Title: Meaningless - Chapter 4

Author: B0gw0ppit

Rating: M

Summary: Wendy couldn't believe she had been so stupid. Had it really all been meaningless? Wedges

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my dreams, my dog and my VW camper

Spoilers: A couple of small season 8 spoilers, but nothing plot-ruining at all.

Author's Note: I think it's amazing the misunderstandings that can spring up. You wouldn't believe it sometimes. I hope this flash backy thing isn't too confusing for anyone btw!

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"And then? What about the next day? What happened when you saw him in the lab? C'mon! You're making me squeeze every detail out of you!" Jacqui was practically jumping up and down on her stool.

Wendy gave her a half-hearted glare as she finished making the coffee and put a mug in front of Jacqui on the counter, choking back the emotion that threatened to overwhelm her as she forced the events of that night to resurface after weeks of keeping them firmly in a box. It hurt, the memory of that night, but not because she regretted it happening she realized now. No, it hurt because she was finally beginning to admit to herself that it had been good, better than anything she had ever known, and she wanted to cry for the thought of losing what might have been before it had even had a chance to begin.

For weeks she had refused to allow it mind-room, pushing it firmly into her closet of Things-That-I-Need-To-Forget every time she caught a glimpse of David Hodges in his lab, hunched over his precious microscope, dexterous hands working some miracle to produce that all important piece of evidence that would finally crack the case. She refused to look at those hands, not wanting to remember the way they had touched her, refused to look into those now cold turquoise eyes, eyes that had caressed her body as he undressed her with such reverence, and most of all she refused to acknowledge that she couldn't stop thinking about him.

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The day after the party at work she had been nervous as hell about seeing him again, not knowing what to say or how to act around him. And because of that she had hurt his feelings, not on purpose, but she had anyway.

She was with Mandy and Bobby in the break room, and the two other lab techs were rehashing the details of the night before. Wendy stayed quiet, her thoughts churning round and round in her head. She was confused - she couldn't stop thinking about Hodges and the way he had made her feel, but she knew too that he was really just an arrogant little creep who took pride in making everyone else feel inferior. How could she equate the way he had been last night with her to the way he was every single other day of the year? And more than that, what would everyone else think if they found out about it? She would be a laughing stock. Who in their right mind would even think about sleeping with the narky tech, drunk or not? How could she have been so stupid? What would she say to him when she saw him? Obviously they couldn't carry on seeing each other, it had just been one huge mistake and she just wanted to forget about it...

"... Earth to Simms..."

She was jolted back to reality to see Bobby's smiling face leaning over the table in front of her. He was snapping his fingers, and as she frowned at him he laughed.

"Wow, that must have been some daydream," he drawled, "y'all were miles away."

Wendy blinked and glanced at Mandy, who gave her a curious look.

"So?" said Bobby, obviously waiting for an answer to something.

"Sorry, what?" Wendy replied, pulling herself together and straightening in her seat.

"Where did you get to last night?" he repeated, sitting back down and crossing his arms. "We came looking for you to share a cab home and you were already gone."

Wendy froze, frantically trying to think what to say. She wasn't a liar by nature, and excuses didn't come easily to her.

"I erm... went home early," she blurted, saying the first thing that came to mind. "I had a headache."

She knew she was blushing, and the strange look Mandy was giving her didn't abate.

"That's funny," said the fingerprint tech slyly, "I could have sworn I saw you leaving with Hodges..."

Wendy froze, desperately trying to think of something to say. God, was this how suspects felt under the eagle eye of Brass? She took a deep breath, carefully so as not to attract attention, and slowly threw Mandy a puzzled frown, pouting a little as though deep in thought. Then she laughed, hoping it didn't sound too contrived.

"What? Hodges? Why the hell would I be with him?" She shuddered, grimacing exaggeratedly, and flicked a glance at Bobby to see if she was being convincing enough. "God, Mandy, I might have had a bit to drink but I would have to be a hell of a lot drunker than that to go anywhere near Hodges!"

Were they convinced? Could they tell she was lying? She felt bad about it, but she couldn't bear the jokes she knew would be made at her expense if they knew the truth, or worse, the looks of sympathy she might receive. Or even worse than that, they might start treating her as though she was some sort of weirdo, similar really to the way they treated Hodges now she came to think about it. She wasn't a bitch, not really, but her feelings were all mixed up inside and she was panicking quietly. No matter how she looked at it, she just could not see the Hodges they all knew and despised at the lab as the same gentle, caring man who had made her feel so good last night. She could only put it down to the drink and to her fragile ego that had been unwittingly trodden on by Nick Stokes. And right now her best form of defense was absolute denial, even to herself.

