Standard disclaimers, blah, blah, blah. Some day, money will be trading hands for this, but not today. Oh well.
To Deb, Jaime, Kate Manoso, Luisa and Melody you have amazed me with your insight and the gentleness with which you have kept me on track and afloat! Thank you all, so very much.
Stephanie's Gamble
By Alfonsina
Chapter 20 ♣ May Part 4
I sent Ranger an e-mail from home to see if he'd be OK if I just worked the morning at the office and started the book that afternoon. I couldn't remember having read the book and it was feeling a little cumbersome to me. When I finished college, I never planned to pick up any of the 'classics' again. Oh well, this was part of horizon expansion with Ranger; it was what he wanted so it was what we were going to do.
He sent an e-mail back that he'd let the office know I was telecommuting for the day and I even got excused from range practice with Lester. There was no mention of Hector and the daily study session. I guessed that if Hector wanted to work on his stuff, he would have to make his own arrangements with me himself.
The last paragraph of the e-mail said, "Proud of you for taking the initiative to read the book. I've read it several times. Let me know if you want to go over stuff as you go."
OK. I spent three hours doing the forwarded searches from my living room. I got up, stretched, yawned and decided it was time to feed the beast.
I decided to kill two birds with one stone, hunger and the work of reading. A bit of ice cream always made me think better, so I prepared with a spoon and a carton of Ben & Jerry's Brownie Batter at my side. I turned on a lamp by the sofa, grabbed a couple of pillows from the bed and tried to get comfortable.
An hour later I opened my eyes and realized most of the ice cream had melted and I still hadn't gotten beyond the first sentence. Shit. I decided to look at it this way, it couldn't get much worse. I was reading this to make Ranger happy and my future wasn't going to be based on whether or not I understood the story in depth or in detail; I just had to get through the damned thing.
I read the first line like six times and I kept coming up with the same thoughts.
1. Had no one thought of using a grammar checker?
2. Was the whole book one big run on sentence?
3. Was all great literature depressing?
4. Did I have anything else in the freezer?
5. Wasn't there a movie I could rent that covered this same stuff? Would anyone notice if I did that instead of reading it?
6. Was my head going to explode if I continued to read this book?
I decided to take fate into my own hands. I cleaned up the melted ice cream, returned the pillows to the bedroom and looked for the phone. I dialed and was answered in two rings.
"Yo."
"Yo yourself. Hey Ranger, I'd like to know if your offer to help me with this book is still available," I said.
"Sure thing. Just tell me how far you've gotten so I'll be sure to have reviewed to at least that point when I see you."
"The first sentence," I whispered.
"Ok. I know I've got that part down. I'll come by late this afternoon. Want to do dinner after?"
"Sure. Thanks."
I was getting ready to say something more when I realized I was going to be talking to dead air.
I needed a change of pace. So I picked up my sketch pad and a pencil and sat on the fire escape. I hadn't doodled much since my time with Tank, and missed it. I decided just to let my mind go and let the pencil draw whatever it wanted to. Twenty minutes later my mind was soothed and the paper had a drawing of some fairly distinguishable stuff, just shapes of buildings and a few trees. I still didn't think I had a talent for this stuff, but I felt better after a few minutes of it. I probably should get with Tank and pick up my lessons with him in June, it was going to be lonely after all of my 'months' with the guys were over.
It was time to go back to doing searches for the office but knew I couldn't put off the 'classics' much longer. I was getting ready to Google the book when I heard a knock on the door. I didn't bother with using the peephole, I just opened it. It was Hector. After the requisite kiss at the door, I ushered him in.
"Hey, what brings you by?" I asked.
"I wanted to see if you were OK, you weren't at the office today. Are you sick? Can I get something for you?" he asked. He looked honestly concerned. He actually put his hand to my forehead and my cheek to check my temperature like he was my mother; the concern was sweet. Evidently he hadn't checked his e-mail.
"Nope, just working from home and trying to read this," I said.
I passed Hector the book. He studied it and thought about it and then he smiled.
"I read it a long time ago. I didn't think you read this kind of book. Why are you reading it now?" he asked.
