No Merry Men were harmed in the creation of this story. They will all be returned unharmed (mostly) at the end.
Jaime: I couldn't have done this without you and the wee-hours of the morning editing/brainstorming sessions. You rock!
Stephanie's Gamble
By Alfonsina
Chapter 8 ♣ April Bobby
In the very recent past, I thought I knew what a typical Rangeman was: built, efficient, economical with words, loyal to a fault, had no personal lives and had no outside interests. The further we got into what I was now thinking of as Operation Expand Stephanie's Horizons the more I realized that there really was no such thing as a typical Rangeman. The more I learned about each of the guys so far, the more I realized I really knew nothing about them.
On March 31st, I had an e-mail from Bobby to bypass the office for April 1st, the first day of my new month and new horizons. I noticed that it had been copied to both Ranger and Tank; it looked real enough. If the memo was an April Fools Day joke, I was afraid of being played. I decided that caution was the better part of valor and so went in extra early the next day. I told myself I was being cautious. I was really afraid that someone had overturned stuff on my desk or that all my passwords on the computer had been changed.
I was both relieved and disappointed to find that nothing had been done to "honor" the day. I crossed my fingers that this was a good omen. I mean, it's just Bobby. Probably we would be doing disaster preparedness, hopefully he would carry this whole "project" because he knew I didn't do the whole "blood and guts" thing. I mean, the reason I didn't ever go to the hospital wasn't because I was never injured but because I would have to look at what had happened and I just never had the stomach for that. God love the people who could and did, but I was never going to be one of them.
Bobby's apartment was actually twice the size of the standard Rangeman issue and it looked like it was handicapped accessible. Why would it need to be that? Mental head slap, duh he is the medic for the group and the walking wounded come here
I knocked on the door at the designated time, 8:00 am. Some day I was going to have to figure out why these guys all seemed to like the early morning hours. Me, 10:00 was a good time to roll out of bed and get the day started. I knew I was never going to change any of them, I was just glad Bobby wasn't looking for a 7:00 meeting.
Bobby answered the door in "regular" clothes. It seemed odd for him to be dressed like that since it was a work day, but with the way the jeans were clinging just right and the shirt looked painted on I for one wasn't going to complain about the view. I decided then and there that the higher purpose of Rangeman must be to provide me with eye candy. Thank God eye candy had no calories or I would go into a diabetic shock on a regular basis.
He just smiled up at me and said, "Morning, Bomber. Coffee?"
"Yes, yes, yes," I said, sleep still thick in my voice. I mean I had been up a couple of hours, but it just seemed so early this morning.
"We'll do the grand tour. After that, I've got a mug for you on the counter next to the pot. Grab whatever you want to add into it, all the cream and stuff is sitting on the counter."
Grand tour? I hadn't been in the bedrooms of the other guys and I was suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Surely Ranger wouldn't want me poking around in the bedrooms of the guys, would he?
Bobby paid absolutely no attention to my discomfort because he went straight into the speech and tour. "As you know, I was a medic in the service and that's part of what Ranger has me do here. After I got hired, Rangeman paid for me to continue my education. Actually I am considered a nurse practitioner."
Yeah, OK.
"Anyway, he gave me free range to set up my shop the way I wanted to when I started. And what I wanted was to set this place up like a real office, complete with files, exam room and a place for people to recover."
As I looked around, it did look just like my doctor's office, sans the flowered pictures, it had lots of filing cabinets behind one long desk to sit behind, take notes, all the administrative stuff. The bathroom at the front was very large – freakishly large in my mind. I mean, just how many people need to be in a bathtub anyway? The tub looked like it could easily be in a hotel and seat I dunno 12 or 15 regular sized people, so probably what 4 or 5 Rangemen? Just past the bathroom where a bedroom might have been was an exam room, complete with exam bed and one of those funky lights to read x-rays with. Across the hall was a bedroom that had two hospital style beds in it, a stereo and a TV hanging on the wall.
"Bobby, what's behind the closed door? And are you running a hospital or something from this place?" I asked, obviously I wasn't paying close attention when he said he set up the place to meet his needs and those of Rangeman.
