Chapter 7: Reality Isn't What It Used to Be

Steve eyed the line of media vans about 100 yards away, held back by the force field perimeter erected by the Wakandans. Dr. Strange's sorcerer friends had proven extremely useful in helping Shuri and the others travel back and forth between New York and Wakanda in mere seconds.

Speaking of which, Steve wondered where Dr. Strange had taken off to. He hadn't seen the man since last night and hadn't properly been able to thank him for saving Bucky's life. He made a mental note to try to get a message to him later.

For now, he turned his attention to Shuri. "We didn't have time to talk before…with Vision," the name caught in his throat. If he hadn't pulled that gauntlet off Bucky's hand….

She offered him a sympathetic nod.

"Anyway," he continued, "I wanted to thank you for helping Bucky and giving him sanctuary the past two years."

"It is a debt my brother owed, and the right thing to do."

"Well, thank you. If it hadn't been for you, I'm not sure he'd still be alive." He studied her dark, inquisitive eyes and saw understanding behind them. "How is he? Really?"

"The Winter Soldier programming has been removed. The code words no longer hold any power over him."

"How did you accomplish that?"

"I developed an algorithm to remove the influence of the trigger words."

"What about the trauma he's experienced?" Steve hoped she could find a way to help Bucky recovery more fully.

"The last thing I wanted to do is to remove all of who James Barnes is and was by trying to remove the past 80 years of his memories with Hydra." She glanced back at the tent. "I attempted to root out the memories that yielded the greatest emotional trauma, but when the mind experiences trauma, it often seeks solace in more pleasant memories of the past, forming a connection between those neural pathways. By attempting to eradicate those traumatic memories, I could have destroyed the others. I could also inadvertently have destroyed who is is—his personality, quirks, loves, and dislikes. In essence, I could have destroyed James Barnes, and the man left in his place would be someone else. That was a conversation I had with him, and he chose not to risk losing his memories of his family, and of you." She cocked her head at him. "Has something happened?"

He took in the information she provided and tried to fathom all that she and Bucky had worked through over the past two years. He wished he could've been there for his friend. As he pondered her question, he thought about how much to reveal. If anyone could help Bucky, it was her, but what he'd found out was so deeply private. Did she know? Had Bucky ever told her?

"The Bucky from the future came here on a suicide mission."

Shock touched her eyes, and her face looked suddenly sad. "I had not heard the details, but I knew that he had traveled here from the future, obtained the gauntlet, and saved the universe. However, we have all been willing to sacrifice our lives for the greater good. Do you believe there was more behind his sacrifice than that?"

Steve shook his head. He didn't know for sure, but the letter Bucky had written him certainly gave him a glimpse into the dark nature of his friend's inner turmoil. 'I should have died a long time ago. I don't belong here. The world doesn't know what to do with me, and I don't know what to do with myself.'

Those words still made something go tight in his chest. "I don't know. He wrote me a letter, and I think he feels like he doesn't have a place here. It sounded to me like he found solace in death."

"He is tired of war." Shuri's voice sounded sad. "It was unfortunate that we could not provide him a longer reprieve from it."

Steve nodded. Thanos had made that impossible. He suddenly remembered Bucky's words back in Bucharest, and they made more sense now.

'It always ends in a fight.'

The words had been said with a resigned hopelessness that, at the time, with German special forces closing in, Steve hadn't had the luxury to ponder.

"Is there anything you can do to help both Buckys?"

She nodded. "Perhaps, when I have a moment, I will reach out to you, and we can talk more."

"Thank you. I don't want to leave him too long. Is there anything you need from us?"

She shook her head. "As I told you earlier, we have all that we need. If Stark needs any help figuring out how to get the future James Barnes to his own timeline, I can make time to assist. Otherwise," she flashed a cocky look up at him, "leave me to my work."

Stay out of your way. Message received. Steve smiled at her. For someone so young, she sure had a commanding presence. "I'll get the other Buck out of your hair."

"Just make sure he does not overexert himself. We have mostly healed his wounds, but even with our technology and his enhanced healing abilities, the regenerated tissue needs time to stabilize, and his body needs rest. He is in pain, but as you know, he hides it well."

