An update after making you guys wait for eternity. Bad me, I know. Sigh, but at least this chapter is pretty long, so I hope that can make up for the long wait a bit.
Chapter 12: For one night…
You know, life is far from easy. And that is not only for me, but for others as well. I realised that again that morning, on the ship when we had just left the Ateka Inlet. Piers' Lemurian ship had been granted the Anemos Wings and now, if the adepts combined their psynergetic powers, it could fly over the seas and the land. And it was then, when they had just successfully taken off, flown over the rocks that blocked direct entrance to the sea and landed again, I noticed how silent Sheba had become. I of course knew that this was going to happen, but in real life it touched me more than I thought it would have. While the others where congratulating themselves over a flight well done, I walked up to her.
"What's the matter, Sheba? You've become awfully quiet."
She said nothing and stared out to sea, letting out a deep sigh. I waited patiently, noticing the others now had taken notice of Sheba's silence as well.
"You weren't there, back then, Sephiroth." She whispered. "But, Jenna, you remember, right? When I said I had my own reasons for joining this quest?"
"I do." The redhead nodded, looking confused at Sheba.
"You were so secretive back then!" Kraden exclaimed. "Are you going to tell us now?"
The young adept fell silent again and bowed her head.
"You've gone all silent again." Jenna sighed. "But it's okay, if you don't want to tell us."
"I thought that if I went with you to Jupiter Lighthouse, I would find out who I was." Sheba said, her voice so low it could barely be heard. "That I might find out where I come from, who my parents are…"
"I do remember the Laliverans saying how Sheba fell from the sky one day…" Isaac nodded, looking with sympathy at the Jupiter adept.
"My entire life I've been looking for the answer." Sheba continued. "Who am I? Why was I abandoned?"
As I expected, Kraden slowly walked up to her and stood beside her, gazing out over the sea like she did. "Sheba." He sighed. "You may not know this, but you and I are very similar." Sheba looked up at the elder man, confused. "I was born in a poor village and only five when Babi took me under his wing. I had always been, rather smart for my age."
"So Babi took you in to study as a Scholar?" Isaac questioned. Kraden nodded.
"I was only five then and I've never really felt the comfort of a warm home."
"Why's everybody so down all of the sudden?" Garet asked, being his usual loud self. "Sheba may not know her real parents, but does that matter? Faran took care of her ever since she was a child!"
"Garet, you don't have to be rude about it…" Jenna snapped, yet Mia agreed with the Fire Adept.
"I think he's right, though. Faran raised Sheba as his own daughter, but just because she knows he's not his real father, he can't be her father?" Sheba remained silent.
"Don't you think so?" Garet asked. "If it were me, I doubt it would bother me at all. It's not like she doesn't have family, or am I wrong?"
It was frightening to see him make so much sense, I thought smiling. I laid my hand on Sheba's shoulder and looked in her eyes.
"One's real home isn't always the best place, Sheba. And I can know. I have left everything behind of the world and home I come from, for it was too cruel and too painful. I have found friends and a place here. And isn't it the same with you? Wherever you come from, does it matter? Haven't you found family and friends as well?"
She was silent again for a while, but then looked up smiling and nodded. "I feel better now, thanks Kraden, Sephiroth, everyone." I patted her head and stepped back, glancing at the others.
"Now shouldn't we be going?"
---
Yeah, going, but to where? I knew that if we sailed to the northern wastelands of Prox, masses of ice would simply block our way. To get through that, we would need some firepower, like say, a Cannon. But I again knew that to fire that one, we'd need some strong ammunition, like say, a magma ball found in a certain rock? I sighed deeply, still so much ahead of us.
"Sephiroth?" I glanced at Isaac and nodded, giving a sign that I was listening. "Felix is going to show us our rooms, lucky there's still one for each of us."
"Fine." I waved my hand. "I'll come." I followed him down below. I would miss our own ship, but only this ship had wings, which we could certainly use. Felix divided the remaining five rooms among us, I getting the one at the end of the narrow hall. I made no problem of that. As long as I had a bed to sleep in. To my surprise, my room was still considerable size, at least enough to be comfortable. If I had stuff I would have dropped it down, but since I barely had anything, and what I had was on me, I left the room again. Now was not the time to sleep. I noticed Isaac in the cabin straight over mine. I leaned in side.
"Any idea where exactly we are going?" He turned to look at me and shook his head.
"Me and Felix will still work that out, but my guess is heading north."
I raised an eyebrow. "To Prox huh?" I bit my lip. He gave me a questioning look. "Oh, it's nothing." I replied. "Just… What if our path in the northern waters was blocked? I mean, there's got to be some ice floating around there."
"It's amazing how much sense you always make." Isaac smirked slightly. "Sometimes I can't help but think that you can look into the future."
"You'd be surprised." I replied with a weak smile. "Well, just think about what I said, okay? I don't want us to waste days sailing to the north, only to find out we can't go back."
"But we have two Mars adepts with us now." Isaac remarked. I sighed, hadn't thought of that. Or maybe…
"You can be right." I shrugged. "But you can't be certain." I walked of leaving him with those distant words and a confused look.
