A/N: Damn, this is fun. I love it...sadly, I am running out of songs to parody! But fear not, because Panda has a few tricks up her sleeve (which, incidentally, has ESSIE HEARTS ALBINO PMPKN-HEADS written on it in Sharpie--one of my friends who enjoys doodling on clothing, though sadly not her own, wrote that...not that it isn't true, I do love that vegetable-headed little scamp). I have a few more parody ideas to put into motion...stay tuned! And by the way, I do not support fangirl-bashing! I AM a fangirl, dammit, and freaking proud of it! FANGIRLS FOREVER! (squee salute)
Original for this chappie: "Schadenfreude" from Avenue Q.
Maureen: WE'VE BEEN ON STAGE ELEVEN YEARS
IMPRESSIVE, YES, WE KNOW IT
Collins: Hell yeah.
Angel: WE'VE DEALT WITH SHIT, LIKE BAD REVIEWS
AND WORSE, STILL WE DON'T BLOW IT
Roger: No way!
Mimi: BUT IN RECENT TIMES, IT'S PROVED JUST
A LITTLE HARD TO DEAL WITH
OUR—
All: CRAAAAAAZY FANGIRLS
(FACE IT, SANE ONES ARE THE STUFF OF MYTHS)
Joanne: Yup, it's true. Even the boy-fans turn into fangirls eventually!
Mark: They're so damn hyper…so obsessed…so crazed…and yet, I take joy in their love.
Everyone Else: (gasp)
Mimi: (darkly) They've brainwashed him.
Mark: Oh, c'mon!
THEY'RE OUTSIDE AFTER EVERY SHOW
THEY DRESS UP LIKE US FOR FUUUUUN
THEY SPEND THEIR MONEY BUYING TICKETS
THEY BUY US GIFTS BY THE TOOOOOON
EVEN WHEN THE ACTORS CHANGE, THEY
WELCOME THEM WITHOUT SECOND THOOOO-OUUGHTS
THEY'RE CRAAAAAAZY FANGIRLS
IN MY HEART, THEY'VE ALL GOT THEIR OWN SPOTS
Collins: A question, if I may—who are you and what have you done with Mark Cohen?
Mark: Stop it, you know you love them!
Roger: Mark, you're talking about giving them freaking places in your freaking heart! Snap out of it!
Joanne: Smack him, that might help.
Maureen: Can I do the honors?
Mark: Wait a minute! Don't you guys understand? These kids love us! They shape their lives around us. They worship us (especially a certain one who lives in Massachusetts and calls herself something to do with pandas and fruit…)! How can you be so against them?
Mimi: Hmmm…lemme think about that.
THEY BUG US ALL FOR DAAAAYS ON END
THEY NEVER JUST GO HO-OME
Collins: THEY JUMP US IF THEY HAVE THE CHANCE
THEY STEAL OUR SOCKS AND CO-OOOOMBS
Roger: MAYBE IF THEY GAVE US SPACE TO
HAVE TIME BY OURSELVES, BUT DO THEY?
All But Mark: LET'S SEE—NO!
THEY'RE CRAAAAAAZY FANGIRLS
THEY STALK AND FOLLOW US AROUND ALL DAY
Angel: And don't forget—
THEY ALWAYS HOG THE TWO FRONT ROWS
Mimi: THEY SHRIEK AND SHOUT ALL THROUGH THE SHOWS
Roger: THEY CAMP OUTSIDE THE THEATER DOOR
Maureen: WE TRIP ON THEM AND KISS THE FLOOR
Joanne: THEY OBSESS SO MUCH AND NEVER STOP
Collins: THEY SQUEE AND SQUEE UNTIL THEY DROP
Mark: I MUST ADMIT, THEY'RE HARD TO TAKE
BUT COME ON, GUYS, CUT THEM A BREAK!
All: CRAAAAAAAZY FANGIRLS
PSHH-CRAAAAAAZY FANGIRLS
JEEZ-CRAAAAAAZY FANGIRLS
UGH-CRAAAAAAZY FANGIRLS
Mark: THEY ARE ANNOYING, I DON'T DISPUTE
THAT MUCH IS OBVIO-OO-OUS
BUT DID YOU EVER STOP TO THINK:
THEIR SHIT JUST MEANS THEY LOVE US?
SOME OF THEM MAY TAKE IT TOO FAR
UNDERSTANDABLY
THEY ARE JUST
All: CRAAAAAAAAAZY FANGIRLS
MAKING THE WORLD A "RENT"- Y PLACE
MAKING THE WORLD A BROADWAY PLACE
MAKING THE WORLD A BETTER PLAAAAAAACE
TO SQUEEEEEEEEE!
Maureen: G-O-A-N-D-G-E-T-A-L-I-F-E!