A/N: Thanks to RenitaLeandra who got this chapter done extra quick!
Chapter 5
Hermione woke the next morning with a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. At first, she could not place why she had that feeling, and then the previous day's events came back to her; first with Ron's funeral and then Snape's return. She forced back the tears that came to her eyes every time she thought of Ron and instead, tried to bury her head in her pillow in an attempt to block out the thought of what she had to do. It did not last long, however, since she heard Tonks's voice come from the other side of the drawn curtain.
"Hermione, you'd better get up if you don't want to be late. It's six-thirty now."
Hermione mumbled something unintelligible and threw the covers back. She climbed out of bed and saw Tonks smiling at her, her hair a shocking colour of electric blue.
"What do you think?" Tonks said, pulling at the corkscrew curls. "I thought I'd experiment."
"Oh! Um…well it certainly is different," Hermione said rubbing her eyes and yawning. "What does Remus think?"
"Well, you know, he's partial to pink," Tonks said her face turning a little red. "Actually, he um…screamed. I suppose I should warn him when I'm going to morph."
Hermione couldn't help but smile at the other woman, whose cheerfulness was amazingly contagious. She pulled on an old set of burgundy robes and pulled a brush through her hair, that always resembled a rat's nest after she had slept, and pulled it back away from her face.
"I guess I'll run down and see if I can grab a bite to eat before I have to meet Snape," she said pulling on her shoes. She looked around at the other drawn curtains. Susan Bones had also stayed in the Gryffindor tower the night before, being the only Hufflepuff girl. Luna and Ginny also appeared to still be asleep.
"They told me last night to tell you good luck," Tonks said nodding in the direction of the other beds. "This whole thing is so strange. It's too bad you can't say what's going on."
Tonks was clearly hinting around for some information but Hermione gave her an apologetic smile. "We'll explain it all when the war is over, but it's for everyone's safety that we don't now."
"That's what Remus said," Tonks said with a sigh and a smile. "Oh well. I'll guess I'll just have to wait a little longer."
Hermione left the Gryffindor tower and quickly made her way down to the Great Hall. She didn't have much time before she had to meet Snape, but she didn't think that Occlumency lessons would go well on an empty stomach… and she had never been one to skip meals.
The Great Hall was mostly empty except for Harry and Remus who were sitting in a corner of one of the tables talking quietly. Hermione walked over to them and they looked up and smiled in greeting.
"Morning, Hermione," Remus said patting her on the back. "How are you feeling this morning?"
She sat down next to him and grabbed several pieces of toast, spreading butter thickly on them. She shrugged her shoulders and grabbed a rasher of bacon. "Nervous I suppose. Occlumency didn't go so well for Harry did it?"
Harry's eyes looked dark with anger. "I swear Hermione, if he treats you the way he treated me I'll…"
"Oh honestly Harry," Hermione said rolling her eyes, "I'll be fine."
She swallowed her first piece of toast and glanced quickly at the time. She had five minutes to get to the Room of Requirement.
"I'd better go. I wouldn't want to be late." She grabbed the rest of her toast and bacon and hurried out of the room, eating as she went.
She was just finishing her last piece of bacon when she reached the Room of Requirement. She brushed her hands off on her robes and opened the door. Severus was already there. The room was quite ordinary looking with the bare walls and floor with only two rickety wooden chairs sitting in it. Hermione swallowed hard. Obviously he wasn't going to encourage her to be comfortable.
"You were almost late," Severus said crossly from the other side of the room. Hermione felt a flare of annoyance.
"There is a phrase for almost late, Professor," Hermione shot back. "It's 'on time'."
Severus glared at her and crossed the room. "You will get nowhere with that sort of attitude. That's how Potter went into these lessons and clearly he was completely inept. And don't call me Professor."
Hermione decided, for the benefit of both of them to ignore his digs at Harry. "Then what should I call you?"
He stopped for a long moment as if this was something that hadn't occurred to him. Finally he heaved a sigh. "I suppose Severus."
Hermione's eyes widened with shock. Remus was the only former professor she had ever managed to call by his first name, and even that had taken a long time before she felt comfortable.
There was a long uncomfortable silence and Hermione found herself staring at her feet. Finally Severus heaved another sigh.
"Well we better get this over with," he said and motioned toward the two chairs. "Sit."
Hermione walked over and sat in one of the chairs. It creaked slightly under her body weight. Severus sat across from her in the other.
