A/N: Yikes! Sorry it's been a while, but here's the next chapter. And it's a bit longer too! Endless thanks to my betas RenitaLeandra and Keladry Lupin for all their hard work in making this fic readable!
Chapter 14
Severus had trouble resting that night. After he had stormed out of Hermione's room, he had gone to speak with Harry and Tonks to find out what had happened at King's Cross. They were both pale and shaking as they described the Dementors swarming down on the Hogwarts Express, singling out all the Muggle-borns. At one point Harry even had to run to the bathroom; everyone pretended that they could not hear him vomiting.
He also had an in depth discussion with Remus and Sturgis Podmore about the attack on Hogwarts once Remus had returned from delivering the news of Bill's death to Molly and Arthur. Although the Order had suffered its worst blow since the return of Voldemort, they had also taken several prominent Death Eaters with them. Both Rodolphus Lestrange and Walden Macnair had been killed. They said Bellatrix had been in a furious rage at the death of her husband, and Minerva had been the one to pay the price.
Yet, as disturbing a day as it had been, it was not only the death of nearly two dozen children or even the death of respected Order members that was occupying Severus's mind. He could not help replaying the events in Hermione's room over and over again. It seemed that these feelings for her had come out of nowhere. Hadn't she always been the annoying little know-it-all with bushy hair and big teeth? When had he started to look at her as a person?
He sighed heavily as he sat drinking a cup of tea in the kitchen and he rubbed his weary eyes with the palms of his hands. He wished they could just destroy the Horcruxes and be done with it. Remus had agreed to call an Order meeting for the next day, allowing some of the less-injured members the chance to make an appearance. Since Hermione's capture by the Death Eaters, it had become necessary to fill more people in on why they were continuing to keep her at Grimmauld Place, and so the entire Order had been told about the Horcruxes. He also knew there would have to be planning involved as to how they would finally attack Voldemort and the Death Eaters, but the sooner he could be done with it, the better. He wanted to move on with his life; perhaps have an existence beyond one of a spy.
He heard a noise and glanced up to see Remus walk in. For a moment he paused at the door, as if unsure if he should continue to enter, but Severus said nothing to discourage him and so he continued in. He walked over to the kettle and poured himself some tea as well.
"You look like you could use some sleep," Remus said in as light a voice as he could manage.
Severus grunted. "I don't need much sleep. I've spent too many years having to forgo such luxuries."
Remus sat down on a chair across the table from him and stared into his cup as if he was hoping to see his fortune.
"Harry told Hermione what happened today," he finally said quietly. Severus grimaced inwardly. Couldn't they have waited a little longer?
"And?" he asked impatiently.
"Naturally she is distraught. Susan had to give her a Calming Draught just to get her to rest."
Severus said nothing but rose from his chair and turned away, resting his hands on the counter facing the wall. They continued to stay that way in silence for several minutes before he spoke again.
"She has been through a terrible ordeal; more than anyone else here, including Potter. I think it would be wise to give her some time to deal with her grief. She knows about the Horcruxes, but I think it would be best to keep her out of the planning for the attack against Voldemort."
Remus gave Severus a long, hard look, as if he was seeing him for the first time. He had never seen Severus express concern for anyone's well being before, and certainly not at the expense of the Order and their success.
"I agree that Hermione needs time to heal, but I think it should be up to her if she wants to be involved or not."
"She is impetuous and overly emotional!" Severus said, his temper rising. "She thinks with her emotions and not with her head! It's what got her in this mess in the first place."
"No, Severus," Remus said his voice quiet and calm. "You got her in this mess in the first place. You were right to do so, but you were very forceful in your persuasion. And do not mistake courage for impetuousness. Hermione is a grown woman, and we do not have the right to withhold this from her."
"I will do what I must to protect her!" Severus yelled and then stopped short, realizing what he just said. Remus gave him a small knowing smile.
"I do not doubt it, Severus," he said. And then he stood up and walked out of the room, the smile still on his face.
The Order meeting was called late the next morning. Severus felt exhausted; he had been unable to rest all night. The one time he had checked on Hermione she had been asleep – much to his relief. Everyone had gathered in the living room. Severus had arrived early, taking a spot next to Remus, knowing he would be expected to speak.