"The closed door is my own space, I don't spend a lot of time there. And as to the hospital question, yeah, sort of. I can treat a lot of the low level wounds and injuries here. You know, a few broken bones, some of the knife wounds and flesh wounds from gun shots? Stuff like that, no big deal."
'What?' I thought to myself. "You treat gunshot wounds?" I asked out loud this time, feeling all the color drain from my face. Suddenly no amount of caffeine was going to make me more alert than I was at that moment.
"Sure, why not? A wound is pretty much a wound. I mean the gunshot ones tend to be a little more drastic, but sometimes they aren't so bad. But any gunshot wound that goes to a hospital winds up getting reported to the authorities. There have been a few instances when that just wouldn't have been a good thing. You OK, Steph?" he asked me.
"Yeah, sure. Why not?" I asked as the panic was raising in my voice.
"Steph, relax. I'm not going to make you do lots of the blood and guts stuff, promise. You might have to help clean some minor wounds, but after you've done a first aid course. Will you be OK with that?"
"Yeah, sure. Why not? You know I could really use that coffee about now," I was beginning to feel like a recording. If I answered everything Bobby asked me this way, there was no telling what I was going to get myself into. 'Distract him from the gory nasty stuff, get to pleasant topics like how you like your coffee, come on now,' I thought to myself.
"Speaking of the first aid class, I am teaching it at the YMCA soon right after I teach the Babysitter's training class."
"Excuse me? Babysitting training? What is that about? You just make sure that the kid is reliable, knows where the phone is for emergencies and can make snacks, right?"
"How long has it been since you were a babysitter?" he asked, eyes raised to the heavens.
"Actually never did it by myself. Did it once with Valerie. It was boring and the kids were whiny. I went home early. I think it is one of the reasons I decided not to have kids. Is that a problem?" I asked in complete innocence.
"Not exactly a problem, but it does explain a lot of things. Actually kids who are serious about doing the whole babysitting thing can get certified by the American Red Cross. Usually we aim the class at kids between 11 and 15. I guess that we can count you as two enrollees because of your advanced age."
Great, Bobby was a stand up comedian with an audience of one. So not funny bright boy, so not funny.
Bobby completely ignored me rolling my eyes and making a face at him. He continued, "Anyway, Bomber the kids get information and the skills necessary to provide safe and responsible care for younger kids in when their parents aren't home. If the kids don't do any babysitting, it usually makes them more responsible to help around the house with younger siblings, or it reduces the anxiety parents have with latch key kids."
"Good thing my mother never knew about this. She never would have let Valerie watch me the day that I decided to fly off the garage roof," I said to myself. I think Bobby heard me, but I really couldn't be too sure about it.
"Today is a light day for us, just really easy stuff. We're going to go through all of the first aid kits in each of the vehicles and make sure they are up to snuff," he said.
At least it was looking like the grand tour of the apartment ended here with the office, thank heavens. While Bobby's coffee was good, it was never going to hold a candle to Tank's tea.
In an effort to do "the easy" stuff, we headed out to the garage to retrieve a couple of the first aid kits. Of the twelve vehicles in the Rangeman fleet, only four were in the garage. We took first aid kits out of two and left two for later.
Seems that Bobby has spreadsheets with each of the vehicles listed, the stuff in the first aid kits, drug expiration dates, and the last time he checked the kit to make sure it was current. Who knew Bobby was the King of Organization? Probably he has a crown for it somewhere.
At first glance the oversized backpacks from the SUVs looked pretty normal. OK normal for Rangeman. Turns out that each of the backpacks contained first aid kits that had almost enough stuff in them to do surgery in the field! Turns out that each of the backpacks contained the first aid kits had almost enough stuff in them to do surgery in the field! Inside each big red bag there were smaller 'kits', one of them was labeled for sutures, another was for snakebites, what the? The biggest 'kit' had an entire drug store in it: rubber gloves, stethoscopes, blood pressure cuffs, burn gel, ACE bandages, scissors, and enough gauze to do up a mummy for Halloween. Jeez. I knew from experience that there were suitcase looking things in each of the SUVs as well that contained candles, flashlights, can openers, lighters, candles, towels, saline and thermal blankets.