"I would assume that in all of your infernal reading that you have come to understand exactly what Legilimency and Occlumency are?" he asked and she nodded. "Good, that at least saves me from lengthy explanations. Now, what you are going to have to learn to do is not only to block the Dark Lord from your thoughts, but also allow him access to false memories, that you will train yourself to plant in your mind. Although he is aware that Potter is planning an attempt to destroy him, to the best of my knowledge he does not yet know that Potter is aware of the Horcruxes. Therefore, you will need to keep him away from any thoughts related to your search. It will take a certain amount of skill that it is yet to be determined you have."
Hermione felt her face flush. She would love nothing more than to point out that she got seven "O's" on her N.E.W.T.S., but she swallowed her pride and said nothing. It was as if he knew exactly what she was thinking, however.
"Reading and studying will be no help to you here, Miss Granger. Either you can do it or you can't. Now, I want you to let go of your emotions and clear your mind."
Hermione took a deep breath and attempted to empty her mind. It proved more difficult to do that she expected, with all the nervous fluttering she felt in her stomach, but after several long moments she felt that her mind was sufficiently clear. She looked up and met his eyes.
"Are you ready?" he asked and she nodded. "Very well, on the count of three. One… two…three. Legilimens!"
She was surprised with the amount of force he used and it overwhelmed her. She suddenly saw herself as a young child with a group of school girls laughing at her… She was crying in the girls bathroom with the troll bursting in… She was looking around the corner, a mirror in her hand… She was staggering under the weight of the books in her third year as she used the time turner. And then suddenly, it was all gone and she was leaning over, gasping for breath.
"That was pathetic, Miss Granger. I would have expected more from you," Severus sneered. "You must keep your head clear or the Dark Lord will be able to see everything. He will know all."
Hermione nodded and closed her eyes, taking deep breaths to calm her racing heart. She forced all the thoughts to the back of her mind and looked up at him again.
"Are you ready?" he asked and again she nodded. "Legilimens!"
She was standing at her grandmother's grave, crying… She was fighting the Death Eaters at the Department of Magic… She was dancing with Victor Krum at the Yule Ball… Slowly, she fought with herself, trying to keep her emotions under control, and as she did, she noticed the memories becoming a little dimmer and Severus a little clearer. She began trying to force him out of her mind and then she suddenly saw her and Ron arguing in their sixth year. She cried out in surprise and now, the memories were flashing before her again. When they stopped, she saw that she had fallen out of the chair on to her hands and knees. She kneeled there panting for a moment, trying to force her tears back. She should have known he would use the memories of Ron to his advantage.
Severus stood and walked over to her. "You cannot allow your emotions to distract you," he said, his voice cold and hard. "The Dark Lord will use that to his advantage."
Hermione nodded, still leaned over on her knees. After a long moment, she pulled herself up and sat back onto the chair. "I'm ready," she said meeting his eyes.
Severus looked at her with a small amount of surprise showing on his face. He had expected her to back down. He returned to his seat as well. "Very well. Legilimens!"
Again, the memories flooded before her. She was arguing with Ron at the Yule Ball… She was kissing Ron last summer at Bill and Fleur's wedding… She and Ron were sitting together crying at Dumbledore's funeral. With this memory, she noticed that suddenly Severus was much clearer and the memories had faded some, almost as if he was distracted. She tried to use that to her advantage. She attempted to guide him to the memories that she wanted him to see. She was sitting at Bill's bedside after the battle at Hogwarts… She was standing outside Severus's office as Professor Flitwick came rushing in.
With each one, the memories became slightly dimmer and Severus came more into focus. Suddenly Severus let up again and, although she was breathing hard, he was the one that was pale and shaking.
"How…how did you know to do that?" he asked once he had regained his composure.
"I don't know," Hermione said honestly. "I saw that the memory of Dumbledore's funeral was upsetting to you, so I tried to guide you to other memories that might have the same effect."
"Well, that was a decent enough try," Severus said. It was the closest thing to a compliment Hermione had ever got from him. "Perhaps we should try again. This time, however, I won't go easy on you."
Hermione shuddered to herself thinking that she was in trouble if he had been easy on her, but she looked him in the eye and waited.
"One…two…three… Legilimens!"
