Please forgive the creation of the word patronism, patronising didn't really work so I invented, call it an author's prerogative.
Note: The character Dirk's real name is Kye. So either appellation refers to him.
Disclaimer: All profits to RJ
Chapter 19: Ajah of the Light
She moved quickly, her fear for Dirk made her want to run. She had run at first but at a disapproving stare from some of the more senior sisters, she had realised that was a quick way to a sharp upbraiding and chores. Chores and punishments she did not have time for. Dirk was in trouble! She had wondered which name to go to. It seemed any would be as good as any other, except maybe the Yellow, as she would be accusing one of her Ajah. Then however it had come to her Turanna Sedai's friend. She had even spoken with her about Reading the Roots. Her name was Seaine Sedai and she was White just like in the painting from her test.
She went towards the White Ajah quarters, trusting in fate and in the Light, not knowing yet what she should do. The Ajah's kept mainly to themselves it was true and their individual; quarters were more like strong holds and were guarded by more than tradition these days. Suspicions seemed to fly through the air and now Kea felt as wrapped up in the plotting of the White Tower as any of them. Oh life had been so much simpler when she had been damane!
The thought almost made her stop moving. That was the first time that she could remember consciously thinking of herself as other than damane. She wondered as she continued on her direct route to the White Ajah quarters when it had happened. When she had stopped being an escaped damane and when she had truly seen herself as a future Aes Sedai?
"Careful child!"
Her eyes snapped wide open and she sunk into an automatic curtsey of apology not even sure yet of what she done. Looking up she saw Kera Sedai. She along with Turanna Sedai had escorted Kea to the Tower. She would surely be able to help… of course she could be trusted, after all she was Green! The Aes Sedai was looking at Kea as if annoyed by a running infant, frustrated but also amused.
"You must have your eyes wide open at all times in the Tower Accepted. If you do not, you will never hold the Oath Rod. Our lives are too complex and nothing is at it seems at first. Having these eyes open to start with will help you not fall into any pit falls later. A Green must always be aware of what is around her, how else can she be ready for every challenge? How else can she fight for the Light?"
Kea's mouth snapped shut; she had been going to blurt out everything. Was she a childish fool to have so quickly forgotten why she was seeking out Seaine Sedai? No one could be trusted! If there was a Black Ajah, and really by now everything she was doing was based on that being the case, it stood to reason some must be Green. She wished it weren't so, but Kea could be one. They would have to be good actors, and clever so as to never be caught in a lie. Still living as Aes Sedai at any time must help with that. After these discouraging thoughts she could not get away from Kea Sedai fast enough. She made her excuses and hurried away, hating herself for thinking badly of the woman and reminding herself that she was right not to trust. You could not but a high enough price on trust.
When she arrived at the Ajah quarters one of the Sisters stopped her at the doors. Her face was mildly interested, sometimes the Accepted carried messages and Kea was well known and liked by most of the Tower Aes Sedai. Indeed she was held up as a model. She kept the rules, was meticulous in her studies and was strong in the Power. Almost every Ajah had let her know she was more than welcome; to say they had courted her membership would not be going to far. She intended to play on that.
She curtseyed as low as a Novice would have and waited to be spoken to. "What is it child?"
"I am here to see if Seaine Seadai has any time to discuss my Talent with me. Her understanding so clearly went beyond my own reasoning that I got a little lost during our last session but I have been reasoning it through and I think I am ready to be helped again if she would. Could you tell her of my interest? I would be deeply thankful Aes Sedai. I have looked for her elsewhere but I know where I should not be and so I assumed she was in here."
The words were delivered perfectly. Her voice was tuned to only show subservience, interest and respect. One of many things she had perfected as a damane was to school her outward voice and appearance regardless of any inner turmoil. The Aes Sedai was pleased and said she would go see, indicating as she left that Kea should wait. She did but not long. Soon enough a quite gratified looking Seaine Sedai returned with her.
"So you are ready to start delving into this Talent of yours?" she said her voice bright and kind. That encouraged Kea it was nice to be able to look at someone and feel sure they were not Black Ajah. Of course if the Test was wrong… well if that had been wrong it was all over and her life would revert to a disaster. She had to put faith in something and so she put it in that hateful test. It had hurt to much to be anything but truth. Truth always hurt worst.
She could barely force herself to blurt out inanities as they walked to a classroom. The distance could not have been more than two floors, nor the time lost great, but she could not have privacy soon enough.
Almost as soon as the door was closed she turned to Seaine and burst out, "Aes Sedai I need your help! I have to tell someone and you are… I can trust you."
At first Seaine seemed shocked by the outburst and well she might. Kea had been known for never speaking out of turn and indeed being quiet and respectful in tone rather than flustered and urgent. She face swiftly resumed Aes Sedai-like calm however and even an irroic smile.
"What is it child? Problems with Pillow-Friends, or men?"
