CHAPTER 5

A/N: "De Amicitia" (the password to Gryffindor Tower in this chapter) refers to a work written by Cicero.

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Harry went to bed curled up in a foetal position, knees pulled up to his chest. He felt cold in spite of the warm bedclothes. He knew it was the shock. He also knew that it would take time to get over the emotionless mechanical coupling with his husband. He clenched his fists, hate for Severus overwhelming him. His husband. He wanted to vomit at the thought. His husband.

The next morning found him in Severus's library, simply staring ahead of him. He had not crossed the Potions Master as yet, but he would have to see him at some point of the day or the other. Sure enough, Severus entered the library after Harry had been there for an hour, a book in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

He gave Harry a level stare, and his mouth became even thinner.

"I bet you enjoyed yourself last night," Harry said.

A spark of rage flickered in Severus's dark eyes.

"And what makes you come to such a brilliant conclusion?" he asked, his voice nearly a whisper. Harry recognised the threatening whisper as a danger sign – he had heard it more than enough times as a student. He stood up and took a few steps towards Severus, who narrowed his eyes slightly.

"It was easy for you to just get on top of me and fuck me!" he spat.

Severus's left hand twitched, as if he was about to raise it and slap Harry in the face. He maintained control, however, and mastered the impulse, simply directing an icy stare at Harry, making the young wizard flush.

"Everything is about you, you and you! Harry Potter, so heroic, such a martyr! Do you think I leapt into matrimony with joy?"

"You-" Harry began, but Severus quelled him with another murderous gaze. "I have gone through hell to protect your sorry ass all these years, I have lied to the Dark Lord and given my life to protect your worthless self! I did what I could to alleviate any pain you would feel during the act, and you knew that we both had no choice. The Headmaster answered all your questions and provided you with more than enough information."

"You-"

"I had to take a potion in order to be able to complete the act. Do you honestly think I would have been able to be aroused at the mere thought of what both you and I had to do?"

"YOU MADE SURE TO HUMILIATE ME AS MUCH AS YOU COULD! YOU GOT ON TOP OF ME AND TORE ME AND MADE SURE THAT I WAS INFERIOR TO YOU IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY YOU COULD THINK OF!" Harry shouted at the top of his voice, "YOU ARE A SICK PERVERTED ASSHOLE!"

The slap came this time: Severus backhanded Harry with such force that the young wizard staggered back.

"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!" Snape roared, smashing his glass against the wall, "JUST GET OUT! YOU ARE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER! SELF-CENTRED AND ARROGANT!"

Harry stared at him, his breath coming in shallow sobs now, burning tears running down his face.

"You have no heart, you cannot feel," he whispered before running to his room. The door crashed closed behind him. Their row made things even worse than Harry could have possibly imagined; in the afternoon, Severus knocked on Harry's door, and when Harry opened, he fixated him with an icy stare.

"I have the misfortune of continuing your education, beloved," he said scornfully. "I therefore suggest that you stop pining for your lost virginity-"

He was interrupted by Harry pulling out his wand and aiming it at him.

"You are responsible for that loss," Harry said flatly.

"Husband of mine, I further suggest that you indulge in your childish destructive tendencies during your Duelling lessons," Severus sneered, "and I won't have anyone pointing their wand at me in my rooms."

He grabbed Harry's wand-arm and glowered into his face.

"Have you understood, Potter?"

"Yes," Harry choked out, his voice thick with fury.

"We are going to practise Duelling, Potter. I don't suppose we have to feign any animosity, do we, beloved?"

He led Harry to an empty classroom in the dungeons and ordered him to stand opposite him and draw out his wand.

The Duelling lesson was as bad as an Occlumency lesson. Severus kept belittling Harry, mockingly calling him "beloved", which became a warped word. Robbed of its original meaning, it was the embodiment of hate, repulsion and all things hurtful. It was the same with other terms of endearment. Thus, "husband of mine", uttered by Severus, always dripped with loathing, implying that Harry was the last person he would have ever chosen to marry.

