. I sigh again, this is complicated. If she would feel the same for me she would have told me, wouldn't she. Catherine is not the kind of woman to be withholding. How stupid can one be… I just found out Hank used me for over a year and now I let Catherine do the same… not entirely the same because I wanted it, but now what…

I can't do this, I can't tell her I'm in love with her, if she doesn't return my feelings that would be unbearable. I go to my bathroom, have a quick shower, I put on some clean clothes and write a note for Catherine.

Cath,

I had to go urgently, you don't have to wait for me.

CU tonight

S.

I put it on the table, grab my keys and I head out not knowing where I'm going to. So I drive for a couple of hours, it helps me to clear my head. I head back home, hoping Catherine is gone, I have to get ready before I go to the lab. I turn of the ignition and suddenly it dawns upon me that we took a cab last night because we were in no state to drive. Fuck! I hit my head against my steering wheel. I left Catherine in my apartment, without coffee, food or a car. I'm not just an idiot, I'm an incredible stupid selfish idiot!

I reach my door in no time and open it, I step inside but there's no sign of Catherine anywhere. Shit! I grab my phone and call her, after just one ring I hear "Willows."

"Hey, it's me. I'm so sorry Cath. I'm such an idiot."

"Uh, Sara what are you talking about?" She sounds confused and a bit upset, oh no she thinks I am talking about us…her and me I mean… having sex. Sidle, get a grip for once!

"Well, I left you and forgot you didn't have a car to get back home and …"

She cuts me off "Oh, don't worry bout that, I am a big girl." She actually sounds relieved.

"You sure?"

"Of course erm…Sara about last night…"

I cut her off before she says anything that could hurt me "It's okay Cath, I understand."

"No, listen to me. It was really nice, thanks."

Nice? Nice? Is that all it was, just nice. It was fucking amazing, although I can't remember everything yet I know it had to be. But this confirms all my doubts about her feelings for me, I have to fight back tears that are forming behind my eyes. "Yeah, it was. See you later."

Thanks for reading. And for those of you I might have dissapointed...I'm sorry, but it will get better. Patience still is a virtue! WOW I'm beginning to sound like Grissom... Need. Rest. Now! LOL