Title: Meaningless - Chapter 8

Author: B0gw0ppit

Rating: M

Summary: Wendy couldn't believe she had been so stupid. Had it really all been meaningless? Wedges

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my dreams, my dog and my VW camper

Author's Note: Ok, this is the last chapter guys. I could have kept it going, but I get bored quickly and I didn't want it to drag on for the sake of it. However, I think it could go a lot further, so I might write a sequel if I can get my muse going again! I am SO glad you've enjoyed it, and thanks for all the yummy reviews. I'll shut up now... Enjoy!

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Every time he saw her he wanted to reach out to her, to beg her to please like him again, to give him another chance, that he was sorry about whatever it was he had done so wrong as to make her hate him so much. But he didn't know what he had done wrong, he thought it had been good, he thought she wasn't the kind of girl who would sleep and run, who would deny it ever happening just to save face with her friends. Obviously he had been wrong, and she was just like all the others who laughed in his face if he ever dared let them know he was interested, or who told him lies and pretended to like him until someone better came along. And in any case he wasn't going to beg. He had done enough begging in the past, and had learned the hard way that showing your heart only resulted in it getting broken.

This morning had been no different. When he had bumped into her in the corridor he had been on the verge of speaking, the constant flicker of pleasure every time he saw her still evident even though they hadn't really spoken for weeks and he should be getting used to it by now. As with all the other times though, before he could say a word the little voice in his subconscious seeped into his mind.

Don't... you'll only be hurt again. She's like the others, she'll laugh at you and tell you not to be so ridiculous, of course she didn't really like you, she was just drunk, she just just had an itch she needed scratching, it meant nothing, you were crap...

And so he stopped before he had even begun, and his face fell back into his usual mask of indifference, and he walked past her without a word.

Now on his headlong flight to find her he couldn't stop Greg's words fluttering round his mind like confetti he couldn't quite catch to examine clearly..

Wendy's pregnant Wendy's pregnant...

He thrust open the door to the ladies' room, banging it on the wall tiles with a resounding thud. Empty... He ran on, looking left and right into labs and offices as he went. The locker room was just up ahead; there, that was where she was, he could feel it; David Hodges had never gone along with instinct before in his life but he did now. Just before he flung open the door however he skidded to a halt. What if it wasn't his? What if she really wasn't the sort of girl he thought - hoped - she was? For all he knew she might be sleeping with three other men... Not that she was sleeping with him, you couldn't call what they had done that. She had run out on him before they could sleep.

He didn't care, he had to know. Taking a deep breath he shoved the door open and marched in, to see Wendy sitting red-eyed on a bench with Jacqui, the ever-watchful companion, beside her handing out Kleenex. The fingerprint tech looked up as Hodges walked in and stopped just inside the door, and looked at Wendy questioningly. Wendy looked at Hodges but wouldn't meet his gaze, then gave a barely discernible nod. Jacqui gave her shoulders a last comforting squeeze and stood up, glaring at Hodges as she went out closing the door behind her.

The two who were left behind looked at one another in silence for an age, fresh tears drying on Wendy's face as she watched the image she held in her mind's eye of Hodges become reality. The sadness she saw in his gaze was immeasurable, underlying insecurities plainly seen even as he hardened his expression.

"Is it true?" he demanded, folding his arms as he stood in the semi-darkness of the room, cold voice echoing round metal lockers.

Wendy flinched and blinked, then clenched her jaw defiantly.

"Is what true?" she inquired blandly, hoping her voice wasn't shaking as much as she was.

Hodges took a deep, steadying breath, making a concerted effort to relax. If he got any more tense he would break. This was important, he needed to draw on what few social skills he had, otherwise he was going to blow this completely. Be tactful, be nice...

"You're pregnant," he replied tersely, and it was not a question.

"You've got a nerve Hodges," she spat, raging hormones lending her spirit suddenly. "You take what you want from me, then ignore me for two months, then the first time you do talk to me me you accuse me of being pregnant? Nice."

She felt a nudge of remorse as she saw the look in his eyes flicker uncertainly, but hardened her heart. He had hurt her, so she could hurt him right back.

"Well don't worry," she hissed, "it's not yours."

