CHAPTER 4

A/N: Dear all, I am very glad you liked the bonding ceremony. I got the idea of the participants accomplishing it barefoot from Hindu weddings. Not accomplishing the marriage ceremony barefoot (or not visiting a Hindu temple barefoot, for that matter) is considered an insult. I did a lot of reading up on this and read accounts of people attending Hindu weddings (Bollywood films do tend to gloss up stuff, and I was searching for authenticity). The dark-red circles on Harry's and Severus's ankles were inspired by the henna designs drawn on the hands and feet of a Hindu bride; also, the couple has to walk seven times around a holy fire while the priest chants mantras and blessings, so I had Severus and Harry walk around the room (if not around a holy fire) three times, since three is considered a special number by many societies and cultures. The rest was freely invented. I spent a long time "creating" the bonding ceremony, so I'm glad it paid off :-)

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Harry followed his husband down to the dungeons. Severus finally stopped in front of a door bearing a picture of a serpent twined around a Potions pestle.

"I hate my mate," he said, and the door swung back to admit them.

"I am sure the password will suit you, too," he flung at Harry over his shoulder, "I changed it for your benefit yesterday."

Harry grimly hung on to his silence. The place, contrary to what Harry had expected, was tastefully and handsomely furnished with subdued colours, mainly brown, off-white and grey. An enormous oriental carpet of a dark-green shade covered the area near the fireplace. Severus strode ahead of Harry.

"My bathroom, and my bedroom. Don't you dare venture in either of these two rooms, or in this one, which is my laboratory. In fact…" He bent slightly and stared into Harry's green eyes menacingly, "…if I ever catch you in one of these rooms, I will make you feel…very…very…very sorry for your transgression."

Harry stared back defiantly.

"Oh. Threatening your husband. That just may fall under domestic violence, even if this is the wizarding world," he said bravely.

"Husband of mine," Severus said with utter contempt, "acting smart with me is a singularly foolish thing to do."

They glared into each other's eyes.

"This is where you will stay, my dear Harry Potter. Your bedroom and bathroom. It should meet your needs. If you bring any friends down here, then you will entertain them in your room."

"So at least I may bring my friends here."

Severus's lip curled.

"Unfortunately. We don't want you throwing a fit, do we? The Headmaster suggested that I grant you access to my private library. Should you mess with my books, Potter, then I will withdraw my permission, and not even Dumbledore will be able to re-establish forages into the library for the one and only Golden Boy. Well…beloved…" Severus sneered, pronouncing "beloved" with appalling venom, "this is where you will live until we can obtain a divorce. Speaking of which…"

He pulled a sheaf of papers out of one pocket.

"These, Potter, are divorce papers. The sooner we defeat the Dark Lord, husband of mine, the sooner we can end this atrocious marriage farce. I am looking forward to the moment we can send these to the Ministry."

Harry was too unhappy to say anything.

"You will kindly take all your meals in your room. The less I see of your face, the better."

"And what about the…uh…the…consummation?" Harry blurted out.

"We will consummate our marriage and bond in exactly two weeks from now. Considering our relationship, I will have to help matters with a few potions."

"Help matters?"

Severus crossed his arms upon his chest.

"Do you expect me to achieve an erection around you, Potter?"

Harry reddened with embarrassment.

"I strongly doubt that you will feel very…exhilarated…in my presence, Potter, or appreciate forceful entry. A potion which will induce arousal and one for numbing pain should suffice. You should have just enough brains to figure out who will consume which potion."

There was a very unpleasant silence.

"I do not suppose that you have ever had sexual intercourse?" Severus asked abruptly.

Harry shook his head.

"Answer me verbally when I speak to you," Severus spat.

"No, never before. What about you?" Harry asked boldly.

Severus's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Do not think you can take liberties with me just because you are bound to me with two pathetic pieces of parchment, Potter," he enunciated slowly, as if talking to someone of limited understanding ability.