Too well. He'd known that about Bucky since they were kids. Whether the pain was physical or emotional, both of them hid it. It was what men did in the 30s and 40s. Hell, he'd hid a lot from Bucky over their formative years.

"Will do." Steve ducked back into the tent and saw Bucky leaning against the recovery table, eyeing him expectantly, jacket in hand.

"Well, can I get out of here now, or am I going to have to try to stage a jail break from Shuri?" Bucky asked.

Steve smiled and jerked his head toward the tent flap. "I just made your bail."

Steve saw something flicker over Bucky's face at that joke, but he couldn't quite pin it down before it gave way to a firm nod and what looked like a forced smile from the other man.

"'Bout time," Bucky said, walking up to him with a grimace and a slight limp and slapping him on the shoulder.

"Let's go, pal." Steve headed out of the tent with Bucky close behind. He opted not to mention the limp or the obvious fact that Bucky was in pain.

As they headed into the complex and upstairs, Steve tried to keep the anxiety he felt from showing in his posture and his expression. He had some trepidation giving his Buck yet one more thing to have to deal with—and coming face-to-face with one's future self was definitely enough to throw anyone for a loop.

As they made their way into the kitchen, Steve instantly surveyed the scene. Bucky was still slouched in the chair. He held had a cell phone in his hand and was scrolling through something. Wanda was on the couch watching the news play on the screen. Tony was pacing near the window, talking to someone though his comm piece. From the context, Steve guessed it was a reporter or a politician trying to get more details about what the hell had happened yesterday and working out some hasty logistics about next steps.

Natasha was now at the dining table chatting softly with Clint, Thor, and Bruce. Steve wondered when Clint would be taking off to reunite with his family. He was slightly surprised to wake up and find him still hanging around, but knowing Clint as he did, he figured the man's sense of obligation drove him to stick around and see them through the thick of the aftermath.

Then, of course, there was Natasha. Clint had watched her die. Steve could only imagine what kind of hell that had been.

Buck walked into the room behind him, and Steve shifted so that he could keep an eye on both Buckys. The younger Buck's eyes immediately scanned the room, darting from Thor and hovering a moment over Bruce's large green figure before quickly darting to Tony.

Steve saw the uncertainty behind his friend's gaze and remembered that this Buck hadn't been around for the heart-to-heart between Tony and the future Bucky.

Finally, Buck's gaze drifted to his slightly older counterpart as he draped his jacket over the back of the couch.

Bucky was already looking up at him, the cell phone resting on his lap. The two men stared at one another for a few seconds, then Buck pointed to the empty bottle of whiskey on the table.

"So, we're drinking hard liquor in the middle of the day now?" Buck said.

Bucky's expression remained flat. "Well, when I left my time, it was just after midnight, and I arrived around noon, which makes it…" his eyes rolled upward for a second as he apparently did the calculation, "somewhere around, well, midnight again my time, I think, and that's factoring in the time difference between New York and Louisiana."

"You were in Louisiana?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, I'm married to your sister now," Bucky said.

Steve hadn't expected that bit of news, and neither had the younger Buck given the expression of stunned disbelief on his face.

"What?" Sam shot out of his seat.

Bucky cocked his head over at Sam. "Relax, man, I'm just messing with you."

Sam jabbed a finger at Bucky and sank back to his chair. "Not funny."

"It kind of was," Bucky retorted, but the words were filled with more exhaustion than mirth.

The younger Buck drifted closer. "So, so, do you want to give me any tips? Anything I need to know about the next year?"

Bucky lifted his head and gazed at his younger self with a mixture of resignation and exhaustion evident in the slackness of his features. "Yeah. Don't do anything illegal. Don't hurt anybody." He sighed and dropped his head back. "And don't do anything that gets somebody else hurt."

"That's it?" Buck prodded. "No lottery numbers? Stock tips? Where do you live? What are you doing? Do we have a job?"

"No. No. Brooklyn. Traveling through time to save the universe. See above."

