A/N: Why did Sara DUI? This is my take on the event... If you want more, start reading then :-)!

Chapter 33

I stopped using beer to sleep, things slowly became normal again. I have spoken with Catherine about Chris and the little one was right, I'm also sure she doesn't love him. But she seems happy about having someone around, if she's happy I'm happy. Grissom and I are working great together, but we still haven't talked yet. I mean about his feelings.

I still blame myself but less and less with each passing day, I'm making plans to ask him out again. Only this time not on a date, just so we can talk. I need to explain him why I asked him out and I need to tell him how I feel about him and have always felt. Maybe I'll even tell him I'm gay, we shall see.

I met Chris, I don't like him either. I didn't show it, Catherine was nice enough to invite me over for dinner with her, Chris and Lindsey. I think Lindsey made her or maybe she wanted to show me she and Chris don't have what we had. I had to remind her a couple of times, she was seeing Chris instead of me and I was amused when I saw the jealous look on Chris's face. Jerk! I believe Catherine forgot to mention I am the ex-girlfriend she's still in love with. Not that it matters.

After dinner Lindsey dragged me into her bedroom and asked me all about Chris. I told her the truth in PG terms and we started to make fun of him and his weird face. Chris just doesn't have what it takes to make Catherine tick. He might be nice, but I doubt he is able to satisfy her. I would be surprised if he actually managed to make her climax just once. Of course I don't tell Lindsey this. I have to admit I'm having a great time.

I started to enjoy life again until I learned Grissom recommended Nick for the promotion, the fact itself doesn't bother me, but the fact he didn't even tell me personally does! I thought we were friends, okay I confess I made a big mistake everyone is tired of hearing me rant about it, I myself am sick and tired of it… how could he? He is always the first I go to when I have a problem, mostly only work related does it matter… A promotion is work related, isn't it? Why didn't he tell me and why didn't he tell me the reason. I just got a lot of uh's and ah's and um's then he walked away.

Forget sleep, I need beer!

'Would you just listen to me, please?'

'No I won't listen to you, Sara. You are in no position to tell me to end things with Chris.'

'I know I'm not but I wouldn't tell you this unless I had a reason.' She won't listen to me I can try as I might, she will just think I'm jealous.

'A reason, ha and what reason might that be…jealousy perhaps.' What did I tell you…

'Believe me Catherine, I am not jealous.' I regret saying those words the minute they leave my lips. I see the look on her face and I know I'm in trouble, this is so not good.

Her jaw clenches and she stares at me, she's trying to kill me with her eyes at least that's the feeling I get. 'Nice. How stupid of me to think you actually cared.'

'I do care about you, but jealousy is not the reason I'm telling you to be careful with this man.' Anger is starting to surface in me, I hate it when she turns a serious conversation into a laughing stock.

'Save your efforts for someone that can be bothered with them. I date whomever I choose to date, I asked you some time ago if that would be a problem for you and you told me to go ahead and don't keep him waiting. Now, you're telling me to stay away from him. Perhaps you should get a life of your own.' Her tone is harsh and her words cut me like knives.

'Perhaps you should be a bit more picky about the men you choose to date, then I wouldn't be standing here to tell you to be careful.' I feel her hand connect with my cheek and it takes me a minute to realize what happened, she hit me!

'YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO CALL ME A SLUT!!!' she is furious, but not as furious as I am. She's right I shouldn't have said it the way I did, but I didn't mean it like that. I touch my cheek, it still stings… no matter what I said, she doesn't have the right to hit me.

I push her vehemently against the lockers, she comes in contact with them pretty harsh. Nobody has the right to touch me like that, my blood is boiling and for a moment I want to hurt her badly. I look at her and shout 'DON'T. EVER. HIT. ME. AGAIN!' I'm startled by the tone of my own voice, it's intimidating and almost a growl. She's afraid of me, good! I turn around and walk away. I am beyond angry, I'm even beyond furious, I wanted to hurt her… my stomach tightens and I feel nauseous. I take a couple of deep breaths to calm myself, my heart beat which was dangerously fast diminishes a bit. I close my eyes to prevent my head from spinning this fast.

'Sara, you okay?' Nick's concerned voice surprises me.

'Yeah I guess.' He puts an arm around my shoulder and looks at me, his eyes are filled with concern.

'I think I know what you need… a drink.'

I smile at him, a drink sounds very good. 'Let's go.'

We're walking along the sidewalk when Warrick asks us if we want to get something to eat. I'm a bit tired and I don't think I will be able to eat, I tell the guys I'm going to call it a night. Warrick says bye and leaves Nick and me alone. He's such a great guy, always looking out for his friends. Since I learned he was recommended for the promotion I have been avoiding him, I didn't even congratulate him. He definitely noticed the change in me, still he forgave me and was worried about me when he saw me back at the lab.