"Ranger is part of a book club and he wants me to go with him to talk about this book. It's boring and I am having a hard time getting into it. I'd rather see if there is a movie, but that would be cheating and I promised to actually read it."
He smiled as he asked, "You don't cheat?"
"No, I don't cheat. When I say I will do something, I do it. I honor my promises. At least I try," I said sounding exasperated.
"Good to know," he started. He leaned into me and kissed me gently and asked, "Are you cheating now? We aren't at the office."
"No, we're not at the office. And no boyfriend, so it's not cheating." I made air quotes around the word boyfriend.
"Good," and with that, he kissed me much more deeply. Just as I was starting to enjoy myself, he backed away.
"What kind of aftershave or cologne do you use?" I blurted out. I couldn't help but notice he was smelling good again.
"What?"
"You smell good, what do you use?" I asked, feeling sort of stupid.
"Nothing but soap, the rest is just me," he said with a smile.
Now I knew I was screwed. My body was responding to his pheromones better than to Ranger's Bulgari. Shit, there was no chocolate in the house.
"I looked at your door and window the other day," he said.
"Yeah, I noticed. What's up with that?" Looked like we were both going to let the whole 'you smell good' conversation die, thank God.
"I was thinking about you that weekend, how you had no privacy," he said. "These locks don't give you privacy. Anyone can get in. I know you don't worry about safety, but what about privacy?"
"Right now I don't have anything I need to keep private," I said. "So why bother?"
"Nothing? Are you sure about that? You want Lester or Bobby to come in when you are changing your clothes or while you are in the shower?" he asked with a smile.
"OK. I'd like to be able to do those things in private. But it's never been much of an issue before, really," I said.
I thought about when Joe broke in to get his distributor cap back and wound up attaching me to the shower curtain rod and then Ranger had to pick the locks to rescue me. Then there was that time when Ranger was FTA and kept breaking into my place in the middle of the night, usually scaring the wits out of me. I could feel my face burning and thought 'You know, he's right. I really don't have any privacy around here.'
"Why are you so worried about my privacy all of a sudden?" I finally asked.
"I told you, I have sisters," he said still smiling. I knew damn well he was thinking about the morning at the B&E when we kept getting 'visitors'. I still had mixed feelings about the visitors we had; it had proved to be a mixed blessing.
"How long have you been thinking about this?" I asked.
"Since we got back," he said quietly.
Oh.
"I've been looking at lock sets, good ones. I will order some for you and install them, if you will accept them," he said.
Nice. He gave me an option and wasn't going to try to foist a new lock set on me if I didn't want it.
"What will I owe you to do this?" I asked.
"Nothing. I do it because I want to," he said. He moved a little closer to me and gave me a very delectable kiss and in a low voice he said directly into my ear, "You could think of the locks as a present."
Hey they might not be flowers, but it would be a gift I'd have for a long, long time. At least as long as I lived here, then I could take the locks off and take them wherever I decided to move next.
"I can't accept something like that from you. They're too expensive a gift. I have to do something for you in exchange," I said.
"No. You didn't ask. I offered. I want to. It's important," he said looking like he was going to move in for another kiss. Then all of a sudden, and for no apparent reason, he backed two steps away.
It was as if on cue, I heard the sound of locks tumbling and turned to see Ranger standing in the doorway.
"Babe, I got done early and I thought," Ranger said stopping in mid sentence. "Babe, what's Hector doing here?"
"He wanted to see if I was OK, just checking on me. Turns out he's read the Tale of Two Cities, too. Seems I am the only one in our little group who hasn't read it yet," I said. I was rambling, but I was a little rattled. Something about Temptation 1 and Temptation 2 in the same room at the same time did that to me.
"English?" Ranger asked to Hector.
"Spanish, for school," Hector said.
Ranger moved to sit on one of the chairs and the two started speaking in Spanish about something, probably the book. It was looking like they were having a good time of it and it would be a while. It was nice to see them talking to each other with me in the room and not look like they were wanting to tear each other apart. It was peaceful and would have been nice if I had been able to understand the conversation.