He watched as other members gathered. First Aberforth, taking his spot in the back, then Tonks, sitting next to Remus still looking pale and clutching his hand. Then Fred and George came in. They looked shaken and were quieter than he had ever seen them. Next Harry came in with Ginny; they sat on the other side of Tonks, and Ginny was wiping away tears. Then Sturgis, Dedalus and Elphias came in as a group, sitting by Alberforth. Lee, Dean, Neville and Luna also came in and Neville whispered to Remus that Angelina, Ernie and Seamus were still at St. Mungo's and would not be joining them. Following them all was Arthur, informing them that Molly was still back at the Burrow with Fleur, making preparations for Bill's funeral. His voice broke as he spoke.
Remus had just risen from his seat in order to begin speaking when he heard a creaking on the stairs. A moment later Hermione emerged, supported by Susan. She looked exhausted, but she had obviously bathed and dressed. There was a murmur of discussion as everyone turned to see her; Fred and George rose, throwing their arms around her.
Severus began to move toward her, but Remus put his hand out to stop him. Even had he not, the scathing look Hermione gave him would have stopped him in his tracks. Not since his return to the Order had he seen someone give him a look so full of fury.
Hermione shuffled over to a worn armchair, sinking down into it. Harry and Ginny moved over by her and Harry patted her on the arm. She smiled up at them and turned to wait for Remus to begin.
"Well," Remus said after Hermione had settled herself for the meeting, "I suppose first off, I should express my relief at seeing Hermione back with us. I must admit, I feared we had made a grave error more than once, but in the end, it appears that our plan was a success."
"You call what happened yesterday a success?" Elphias said in his wheezy voice. "Children slaughtered; Minerva dead! We have taken a heavy blow and you speak as if we have won the war!"
A couple of people murmured agreement, and Remus waited until the noise died down before speaking again.
"Do not think that I don't understand the significance of our losses yesterday. It will be a day that our world will remember with sadness for years to come. But we also had a great victory, striking at the heart of You-Know-Who." He then turned and motioned for Severus to stand.
Severus rose and picked up the bag containing the Horcruxes. He opened it and set them out on the coffee table in front of him. He heard Harry gasp as he saw the goblet.
"What I have here are two of the three remaining Horcruxes." He waited for the sudden outbreak of noise to die down. "They will be destroyed within the next week if everything goes according to plan."
Harry stepped forward and gingerly reached out to touch the goblet and then the wand. He looked up at Severus, his expression intense.
"I want to help."
"I thought you would and it is important that you do," Severus said with a short nod. "However,you will need to follow my and Remus's directions explicitly; unless you're interested in a far worse fate than a blackened hand."
For a moment it looked like Harry would argue, but reason won out and he did not. Instead, he had another question for Severus.
"And what about Nagini? How will we kill her?"
"I have already arranged for that," Severus said. "I would prefer not to go into details at this point, however, rest assured that by the time you and the Dark Lord face each other, Nagini will be destroyed."
"And why should we trust you?" Harry asked accusingly.
"How thick-headed are you, Potter? I have just handed you a third of the Dark Lord's soul and you are still asking for further proof of my loyalty? Look over there," Severus said pointing toward Hermione. She seemed to shrink into the chair. "I returned your precious bookworm to you, did I not?"
"This is all well and good," Harry said, not giving in, "but I'm not going to go into Riddle Manor expecting to be able to kill Voldemort only to find out that he cannot be killed."
"I will give you further details, if you are going to be so insistent. However, I am not going to enlighten you in front of everyone. There are other people's lives at risk besides the ones that sit in this room."
This seemed to appease Harry for the time being, and the meeting turned to the subject of the destruction of the Horcruxes and the consequent attack on Riddle Manor. After much discussion and debate, it was decided that if everything went according to plan, they could attack within the next month. Harry was in favour of a quicker schedule, but Severus insisted that it would take that long for everyone to learn the layout of the Manor and plan for all contingencies. He assured them that Voldemort would be reeling from the loss of the Horcruxes, and he would not dare attack the Order directly with only one Horcrux remaining. He also warned them that although Voldemort would not attack in person, they should be prepared for an increasing number of assaults from his Death Eaters.
It was agreed that all Order members would keep as low a profile as possible, staying either at Grimmauld Place or at Hogwarts in the Gryffindor or Hufflepuff dormitories; the Slytherin and Ravenclaw rooms were demolished by Voldemort's attacks. Remus had gone earlier that day to assess the damage to Hogwarts and, although it was extensive, there were some parts that were still usable. They had reset the wards and had decided that it would still be a good location to use as a base.