With a frustrated sigh, Buck turned away and settled his gaze on Banner and Thor.

"Uh, so, you're Thor, right?"

Thor nodded. "Indeed."

"As in the God of Thunder?"

Thor gave a smile. "You are correct."

Buck shook his head as if trying to process that information, then he looked at Banner Hulk. "And you're, Doctor Banner?"

"Yes, we met only briefly, I know."

"You looked different."

"Yeah." Banner shrugged.

Buck studied him a moment longer, confusion evident on his face. "Are you also an alien?"

"Jesus Christ," Bucky muttered from the armchair with a shake of his head.

Clint gave a chuckle, but Banner seemed taken aback. "Uh, no, but…I can see how you might jump to that conclusion there."

Steve realized only then that Bucky hadn't actually had a full introduction to all the Avengers. He'd met Bruce in his normal human form only briefly when they'd landed in Wakanda, and then Thanos' ship arrived and everything went to hell. He hadn't even been formally introduced to Thor, who'd appeared in the middle of the fight.

Soon after, Bucky vanished with half the universe, and he'd only been resurrected a few hours ago – and then once again put into the middle of the most epic battle the universe had ever seen.

"I'm sorry, Buck." Steve walked up to him. "I forgot that all of this is pretty new to you."

Buck gave him an almost shy smile. "Well, I know most of the people here…either by trying to kill them or from Berlin, so, yeah, it's a bit awkward." He took a breath, and Steve suddenly felt like an ass. So much had happened. It had been five years, but for Bucky, it had been mere hours. He'd been asked to fight, come face to face with the dead body of his future self, watched himself be resurrected, then shoved into a medical tent and been left to ponder what the hell had all just happened.

"You could say that. I mean, aliens? A talking racoon. That tree…creature? Meeting my future self. It's been…a lot... Actually," Buck paused suddenly, looking even more uncertain, "now that I say it out loud, I think this might all actually be a dream. That would make a lot more sense. I'm probably unconscious in a lab in either Wakanda or…Russia even? Maybe this has all been one very vivid hallucination or dream."

"That would be nice, wouldn't it?" Bucky muttered, lifting his head to look at his counterpart. "It's not. I've thought that many times, but it just keeps going, and we don't dream in cryo."

The younger Buck looked solemnly at his Bucky. "It is definitely a dream." He nodded decisively then shook his head as if it had been obvious the whole time. "I mean, I'm here talking to my future self, in a room with a big green guy and Thor the God of Thunder—"

"Indeed!" Thor slammed a fist on the table.

"-after just fighting alongside a talking racoon and alien tree with death branch arms. Also, my future self brought back a lot of people I've killed in recent history using a magic glove, so yeah, it's a dream."

Bucky actually chuckled and tilted his head back once again in a display of resignation. "Okaaay, since you put it like that, maybe it is a dream. Who knows, maybe I'm still captured by the Germans, battling pneumonia, in Zola's lab, and the past 80 years have just been one very long fever-induced dream or hallucination."

"Exactly," Buck agreed. "I thought that the first time I saw Steve in his new body. Maybe that was a dream, and it just never ended. I mean, come on, Steve who should be in Brooklyn, suddenly looks very different and somehow made his way behind enemy lines and rescues me and the other guys, all by himself, from the Germans, then Schmidt lifts his face off to reveal a red skull. That's objectively dream material."

Steve watched the two men bicker about the fabric of reality and thought it best to put an end to the no-win argument. "It's not a dream."

"Bullet-proof argument there, Cap," Tony clapped a hand on Steve's shoulder.

"Dreams sometime tell you that," Bucky said.

"Exactly," younger Buck agreed.

Tony walked up to Buck casually, his right hand suddenly enveloped in an Iron Man glove, and zapped the former Winter Soldier in the right side. Buck jumped with a quick grunt, clutching his right side exactly where the shrapnel had sliced into him and giving Tony a disbelieving look.

"Not a dream," Tony declared, "though your logic is undeniably sound."

"Tell me about it," Bruce chimed up from the table. "I'm almost convinced now that this might be a dream.