Another shouting match was the inevitable result.

"You're so pathetic, no one would ever freely consent to marry someone like you!" Harry yelled, stuffing his wand into his pocket and rubbing at a burn mark on the knee of his robes.

"And do you think I would have joyfully consented to spend my wedding night with a replica of James Potter?" Severus whispered back, placing the tip of his wand against Harry's chest. "It was like, to use a current term, 'doing' a corpse, Potter."

Harry went pale before he spat back:

"Well, I would not be surprised if you knew what doing a corpse is like. Only a corpse would endure your ministrations, beloved," he said, infusing the last word with loathing.

"Indeed?" Severus answered, sneering, "you certainly had no other choice than to endure my, ah, ministrations, husband of mine."

"I hate you," Harry breathed.

"The feeling is mutual and the only thing we share in common, Potter," Severus remarked coolly, withdrawing his wand and thrusting Harry away from him, "go back to your room and pull yourself together."

Harry turned his back on Severus and left. Severus sat down at a desk and buried his face in his hands. A sharp crack! near him made him start up. It was Dobby.

"Master Snape, the Headmaster wishes to see you," he announced.

Severus nodded curtly.

"I'm on my way," he said, and Dobby disappeared. Severus stood up, smoothing his robes and pushing back his hair. He had to admit that Potter's elf-friend had done an excellent job with it on his wedding day, washing, rinsing and combing it expertly; but he would never admit that he had decided to use the house-elf's hair care methods.

Soon, he was seated opposite Dumbledore.

"Severus, my boy, how are you?"

Severus shrugged.

"As usual."

"How are things with Harry?"

"The bonding was consummated, if that is what you wish to know, Albus," Severus said bluntly.

"I was not wondering about that, Severus. I was wondering whether you and Harry are getting along more or less. I understand that it is a difficult situation for both of you."

"Oh, I know how well you understand, Albus. It is no problem for you if two people who loathe each other end up in blissful marriage. Or if both spouses are semi-traumatised after consummating their bond, and are rowing half the time because of it."

Albus stared down at his desk and sighed.

"Is there no hope at all that you and Harry will ever get on, Severus?" he asked gently.

"None at all," Severus affirmed coolly.

"In that case, Severus, I will have someone else take over Harry's Duelling lessons, and I am sure Minerva will assist Alastor with Harry's training program in your stead. Kingsley Shacklebolt would be an excellent Duelling instructor."

"What about Occlumency?"

"Harry has told me that he has been receiving less visions and nightmares through his scar, and that if he does have visions, then they are blurred and foggy. Maybe we will just have to let Occlumency go, Severus. Harry has too many emotions to deal with, at least at the moment."

"At the moment? All the time is more appropriate," Severus snorted, "it makes him feel important. He craves attention, just like his father."

Albus closed his eyes.

"Severus…You know and I know that you are shifting your resentment towards James Potter and Sirius Black onto Harry. Harry does resemble them in some ways, Severus. He looks a lot like his father, but his eyes and personality are more like his mother's. He is kind-hearted, innocent and loyal in spite of all he has gone through and is still going through. Voldemort has robbed him of so much, including of his youth. How well do you really know Harry without associating him with James and other unpleasant memories, Severus? Try to approach him, and I am sure he will reciprocate the effort."

"With all due respect, Headmaster…that sounds like…quack psychology. Don't you think the boy will be suspicious if I suddenly try to baby-sit him?"

Dumbledore shook his head slowly.

"I see that it is a hopeless case. Harry is a topic on which you and I disagree. Good night, Severus. However, please be so kind as to tell Harry that he is to come to my office now."

Severus nodded, knowing how disappointed Dumbledore was in him, and whisked away in his black robes.

"The Headmaster wants to see you, Potter," Severus informed Harry, who was just leaving Severus's library. Harry ignored him and stalked out of their rooms.