After several long and tiring hours, the group finally began to break up. Tonks left with several of the others to go to Hogwarts and prepare things andwould be returning laterwith Portkeys so that they would not be vulnerable trying to get to the castle. Most of the rest returned to their homes to pack what belongings they could before they went into hiding. As everyone was leaving, Severus pulled Harry aside.
"We have things to discuss. Meet me in the kitchen after everyone has left."
Harry nodded and then turned back to Ginny who was preparing to Floo to the Burrow. Out of the corner of his eye, Severus saw Hermione limping towards him. He ignored the strange, nervous feeling he suddenly felt in his stomach. Everyone else had left and he was not sure what she was going to say.
"I just wanted to tell you that you were right," she said, standing stiffly in front of him. Severus was surprised. This was not what he was expecting.
"I was right?" he asked cautiously, and she nodded.
"Yes. Relationships should be built on respect and kindness, not desperation. Clearly I was mistaken as to what I could expect from you."
Severus felt his blood boil. Here he was trying to protect her, and she was insulting him!
"I am glad to know we are on the same page then, Miss Granger. Perhaps it would be best if we avoided each other then." He gave her one last furious look before storming away to the kitchen to meet with Harry.
Several minutes later, Harry had said good-bye to Ginny and joined Severus and Remus in the kitchen. He had just sat down when the door swung open again and Hermione walked through.
"What are you doing here?" Severus said glaring at her. "I thought we just agreed that your company would be better appreciated elsewhere."
"I am not here for your company. I am here to support Harry," she said trying to hold herself up as high as possible and trying to force the blush off her face. "I think I deserve to be here. I think I deserve to know all of your secrets, considering the things I have been put through."
"You already know everything, you silly girl!" Severus was furious and having trouble containing it. "You should be resting."
"I want to know what your plans are in regards to Nagini."
"Bloody hell, woman! You already know."
Hermione looked genuinely confused. "No, I don't."
"Think about it Miss Granger. Who do you know that would be perfectly positioned to get close enough to the Dark Lord to kill Nagini?"
"Draco," she breathed in a whisper. Both Harry and Remus looked at her, alarmed.
"Malfoy?" Harry asked his eyes hardening. He then turned to Severus. "You are trusting our fate to Malfoy?"
"Harry," Hermione said quietly. "I haven't had the chance to tell you everything that happened while I was at Riddle Manor, but I was imprisoned with Draco the entire time. Trust me when I say that he has no love for Voldemort. He is well aware of our plans already. We can trust him."
Hermione looked him in the eyes, willing for him to believe her. Finally Harry looked away, shaking his head.
"I never thought I'd see the day where my life was in the hands of Snape and Malfoy," he said with a humourless laugh. "I don't suppose I have a choice, do I?"
"No," Severus said shortly. "Now, Draco has orders that when I give him a signal, he is to use a Portkey that I have given him that will take him directly to the front entrance where a wand lieshidden for him. He is to immediately find and kill Nagini and then he will give me a signal letting me know it is done."
Harry looked annoyed and opened his mouth to speak, but he caught Hermione faintly shaking her head. He gave her a dirty look but said nothing and closed his mouth.
"This can all be discussed in greater detail as we develop a more detailed plan for the attack," Remus said, rubbing his eyes and standing up. "We have had a very long couple of days and everyone needs a rest, especially Hermione. I suggest we end this for now."
"Very well," Severus said, his eyes flickering towards Hermione at Remus's mention of her name. "I will be staying here and at Hogwarts for the remaining time until the attack. For obvious reasons, I cannot be seen anywhere a Death Eater may find me. We will meet later to discuss the destruction of the Horcruxes. Potter, I will let you know when that is."
He then swept from the room. Harry noticed that Hermione's eyes followed him as he left. When she saw him looking at her, she flushed a dark red.
"Well, I'm going to go back to St. Mungo's and check on everyone who is still there," Remus said, also moving towards the door. "Harry, I'll see you when I return. Hermione, I would hope that you'll be resting, but I do want to talk to you sometime in the next day or so. I want to know everything that happened at Riddle Manor."
Hermione nodded and Remus exited through the door, leaving Hermione and Harry alone. She was surprised to notice that it felt a bit uncomfortable. As if she wasn't sure how to behave. It was a strange feeling to have around someone she considered almost to be a brother.