Tony shrugged. "Dream or not, you kind of have to go with what's happening as if it were actually happening."

Well, there's a valid point, Steve thought, hoping the two Buckys saw it that way so they could move on from the 'is it or isn't it a dream' debate.

Thor rose from the table. "Thank you for the meal, Bucky from the future." Thor looked at Steve. "I must take my leave from you now. I have another matter to attend to, but I will return to bid you all a final farewell."

Steve nodded and watched Thor leave, then turned his attention back to Buck, who was staring uncertainly at Tony, his lips pursed. Buck looked hesitantly over at Steve. "Dream or not, I'm just wondering…. Am I…under arrest?"

Shit. Steve hadn't even thought much about that. He and the other Avengers had been on the run for two years, and Buck was given sanctuary in Wakanda. But now that the war was over and Buck was no longer in Wakanda…

"No," the older Bucky piped up, tilting his head back once again to look up at some indefinite point on the ceiling. "Not, yet, anyway."

Not yet? Steve caught the dismayed look Tony threw his way.

"But once the dust settles," Bucky seemed to wince at the dark appropriateness of that phrase, "yeah. Then there'll be judges, court-appointed lawyers, media, a few protests, a conditional pardon, and court-mandated therapy to reassure people you won't go-" he raised a fist in the air, "—you know. That is, if it all happens roughly the same way it did before."

"Shit." Sam muttered from the table. "I haven't even had time to think about any that. I wonder if that goes for us, too?"

"Oh, you're all heroes," Bucky waved a hand in the air. "Untouchable, at least for a while."

"So are you," Sam countered.

"Not exactly." Bucky closed his eyes, his words soft.

The younger Buck walked up to his older counterpart. "Therapy?" he asked, with a subtle note of trepidation in his voice.

Bucky sighed and waved a hand in the air. "Yeah. It's a blast. You'll love it. Fixed me right up."

Steve winced at the exhausted sarcasm in Bucky's voice and wondered if his friend was finally going to give in to sleep. He tried to imagine what life had been like for Bucky after the battle. From the letter, it sounded like he had gone through that alone, for the most part, and that didn't sit well in his gut.

"I'm so over this Accords-Ross shit." Tony walked up to Buck and Steve and shook his head. "Everyone in this room took part in saving the universe, so screw them, and you really took one for the team," Tony threw a glance at Bucky's half-conscious form, then turned that gaze to Buck. "Friday, get the lawyers on it, will you?"

"Engaging counsel now. Also, the vodka has been procured and is sitting in the lobby."

"So," Clint began from the table, "what're the next steps in all of this?"

That was a very good question, and one Steve had been on and off pondering all morning. "The Wakandans are taking the lead on the medical front and working with Strange's group ferrying people across the globe. That's leaves us to deal with the media and the political fall-out. There are a lot of confused, frightened people out there who need answers."

"Yep, and I've been on the phone with several of them already, not to mention trying to figure out our time travel dilemma." Tony pointed to Bucky, who now appeared to be asleep.

Steve hoped that was true. He had no idea when Bucky had gotten sleep before his trip through time, but as the hours wore on through the day, it was obvious he was draining the tank. As if the other man could sense his thoughts, Bucky's brow furrowed and a tiny whisper of something that sounded Russian escaped his lips.

Buck sighed and propped himself on a bar stool near the counter. "Well, damn."

"What is it?" Steve asked.

Buck gave him a sad look. "I'd hoped after time the nightmares would fade. I know what he's dreaming about. It's a bad one, and it's about to get worse."

Wanda pushed herself off the couch and moved behind Bucky. She eyed Buck and then Steve, her eyes seeking permission. "I can help him. All I need is a good memory."

Steve hesitated a moment. He'd seen first-hand how effectively Wanda could plant memories and images into a person's head, and they would seem very real. He knew Bucky desperately needed sleep. Exhaustion was evident in every line on his face and muscle in his body. As he lay sleeping in the chair, Bucky grimaced, and his right hand clenched into a fist. His breathing quickened. Whatever nightmare he was having was getting worse. Either Bucky would wake up from it, or Steve would have to wake him up. Without sleep, Steve wasn't sure how much longer Bucky would remain functional. Not even super soldier stamina could run on empty forever.