She was sitting at Ron's bedside after he had been poisoned… She was fighting at Riddle Manor… Ron was giving her a Christmas present, his face red with embarrassment…
Hermione forced the emotions that went with those memories away, concentrating on Severus as he maintained eye contact. She tried to force him elsewhere in her mind. She was hexing Severus in the Shrieking Shack… She was in the Pensieve watching the memory of his Unbreakable Vow…She was looking at him standing next to Bellatrix Lestrange at Riddle Manor.
Severus broke the eye contact. Again, he looked pale and disturbed and suddenly there appeared a table with two goblets on it. Picking up one of the goblets, he drank it down quickly. He motioned to Hermione to do the same. She picked hers up and saw that there was just water in it. It was cold and clear and she was surprised to realize how thirsty she had become.
They continued to practice throughout the rest of the morning. Sometimes Hermione successfully managed to either push Severus out of her mind, or redirect him to thoughts of her own choosing. Other times he would find memories so painful or intense, that she could not keep the emotions away. Finally, after one particularly painful memory of a day she and Ron had spent together just a few weeks before, he stopped and, when she had composed herself enough to straighten up and look at him, he did not take his chair again.
"You need to eat," he said shortly. "It is lunch time. I suggest you take advantage of it and rest for a while. I will meet you back here in three hours."
Hermione was surprised he was giving her so much time, but said nothing while she hurried out of the room. Severus watched her go and, as the door shut behind her, sank back into his chair wearily. He had not expected for this to be as hard on him as it was on her, but she clearly had a gift for leading him straight to memories that could unsettle him.
Hermione made her way down to the Great Hall as fast as her legs could carry her. As she reached it, she heard the faint buzz of voices inside. Pushing open the doors, she saw much of the Order was inside, chatting and eating their lunch. Molly was the first to see her and she hurried over.
"Hermione, dear, are you alright?" she asked pulling Hermione into a hug and then leading her over to a table heaped with food. "You look pale as a ghost."
"I'm okay," she said sitting down next to Susan Bones and smiling across the table to Harry and Ginny. "My head hurts a little, but that's to be expected isn't it?"
Susan looked over at her with a sympathetic expression. "How did it go?" she asked, taking a bite of chicken. Ginny was passing Hermione food and she was piling it onto her plate. She felt as though she'd never been so hungry in her life.
"The session went well," Hermione said taking a drink of pumpkin juice. "I think Snape is having as hard a time with it as I am. I keep trying to show him memories that he wouldn't like."
"Wow!" Harry said, looking clearly impressed. "I never had that much control over my emotions. You must be really good."
"Well, I don't feel as if I'm good. He has a knack for finding memories that are the most…upsetting." She didn't want to go into any more detail and after one glance at Harry he knew better than to ask anything more. Instead everyone concentrated on the food in front of them. Hermione's head began to feel a little better as she ate and her mood began to improve. After she finished eating, she excused herself so she could lie down for a while before she had to meet with Severus again.
The rest of the day was long and brutal, almost as much for Severus as it was for Hermione. They continued though, even as the afternoon passed well into the evening. Hermione was determined to be successful in finally giving the Order the chance they needed with Voldemort. She never complained and never asked to stop. Every time Severus was sure that she could not go any further, she would pull herself back up and declare that she was ready. He tried accessing a variety of memories to find the ones that she had the hardest time defending herself from. It seemed memories of her parents and Ron Weasley were the most intense for her and so he went for them again and again. Finally, however, it became clear that he was going to have to be the one to stop them for the day.
"One more time," he said as she pulled her hair back from her face. It had fallen out earlier and she had just now noticed. "Then you will need to go and rest. It will do no good if you are too exhausted tomorrow."
Hermione nodded, establishing eye contact with him. "I'm ready," she said steadily.
"Very well. Legilimens!"
He knew right where to go to get the memories that she had the most trouble defending. She and Ron were cuddled on the couch at the Burrow… She and Ron were holding hands by the Black Lake… She and Ron in his room at the Burrow making love for the first time…
"NO!" she heard herself scream as she felt herself begin to gag, falling to the floor. She no longer had control over her body and she felt herself heave, relieving itself of her lunch. Finally she laid still, tears falling out of her eyes as she tried to push away the memories that had been brought to the surface.
"Evanesco," said Severus, and the floor was once again clean. Walking over to Hermione, he handed her a handkerchief. Taking it, she muttered her thanks and finally raised her eyes to look at him.
"I think," he said evenly, regardless of his pale face, "that there are some memories that would be best for me to avoid."
She nodded and he turned around walking toward the door. "Seven o'clock tomorrow morning," he said and then he was gone.