Hodges felt the cold stab of a knife straight through his heart, coupled with a kick in the guts that felt like it was delivered by a horse. He fell silent and blinked several times, then narrowed his eyes as he realized the lie in hers. He might not be the most intuitive when it came to women, but he had enough experience by now to know a lie when he heard one. Generally it was lies like, Of course we can still be friends, and, you're too good for me, but a lie was a lie. He sighed defeatedly, giving up the front he was tired of holding on to, and sat down on the bench beside her, leaving her plenty of room. For a moment he railed silently at the unfairness of life and the crap that forever seemed to land at his feet. Why were things always so difficult for him? Why was he always the one who got shit on? He stared down at the floor for a long moment trying to control his anger before turning his head to look at her.

"First you deny me, then you deny my child," he said harshly, digging blunt nails into metal to stop his hands shaking. "Do you really hate me that much Wendy?"

Wendy glanced up sharply as he looked at her, an icy fist clenching around her heart.

"Deny you? What do you mean?" she whispered, dreading his reply.

"I heard you," he replied bitterly, sneering as though she disgusted him. She didn't even have the guts to admit it; he had never really known her at all. But it didn't help - he still loved her. "In the break room, how you told them what a pathetic loser I am and how you wouldn't go near me if your life depended on it. Did they find that funny Wendy? Huh? Did you all have a good old laugh at Hodges the loser? Did you?"

He had given up trying to control his anger now, and he was hurting more than he cared to admit even to himself. Wendy felt ashamed. He was a human being, with feelings like the rest of them, and all anyone here ever did, including herself, was make him the butt of lab so-called humor. No one had ever taken the time to get to know him, not really; no one had ever stopped to wonder why he acted the way he did. She should have known better, and she especially should have known better after realizing that she had feelings for him. What did it matter what other people thought or said? They would have gotten used to it, they soon would have found someone else to talk about. And now she had ruined it all with her need to fit in, her fear of what people would think of her.

"You heard that?" she asked in a small voice, for want of anything else to say. Because she didn't know what to think, or how she felt. She looked down at her palms, face up on her lap, then risked a sidelong glance at his hands, hands that still sent a shiver through her at the thought of the way he had touched her.

"Yeah, I did," he said, his voice dripping sarcasm.

"I'm sorry..." she looked up at him, but he looked away, as though he couldn't bear to see her.

Frantically she searched for a way to save the situation, to give herself a chance to change his perception of her, because right now it looked as though he hated her, and truth be told she wasn't far wrong. Hate, as they say, is but one tiny step removed from Love.

"I panicked," she began, her voice picking up strength as she carried on. "I didn't want them to think I sleep around. I don't usually do that kind of thing."

"Mm... no," he replied consideringly, still not meeting her gaze. "You said it because it was me. You didn't want them to know you'd slept with me."

She fell silent, because what he said was true, and she didn't know what she could say to make things better. Yet more tears fell silently down dirt-streaked cheeks, and she sniffed, causing him to look at her once more.

"I'm so scared..." she said, the first honest thing she had said to him in weeks.

Hodges wavered as her genuinely frightened gaze met his, and he reached out towards her, his heart winning over the little voice for the moment.

"Is it mine?" he asked softly, his hand hovering just above hers, before he lost confidence and let it fall to rest on the bench between them.

She nodded, having followed the movement of his hand she now let her head hang as the tears fell unchecked, and he felt his heart clench in his chest. He could hardly believe he was doing this, that he was actually considering giving her a second chance, when all the other second chances he'd given people always blew straight back in his face. But he knew he was in love with her, and this time it was different. This time there was a child. He studied her face, tilting his head to one side and biting his bottom lip as emotion threatened to overwhelm him. He might be thinking about trying to make things right with her, but he wasn't an idiot; he wasn't about to let her see just how much he cared, and he wasn't about to let her get away with the things she had said about him either. He might be in love with her, but he wasn't going to let himself be used as a doormat again, not ever.

"None of you take me seriously, do you?" he asked, a rhetorical question really because he already knew the answer. "You all think I'm one big joke. I have feelings you know. It hurt to hear you say those things about me. I thought..."