"You can do that?" Buck asked.

Wanda nodded.

"You helped me in Berlin. Maybe you can help the other me now." He nodded. "Coney island. The Cyclone."

"Come on, man." Steve threw him a glance.

"Outside of that one thing, we had a great day." He shot Steve a side glance and grinned. "Besides, from my end, it was hilarious."

Steve shook his head and suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. Damn, it felt good getting ribbed by Bucky again after all these years.

Wanda smiled softly and raised her hands to Bucky's temples. Scarlet energy danced from her fingertips, into Bucky's temples. The news played on the screen. Steve heard mention of the infinity stones on the broadcast, and he turned to see a photo of Vision with the caption "mind stone" underneath.

Sudden movement whipped Steve's attention back to Wanda. Bucky was on his feet, his back straight, his face firm and stoic. He looked around slowly, scanning the room, his eyes sliding from Tony to the group at the table, stopping ever so briefly on Banner.

"Wanda was just trying to help you with a nightmare," Steve explained.

Bucky tilted his head at him and raised his left arm. His eyes locked on the black and gold vibranium, and his brow furrowed.

Buck took a step forward as the other Bucky's head snapped up at him. The confusion on his face grew more intense as he studied his younger self. Then, his gaze darted again to Steve. A muscle in his jaw clenched, and he leapt in the air, his metal arm raised, and sailed toward Steve.

Buck intercepted so fast, raising his own vibranium arm in defense, that Steve knew he must have seen the attack coming. Metal clashed with metal. Bucky twisted, grabbing Buck's arm and using his other hand to send a hard fist into the younger man's right side. Buck doubled over, and as Bucky spun around him to head toward Steve, Buck charged forward with a guttural growl and sent the other soldier crashing to the ground.

Steve launched himself at the same time Tony activated his suit, but Banner was there before either of them. As Bucky snapped to his feet, Banner's large green arms grabbed him from behind, securing him in a firm bear hug. Bucky struggled like a wild man, yelling in rage as he jerked and kicked, but Banner's hold remained unyielding.

"What happened?" Steve looked at Wanda for answers, but her horrified, tear-streaked face told him she wasn't in any condition to give solid answers.

She shook her head, backing into the window. "I'm sorry. I…" Her eyes darted to the screen in the wall, which now showed an external image of Stark tower.

Steve lowered his voice. "It's okay. We'll figure it out." He knew Wanda had been through hell, and her grief over Vision was still raw and fresh. For her, it hadn't been five years. It had been less than a day.

Buck was on his feet, staring at the other version of himself currently fighting Banner's hold with everything he had.

"Come on, little guy, settle down," Banner tried to soothe, but his words had the opposite effect.

Bucky belted out an angry scream and slammed his head back, smacking it firmly into Banner's chin, but the green guy didn't even flinch. Steve noticed the fingers on Bucky's right hand scrambling at his pantleg, obviously searching for a pocket—probably hoping to find a knife, Steve mused darkly.

Reaching into his pocket, Steve withdrew the Kimoyo comm bead and flicked a finger over it, then held it in his palm. Shuri's image sprang to life. She opened her mouth to greet him, but before she could, he cut to the chase.

"We need you here. There's an incident with our time traveler."

"Of what variety?" she asked.

"I think he's having a flashback. I'm not sure. Wanda attempted a telepathic intervention and it seems to have backfired."

A mixture of disappointment and reproach darkened her face, but she nodded. "On my way. I hope you have not broken him after all the time I spent fixing him up."

-0- -0- -0-

Shuri looked at Amwerri in his white lab coat. "I am needed in the Avengers complex." She walked over to a small cabinet, reached in, and pulled out a compact gray case. "It appears they have broken our White Wolf from the future."

Amwerri nodded at her. "His wounds are deep. May Bast be with him."

Shuri gave a silent prayer herself and left the tent.