I interrupted to ask if anyone wanted something to drink. Nobody heard me, so I excused myself, went to the fridge and got out three bottles of water. I gave one to each of the guys, neither of them seemed to have noticed. They were engrossed in their own little world.
I sat and watched the conversation just sipping my water. About half an hour later I excused myself and went to the bathroom to freshen up, again no one knew I was even gone. It was sort of like I had become a ghost in my own home. I was just getting ready to pick up the remote control to turn on the TV when they finally figured out I was still there.
"Proud of you, Babe," Ranger said.
"What? Why? What in the world are you talking about?" I asked Ranger. A few minutes before I had decided it was a good time to go to the mental beach and play in the surf and sand; it was disappointing to be dragged back.
"Proud of you for finally letting Hector put better locks on your place. He said it was something you've been talking about and how you're becoming more aware of your safety," Ranger said.
Oh, really? Now it was about my safety? Ranger was looking pleased with me and Hector was looking pleased with himself.
"Well, it's been brought up before. Safety and privacy are both important things. But now I'm thinking I may not be able to cover the cost of them. Hector's got expensive taste in locks and things," I said. 'Take that, both of you,' I thought as I mentally stuck my tongue out at both of them.
"The company will cover the cost, not a problem. They can be written off as 'samples' or something. Accounting will take care of it," Ranger said still very happy.
Hector was about to break out laughing. Thankfully, he didn't.
"Hector, make sure you make spare keys for Steph, me and the control room. You never know who will need to come over to pick stuff up from her place," Ranger said with a smile.
He may have figured out what Hector's motivation. Who knows? All I knew was that my 'privacy' might be protected better from the various stalkers, but probably nothing would change for me with the Rangemen. They all knew how to work Hector's key duplication machine and had easy access to it.
Hector made his excuses and told me that he'd see me tomorrow. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and headed out the door.
"Babe," Ranger started.
I just knew it had to be about the stupid kiss. "What? He's kissed me hello and goodbye for a couple of months. It's just how he is. No big deal," I said.
"Actually what I was going to say was that if you'd asked, we would have put better locks on your place a long time ago. I know you aren't hot on the actual security systems and the cameras we could put in, but I'll give you anything I can in my power," he said.
I went to the chair he was sitting in and gave him a kiss on his cheek to acknowledge what he'd just said.
We did the book thing for over an hour, felt like forever though. It seemed like we spent most of the time on the first sentence. This time I managed to stay awake. We stopped when the noise coming from my stomach was almost as loud as Ranger's voice.
He shut the book we had both been reading and got up.
"Time to feed you, let's go."
We did dinner at a little place he knew that specialized in raw foods. I decided that since I was expanding my horizons, that this would count and I wouldn't complain. Besides after he went home I could make a pastry or pizza run if I really needed to.
Ranger had looked at the menu like it was heaven come to Trenton. I looked at it like there was nothing edible in the whole place. In the end I let Ranger order something that wasn't too terribly healthy for me. I mean I could expand my horizons, but only so much right now.
The food was actually pretty good, but I don't do that many raw vegetables in an entire month so I knew I'd need both Bean-o and some Tums for the tummy.
After dinner, he saw me to my door saying he had an early morning meeting and did I need another day or so alone with the book?
I decided going to work would be a better use of my time.
He did the ritual sweeping of my apartment for potential bad guys, kissed me softly and left.
♣♣ ♣
I sat on the sofa and thought about my early 20s. When I was in college I specialized in shooting pool, frat parties and air guitar, and in that order. Oh yeah, I did get a piece of paper proving to the world that I had a degree in business. I remembered one of my English professors talking about something called "Master Plots"; a series of books that had summaries of important pieces of literature. I was going to go to the library the next day after work to see if those books actually existed.
Master Plots did exist. I photocopied the couple of pages that had information on the book. It made it much easier to follow the story. I'd tried to Google the book on the web but got a lot of gibberish and crap, ultimately old fashioned books were easier.