Outside the door the object of their derision stood frozen to the spot, unable to move. He had heard Wendy in there, and was about to go in to speak to her, to see if she was ok, to ask her... well, he didn't really know... maybe ask her if she wanted to go out sometime, or something. He wasn't really sure of the etiquette after you slept with a colleague at the office party, but he was going to say something. But before he could go in he had overheard... that. And because he was outside and she was sitting with her back to the glass Wendy didn't see the unusual look of genuine happiness that was evident in his eyes turn to utter defeat. She didn't see the expression of tentative hope leave his face to be replaced by desolation, or the spring in his step get squashed by the slump of his shoulders as he finally turned and walked straight back to his lab. Mandy saw it, but she took it as just another typical Hodges moment when the arrogant asshole couldn't believe someone didn't think he was wonderful. She didn't stop to think that Wendy's protest might have hurt his feelings, even if nothing had happened between them.

Hodges stormed along, almost knocking Catherine flying as she jumped quickly out of his way, back to the familiar equipment that he called his own; equipment which never let him down, never lied or denied his existence, equipment that he could rely on, unlike people. He should have known better than to think it was anything other than a drunken roll in the sack. His luck couldn't be that good, it never had been before so why should it change now? Well, he wasn't going to let her see how much her denial of him hurt. He would be coolly polite but distant, and she would see that it had meant nothing to him just the way it obviously meant nothing to her. With eyes now devoid of all emotion he began to study the latest trace he was supposed to be analyzing, and put Wendy Simms and her perfect body right to the back of his very busy and brilliant mind.

He deliberately stayed in his lab the whole day, avoiding any and all human contact. Luckily for him that in itself wasn't all that unusual, and neither was the ill-tempered snarl with which he greeted the only two people to visit him looking for results, Greg and Warrick. Sanders tried to joke him out of his mood, but Hodges was having none of it, not even rising to the boy's taunt that maybe he should get laid. Warrick merely gave him an old-fashioned look, and stalked out with his sheet of paper firmly grasped in his hand.

Later that evening the narky tech was finally going home, tension visible in the set of his shoulders and the grim lines around his mouth, when his luck finally ran out and he bumped into her quite by accident. She was just coming out of the locker room, and his reaction to her shocked expression was to set the precedent for the way they were destined to behave around each other from then on. After his first initial jolt of hope, which despite his determination he was unable to prevent, he clenched his jaw and set his mouth in a grim line, refusing to acknowledge the small smile and the almost inaudible 'hi' she offered him. He nodded at her coldly, face devoid of all expression, and hardened his heart against the flicker of doubt he saw in her dark eyes. His insides were in turmoil as his face held its blank expression perfectly, and he even took a second to feel quite proud of himself for pulling it off so well - he could have been an actor. So she thought it was ok to talk to him when they were alone did she? But not when she was with her oh so popular little clique of friends. Well that wasn't going to happen. He might be dumb for a smart guy, but he wasn't a complete doormat. There was no way in this world he was about to allow her to hurt him again. Once upon a time he had been stupid enough to give someone a second chance, and a third, and a fourth, and the experience had left him the insecure emotional void he was today. Since then he had erected high, sturdy walls around his fragile psyche, built out of sarcasm and arrogance and snippy wit, and he wasn't about to allow one chink of light to show through to risk the pain again.

Wendy stared at him for a long moment, confused and upset by his reaction to her. She of course was totally unaware that he had overheard her talking, and thought he was just being a pig. So what was new? She had been nervous about seeing him again, sure, but now that she had... well she wished she hadn't bothered even trying to be nice. He obviously was the asshole she had always thought him to be, and the night before had been some personal conquest on his part, probably some big cosmic plan he had dreamed up to plot the likelihood of someone like her actually consenting to sleep with someone like him. No doubt he had already posted the results of the experiment on the internet. She could have almost laughed at the thought, almost, but not quite. Somehow, whatever she had always thought of him before, she would never have put him down as a heartless bastard just out for what he could get. If she had she would never have gone near him, however drunk she was. Yet again David Hodges had succeeded in surprising her, but this time it was not at all a pleasant surprise. The worst thing about the meeting though was the unexpected pang of disappointment she felt at his treatment of her. She really didn't think she would care that much if he ignored her, if anything she would have expected to welcome it. At least it would have let her off the hook. But after last night she had expected... well, she didn't know what she expected really, something different to the cold shoulder she was getting from him though. She didn't allow herself to stop and wonder why it hurt so much.