Was Bobby expecting war or unseasonable weather?
"Bobby, what gives with all of the extra stuff? I mean, I get the bandages, gauze and stuff but why do you carry all the extra stuff. It's not winter?"
Bobby's face lit up like a kid's at Christmas. "I was hoping you would notice and wonder enough to ask. I was a Boy Scout as a kid."
OK.
"I was an Eagle Scout when I was a kid. It is one of the things I am proudest of having accomplished. Now I have a troop of my own. Anyway their motto is 'Always be prepared'. So I am."
"That's great, Bobby. Why would you want your own troop? Are you practicing to do the whole 'dad' thing?"
"Some day when I am married I will do the fatherhood thing right, have no doubt. Scouting gave me a lot as a kid, it gave me something to do and a way to set and achieve goals. It helped prepare me for what I do now. Besides, I want to 'pay it forward' you know, offer some kid options he may not have at home right now."
"Pretty cool stuff there Mr. Brown. They all do call you that, Mr. Brown?"
"Yeah and it is the hardest part of the whole troop leader thing, I keep looking around for my dad even though I've been a troop leader since I got out of the Army five years ago."
"Wow. That's a lot of commitment. How old are your boys? I mean, I assume they are all boys, it is the Boy Scouts, right?"
"Yep, just boys. The current troop the kids are about eleven years old. We are working on some basic merit badges. That's what I was alluding to before, about what you would enjoy. Remember how I said 'all my girlfriends have liked it' and you kind of tripped out?"
I just looked down and nodded my head.
"I didn't mean to imply you would be my girlfriend, even for the month," he said sheepishly, "but in the past the others have all helped me with the troop stuff. You know making sure we have snacks. Getting rides for kids who might need them. Helping out on the camping trips. Stuff like that, good clean wholesome stuff Steph, not a big deal."
I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding and started to smile. I had never had problems with boys at that age, even when I was that age. Besides, I got to be 'Adult Supervision' for once in my life instead of looking for 'Adult Supervision'. This could be cool, I could make sure there would be good snacks, I could carpool if necessary. Wait a minute here, what's this about camping?
"Bobby, I don't think I heard you right. What's this about camping? You know I don't camp. Motel 6 is camping, usually no pools, no room service and towels that are too small. That is my idea of camping. I have a horrible feeling your idea of camping is going to make Motel 6 look like paradise. Please tell me I am wrong."
The smile got wider and wider. Crap. He was looking like a beauty contest winner with that smile of his; he was a dentist's dream. This was not looking good for me, not in the least. What was I going to do about blowing my hair dry, what was I going to do about shaving my legs, what was I going to do about the bathroom in the middle of the night?
Evidently I had been thinking out loud again because Bobby started to talk. "Steph, it's all going to be OK. You don't have to worry about how you will blow your hair dry, there will be no power," he said. I must have made a small strangled sound before he continued, "about the shaving of the legs, not a big deal. There won't be any running water except for the toilets."
I know I made more than just a small strangled sound then. I could probably be heard outside the door with that one.
"Bathroom in the middle of the night, not a problem. Well maybe a problem for you. Ranger is going to set us up at an old KOA that doesn't get much use this time of year and they will have a latrine area you can use. You're just lucky, most of the time we dig our own latrines and put something over them, or find an appropriate bush."
"Why would Ranger make arrangements for 'us' at a KOA place? How is he involved?" I asked.
"This troop is made up of kids whose parents don't have a lot of extra income, Ranger steps in and covers the cost of camp, uniforms, supplies, food and other stuff that comes up. He was part of the cub scouts, when he was really young. But he thought it was important and it is a way he can give back to the community."
Again with Ranger giving back to the community. Civic minded Ranger, who knew?
"Anyway, he knows that we do a spring camp thing and that it would happen just after your month with me. He knows I need the extra help with supervising kids of this age, so you'll be with me the first weekend in May. He didn't want you to suffer too much, so we are going some place where you will have access to a latrine I mean bathroom. He is making sure the showers won't work, he wants you to mostly rough it like you would on a 'real' camping trip."
