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Chapter 8: Reading the Roots

"No Kea!"

The cry came out of his mouth loud and demanding but hopelessly inadequate and late. There was no calling back the life that had been so thoughtlessly spilt. How could she have? They were safe, there had been no need.

"That is not right!" Dirk railed at the damane. Turning towards him Kea glared and gone was the meek girl of minutes earlier. In her place was a woman unleashed in all her fury. Without moving an inch she lashed out and he felt as if he had been struck, in his midriff, by the trunk of a tree. He collapsed, surprise robbing him of the moment needed to prepare himself for the blow. He lay on the floor gasping and winded; unable to stand, barely able to force a breath.

In moments Kea was kneeling beside him and was wailing her apologies. At least he assumed that was what they were. She was so distraught she had lapsed into a tongue he couldn't follow. She lifted his head and laid it on her folded legs. Suddenly her quick silver monologue resolved itself into understandable words.

"marath'damane that is what I am. We are dangerous! I must be leashed! Don't you see?"

Dirk rolled over on his side, till he was on his hands and knees. Once in this position he pushed with his arms and levered himself from the floor. What he had to say could not be said lying on his back. Still struggling to breathe properly he stooped, placing his face closer to Kea's, who had remained kneeling.

"You are not dam… that word! I do never want to hear that word again! You are special Kea! People like you can help others. You do have unique gifts. With The Power you can do so much good. You don't need to be leashed! You need to be protected!"

She lifted her chin slightly and met his eyes. She was obviously distressed by what she had done but was not crying now. She met his gaze tentatively as if expecting anger, hatred, pity or contempt. He locked her gaze with his.

"You have been used like a glorified sword but that is not what you are for. You can serve in many ways. The Power you use can be used to serve, without killing. It must NOT be used for killing!"

"But I need to touch it!" she burst out. "Don't ask me to do without it Dirk, I couldn't bear that!"

"No I am not asking you not to touch or use it, just the opposite. I think you should channel, how and where you want to. But The Power must never be a weapon, it is not for that." He leant back and sat down resting his tired body. He closed his eyes trying to clear his head and almost lost consciousness. Instantly he shook himself awake.

"It is all I know how to do" Kea said quietly.

Dirk had no answer for that. He just knew if he let fatigue take him here surrounded by Seanchan dead, they would be in danger later. Without speaking he forced himself to his feet. He didn't trust his body to do more than one thing at once. So, unspeaking, he moved one step at a time to the edge of their erstwhile battlefield. He stopped at a small green-leafed tree, leant on it then turned to beacon to Kea.

"Come, they will kill you if they find out what we have done." Then slowly but steadily he led the way from the dead Seanchan. Kea was with him in moments.

Dirk stirred and awoke finding a sea of stars twinkling above him. He wondered how long he had slept, he remembered very little of their last walk. His fatigued body had demanded too much of his attention to allow him to spare any energy for thought.

He felt better now though, if still ravenously hungry. His back didn't hurt nearly as much as he had expected it too. Shifting into a sitting position his back resting on an innocuous root he looked around for his companion. He did not need to look far. She was sitting only a few steps from him, sat as though she was waiting for something. Dirk tried not to think about food. Hanging out the front of his shirt was the brass key he kept around his neck. Blinking to adjust his eyes, he picked up the key and looked at it. He did from time to time, just to remember that there had been a life before Dirk Steadysteel of Outlook Pleasant. It was a simple enough key, small but not remarkably so with four evenly spaced teeth. It had a loop at one end through which was strung the thin silver chain that he first remembered wearing that day he had 'woken up'.

"You must want to know about who you were," Kea's voice broke in on Dirk reverie. "Otherwise you wouldn't have kept it so long."

"I guess," replied Dirk, "it might be interesting to know who I was. To know if I had good friends or a family or what I was good at and that kind of thing. Might be fun to remember I suppose. Still I do have very few regrets and that is a treasure that do be worth paying a pretty steep price for, I am thinking."

"Yes I suppose you are right" she agreed. "I wish I could forget some parts of my life." She paused as though lost in thought, then without warning changed the subject.

"Dirk, men don't channel here do they?"

"Absolutely not!" Dirk did not have to pretend his astonishment, or his vehemence in this denial. Everyone knew men had almost destroyed the world. Under the Creator light there was no thing more feared. Some claimed there was a man who could channel now, a Dragon. Such a thought scared Dirk more than he wanted to admit. The Dragon's Fang was a mark of evil after all.

"Good. It's just you seem to know so much about The Power…"

"But I don't channel!" cut in Dirk urgently.