Kea could not help it she burst out laughing and then began to cry. Seaine seemed to think this indicated a success for her diagnosis, but Kea soon set her straight going so far as to cut her off.
"Aes Sedai I know a Sister who is Black Ajah. I can do nothing alone, I am only an Accepted. I know you can help me, please help me under the Light, you must!"
The Aes Sedai was speechless she simply stared at Kea, who assumed this was a good thing. It was better than her screaming at her and hauling her off to the Mistress of the Novices for summary Stilling! She decided to try and explain, her first statements had appeared shocking and she didn't was Seaine to think she was just rambling.
"I am sure I have caught Revoir Sedai being dishonest…" she began.
"Shut your mouth child! Don't you realise what you are saying!" snapped Seaine Sedai finally. Even as she spoke the Saidar blossomed inside her like the sun and a Ward of some kind was woven around the room. Kea was worried, it looked like she wasn't to be believed so easily, still the fact she had Warded the room was promising, or very ominous. If Seaine was Black, if she had misjudged she would be dead before she left this room. But then Kea thought again, no, she would be Green. If this Aes Sedai was Black then she would strike her down, Power for Power, she had taken no oath not to kill. She would fight for the Light and put out the darkness. No attack came.
"You cannot just accuse a Sister of that Accepted!" Kea knew she had not imagined the emphasis on the last word. "It is an outrageous claim, one that could bring you a very stiff sanction. How do you mean dishonest? Do you mean you think you heard her tell a lie? Did you hear her tell a lie?"
"Well no," replied Kea suddenly worried, feeling her ground work being swept out from under her before she even presented her case. "I just believe she is deliberately misleading…"
This time it was the Aes Sedai who laughed, though the laugh was mirthless and short. "Misleading? Child, I cannot think of a better word to describe the Aes Sedai than misleading. As the Oaths keep us from lying straight out we have become exceedingly adept at misleading people when it was necessary for the greater good. You obviously have no idea of what you are accusing this Sister."
"I am sorry Seaine Sedai," announced Kea resolutely. "But I do not have that excuse. I do know exactly what I am accusing her of. I am saying she walks in the Shadow and has foresworn her Aes Sedai Oaths to follow the Dark One and prepare the world for his return."
The Aes Sedai's face returned from confusion, amusement and exasperation to typical Aes Sedai calm. She was closed again like a book. She was sealed and unforthcoming, like Dirk's memory. Kea decided to use this as an opportunity to explain.
"I sent Dirk my… the man I came with who has lost his memory to Revoir Sedai." Seaine flinched as if that very fact that Kea was naming this woman she thought to be Black Ajah was an affront her ears could not accept. How could Seaine be one of the hunters who brought down the Black if she was so touchy? Still with every moment Kea was more convinced that Seaine herself was not Black and that at least was a start. This was all very new to the Aes Sedai Kea reminded herself. She had been preparing for this conversation; Seaine may well have never even believed such a thing as the Black Ajah existed.
"Because she specialises in the health of the mind, I know," finished Seaine.
"No, Aes Sedai, that is precisely it. I had no idea of such knowledge on her part. I sent Dirk to her because I saw her in the memories of his weapons and cloak. She and a circlet which I think must be a ter'angreal or at least something to do with the Power were involved in his loss of memory. She has not revealed this to him. I only realised she was the woman from the roots of his cloak after I met her during my raising to Accepted."
"Her not revealing such a connection makes her… Black Ajah!" The pause was noticed again by Kea.
"How will you be able to stand against them if you fear them so much?" she muttered. The thought was rhetorical and not to be spoken to late she realised she had spoken it and a very different Seaine Sedai responded.
"Child," the word was spoken with awful solemnity and scathing patronism. "I am a Sitter for my Ajah. I have written books on the use of the Power and have assisted in the saving of hundreds of lives. I have sat and worked with some of the most powerful women who walk this planet and faced evil head on. How dare you say that to me?"
Kea bowed her head ashamed and mumbled her apologies.
"I'll tell you another thing Child, I didn't cry myself to sleep was I was raised to Accepted and I am Full Aes Sedai, so you can know that for the bold unadulterated truth. When you are a full Sister, which I hope will somehow still be possible, you will understand much more about fear and how to control it!"
Kea was silenced, she could not answer her. She tried to speak but the righteous indignation of the woman who was staring down at her from under thick dark eyebrows, which made her eyes look like lighting under storm clouds, she had no answer. She summoned up images of Dirk to give herself the resolve for one more try.
"I am sorry. Revoir Sedai is doing more than being misleading. She is harming Dirk. When we came we knew Dirk was called Kye when he was a Warder. I know he knew her. Now he has forgotten things and one was his very name. How could he forget that? If you had been told your own name after having lost it years ago would you forget? And so completely than when you were told you were overjoyed and ran straight off to tell your healer to whom you are becoming strangely over attached?" Kea could not help the jealous tone but she did not care Seaine had to understand.