I decided on a blatant change of subject. I needed to stop thinking about camping. I was going to need to make a quick escape to Denial Land and my post as the Czarina there and as long as we were talking about camping I'd never get my passport stamped.
"Hey, Bobby," I asked, "don't we need to get back to work on these things?" I asked as I indicated the first aid packs on the table.
"You're right we do," he said.
Bobby began to explain what was in each kit and check off stuff from the spreadsheet. If he found something was missing he'd highlight it for later. The guys were supposed to tell him if and when they used something so it could be restocked right away but mostly that didn't happen. If something was expired, he'd take it out of the package and it would be replaced with a new whatever it was from the storeroom.
It wasn't complicated work, but it was pretty repetitive. After I got a hang of what we were doing, we did the idle small talk thing. Getting through twelve of these every month had to be a royal pain. I was developing a new respect for Bobby, if only in his organizational abilities.
Maybe that was what this was all about, developing respect, right? Probably not. Probably this was about my ability to hang with a bunch of eleven year old boys. Great.
After we did the four first aid kits that belonged to the vehicles in the garage, Bobby and I headed for lunch. Turned out Bobby doesn't embrace the whole 'my body is a temple' thing any more than I do. Yay for me! There was a hole in the wall burger place; complete with wood paneling that looked to be from the early 70s. Burgers came in two sizes large and larger, smothered in everything, the chili was optional. An order of small cheese fries came on its own plate and could easily have served three individuals, or one Rangeman.
Bobby and I each had one of the large burgers, he finished his and I took half of mine to go. We managed between the two of us to eat all the fries, but somehow the extra lettuce that came with the burgers wasn't touched and was left on the plate, sad lonely lettuce.
After lunch two new vehicles were in the garage and two that had their kits updated were gone, so it was a decent system. We only got seven of the twelve kits updated the first day, looked like we had a project for the next one.
"Steph, do you mind staying late tomorrow night?"
"Not a problem, what's up, Bobby?" I asked.
"Tomorrow is the regular troop meeting and we've got a bunch of stuff to go over with the boys. There is nothing you need to do to prepare for the meeting, you just get to hang out and meet the boys. It is a small troop and the meeting is usually just a couple of hours."
According Ranger I was going to have to continue to honor my deal with Hector, I was going to have to spend some quality time on the range nearly every day. I made a point of letting Bobby know, so it wouldn't interfere too much with his plans. He said it would be something we would work around, and he wouldn't make me go every day! I always did feel badly about putting holes in those poor paper men.
The next morning, I stopped by my desk again to check for e-mails and to let Ranger know where I'd be the rest of the day.
"Babe, are you prepared for this meeting?"
I knew Ranger meant the Boy Scout thing, since I wasn't scheduled for any client meetings until June. "Nope. Bobby said I didn't need to do anything, just show up. That's what I'm gonna do, show up."
"Babe, there is more to Scouting than showing up. There are all kinds of rules and regulations not to mention the uniforms. Bobby will be in one that looks pretty much like the kids. You can't poke fun at any of them. This is serious to all the guys in the troop and to Bobby. You have to be on your best behavior, I know you will do that for me."
"I promise, Ranger, best behavior," I said with a smile.
"Let me know if you need anything, Babe. I've got to get ready for a presentation I'm making in a couple of days."
"No worries, Ranger, Bobby's got it all under control."
Ranger began to walk to his office when I heard him mumble under his breath, "I highly doubt he's got you under control."
I refused to either acknowledge or resemble that remark and went back to Bobby's to do more first aid kits.
Turns out that Bobby liked greasy spoons and so that's the kind of a place we found for lunch! This place was small with old décor and in dire need of a paint job. The house special was chili.
Now I've never met a bowl of chili I didn't like, but I was a little afraid of how my body would respond several hours later with a bunch of little boys. Sadly for me I opted for a grilled cheese sandwich and a bowl of tomato soup that actually tasted a great deal like chili. Bobby had been here lots of times and took the calculated risk, he had the chili. God I hoped I wasn't going to be down wind of him all night.
