Disclaimer: Teen Titans is the Property of DC Comics

Chapter 18

By now the grass had grown in and her grave looked no different than any of the other hundreds of graves that lay in the cemetery. Her tombstone still shined when the sun shown upon its glazed finish; the dark lettering still crisp. There was a beautiful engraving of her picture upon the stone that made her look sweet and angelic; as she had often looked.

Tara 'Terra' Markov

Beloved Hero

Killed in Action

He stood looking at the words, his hands in his pockets. He hated that they had had her picture engraved into the tombstone. It wasn't that it didn't do her justice, it certainly did, but seeing her looking so happy and so innocent made him only think of the great times they'd had together. Their first meeting, the first time they flirted with each other, the games they played and the laughs they shared. They all came flooding back to him as he looked upon the engraving. He had loved her; he couldn't deny that fact. And he did still love her, but he wasn't in love with her. Their love had always been fueled by lust and fun times. But that was really as deep as it went. Sure, Terra was the first to truly understand him, but only to a certain point.

He sighed and crouched down, reaching out and running his hand over the cool tombstone. He traced the letters and said a silent prayer. He hoped she was doing alright and was at peace. He really bore no ill thoughts towards her. He leaned back a bit so that he could sit down upon the fully grown in grass. He looked around and let the silence of the cemetery consume him, allowing him to relax a bit. Finally he took in a deep breath and began.

"Uh, hi Terra," he said to her stone. "Sorry it's taken me so long to come visit you. I've been… kinda busy. Anyway, I really hope you're okay wherever you are. Crystal's doing fine. She's reading really well now and she's as happy as ever. I should probably bring her by sometime. I think she'd like that. And I don't want her to grow up and resent me for never taking her to visit you.

"So… um… I guess you're probably wondering why I'm here. I think I should confess that it wasn't to visit you. I'm here because… well… I need to get over you. And what I mean is that I need to get over what happened. I know we never really parted on good terms but I never would've wished any harm on you. You were a kind, sweet, beautiful person and I would've put my life on the line to protect you, you know that. But, the fact is, you wouldn't have done the same for me. You never felt like you had to protect anyone but yourself. And I think that's why you never worked well with the group. You weren't selfish, Terra, you were just too independent for your own good.

"But that's just an excuse. And I've noticed that whenever someone talks about you I think of every excuse I can to keep myself in denial over what you did and the fact that you're really gone. And these past couple months I've been praying and asking for your forgiveness for not being the man you needed and wanted me to be. I wanted you to forgive me for letting you die the way you did. And, most of all, I wanted you to forgive me for never being able to save you from yourself.

"And then Raven said something this morning that I'd forgotten about until a few minutes ago. She said that maybe I wasn't the one who needed to be forgiven. I wasn't really sure what she meant, but now I do. All of this guilt inside of me is there because I've believed everything was my fault. But I've finally realized that… you weren't perfect; you did have flaws. You lied a few times about your control over your powers, you didn't care for your own daughter all that much, you toyed with my heart far more than I could handle, you sold us out twice and, in the end, you died because of your own actions. So, Terra, I… I… I forgive you."

And, just like that, he felt a heavy weight lift off of him. Not from his shoulders, but from his heart. All of that sickeningly dark guilt that had been infecting his soul all these months was finally gone. He truly felt transformed. A light breeze blew and he inhaled the clean air deeply.

"I forgive you," he said again, and felt even better. "And all I can do is hope that you've forgiven me; whether there's a reason for you to or not. I forgive you and now I think I can start a new chapter in my life. You see, I've kinda fallen in love. I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I think it'll do me, if not the both of us, some good. I'm in love and I'm ready to start my life up again. You'll always be with me, cuz I'll always have Crystal, and you'll always be in my heart. I just hope you can watch over us and protect us."

And with that he stood up, wiped the grass and dirt from his behind, then kissed his palm and placed it upon the tombstone. After a moment he took his hand away, turned, and headed out of the cemetery. He felt lighter than air; as if he'd just woken up from some sort of nightmare. He was ready to live now. He was ready to take on anything.

Raven had taken a cab to the edge of the city that overlooked the bay and Titans tower. From there she contact Starfire who came and flew her the rest of the way. Once home she immediately went to bed to take a nap. She was quite tired and, truth be told, wasn't feeling very well. She's been separated from children for too long. And, at this point, she didn't want to hold one of the kids for a few minutes and feel better. She just wanted to rest.

She went to her room and was surprised to see Crystal sitting on her, Raven's, bed playing with her dolls. The little girl looked up and smiled widely upon seeing who she still thought to be her soon to be new mommy. Raven could tell she was her father's daughter by that smile alone. He'd flashed it at her too many times for her not to see the resemblance.

"Hi mommy-Raven!" she said cheerfully. "You wanna play with me?"

"Sorry, I'm a little too tired to play," she said. "I'm going to take a nap."

"Aw, does that mean I can't play on your bed?" said Crystal with a pout.

"Unfortunately," said Raven, walking over to the bed.

"But I like playing here," she whined. "Why can't you sleep on my bed?"

"Why can't you play on your bed?" Raven countered.

"Cuz I told you!" said Crystal. "I like playing here."