"And what about my Defense Against The Arts training lessons?"

"We'll see about that later," Severus said in a bored tone.

The news of their marriage was splashed all over the newspapers in no time at all; Howlers poured in every day. Harry had written to his friends immediately as soon as Severus had shown him around his rooms, giving them the true facts behind the distorted versions media like The Daily Prophet sported. The Howlers were hurtful, insulting Harry vehemently; but it was Severus who had to take the brunt. He was accused of paedophilia, bringing Harry over to the Dark Side, using the Imperius Curse on him etc. Mrs Weasley, however, wrote a very affectionate note to both Harry and Severus, wishing them happiness and health. She also wrote a separate letter to Harry, reassuring him that Severus would take care of him even if he was "rather sensitive and short-tempered", and that he could trust him as much as he could trust Hagrid. Hermione, Ron, Lupin and Tonks were equally supportive; together with the Order, they had been informed of the circumstances by Dumbledore and were prepared.

Hermione and Ron sent him a long encouraging letter ("we decided to write this letter together because Ron would have included one of the twins' tricks to hex Snape", "Harry, Hermione is far too lenient with Snape, if he's bothering you, tell me and I'll deal with him, mate!" "Ron, I should cancel that line you just wrote! Sorry about that, Harry…"). It brought a smile to Harry's face and he tucked it underneath his pillow. Although they were a couple, they still seemed to enjoy bickering and even expressing it in writing.

Lupin's missive was very kind and he backed up Mrs Weasley, saying that Harry could trust Severus with his life and that he would soon get used to Severus's "eccentricities". On a most happy note, Tonks and he had married very quietly, and they were eager to start a family. He expressed his relief that his werewolf-condition could not be passed on genetically, but that they would have to wait with getting a child because Tonks was related with Bellatrix Lestrange, who was cold-blooded enough to inflict cruel damage on her sister's family. Lupin's letter reminded Harry unintentionally of the huge burden which weighed him down. Defeating Voldemort meant that people would be able to continue with their lives and worry less about their loved ones.

In the meantime, Severus treated Harry like air. Once, when Harry was reading in Severus's private library, Severus himself stepped into the room. Catching sight of Harry, his lip curled and he left directly as if some noxious gas had poisoned the room. He did announce to Harry, however, that Harry would not waste his time sitting around on his backside. Harry was to start his training for the Defense Against The Dark Arts post and take Duelling lessons with Severus – and, much to his horror, resume Occlumency with him. His scar prickled occasionally, and he would have nightmares or blurry visions of Voldemort giving orders he couldn't understand to his Death Eaters, or threatening someone – or killing people.

On the second day after their marriage, Severus was summoned by Voldemort, who, as Severus reported to both Harry and Dumbledore in the latter's office, was delighted with what had taken place. Voldemort, as Dumbledore had foreseen, was of the opinion that Dumbledore had taken this drastic step in order to protect Harry. Voldemort had asked Severus to torture Harry as much as possible behind Dumbledore's back and drag the young wizard to him once Severus had found a way to bypass the protection of Hogwarts castle. It was a pity, Voldemort said, that Dumbledore did not allow Severus to take his new husband with him for the meetings in order to deepen their "acquaintance", as Voldemort put it.

Thus, two weeks passed quickly; Harry soon became used to the unwelcome atmosphere in Severus's rooms and to the fact that although he was Severus's husband, the rooms were not his home at all. What he could not get used to at all was the thought of consummating his bond with the brooding Potions Master. On the last day of the two weeks, Harry slept very badly, tossing and turning in bed. His virginity seemed more precious to him than ever. He would never have dreamt of losing it this way. As the day proceeded, Harry grew increasingly nervous. Hermione and Ron had given him a chain of white gold for his seventeenth birthday; he had not taken it off ever since. Now, he found himself touching it all the time, thinking of his friends and trying to stay calm. Severus seemed to treat him with more frostiness than ever, not even glancing at him. Finally, at night, Severus knocked on Harry's door. At least he respected Harry's privacy and did not just enter.

