Her eyes were closed and she was tilting her head upward.
He was watching her, transfixed by everything that made up Addison Montgomery-but totally and completely wishing she were someone else; more specifically someone who had blonde hair, gray eyes, and had known him since high school, someone less….perfect, who was quite possibly just as dark and emotionally unavailable as he was.
He pulled back and gently tucked a strand of Addison's fiery red hair behind her ear. Stooping to her level, down on his knees, he breathed in an encouraging breath before lightly calling her name.
Her eyelids fluttered open, her expression flickering between confusion and hurt. Almost seconds later she had already guessed the reason for his hesitation and was pulling her hands out of his.
"Meredith," she said, more like a statement than a question.
"Meredith," he parroted back, and they both knew that whatever had been between Addison and Mark in the past was now over. Addison knew she'd go back to her husband, in his trailer, just like she knew that whatever feelings she'd had for Mark would eventually shimmer away with the knowledge of his current emotional soul mate. Unlike Meredith, the unconscious reason she had ended up on Mark's doorstep was because she did not want to be another woman's sloppy seconds. With Mark, at least the original fling with her competition had been nine years earlier. With Derek, the betrayal had been disturbingly recent.
With Mark's rejection came a sort of clarity for her. Although Mark's physical relationship with Meredith had ended their senior year in high school, his emotional own with her had lasted nearly a decade. There was no way for her to compete with that, no matter how close she and Mark had become throughout their years in New York.
"I suppose I have to leave now, huh," she muttered, feeling oddly nauseated at the thought of going to the trailer, where her husband was hopefully waiting for her and not chasing after the blonde that had stolen both of her men's hearts. The man in front of her was strangely more of a comfort than her husband. With Mark, there was no expectation to keep their relationship going, no underlying pressure that came along with marriage. Mark remained silent.
"Are you going to go see her?"
"If she's not with Derek."
They both cringed, nearly simultaneously, and Addison brought a hand up to suppress a giggle while Mark grinned.
"Look at us," he remarked coyly, "the cliché best friends who tried to be something more."
She laughed again, and rose to her full height.
"We're going to have to avoid picnic get-together's with the four of us for at least a year," Addison joked.
"You're not up for a four-some?" he teased back, "never would have guessed."
He was walking her to the door, and her expression turned worried, an expression that did not grace Addison Montgomery's face often.
"What if they don't want us?" she asked, biting her lower lip while her eyebrows knit together, "What if while I want Derek and you want Meredith, they really want each other?"
He'd thought of that.
"Then we become old, lonely people who meet singles over the internet and occasionally look to each other for the comfort of a satisfying one-night stand."
A very real concern lay underneath his external flippancy and he briefly allowed himself to wonder-not for the first time-what would happen if the one woman he wanted didn't want him.
--
The woman in question, sucking caffeine through a straw in an isolated corner of Starbucks, ignoring the guy who was subtly checking her out from a few tables away, was deliberately avoiding. She knew the man that she wanted to live with, eventually marry and (provided she didn't spend any more time in OB/GYN) have kids with, so now all that was left was telling both Derek and Mark. But, despite how necessary that confession was, she was putting it off, like most of Meredith Grey's life-altering problems; like when she gave Hannah up for adoption, or when she decided to say 'yes' to Mark freshman year, or when she decided not to buy the eggplant-purple shirt that had looked so perfect on the J-Crew rack. The naïve man from a couple of tables away was getting up and making his way over to Meredith who was now playing a solo game of napkin-hockey, squinting at the white paper solely for the sake of procrastination.
"I couldn't help but notice-"
"I have two boyfriends and a nine-year-old daughter," she calmly dictated, without looking up. He lingered for a few moments before realizing that she wasn't going to respond to his advances, no matter what clever pick-up line he had up his sleeve. A hasty goodbye left her once again to her impromptu game. Once he had left, though, the aspiration to play was gone, and she threw what was left of her white chocolate mocha into the nearest trashcan on her way out the door.
In ten minutes she was pulling out of the parking garage she had entered two hours earlier, taking off with a purpose despite her overwhelming need to turn around and see if the Starbucks guy was still interested. Crushing the impulse, she glanced through her rearview mirror at the space needle on the horizon, wishing she could drive until she forgot all of the drama that had happened since nine years ago, senior prom.