"Crystal, I'm not sleeping in your bed," said Raven. "It's too small for me."

"Then go sleep in daddy's bed," said Crystal. "That's big enough for two people!"

Raven sighed and already felt her strength returning. She really did want to take a nap, though. "I'm not going to take a nap in your father's bed," she said firmly. "Now please remove your dolls so that I may lie down. Why don't you go play in the playroom?"

"Cuz Taye's in there and he always tries to steal my dolls and feed them to his robots and dinosaurs," said Crystal.

"Then tell him not to," said Raven.

"I do, but he never listens!" said Crystal. "One time he killed Jessica!"

"Jessica?" asked Raven.

"Yeah, my doll Jessica," said Crystal, beginning to tear up. "She was my favorite and he gave it to his robot and her hair got stuck in its clampy arm and it tore her head off! Uncle Cyborg tried to put her head back on but when he did her neck was too small and she looked weird."

"Do you want me to ask Taye to leave so you can play?" asked Raven.

"No, I wanna play here," said Crystal.

"But you can't play here," said Raven. "You need to play somewhere else."

"But I don't wanna," Crystal pouted again. "I like playing here."

"Why?" asked Raven.

"I don't know," she shrugged, fiddling with one of her dolls. "I just like it here. Your room's comfy."

"Comfy?" said Raven, nearly laughing but holding it in. "I think you're the first to ever say that my room is comfy."

"Well it is," said Crystal. "I like being in here. And… I like being near you."

"You do?" said Raven.

"Yeah," said Crystal. "You make me feel like I feel when my daddy's around."

Raven looked at the little girl before her and realized that she really did love her like a mother. She felt safe when she was with Raven, something Raven wasn't sure anyone could ever feel when around her. And she could see that the little girl was actually afraid of being away from Raven for too long. Terra had never spent much time with her and now Crystal was scared that Raven would leave her as well. Raven knew exactly what it was like to have to watch your mother from afar and never have her show any compassion towards you. She made a vow then and there; she would never be like her mother or Terra.

"Alright, I'll make a deal with you," said Raven with a soft smile. "If I let you play on my bed will you promise that tonight you'll read me a story?"

"Me read you a story?" said Crystal. "Like, a whole story?"

"Yes," said Raven, nodding.

Crystal thought about this for a moment and smiled. "Deal!" she said.

"Okay," said Raven, taking the little girl's hand and shaking it. She then sighed and got up off her bed. "Guess that means I've got to find somewhere else to nap."

"Sleep in daddy's bed," said Crystal. "It's really comfy."

"Is it really smelly?" asked Raven.

"No," Crystal laughed.

"Fine," she sighed. "It's the last place he'll look for me anyway. If he asks don't tell him where I am."

"Why?" asked Crystal.

"We're playing a game," she fibbed. "And if you tell him I'll kick you out of my bed and the deal is off."

"Okay," she said with a smile and pretended to zip her lips.

Raven gave her a small smile and then exited her room; not before grabbing her pillow and a clean bed sheet from her draw. And now she made her way to Beast Boy's room. She prayed he'd never find out about this or she'd never hear the end of it. Hell, she hoped no one would find out about this. But, knowing Crystal, she doubted it'd stay a secret for all. She just hoped the little girl would forget about the whole deal.

She made it to his room and slid his door open, bracing herself for a wave of smell, as she often had years before. Oddly, it never came and it turned out Crystal had told the truth. She walked inside and, other than a few clothing articles on the floor, it was pretty clean.

She saw his bed and noticed that it wasn't made; not that she had expected it to be. She roughly made it and then spread her clean sheet over it. She threw her pillow onto it and then climbed on. She lied down on her stomach and let her body finally relax. All of her tense muscles released and she felt relief immediately. She sighed and slowly slipped into sleep.

Beast Boy came home feeling like a new man. All this time he refused to believe that anything could help the guilt he felt inside. And now that it was gone he felt like he'd been an idiot not to have realized it sooner. He couldn't wait to talk to Raven and tell her everything.

He arrived in the common room and saw Starfire cooking in the kitchen while Cyborg was setting the table. Jack and Eric were already in their seats and being entertained by Bumblebee. Nightwing was on the couch watching the news, making sure he never missed anything that was going on in the world, and Nicole was coloring in a coloring book on the coffee table.

"Hey, there you are," said Cyborg. "Where've ya been, man?"

"I had some stuff to do," he said nonchalantly. "Do you know where Raven is?"

"Ooh, he wants to know where Raven is before Crystal?" teased Cyborg. "I think B's gotta crush!"

"Would you leave him alone?" said Bumblebee, slapping her husband in the back of the head.

"Ow! Hey, I was only kiddin!" said Cyborg, rubbing his head.

"I brought her home one hour ago," said Starfire. "I do not know where she is now."

"Okay, anyone know where Crystal is, then?" he asked.

"Around," said Nightwing from the couch.

"A lot of help you guys are," said Beast Boy and he headed out of there. 'Okay, there're only a few places my girls could be,' he thought to himself. He smiled as he thought this. He liked thinking of Crystal and Raven as his girls. He did love them both, of course. But he knew if he ever called them that allowed Raven would object immediately.