Master Plots didn't feel like cheating because I had to read it to use it – and I used it to actually read the book. Reading was what I wound up doing the Saturday and Sunday. There were no phone calls, no break ins and no dinners with family; I was trying to get it finished. I went through a lot of coffee. I did finish 'reading' but not comprehending the book, mostly it didn't click or stick. Mostly it looked like a bunch of words swimming on a page, taunting me. I found a copy of an old movie version at the library and checked it out. The movie made the book click for me, sort of, that wasn't cheating, was it?
♣♣ ♣
I talked to Hector on Monday when we were working on his vocabulary stuff. I told him that for now, we needed to leave any kissing to kisses on the cheek either in public or in private. I was confused about what was going on with him and because somehow any of the extra kissing was feeling like cheating. I had no one to cheat on, but it felt like cheating all the same.
He looked a little chastised and reluctantly agreed. "For now," was the only thing he would say.
♣♣ ♣
The day of the book club finally came. Ranger had asked me to dress about the same way I had for the afternoon I spent with Tank at the art galleries. Nice. Nothing flashy. Conservative. Boring. We were also going to do something for the majority of the afternoon, another of his guilty pleasures; a conservative guilty pleasure. Oh boy. This didn't make any sense, a conservative guilty pleasure? Sounded like an oxymoron to me just like 'military intelligence'. Well, it was his horizon and he'd promised it was going to be gentle, so figured I'd find a way to cope.
I worked myself into a tizzy. I changed clothes three times and pulled almost everything out of my closet, looked at each piece and rejected them all several times. In the end I wore a mid-length, black skirt, conservative shirt and flats, did minimal makeup, I even pulled my hair into a soft braid. So not my regular look, but I wanted him to be happy.
He had on a nice long sleeved button down shirt, the thread count on the fabric was like his sheets and felt heavenly, the pants and shoes were perfectly fitted black affairs, no surprise there. He looked calm and collected, as per his usual. I collected my book and purse and then we were off.
We did lunch at a Korean place that ran heavy on the lemon grass and cilantro. The restaurant had great food but the neighborhood was just plain scary. Ranger knew the owner and Rangeman did the security for them. There were some neighborhoods where Rangeman cut their rates to keep crime down and give peace of mind to the business owners, this place was in one of those neighborhoods.
I didn't often think about Ranger being armed, he was always armed, but this was one time when I was really glad that he was prepared for anything.
After lunch he drove us to small library in the neighborhood. OK, evidently this was literary Ranger day.
"Babe, not every guilty pleasure has to do with food," he said.
"I hadn't even been thinking about guilty pleasures Ranger," I said. I really hadn't for a whole five minutes until he mentioned the phrase and then all I could think of was all the forbidden things I wanted to do to his body. Ah ... it would have been a long list that I was willing to explore at great length under the right circumstances. No such luck, at least not today.
We got out of the car and headed for the library's information desk. The woman sitting behind it was in her mid 40s and looked very competent. OK dowdy, she looked dowdy, but I wasn't going to say that. The woman didn't fluster or blush when Ranger approached her, evidently his charms weren't needed in a library to get what he wanted.
"Carlos, we're so glad you could join us today," said the librarian.
"Not at all Florence, I look forward to this, it's a nice break from my schedule. I wouldn't miss reading this book to these kids if I could possibly avoid it," he said. His voice had a tone to it I couldn't place, it was very happy but also very calm.
"Everything is set out for you just like you like it," she said. "I'll be around if you need me."
"It'll all be fine. Thanks as always," he said.
I was wondering what was going on, but I kept my mouth shut and followed Ranger like the trained puppy I was.
We went around a little corner to the children's section. In the middle of the room sitting out was a pair of adult chairs, several bean bags and a book. The book was "The House at Pooh Corner".
"Ranger, what's going on?" I asked.
"I usually read here twice a month. Most of the kids' parents don't read or speak English and so the kids are missing out on a lot of great stuff. My folks didn't have a lot, but they brought us to the library so we could borrow the books they couldn't buy. Anyway, Winnie the Pooh is a classic in most of the English speaking world and phrases from it will be part of their lives forever. I just think it is nice for the kids to hear some of the phrases where they actually came from.
"If I'm in the wind Hal or one of the other guys takes over so the kids aren't disappointed. It is a great team building thing and the guys get to let their hair down for a little while.
