Title: Meaningless - Chapter 5

Author: B0gw0ppit

Rating: M

Summary: Wendy couldn't believe she had been so stupid. Had it really all been meaningless? Wedges

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my dreams, my dog and my VW camper

----------------------------------------------

"My God, what a bastard," Jacqui breathed, of course only hearing Wendy's side of the story. "And he hasn't spoken to you since?"

Wendy looked around, half surprised to see that at some point during her reminiscing they had moved from the kitchen to the lounge, and her friend was now queen of the armchair, watching her expectantly. Sighing resignedly, she made herself comfortable on the couch, tucking her feet up under her and wrapping her hands around the third cup of coffee that hour.

She didn't want to think about that day, or any day since in fact, it had been horrible. At the time she had been more surprised than hurt at the way his treatment of her had made her feel, because she didn't think she cared that much whether he ignored her or not. For so long she had spent her work days trying to avoid any interaction with Hodges and his wandering eyes that it was hard to believe she might actuallywant to spend time with him. She shook her head.

"No," she replied, biting back tears fiercely, aware that of course she was only crying so much because of her condition... hormones and all that... It had nothing whatsoever to do with Hodges and the fact that she couldn't stop thinking about him.

She became aware of Jacqui watching her carefully, and looked up to meet concerned eyes.

"What are you going to do?" the older woman asked softly, and Wendy shrugged.

"I don't know," she admitted honestly. "I can't keep it... I don't have the first clue about bringing up a child."

She looked at her friend guiltily, thinking about Jacqui's own two kids and knowing how much the woman loved them. She knew she was being selfish, but honestly, she couldn't even think about keeping a child by a man she didn't love and who didn't love her, didn't even want to know her. But above all that, and something she could never tell even Jacqui, was the fact that ever since that night she hadn't been able to get David Hodges out of her mind. Every time she closed her eyes she would see his face, his soft gaze full of some emotion she didn't dare name, every time she touched her own skin it was as though his hands were on her, dexterous fingers tracing patterns across heated flesh, and every time she fell asleep it would be to dream of him making her feel the way he had made her feel that night, and she would wake tangled in sweaty sheets, flushed and breathless. The guy was invading her thoughts waking and sleeping, and she just couldn't get him out of her head. There was no way she could have a small Hodges lookalike running round reminding her about her mistake for ever. She still couldn't believe how stupid she had been, and she still couldn't quite understand what had happened to make Hodges not speak to her, but most of all she couldn't believe how much she cared.

Jacqui watched her for a long while silently, until Wendy felt quite uncomfortable under her knowing eyes.

"Look, I know it's none of my business," the older woman began carefully, as though turning over in her mind just how to say what was on her mind. "It's your body, your life that would change, but have you thought about telling him?"

Wendy stared at her in shock.

"No!" she blurted. "I... no."

Jacqui pursed her lips shrewdly, swallowing the last of her coffee and putting the mug on a side table.

"Why? If he's the complete asshole you believe him to be the least he can do is pay for an abortion," she said bluntly, watching Wendy for her reaction all the while.

Fresh tears sprang to the younger woman's eyes, and she sniffed loudly, wiping her eyes with the heel of her hand when she realized the Kleenex she was hanging on to was in shreds.

"I... can't..." she replied in a small voice, unable to elaborate.

In truth she didn't know why herself. All she knew was that she couldn't bear to see the look of resentment and accusation on Hodges' face if she did tell him. She couldn't bear for him to hate her for ruining his life as well as her own, for forcing him to pay for her mistake, or worst of all if he offered to marry her, to be a father to the kid. She most certainly couldn't bear having him do that knowing that he would never love her, never care for her, and would end up resenting her for tying him to something he didn't want any part of. He had made it all too clear by now that it had been a one night stand, the scratching of an itch, something to be forgotten about and ignored. She hadn't thought about this consciously, not really, because she wouldn't let herself think about her feelings for him, and why it mattered so much if he hated her or not. She shouldn't care, but she did, and she couldn't even begin to analyze why. All she knew was that the man had insinuated himself into her every thought and she couldn't get him out of her head.

"It's... complicated..."

Jacqui fixed her with her best hard-ass no nonsense glare and folded her arms across her chest.

"What's complicated about it? You were drunk, you got laid by a guy you wouldn't normally touch with a ten-foot pole, you regret it, end of story. Sorry hun, and I know this sounds harsh, but that little... problem..." She glanced pointedly down at Wendy's flat stomach, "can be easily disposed of. You can't ruin your life over a one-night stand with a guy you don't even care about."

Wendy stared at her, shocked at her tone, and at the fact that she seemed to be too involved with this whole situation, even for a concerned friend. Had this touched a nerve for her? Was one of her own kids a result of something similar perhaps? She knew Jacqui loved her kids to the ends of the earth, and wouldn't be without them, but she also knew that the older woman had given up school when she had gotten pregnant at the age of nineteen, giving up a promising career in law enforcement, before going back to college at a later date to pick up some of her studies. She was one of the lucky ones. Young mothers didn't often get the opportunity to return to the job they loved.

"You know what I think?" Jacqui was asking, and Wendy looked at her, frowning slightly in question. "I think you have feelings for him."

Wendy's jaw dropped, and she shook her head dumbly at the older woman.

"No! No I... I don't..."

Did she?