---
I had climbed high into the lookout and gazed over the sea. I did that a lot. I needed it, somehow. It's something that calms me. The sky was blue and cloudless, a perfect day. At least, on the outside. Inside, I didn't really know what to feel. I am Sephiroth. I had finally achieved the power of the one I called my brother, I was finally worthy of being called by the same name and go by the same looks. And yet, I missed something. If only she was here to see me in my new, powerful glory. I remembered yesterday, when I held that hover jade in my hands. The whispers of knowledge and power. If there only was a whisper that could tell me how to correct sins. Even my brother didn't know or didn't want to tell me. Ever since I had inherited his power, he hadn't spoken to me, not even the slightest sign of his presence. I didn't get it. Had I done something wrong or was there simply nothing left for me to learn? Did I just have to live life now? A life as Sephiroth? The idea certainly was appealing and I honestly looked forward to another adventure with the Adepts, but this all didn't take away the feeling that something in my life was missing. Perhaps Mia was right. Perhaps I really had to stop blaming myself and clinging myself desperately to her memory… I slammed my head hard against the reeling and cursed myself. How dare I, thinking I could wipe of the greatest sin a mortal has ever committed could be forgotten or forgiven so easily?
"Brother, tell me what to do…" I whispered, my voice slightly trembling with sadness. "Even now that I'm complete, I don't feel whole." The excited feeling from Jupiter Lighthouse, when I had first achieved this power, was gone now. There were still limits to discover in this new form and as soon as we found ourselves a tough opponent, the thrill of using all of my powers in battle would certainly come back to me. But right now, while gazing over the sea to calm me, I only feel empty.
I heard somebody climbing up and before long, a familiar blue-haired person sat next to me. I glanced at Mia and noticed that she looked as sad as she did yesterday, if not sadder. I sighed deeply.
"You're still hurt, are you not?" I asked it slowly and barely audible. She nodded, her face twisted in a sad expression, as if she was holding back painful tears.
"I'm sorry." She whispered. "I know that I have to forget it, I know that I have to realize that it just won't work between us but… but…" She never finished that sentence. I hung my head, for I knew what she had intended to say but couldn't get over her lips.
"I only bring you pain." I said softly, laying my hand on her shoulder. "I don't understand how you can keep loving me despite all the pain I bring you."
She rested her head on my shoulder, but I didn't push her away this time, I let her be.
"It hurts." She sobbed. "You continue to hold that memory to your heart, you allow it to eat you away and… And people who would want nothing more but to fill your emptiness, you push them away…"
"Indeed." I replied emotionlessly. "Which is why I can't understand your love for me anymore."
She gave me a glare. "Because I know you do it just so you hope that I will give up." She crept closer to me. "I know you are lonely, I know you long for somebody to help you and heal those past wounds." I looked away and clenched my jaw. She was right. "And that's why I can't forget my feeling for you. I want to help you, I want to fill that emptiness."
"I am like a traveller in the desert with no water." I sighed, closing my eyes. "And that is my well-deserved punishment. I deserve this emptiness, this loneliness. And only the cleansing of my sins shall fill my void." I stood up and prepared to jump down.
"But it's not fair…" Mia protested. I glanced over my shoulder to her and nodded.
"I know that. But if it was, it wouldn't be a punishment." I bowed my head. "You have to forget your feelings for me Mia. You have to." She started to protest, but I interrupted her. "Don't make this wound larger than it already is, spare yourself that. And spare me too, please. I don't deserve mercy, but I do ask for it. Stop making me hurt you, I beg you to do that, Mia."
I jumped down from the lookout and landed softly on the deck below thanks to my levitation powers. Mia was left alone with her pain and tears. You know, hurting people in a fight is one thing, but hurting the soul of a girl as pure as Mia, that's pure torture.
---
That night I laid on my bed, but I was fully awake, even though it was well past midnight. Everybody else was sleeping already and a haunting silence was my only company. My leather coat, shoulder protectors and Masamune laid on the floor nearby, I hadn't really bothered to put them away correctly. I was lost in thoughts. I felt bad about what I had said that afternoon against that gentle Mercury Adept. My chest hurt. In my mind I saw images of my beloved Selena, the shine of her shy smile, the looks of my beloved Sorceress. A deep sigh escaped my lips and I felt a tear running down my cheek.
"Selena… My beloved Selena…" I closed me eyes, hiding the tears. "It's not fair that I make those and your memory suffer because of mysin." I clenched my fist. "It seems that all I am capable of is hurting others… I couldn't save you, I couldn't protect you… I…" That sentence never got finished, for a soft knock on the door interrupted my whispering. Curious but cautious, I stood up and opened the door softly. My eyes widened.
"Mia?"
She stood there, trembling and shaking uncontrollably, tears streaming down her face and her cheeks burning red, as if in shame. She barely dared to look at me.