"No I didn't think so, but I don't know how you can think like you do. Know what you know, without… well you know… being with people who do channel. Aren't you curious Dirk? Don't you want to know if you did have something to do with… with people like me?"

So that was it. She was wondering what this meant for their friendship, companionship, or whatever. Well, what does it mean, said a small voice inside his head. "I guess I do want to know" he admitted with a shrug, "but there is no benefit in worrying about what I cannot have. I can't make myself remember and I have no clues to work with."

"You have the key," she reminded him.

"Yes but I don't know what it do be to!" he snapped back. It was in that instant for the first time that Dirk felt a twinge of bitterness for his lost life. The first time he had allowed himself even for an instant, the indulgence of self pity. A feeling of injustice that he should have the credit for all he had done. He should have the friends, family, possessions and life that had been taken from him. In that moment the silently simmering feelings of bygone years reared up and it was then she made her proposition.

"I was thinking about what you said," Kea spoke up, "about the power not being used for fighting and death. I want to do what you said. I want to be that kind of a person, not a weapon, not something dangerous that needs a leash. I thought what I said was true, that it was all I knew how to do. But then I remembered I can Read the Roots."

He looked at her blankly. He could not remember what that phrase meant.

"I can touch objects and read their past. Where they go and how they fit. I could read your key."

For long moments, that seemed to fill the air between them till it was charged with apprehension, they said nothing. In the end Dirk made his choice wordlessly. He did want to know. Deep down there was a part of him that felt cheated and needed that part of himself back. He held out the small crass key towards her. Kea moved closer to him, taking the key between the palms of her hands. He felt the chain around his neck go warm but that was the only indication he had that anything was happening. After that he waited, not knowing what to expect, or how soon. She did not stir for several minutes. At one point her eyes flickered and she craned her neck as if trying to see over his shoulder. Another time, after almost half an hour of waiting she bowed her head as if reading from a book. Dirk was just beginning to feel stupid enough to consider slipping the chain off his neck. He wished he hadn't just held out the key but that he had given her it. But it was so important to him; he just could not have given it away, which proved that he needed this. He needed these answers. Only one woman could give them to him and she was standing right in front of him. Lucky? Destined?

Without any warning or tremor of change her eyes snapped open. At the same time the key went cold loosing even the warmth of his body heat. Hardly knowing what he wanted to hear her say he asked "What did you see?"

"The key has been with you through all these years" she began. "I had to go through it being carried around your neck day after day. But eventually I managed to get through all that surface interference and get to the roots."

Kea took an audible breath. "It is the key to a box. It is a plain wooden chest quite long and thin. I would say three hands deep. When it went into that lock I could feel it was home."

Dirk frowned, unable to prevent a feeling of disappointment. What had he expected? The Power must be limited like everything else. Had he expected her to tell him his life story? His expression of disappointment must have been pronounced because Kea reached forward and grasped his left arm gently in a consoling manner. "Don't worry Dirk. That was not all. I know where the box is and because you kept this key so long, what's inside must be important. They will give you your answers." She smiled and her face seemed to light up, as if she was an expression of this wondrous Power, she wielded so effortlessly.

"Where?"

"The Royal Library in Caemlyn. You left it there with a woman."

Dirk could not believe it. He let out a breath he had not realised he had been holding. "Thank you" he managed to say. "I did want to know after all."

When he said no more Kea smiled again and pressed. "So when are we going?"

"Going? We are not going anywhere!" Dirk responded.

"Yes we are! I have never been to Caemlyn but we must now. You left it there and kept the key. That means you knew you would forget Dirk. That means, all this," she motioned around them. "This whole new life you've led. Your amnesia was all planned."

"That is precisely why we cannot recover it. There must have been a good reason for me to forget it…"

"Then why did you leave a way for you to recover it!" Kea snapped at him cutting what he had been about to say short. "Listen to me," and her forthright speech after having been so meek, so took him aback he did not interrupt.

"I will be killed or worse if we stay here. I must leave my people forever now. I need to channel and that means I will be found. No Dirk, not might, will! My people are very good at catching and punishing runaways that is why there are so very few."

It was Dirk's turn to grin; only days earlier she had been begging him to get her re-leashed. Freedom it seemed was addictive. Kea's argument made sense as far as it went. But she could not stay with him forever. She needed protection above what he could offer. She needed the Aes Sedai, the wielders of the One Power. Only they could protect her from the Seanchan. He would do what was necessary regardless of the cost to see her safe. His old life was gone he knew that and so he would return to his roots. One way or another he would see Kea safe before he died. Somehow he felt that was going to be inevitable now, his death. He did not know how he knew or why but it was clear to him it would occur.

Strange he thought to himself. I would have thought I would be more scared.