After lunch Bobby had some phone calls to make so Tank supervised my hour on the range. He didn't play any games with the gun or the ammo, but he gave me a test. He put brightly colored dots on the target and had me aim specifically at one of those. I wasn't hitting any of the little dots, I was no where near close. Tank said I was flinching on my pull so the bullet didn't go where I was aiming it.
Great, another bad habit for Stephanie Plum. I was a certified flincher. Probably someone who kept track of these things knew that I didn't make my bed that day and I hated to clean the bathtub.
Tank came up to me and pulled a penny from his pocket.
"Steph, have you ever heard of dry firing?"
"Not as I can say, why?"
"Dry firing is pulling the trigger on a weapon when there is no ammunition in it. Not all firearms are designed to be dry fired, but yours is. Because you can dry fire your gun, I'm going to show you a trick to stop your flinching."
He took my weapon from me, aimed it down the firing lane and put the penny on the barrel. He pulled the trigger. The penny didn't fall off the barrel.
"Steph, that's how it is done. When you can dry fire without flinching your bullets will go where you are aiming. Follow through is just as important as what you initially see through the sites. If you can keep your pull smooth and consistent all the way back you will hit what you aim for."
I tried it a couple of times and the penny flew to the floor. Maybe I should have put some double sided sticky tape on the bottom of the penny. This exercise got pretty boring pretty fast, not to mention annoying. I couldn't see how this was going to help my aim in any way, shape or form.
Tank moved my target to 21 feet, probably the longest I would have to shoot inside of a building. He then reloaded ammo into the cylinder of the .38 and proceeded to put 5 holes into the paper. The design looked almost like a daisy, all the holes touched.
"Steph, for your regular training routine, I think you should do this 50 times a night as a good place for you to start."
"Fifty a night? That's gonna take forever."
"No it won't. Besides, the more you do it, the easier it will get and the faster it will become. Oh and keep the penny."
Great. Another comedian and homework. Lovely. At least I wasn't going to destroy any more innocent paper men in an attempt to get rid of my flinch.
I found my way back to Bobby's apartment to do more of the same on the first aid kits. Once we got back into our rhythm, the idle chit chat began again.
"So what are we going to do at the meeting tonight?" I asked in all sincerity.
"The business at hand is what we are going to be doing on the camping trip. What each of the kids need, permission slips, what to expect, that kind of a thing."
Bobby and I had a light dinner provided by Ella before the meeting in Bobby's apartment. The meeting was held in a community room of a city park down the street from the office. It was well worn but clean and well lit. The boys made it in one at a time until it was 7:00. I was more than a little surprised to see that Hector show up to the meeting. Evidently in Scouting everything is done in teams and Hector was Bobby's back up.
The kids had to wear uniforms in order to be part of the festivities. I was still trying to get my head around the fact that Bobby had on a Boy Scout Leader's Uniform Shirt on and so did Hector. Bobby's had all kinds of patches and medals, Hector's was a lot more plain. Both the guys had on jeans. In fact, all the kids were dressed like Bobby and Hector with the addition of a scarf thingie and baseball cap, but no regulation pants. They were all in jeans.
Bobby called the meeting to order and did the typical stuff to get it all going. Then he started with the purpose of the meeting.
"Guys, every spring I take my troop on a short camping weekend," he said. The crowd was just loving this, because they went nuts. He continued, "Our weekend is the first one of next month. We need to go over all the stuff you'll need to bring and what you should be prepared for."
He had Hector hand out small packets of information and pencils to each of the boys, oh and one to me, too. I took a quick look at the list and started to understand why there was all the cold weather stuff in the back of each of the SUVs. These guys took being prepared to a whole new level. I was feeling queasy about the sleeping bag and tent thing, but was still breathing normally. I must have spaced out until I heard Bobby talk about working on their cooking merit badges while we were gone.
Food? Cooking? Who said camping had anything to do with cooking? I mean camping was getting back to nature, seeing the trees, the birds and the deer, right? Besides, I had sort of figured that there would be a food run to McDonalds a couple of times a day, or that Ella would be providing a big spread so that everyone could keep up their strength.
Why couldn't I have gone home during that poker game before Ranger got so damned serious? It didn't matter anymore because I was here now and my mother's tippling was under control and she hadn't taken down any of Valerie's curtains to iron so I was probably still doing OK in somebody's eyes.