He stopped, aware that his anger was rising again and wondering if it was all really worth it. But thoughts of the new life inside her kept coming back to him, and images of a happy family - all he had ever wanted - began to dance around his mind. He knew she wouldn't want that, knew she wouldn't want to actually be with him in that way, but she could at least let him see the baby. Maybe they could even take the kid out sometimes together. But then again no, she wouldn't want that, that would mean being seen with him. He raised his chin determinedly. He had lost everything now, what did it matter if she laughed at him again?

"That night was the best night of my life," he said, trying but not succeeding to keep his voice from rising in anger, to stop the humiliation he felt from leaking through into his words, "and you turned it into something cheap and sordid, something you made it obvious you just wanted to forget. For your information I never thought you slept around. I thought it was special to you too. Obviously I was wrong."

He spat the last sentence out bitterly, and Wendy felt like a complete bitch. But there was something else there too, a small thrill at catching a glimpse of the real David Hodges again, not the man who hid behind sarcasm and cutting remarks, but the real man, vulnerable and insecure. It reminded her of the way he had been that night, showing real emotion for once, and she felt a strange fluttering in the pit of her stomach as she looked up into his face. That was what he was always lacking - emotion. He always wore a mask, and she had never known what he was really thinking before. But now she was beginning to, and she wasn't about to let him close up again. If what she was beginning to suspect was true, and this thing was going to be worth anything, then it was worth fighting for. There was anger there too, anger at him for taking so long to let his true feelings show, and she thought back to all the little snide remarks and off-hand comments that over the months he had thrown her way.

"I'm sorry," she said now, working up the courage to say what was on her mind. "I didn't know you felt that way. I thought it was just the realization of a fantasy for you. I have feelings too you know. I'm not just some dumb trophy bimbo made up of tits and an ass, which was how you made me feel."

She turned to face him, bottom lip trembling as all her pent up fear and worry flooded out. Her red-rimmed eyes flashed angrily as she faced him down, her voice rising to an accusatory sob.

"All you ever did was pull me down, make fun of me, stare at my chest. You never once just asked me how I was or told me anything real. How am I supposed to know how you feel when you behave like an arrogant asshole all the time?"

She stopped, chest heaving as she studied the look of shock on his face. All she wanted to do was kiss that beautiful sulky mouth, touch the line of his jaw, drown in those sea-blue eyes. What did it matter if people thought she was odd for liking him? They didn't know him like she did, they hadn't caught a glimpse of the man beneath the mask. But her heart was beating wildly in her chest at the thought of what the future might hold. What if she had gotten it all wrong? What if he wasn't saying what she thought he was saying. What if... What if what if what if... She could spend her life thinking about what if; she had spent her whole life thinking about what if, and playing it safe. Sooner or later she would have to take a risk, and what better time than now, when her whole life was upside down anyway?

For his part he couldn't believe what she was saying, or what he thought she was saying. He knew he wasn't the world's most demonstrative of people, he played his cards close to his chest, but that was only because he had been hurt so badly, and he didn't want to risk getting hurt again. But she had already hurt him, and wasn't a child worth giving them a chance? And he did love her, nothing could change that.

She was so beautiful when she was angry, face flushed and dark eyes glittering, and he couldn't stop himself reaching up his hand to touch her cheek. She tensed, then leaned into him, closing her eyes and turning her face into his palm, the feel of his skin against hers electrifying. He leaned forward, watching her face closely as he touched his lips to hers. And then he was kissing her, and she kissed him back fiercely, her fear and anger turning instantly to desire. They had that at least, surely they could work on the rest?

Maybe they would be alright, maybe they could work through this. But first she would have to work through her desperate need to fit in, because she had a heck of a lot of making up to do to him. Maybe it wouldn't work, maybe they would end up hating each others guts. Maybe the pressure of having a kid together when they were still getting to know each other would be too much, maybe Hodges would close up again and withdraw back into his shell. Maybe Wendy would realize that playing happy families wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and maybe they would drift apart. An awful lot of maybes, but one definite, and that was that anything worth having was worth the risk - for both of them.

Wrapped in one another's arms as they were, neither one of them noticed the door opening, and neither one of them noticed Greg Sanders' shocked face as he witnessed the scene. But Wendy did see him back out again, closing the door soundlessly before heading off at a run for the break room, and she smiled into Hodges' kiss. Ah well, at least that took care of the telling people part.

FIN... for now.