"Besides, I didn't get to read much to Julie when she was little. When I read to them I pretend Julie is still that age and sitting in the crowd with her friends and I am reading to them. This is my own way of paying penance," he said.
Wow.
I reached over and grabbed his hand and gave it a quick squeeze. He squeezed back and then he opened the book. Evidently he had read the book many times, but he wanted to pre-read it just to make sure it was effortless for the kids.
About ten kids about the ages of five to seven rolled in over the next several minutes for Story Time. Ranger waited until the designated time and asked if everybody was comfortable. I had been standing up next to him while we were waiting for the kids. Ranger sat in one of the adult chairs and I took the other, I had assumed it was for me.
Ranger read the story of Pooh Bear and the Blustery Day. Not only did he read it well, but he used a different voice for each of the characters. It was a story that I had loved as a kid and my grandfather used to read it to me when I was good. I would be rotten most of the day, but I made sure to clean up my act before he got home so he knew how good I had been all day.
If Ranger read to his nieces and nephews they got a great treat; Julie really did miss out on something amazing. He was magnificent. He never missed a beat or a nuance. I found myself just as spell bound and captivated as the kids. I remembered him saying he didn't need handcuffs to enslave a woman, evidently all he needed was a volume of Winnie the Pooh and I was a goner.
After he finished the chapter Story Time was over. Ranger and I returned the room to what would have been its normal condition. He returned the book to the librarian at the information desk and told her he would see her the same time the next month and they'd do another chapter.
We drove to a park not too far from where we were and walked around the man made pond. Actually it wasn't so much of a walk as a mosey; we took our time and just sort of people watched. Ranger was on high alert, as always, but no one else would have known that from his body language.
After the second lap around the pond, I was wondering if I had worn the wrong outfit. I had definitely worn the wrong shoes for any more walking. Without a word, he aimed us back to the car. He had Ella put some snack type food in a basket before we left. It was snack food for Ranger, fruit and nuts, but not to me, no bad carbs and no bad cholesterol. He preferred not to eat heavily before the book club meetings; he said some of them could be a little boring and a heavy meal made him want to sleep through the evening.
We sat in silence for several minutes. It was calm and peaceful if you looked at us, but we were both thinking deep thoughts. I don't know what his were, the ESP fairy forgot me so I was on my own. He was so lost in his own thoughts I didn't even think he remembered I was in the car.
My own thoughts were much more focused on what the evening was going to bring. I was sort of curious what kinds of people I'd be meeting. I couldn't figure out if they were potential clients, current clients, members of his church (hey, did Ranger even go to church?) or business partners? I wasn't really comfortable quizzing him about the group, I figured I'd just kind of take them as they came and not put a lot of extra value on it.
♣♣ ♣
We wound up at a house that looked like it could have been in the Burg. It was neat and tidy with a well manicured front lawn. It should have made me feel more comfortable, but it didn't. It was hauntingly familiar.
Lester was just getting out of his car when we pulled up; he was dressed pretty much like Ranger was. I wasn't surprised that it had an effect on me; they both looked droolworthy. If everything else I had known about 'typical Rangemen' had been blown out of the water, this one thing was irrefutable; Rangemen could always be counted on to look scrumptious, even in SWAT black. I found myself thankful to a god who had engineered each and every one of them to be lustworthy and the stuff they write smut about; the kind of smut that required Woolite and a change of panties.
The book club was actually a pretty small group, just six regular members with others who floated in and out. They took turns nominating books to read. Technically someone was in charge, but they were more into free flowing exchange of ideas and books. Each meeting ideas were offered up for the next month and then a consensus was taken. If that was really true, how did they wind up with A Tale of Two Cities? Why couldn't they have done some Rex Stout or Lillian Jackson Braun; you know stuff that was fun to read.
I sat next to Ranger. Lester went over to sit next to the only other female, Emily. It turned out she was one of his former flings.
Before the meeting I talked with Emily a little. She and Lester had a 'discussion' about appropriate books a couple of months ago. She wanted to keep with classics; Lester had wanted to do something unexpected; he was the current president and wanted to shake things up. He wanted to do a book that had been on a bunch of banned lists in the first part of the 20th century: Lady Chatterley's Lover. Lester said any book that was worthy of being banned had to be good.