"So," she said nervously rising, "are you hungry? Would you like something to eat?"
Harry looked at her for a long moment before speaking. When he did, it was not in answer to her question.
"So what's going on with you and Snape?"
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, feeling her face warm at the mention of Snape.
"Hermione, I saw how he kept looking at you and your face turns bright red every time the two of you are in the same room. And when I first walked into your room yesterday, he was sitting by your bed, holding your hand. I'm not blind and I'm not stupid. Merlin, Hermione, Ron's not even been dead a month yet."
Hermione felt a surge of anger towards her best friend. "I am well aware of when Ron died, Harry," she said, her voice like ice. "Nobody is trying to replace Ron. Nobody could replace him. I am insulted that you would even suggest such a thing."
Even as she spoke, though, she felt a nagging feeling of guilt deep down inside. She had no intention of replacing Ron with anyone, yet in all of the drama and intense emotions of the last several weeks, somehow she had pushed him to the back of her mind. She had not meant to; she had just been too busy surviving at Riddle Manor. Now she better understood Severus's words from the day before. That once she was thinking clearly, she would regret her actions. Of course, admitting it to herself and admitting it to Severus were two different things.
"Well, it just seemed that you and Snape seemed awfully close," Harry said.
"It's nothing, really. He looked after me the whole time I was at Riddle Manor and saved my life more than once. Obviously I am very grateful to him and consider him a friend; just as I do Draco." She said this last part warily. She knew that her interaction with Draco had been a shock to Harry.
"Malfoy!" Harry spat. "Do you really trust him, Hermione?"
Hermione gave her shoulders a shrug. "Well, he's a bit… different than he was when he was at Hogwarts. He's been a prisoner there for over a year. But, Harry, he did his share to help me as well. If it hadn't been for him, Dolohov would have… well… apparently Dolohov's hatred of Muggle-borns does not extend so far that he won't… use… " She couldn't find the words to continue.
Harry felt a sudden wave of nausea. When Susan had said that Hermione had not been raped, he had assumed nothing along those lines had happened. He swallowed hard.
"I'm sorry, Hermione," he said reaching across to hold her hand. "If you trust him, then I suppose I will have to trust him as well. It seems I have most of my enemies to thank for saving my best friend's life."
Hermione gave a faint smile. It seemed hard to believe that it had been a mere twenty-four hours since she had been rescued. In some ways it seemed like a lifetime ago, yet sometimes she still had to struggle to convince herself that she was actually, finally safe.
Harry looked at her as she sat thinking about her ordeal. She seemed to have changed in the short amount of time that she had been gone. He shuddered to think of the things that had been done to her. She had bruises, both old and new, over much of her body. Her face in particular was a mess. She also walked with a pronounced limp.
"I know you probably don't want to talk about it," he said slowly and she raised her eyes to look at him. "But I hope that someday you will be able tell me what all went on in there."
She looked away and her eyes filled with tears. She gave a small nod as she glanced back at him. He also nodded and rose.
"Come on, you need to get some rest. You should not have even come down. You must be exhausted."
"I am," she said, sounding a little shaky. "I didn't expect the meeting to go on for so long."
Harry helped her to her feet and she leaned on him for support, hobbling through the door. In the Entrance Hall, Severus was standing, talking to Arthur, who appeared to be getting ready to leave. Again, Hermione could not help but follow him with her eyes, yet when he turned to look at her she quickly looked away. She felt guilty at her behaviour, however, she was still angry at him for his.
As they walked towards the staircase, Arthur bade them good-bye and left. Severus turned towards them, watching their slow progress.
"Have you finally come to your senses and decided to go back to bed where you belong?" he said, his voice tense with anger. Mentally he berated himself. Why could he not resist goading her?
"I don't think it is any of your concern what I do with myself," Hermione ground out, her teeth clenched with the pain of her straining muscles. Her legs were ready to give out at any moment and the last thing she wanted was to collapse against him.
"You are certainly correct there. My only concern is how your selfishness is harming other members of the Order. Most notably your friend you are leaning on there." Severus knew he was saying things he would regret but once he started, all the feelings of frustration and anger he had been carrying with him the last several weeks welled up inside and he could not stop himself. His words had clearly had an effect on Hermione, who stopped in her tracks and turned to face him. Whether she was shaking from fury or exhaustion he could not tell.