I completely missed whether or not anything else was covered in the meeting because all I could see was some kind of a disaster for me. We waited around until all of the boys had been picked up by their parents or carpool.
I found out later that, for the next two meetings, the boys would be going to go to the YMCA to do Bobby's babysitting certification. I don't know if it counted for the merit badge, but it was going to guarantee Bobby an audience who would pay attention to him, unlike yours truly.
Evidently the Red Cross was sort of like the Scouts, more rules, regulations and certifications. Jeez, everybody took this stuff so seriously! What do I know, I own a hamster that I forget to feed at least twice a week. Maybe this serious thing was something I needed to look into.
The next day, Bobby handed me a spare Boy Scout Manual. The thing was thick. "Steph, you need to read this before we go camping."
"What do you mean, we go camping? Your trip is in May, you and I are partnered up for April. I'm sure you can get enough other people to volunteer. Besides, Ranger has probably already made big plans for me for the month of May," I said sounding sure that I had found a loophole to this whole 'back to nature' thing. I had forgotten that Bobby had already told me that I had been volunteered for this service. Crap.
"I said we and I meant we. Ranger knows we need extra supervision for this trip, and he is letting me use you for the first weekend in May to provide it. Deal with reality Steph, you are going to expand your horizons."
I must have been channeling my inner Lawrence Welk, because all I could say was, "Wonderful. Wonderful."
"Do you have someplace quiet I can read this thing?"
"Sure, let's go to the bedroom. I've got some appointments this afternoon with the guys and you'll be out of the way."
I had only been in Ranger's bedroom here, this just wasn't feeling right. It really didn't feel right when I found out that there were no chairs in the bedroom. Just a bed with track lighting. Shit.
Bobby turned on the lights and then immediately hopped up on the bed and indicated that I needed to get up on the other side. 'In through the nose and out through the mouth,' I said to myself. 'This is just Bobby and nothing will happen. I will be just fine. I will not hyperventilate. I will remain calm. I will be peaceful."
Bobby smiled and said, "It's now story time, Steph." Then he proceeded to read to me the first couple of pages of the manual, the history of the group blah blah.
I really did try to stay awake, honest. I found myself with my head on a strange pillow covered by an afghan two hours later. The bed had been incredibly comfy and it just kind of called to me. What woke me up was the sound of voices from the other room.
"She slept with you, too? Are you ready to meet Ranger in the gym?" came Lester's voice.
"What? When you told me she'd slept with you and Tank you never said anything about meeting Ranger in the gym afterwards," Bobby said with a twinge of panic.
Lester said, "Man, that's because I have serious skills. Besides, I made a promise in front of Tank and Ranger they could both knock me into next week if I laid a hand on her and treated her like a date. So I figured I could try a move on her after this whole thing was over and Ranger figures out he doesn't really have a chance."
"Shit. It's a good thing I didn't try to get her under any of the blankets. Wonder what I'll have to promise to avoid becoming the punching bag."
"Don't know man, but you should probably wake her up way before quitting time and make sure your bed doesn't look like its recently been slept on. Ranger kept doing spot inspections of my bedroom the whole month, even when he knew that I'd had a date."
'This could be good. If Bobby gets out of control, I can use this against him later. Wait, I can't do that, I'll get shipped to my own third world country without any kind of a compass or a map,' I thought to myself. I decided it was best to pretend I hadn't heard anything, so I started to make some noise to let Bobby know I was up. I was far less than pleased with Lester, but for the moment I didn't want him to know I was aware of what he thought of me.
"Learn anything interesting, Steph?" he asked.
"Sure, now I know what to read when counting sheep doesn't make me tired," I said. "No really, it explains to me what you all must have gone through at various points in the military, this is just the kiddie version."
"Pretty much. Anyway, that copy is for you to keep and you will want to read more from it before we go on the trip," he said. Then we started on his next project.
Crap. He was serious about me going on that camping trip.
A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing. Bobby's been kind of shy and needs to be encouraged for the rest of the month, reviews encourage him!
Thanks to Bluzkat for the title Czarina!