She couldn't come up with a good argument but got him to agree the next month would be Pride and Prejudice. Lester was disappointed that Lady Chatterley's Lover wasn't nearly so racy as he thought it might be; turned out that 'romance novels' written today were a whole lot racier and then some. Lester was a good sport and did read Pride and Prejudice, he cast himself in the role of Mark Darcy. The two presented a united front and so those books were read by the whole group and in that order.
Overall, it was a nice evening. Everyone minded their manners, even Lester. Ranger didn't get too involved in the discussion but he did ask his famous one word questions, "Why" "Elaborate" and the famous "Explain". He made some salient points proving that he had read the thing. I mostly kept my mouth shut, the answer, "what he said," just wasn't going to cut it with this group.
We went for a late supper with Lester and Emily after. We talked about how we thought it went. I still tried to keep quiet. I had felt very out of place all evening. I hadn't been a serious student and not a lot in my life was serious now (except for the work stuff). I hadn't contributed a lot to the conversation, I had kept up with it, but barely. I was much more comfortable with The House on Pooh Corner; right now I saw myself as Piglet, a little timid and shy and feeling out of my element. I just sort of drank my coffee and nodded my head. We decided to call it an evening. Lester wound up following Emily home to make sure she got there 'safely'. Right.
Ranger had been noticing my discomfort but didn't say much. He held my hand as we drove back to my apartment, periodically squeezing it. It had been quiet for too long when I finally decided to break the silence myself.
I asked him to stay and talk a little while so we could review the evening.
"Why do you really belong to a group like that?" I asked.
"It's good for me. It makes me push my mental limits and expand my tastes and interests. Why?" he responded.
"What do you mean 'it's good for me'? Cod liver oil is good for you, not necessarily book clubs," I said.
"Actually, there are a lot of things in this world that are good for you. I never finished college and will probably never go back. I'm not using that as an excuse not to continue my education. I need the support of a group to get certain things done. I can read classic books or famous authors on my own, but I don't."
"Really, I thought you were the master of self-discipline. I thought you didn't need anyone else to get things done or goals accomplished," I said somewhat shocked.
"Babe, I tried before and just didn't get anywhere with it. A group like this keeps you accountable. Besides, I've read a lot of stuff that I wouldn't have on my own. Do you really think I would have volunteered to read Pride and Prejudice?" he asked with a visible shiver.
"Hated it, did you? I saw the movie, yeah I know, I should read the book. Anyway, it struck me as being very 'chick'. I can't see you getting into it at all."
"Actually it was pretty good as a story, but the language was too flowery for my tastes. I am more of a Hemmingway kind of a guy. Simple structure, complex thoughts, great stories," he said with a smile.
"I don't really think that's ever going to be my cup of tea. If you have a magazine of the month club, we might have something there. I think they were nice people, but I'm not smart enough to hang with them," I said.
"Babe, you do know there are all kinds of smarts don't you? You may not play an instrument or program computers but you know how people think and what motivates them. You have more determination than anyone I know. If you want to do something, you do it, you always find a way. I am proud of you for that. Most people don't have that kind of tenacity," he said squeezing my hand.
We went to the car and headed back to my apartment. He had been a little distant since he'd admitted about not reading to Julie when she was a little kid. Actually, he was seeming to be more distant all of the time. We had reached a place where there were almost no kisses of any kind and even fewer that left me breathless. Most of the physical contact was evaporating altogether.
I knew we were just friends and not even friends with benefits of any kind but I was missing what I'd had with him even though it was limited. Giving up the physical contact with Ranger was kind of like giving up chocolate; withdrawal was painful and I thought about it all of the time. I obsessed about it actually. I had put Ranger's available replacement in cold storage for now so I was back to without anything all the way around. I was going to need to buy a new shower massager before the month ended. Seemed like my life was feast or famine when it came to men and whatever limited feasting there had been was now over, I was now in a famine.
A/N: See, we have done The Tale of Two Cities and no one had to do a book report!