"Selfishness? I nearly gave my life for the Order!" She was close to shouting and tears spilled from her eyes unchecked. "You don't know! You weren't there all those times when I had Voldemort in my mind…" She broke off into a choked sob. "You weren't there when… you don't understand…"
"Fine!" he said furiously. "Then make me understand."
Severus moved so quickly that no one could have stopped him if they had tried. He clasped her face tightly in his hands and forced her to look in his eyes. Although he said nothing, Hermione could feel him enter her mind. She could have easily blocked him, but instead she allowed him in. To see everything that had happened when he was not there to protect her. She told herself it was punishment for the cruel things he said.
He stood that way for several minutes; Harry standing in shock unsure of how to break them apart, or if he even should. Severus saw Bellatrix and Dolohov torturing her and he could almost feel the pain of the curses; he saw the endless attempts by Voldemort to break through the defences in her mind and the near constant use of the Cruciatus. When Severus reached the memory of Dolohov pressing her against the wall, his foul mouth on hers and his hands groping her, he broke away. He could feel the panic she had experienced; the fear of this one last humiliation, worse than all the rest. His face was pale and Hermione noticed that his hands were shaking.
"Susan said that he didn't… that you weren't…" Words seemed to have failed him.
"That doesn't mean he didn't try," Hermione finally said, her voice dropping to a whisper. Severus tried to reach out to her, but she moved away, backing into Harry, who put a protective arm around her.
"I think it's time I got you back to your room," Harry said quietly, giving Severus a look of fury. "I think you've been upset enough for today."
For a moment Hermione thought that Severus would stop them, however, after a moment of hesitation, he turned around and walked away. She and Harry continued their journey upstairs and, when they finally reached her room, Hermione collapsed onto the bed. As she climbed under the covers, laying her head back against the pillow, Harry looked down at her with concern.
"Are you going to be all right?" he asked as her eyes drooped wearily.
"I think so," Hermione said. "I just need some time."
Harry nodded and left the room. As she listened to his footsteps going down the hall, she felt the tears well up in her eyes again. She cursed to herself; she had never cried so much in her life and she felt weak and helpless. Finally, however, the exhaustion took over and she fell into a deep sleep.
Severus poured himself a Firewhisky, his hands continuing to shake as he did. He drank it in one swallow, relishing the burning sensation in his throat. How had this all become so complicated? The plan had been so simple when he had discussed it with Minerva that day in Hagrid's Hut. Had it really been less than a month ago? It felt like a lifetime.
He cursed himself for looking at those memories. It was the stuff nightmares were made of and he had brought that on her. As hard as it was to remember, sometimes, she was barely more than a girl. He cursed himself for that as well. She was young and vulnerable and he had taken advantage of that. He had been her teacher, for Merlin's sake!
He poured himself another drink and swallowed that one also. He had made a great, bloody mess of this and he had no idea how to fix it. He liked to think that he could just keep her out of harm's way; no more battles, no more fighting. Somehow he didn't think it was going to be that easy.
He was broken away from his thoughts by the sound of the kitchen door opening. He looked up to see Susan Bones coming in, an empty glass in her hand. She stopped short when she saw him.
"I'm sorry," she said moving quickly to set the dirty glass in the sink. "I won't bother you."
She moved to head back out the door, but he called her back. "I would like a word with you, Miss Bones." She paused and then turned back around, waiting for him to speak.
"You will probably be spending a bit of time with Miss Granger, won't you?" he asked. She nodded and he continued. "I would like daily reports from you regarding her progress. She has some serious injuries and I will not have her burdening the rest of the Order because of it."
Susan opened her mouth, presumably to protest. Damn Hufflepuff loyalty! But he cut her off before she got a chance to speak.
"I know what you are going to say. She's not a burden. I realize she does not intend to burden anyone, but it is my job as one of the leaders of the Order to know where any possible weaknesses are. If you do not tell me the truth, you will be endangering the lives of the other Order members."
Susan gave him a long look and he knew that she hadn't been fooled by his explanation. She did not say as much, though. Instead she just nodded her head.
"Very well. I will let you know how she is doing, sir."
"Thank you, Miss Bones," Severus said and the young woman hurried out of the room. His conscience felt slightly more at ease and he poured himself another drink.