When she pulled up to his current living arrangement, the sun had already begun to go down and she was having increasingly serious doubts about how crucial this conversation really was. Couldn't she just dump both of them and find a nice veterinarian to settle down with?
Outside his door, she raised her fist up half-heartedly, fully intending to withdraw it within seconds. But, before she could return her confused appendage to her side, the door swung open and a dark-haired ex-lover appeared. He seemed as surprised as she was at her appearance here, of all places, and stepped aside to allow her to pass him into the trailer. She took a deep breath, letting her shoulders rise along with her chest.
"Derek," she greeted.
"Meredith," he greeted back, his blue eyes sparkling with something unreadable, "Hannah's out back, if you want to-"
"I'm not here to see her," she interrupted hastily, before frantically trying to recover once she saw Derek's face twist into apprehension, "I mean….I'm not here to see only her. Look, Derek, we need to talk."
He nodded, looking out through the window over the sink, "she should be back inside soon…"
"Okay, I'll try to go somewhat fast, then. So," she blew out her cheeks and mentally prepared herself, "Derek, I don't know how to say this…"
He leaned against the counter, his lips upturned at one side, obviously amused with her discomfort. She gulped back regret, "Derek, I can't see you anymore."
His face fell, the half-smile completely gone.
"I'm in love with Mark, and I guess I didn't really want to admit it until now, because I didn't want to give you up-because I really like you-and I may have been falling in love with you, but I was thinking back to high school and Hannah and everything Mark and I had before I got pregnant-"
"He left you, Mer, he left you when you were pregnant and you needed him the most! What if he does it again? Meredith, the only reason he's pretending to be interested in you is because you and I were together!"
"He loves me!" she argued.
"No, he doesn't Mer, and I won't be there when you finally figure that out," he was inches away from her, now, his eyes glowing with jealousy and something else that she couldn't quite place. It took her a few seconds to realize that it was relief, a small pinprick of relief that both hurt and reassured her.
"I don't really care if he loves me," she said, recognizing it as the truth as soon as it was out, "but Mark is not the perfect guy, and I'm not the perfect girl, so we fit. Whether or not he wants me is what I'll figure out. You're too perfect for me, Der," her voice had gotten softer, gentler.
"I'm not," he insisted, shaking his head. The relief was gone, replaced with a kind of desperation; he was getting dangerously close to crying, and it was freaking her out. She wished the relief would make a reappearance, despite how much it would hurt, "I'm just as screwed up as you are. I've been hurt, too, and I can prove that I'm good for you-"
"It's not that easy. You have a wife and a daughter-"
"You're daughter, Meredith, and what could be our life. Give us a chance-you know we could be happy-"
She hesitated-this was harder than she thought. Before she could respond, though, the backdoor of the trailer slammed, and Hannah was looking back and forth between them.
"Are you here for dad?" she asked, a hint of happiness underlying her words.
Derek and Meredith exchanged a quick glance before Derek brought a hand up to wipe at his mouth, breaking her stare to look down at the floor.
"Yeah, sweetie, I'm here for your dad," Meredith answered, refusing to tear her eyes away from Derek, "I'll just-can I come back later, Derek?"
"We should figure this out now," he said in a strange violation of character. Usually, they were both the ones who procrastinated until confrontation was absolutely necessary. Now, he was insisting that she stay. She nodded, and then all three fell silent, waiting for someone to once again start up the conversation that would change their lives.
AN: I'm on a roll!! Yay- two chapters in like two days. That's exciting. X-Mas break is awesome!!! Keep reviewing!!
P.S. This is almost done, I promise.
P.S.S. I understand that it's a little out of Derek's character to be so confused and to beg Meredith to get back with him. But, for the sake of this story, we'll bend his character a little. After all, Meredith does sound pretty sure of herself when she's declaring her love for Mark so he's probably a little pissed off and realizes that he needs to win her back because she really is serious about Mark. So he steps it up.
P.S.S.S. notice the difference between Addison/ Mark and Derek/Meredith pairings- DM have like an insane amount of drama while AM have virtually none; I find that a little funny, how the two 'couples' are so different when they 'break up'.