"I'm sorry…" She cried, her tears now falling on the ground. "I'm so sorry… but… but…" She threw herself in my arms, making me stagger backwards slightly. "I tried… I really tried… but I just… I just can't…"
I laid my finger on her lips. "Shh, lower your voice or you'll wake the others." I let her sit down on my bed and closed the door, keeping the sound of her sobbing in my cabin. Then I sat down next to her and took her hand. She gave me a confused look. "It's alright." I whispered. "It's alright. Now tell me what's wrong."
The beautiful Adept buried her face in her hands, crying even more. Hesitatingly I put my arm around her shoulders. She shook her head, as if she found herself incredibly stupid all of the sudden.
"I tried…" She sobbed. "I tried and tried so hard to forget what I felt… But I… I just can't… I can't forget that I love you, Sephiroth!" She shot me an angry and at the same time desperate glare. I quickly looked away, not knowing what to say. "Do you have any… any idea of… of what I feel right now?" She almost shouted it, but she managed to keep her voice low.
I shook my head, didn't dare to look at her. "I guess you hate me now." I finally replied distantly. She gave me a disappointed look.
"No…" She shook her head, her hair flowing like the waves of the ocean. "I still love you."
That came unexpected. "Even… Even after all of this? After all the pain I've brought you?"
"Even after all that." She replied solemnly, avoiding my startled look. Her eyes still betrayed deep sadness. "I realized that I just can't… can't forget my feelings." She hesitatingly took my hand and turned to look at me. "Please Sephiroth." Her voice was trembling more than ever now and I could feel that she was gathering all her courage. "Let me… Let me love you, even if it is for only one night, let me be there for you… please…" She had such a pleading and desperate look in her eyes that it was almost painful to watch. I didn't know people could be that desperate to love somebody, but then I realized that I wasn't any different than her. And that knowledge finally made me quit my resistance. I slowly nodded.
"One night." I whispered. "You have to promise me, only one night."
She smiled softly. "I promise, Sephiroth." Then she hesitatingly leaned closer until our lips met. I pulled her closer and stroked her hair. After we broke our kiss I glanced unsure at her.
"Do you… Do you think Selena would understand?"
Mia smiled assuring to me. "She would, Sephiroth. I'm sure of that. She would be happy for you, I think. Happy that you allowed somebody to fill your void, be it for just one night." I smiled at her before I kissed her again. Our kisses deepened and the deeper they became, the more I could remember that feeling of love. I didn't hesitate or fight my decision. I gave in to my feelings and no longer to my punishment. She gave me a questioning look, but I smiled assuring to her.
"Don't worry, I won't come back on this decision."
Pleased with my answer, Mia slipped her nightdress off and let it fall on the ground carelessly. She only cared about me now and for once I was more than willing to return that feeling. Carefully I took her naked form in my arms, her cheeks turning slightly red as she felt my touch.
"Don't be shy." I whispered lovingly. "You're beautiful."
"Thank you…" She replied shyly, still blushing a bit. I laid her down next to me and caressed her cheek. A few rays of moonlight fell through the small window of my cabin, illuminating her beautiful form and making my silver hair shimmer mysteriously. She crept a bit closer to me, her eyes pleading for me to touch her. I ran over her arm softly with my hand, making her shiver slightly. Then I pressed her against me and through my clothes I could feel the warmth of her body.
"I love you." She whispered, looking straight in my eyes. I gazed back in hers, which burned with passion, desire and love.
"I know" I grinned slightly. "And I love you too, for now."
---
I glanced at the naked mercury adept laying comfortable in my arms. Her eyes were closed and her face carried a pleased smile. She looked as if she was asleep. I never had her seen at peace like this before. My lips formed a soft smile and I stared at the ceiling. It was weird, but I felt at ease. I didn't feel any regret for what I had done. Mia was right, I'm sure Selena would understand. I took peace with that knowledge.
"I should thank you." I whispered to her. "You made me remember how it feels to be whole again… I… I could share my sorrows and pains with you without even having to tell about them."
Mia leaned over me and gave me a soft kiss, before smiling again. She laid her hand on my cheek. Her eyes betrayed happiness, yet I discovered compassion and sadness in them as well.
"I should thank you too, Sephiroth." She whispered back, letting one hand rest on my bare chest. "I feel better now… and happy… And I think… I think I understand you better now." My left hand went through her hair for a swift second. I pulled her close to me again, so I could feel the gentle touch of her warm body as long as possible, for in the morning it would be over and I would devote myself to her memory once again. Only this time, I had the memory of this night to help me carry my burden. Mia rested her head on my shoulder and sighed dreamy.
"Sephiroth?"
"Yes…?"
"Selena was a wonderful girl."
"Yes, she was… But so are you Mia, so are you."
---
And that wraps the love-problem with Mia up, me thinks.
Too long has it been since my last update. My deepest apologies, but I was quite busy. To make matters worse, the next two weeks I have examaniations for school, which means a lot of studying, unfortunately. So I decided to post this chapter now instead of over 2 weeks. I hope (like always) to update more often, but I can't promise anything. Still, after the exams for school, I have two months of vacation ahead of me, so that means plenty of time to write (I hope).
Until the next chapter!