"I know she is hurting him and I cannot bear it, I will not! If you will not help me I will try the others, then we will catch her at it and get the proof I need to expose this evil woman and her Ajah." Kea's voice that had risen throughout, dropped again as she said, "She must be Black, she must be!"
Despite her renewed attack on a Sister, Seaine's commented on another word she had used. "Others?"
"Yes," replied Kea almost unthinkingly. "Pevera, Saerin, Yukiri or Doesine. If I can just get one of you to believe me."
Seaine made a choking noise and Kea turned to look at her surprised. The White Sister seemed to barely be able to stand. Her eyes were popping out of her skull below those dark brows and she clutched her hair with one hand whilst she held herself up with the other.
"How… how do you know those names?" The Power flared and suddenly Kea was shielded from Saidar. She was grateful of her assurance that Seaine was not Black Ajah because she had no idea how to stop the Sister doing that. She had not expected the revelation of those names to have any effect whatsoever and certainly not the one it had just had.
"You five were the only ones I could be sure of," Kea answered her voice wavering slightly just because Seaine wasn't Black didn't mean she couldn't hurt her. Or did it?
"How? How could you be so sure of us?" asked Seaine immediately. "Answer carefully and truthfully mind, a lot depends on the next thing you say." For a moment Kea did not respond and then as if to explain her silence she said, "I am not sure you will like the answer."
"That is a risk we all have to take," said Seaine flatly.
"In my test for Accepted I saw a future and in it was a memorial to the fall of the Black Ajah. Your names were all on it along…" she realised how presumptuous it would be to say her own name had been there too and so she changed what she had been going to add. "Along with your Ajahs." That was still technically true; she would make Aes Sedai yet.
"I am sure we can catch her at it, hurting Dirk, using this circlet maybe. If we could come in on her taking his memories or something, anything that could prove her bad. If only there was a way to show for sure she was Black, I would use it."
"There is a way," suggested Seaine. Her face was as still as a hidden rock pool, her voice clear but low. Kea had not noticed till then that the shield was gone.
"As you already know I am not revealing a secret by telling you. You just named the five Aes Sedai who have been set apart to root out the Black Ajah within the Tower. We have found some and are looking at several others. Our problem is being sure enough and then getting the opportunity to act. The Sister must be got alone and that is not always easy. The Tower is not yet ready to announce open warfare on the Black and if we did, the results could be disastrous. At best most of them would escape, at worst… Well can you imagine the intrigue, Sisters who walked in the Light framed as Black. We would turn on ourselves not knowing which way to strike until it was too late. There is no way to see Oaths, to know if someone is worthy of your trust or if she even walks in the Light."
"So it is hopeless?" asked Kea her voice despairing. She had truly believed the hardest part would have been getting Seaine to believe her. Now she believed, better than that the hunt was already on and she had allies ready made, but the task seemed impossible.
The Aes Sedai smiled properly for the first time. "Oh Child," the voice was kind not and no longer held any note of rebuke or patronism. "we may not end the Black this week but we will fight it. We may not be able to Strike at Shayol Ghul and seal the Dark One and his Taint away forever, but we can act. We will act! Now your Dirk, him we can save! Revoir Sedai her we can get alone and test. We will use the Oath Rod and I am afraid we will have to use it on you to make sure you are with us and not just a very clever actress."
That surprised Kea but she was overjoyed at the turn around that those names had produced. We will get that rod in your hands you swear to us you are speaking truth and walk in the Light. Then and without further delay we will go and catch Revoir in the act!"
"I hope Doesine Sedai will be okay, Revoir is a Yellow like her."
Seaine stopped in her tracks she had been heading out the door. As she turned Kea could see she had adopted a teaching manner and when she spoke she noted the lecturing voice. Still she paid no less attention to what was said and as the words came she realised they were words she needed to remember for the upcoming struggle.
"When they take the Black they abandon their Ajah. They are no longer anything, except to their Master whom the Creator sealed away. Colours come from light Kea, did you know that. Most people don't. All light is White, my Ajah uses it for that reason, and it is united and pure. Light is split into different colours. When we think we see a colour like this blue dress it is because this material or dye reflects that blue light and not some of the other parts of light. We Sisters in the Ajahs, we do the work of the Creator. We walk in the Light, we fight for the Light. If the Black Ajah is the Dark, then every other Ajah, all seven of us, are the Light. Look at our allies, all of different Ajahs. We are one in our fight for the Light. No longer strangers and foreigners but united in one Ajah." Her smile widened, "Consider is the Ajah of Light, temporarily formed for the specific purpose of destroying the Black Ajah. Then we will go back to being split into our little groups on another quieter day."
"I think I would like that. I'd like to be Accepted Kea of the Ajah of the Light" Kea said with a growing smile, as she followed her new ally out to gather their forces, rescue Dirk and finally do battle with evil.