Harry opened the door.

"Come," Severus said tersely.

Harry followed Severus out of his room. When I come back here, I will no longer be the same, Harry thought. A lump threatened to constrict his windpipe. Severus led him into his bedroom. It was as elegantly furnished as the other rooms, with stylish wooden furniture and a spacious four-poster bed with the same pearl grey sheets as the wedding robes they had worn.

Harry's legs were trembling. No Gryffindor qualities could help him with what was before him. House values had ceased to be important to him long ago. Severus looked at him.

"I was thinking of giving you a Calming Potion, but it will make you sleepy. Since I do not want to be accused of drugging you and taking advantage of potential sleepiness, I shall use a product with a numbing agent when I prepare you for penetration. If you feel any pain in spite of the numbing agent, tell me and we will stop immediately. I will do my best to ensure that this is painless for you, and I will be using protection," he said, his voice as cold as ever. "The wizarding world is as dependent on condoms as the muggle one."

Harry nodded.

"Sit down."

Harry obeyed, sitting down at the foot of the bed. Severus cast him a dark brooding look and went over to the dresser. He retrieved a vial.

"I will drink this, and we will wait for five minutes."

Harry nodded feebly. Severus downed the potion. It was easy for Harry to guess that it would make Severus achieve arousal. Severus walked out of the room, probably to prepare himself mentally and physically for what was in store for them.

Five minutes, only five minutes more, I can't do this, I can't bear this, this is worse than all I have experienced, if not worse than the night I saw Cedric Diggory die, oh God, what shall I do? I am trapped in this loveless marriage, and I have to let myself be invaded by a man who loathes me…

Severus's voice pierced his desperate thoughts; he had re-entered the room without the slightest sound.

"Remove your trousers and underwear and lie down on your stomach."

Harry obeyed mechanically. His hands were sweaty.

He folded his clothes and lay down on the bed, his bare backside and legs exposed. He had never felt so vulnerable and disgusted before. Severus knelt down behind him and Harry heard him unzip his trousers and push them down. He felt a hand on the small of his back, pinning him to the mattress. He began to pray frantically for strength. He wanted to throw up. He nearly screamed when something cold was smeared between his buttocks. A moment later, his virginity was shattered.

Severus took Harry swiftly, who remained rigid underneath him. He remained motionless for a few seconds, waiting for Harry to adjust to him. Then he moved briskly, intent on getting it over as fast as possible. He came joylessly after a few minutes – a vague shivery sensation which was technically an orgasm and not much else. It left him with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. Harry remained completely still throughout the ordeal, his fingers digging into the pillow for support, his body stiff and unwilling. A stifled sob was wrenched from him when Severus pulled out of him. It was a pitiful forlorn sound in the big room. Severus got up from the bed. He bent and touched Harry's shoulder briefly. It earned him an abrupt reaction.

"Don't touch me!" Harry said in a choked voice.

"Please dress and go back to your room," Severus said, his tone dead and flat. He went to the bathroom, leaving Harry to his own devices. Harry leapt out of bed, struggled into his underwear and trousers and fled. He headed for the shower immediately and stood underneath the pelting water for at least half an hour, feeling filthy and humiliated. Sobs escaped from his chest. He scrubbed at his body until his skin protested by stinging and turning red. He repeatedly applied soap to that part which had been robbed of its sanctity.

He had not felt any physical pain. Severus had been brisk but careful with him. The silence during the act had been crushing enough. The worst had been the cold dead look on his husband's thin pallid face, the harshness etched upon his features.

"Never again," Harry whispered, "I will never ever let anyone do this to me again."

He got out of the shower. He looked down at his left ankle and saw that the dark-red band had disappeared. He wished it were still there.

"Never again."

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