I congratulate him with his almost promotion, although it still hurts me. He knows this all too well and makes a comment on it. I smile at him and walk away. I get into my car and start to drive home. All of a sudden I hear the siren of a police car, uh oh I'm busted. I get out of my car. I take the breath test without saying a word, I hand the officer my driver's license and registration. When he sees I'm a CSI he smiles at me.

'You blew .09, that's over the limit. But seeing your profession I'm going to cut you some slack. I'll just call your supervisor.' I remain silent not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.

The officer brings me to the station and talks to Grissom, when he's done Grissom walks over to me. His eyes are full of love, care and worry. I know he blames himself, but I'm the one to blame not him. He takes my hand, I don't look at him I'm too ashamed of myself.

'Come on. I'll take you home.'

I didn't speak, I didn't look at him, I just absentmindedly followed him towards his car and then guided him to my apartment. He is sitting on the couch and I am sitting next to him, neither spoke. I stare at a fiber I discovered on my floor, I have been staring for so long that sometimes it seems to move or disappear. My mind is blank and my body is worn-out, my eyelids are heavy and if I would close my eyes I would immediately drift to sleep.

Grissom is the first to move, he motions for me to lay down I obey him silently. His smile is the last thing I see before I drift off. I dream a lot of crazy things and a lot of familiar faces submerge in my sleeping mind. When I open my eyes after who knows how long I still feel drained. Grissom is still sitting in the exact same spot and is staring at something unknown to me.

'You still here?' I ask in a small voice.

Grissom is shocked by the sound of my voice, I suppose he was sleeping with his eyes open and is snapped out of his trance. He remains silent, he just looks at me and the corners of his mouth twist a bit.

I sit up straight and I sigh heavily, if I'm not going to start nobody will 'Thank you for taking care of me. That was sweet.'

'You looked so drained, it was best you slept first.' Then he sighs and visibly reflects on how to continue 'What's wrong with you, Sara?'

'I don't know, Griss. I…um…' it's better to just get this over with. 'I'm so sorry for what I put you through.'

He has no clue what I'm talking about, I roll my eyes at his totally perplexed face and have an instant urge to smirk at him, but under these circumstances it's better to not actually do that. I'll just continue, of course Grissom's brain has caught up with him as he remembers how to make his vocal cords produce sound 'It wasn't that much trouble…'

Isn't he just cute! I can't deny the grin that's slowly forming on my face 'I wasn't talking about this.' And I literally motion with my hand to indicate us sitting here, he bringing me home.

'Oh…' the ever articulate Grissom has spoken.

If I want to make him understand at once, I'll have to handle this as a talk about some case otherwise he will only keep staring and being incoherent. 'A while back we had a case about a young woman, the one with the enormous collection of butterflies. I'm sure you remember the case because you worked three days straight. Well, you acted all strange around me and I didn't know why. I could have asked you, but you would have waved it away. When the suspect was brought in for questioning I was looking in through the two-way mirror, hoping to get a hint of what bothered you…' I pause checking to see if he is still with me, he is I clearly see understanding dawn upon his face. 'I heard every single word you told that doctor and I instantly understood why you wouldn't go out with me when I asked you.'

He furrows his brow, he understands what I'm saying but he doesn't know how everything is connected. 'It pained me more than words can say, you're feelings for me run much deeper than affection, don't they?'

He nods. 'You know I love you too, but my feelings are only affectionate. I think you're intelligent, caring, cute even attractive and probably so much more...' He blushes when I say this, I roll my eyes again. 'But I will never have passionate feelings for you, I just wanted to make you happy. I missed you, I missed my best friend, I missed the man I could talk to for hours like we used to do and I had this crazy idea of starting a relationship with you. Also it would have made things much easier for me.'

'How would dating me make things easier?' Point taken, he still is my supervisor, I never thought about the consequences this would have on our professional lives.

'Call me crazy.' I smile at him and he returns it. 'I regretted I put you through the ordeal of acknowledging your feeling for me. You had been fighting your attraction for almost three years by the time I asked you out, no wonder you didn't know what to do about this. I didn't comprehend it, I thought you were just being you're closed-off self.' I don't tell him anything about the beers I needed to put myself to sleep and he doesn't ask about why I drove under influence.

'Hey don't regret it, what good ever comes of it? Still we have a little problem, as your supervisor I have to tell you you need to see a counselor. As a friend I'll tell you if there's anything don't hesitate to call me.'

I thank him and tell him every cloud has a silver lining. We still don't talk about the drinking, I don't want to and Grissom knows this. I'm glad I finally told him what was bothering me, now I can return to my 'normal' life again. My actions could have cost me my job, now they only force me to take some time off and to see a counselor, the latter is something I definitely dread but I have no choice. We say goodbye then I crawl into my bed for much needed sleep.

Like I told you, no GSR ;-)! Thanks for reading.