"Harry, I called you to tell you that you will be taking Duelling lessons with Kingsley Shacklebolt. Occlumency is cancelled, and instead of Severus, Minerva McGonagall will train you for the Defense Against the Dark Arts post with Alastor Moody."

"So I'll have no more lessons with Snape," Harry said with grim relief.

"Yes. No more lessons. I have realised that it is useless to ever hope for reconciliation between you two. I hope you manage to find a way of living together in your rooms until Voldemort can be defeated. And there is someone who would like to see you."

"Who, sir?"

"You'll see when you reach Gryffindor Tower. The password is "De Amicitia".

Harry fairly sprinted to Gryffindor Tower and stopped in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, gasping out the password.

"Nice to see you again, dear," the Fat Lady beamed, granting him access to the empty common room.

"Harry!" a very familiar voice exclaimed.

"Hermione!"

He flung his arms around his friend, burying his face in her shoulder and repeating her name in an unsteady voice.

Hermione took Harry's hand and guided him to the place they had always occupied with Ron when they were students. She was looking very pretty with her long curly hair tied back with a clip and pale blue robes.

"Harry, how are you? You've lost weight."

"Hermione…I…It's been…rough. But tell me first: how are you and Ron and everyone else?"

"We're all fine, Harry, Ron sends you lots of hugs, he couldn't come because of his Auror training. He says he misses you."

"It's good he's alone, Hermione. I always got the impression that he felt like he was standing, you know, in my shadow. Now he can do his own thing, and I'm really glad he can be kind of free."

"That's a very nice thing to say, Harry. Now I want to hear your news. I wrote to Professor Dumbledore and he was so kind, he told me to come to the castle whenever I wanted to and to simply inform him beforehand so that they can lift the wards on the Floo network for me."

Harry smiled, then became serious. He began to tell her his story. First he spoke slowly, and then faster. He described the consummation of his bonding night very briefly; it was too personal, too raw, too hurtful, and it also involved Severus's privacy. He finished with Dumbledore's statement that he had given up hope where Harry's and Severus's relationship was concerned. Hermione listened to him without interrupting him, pressing his hand from time to time. She was silent for a few moments.

"Harry, I know that this is hard for you. But maybe you should think what Snape feels about it all. I mean…you're in the media, you're getting all the attention, people are wondering whether you're happy, even though it's a nuisance to have your life dragged out all over the papers. You said that the worst of the Howlers were directed at him. But no one bothers about Snape's feelings. What must he feel like reading all the rubbish about him using you as his sex toy and stuff? And he, too, was forced to consummate the bond against his will. I bet he feels awful about it. I know I would feel miserable."

"He has no heart. How can he feel anything?"

"He is not heartless, Harry. The fact that he is so bitter and angry is proof for that, and he is protecting you. You may not like to be reminded of this, Harry, but he has saved your life more than once. He married you and bonded with you to protect you. He could have refused. That's very generous of him, Harry."

"Snape the martyr?" Harry snorted.

"Harry, you know what I mean. He is very brave."

"Well, I'll survive somehow. Snape's already got the divorce papers. He says that as soon as we get rid of Voldemort, we can go separate ways. I'm already looking forward."

Hermione sighed.

"Harry…maybe you could try working on this relationship. You're only thinking of breaking it up."

"For fuck's sake, Hermione!" Harry shouted, standing up. "One would think you'd never seen that bastard before! You know how cruel he is. And you expect me to actually work on my relationship with that asshole? How can you defend him?"

Hermione remained calm.

"Yelling at me and calling him names is not going to help matters, Harry. You asked me what you should do, and if you don't like what I am saying, then there is nothing else I can say."

There was a heavy silence.

"Sorry, Hermione. I'm really sorry. You didn't come all the way here to be yelled at."

He put his arm around her shoulder.

"It's okay, Harry. I understand you."

"You reckon that Snape feels as humiliated and ashamed of that night as I do?"

"Yes. Definitely."

"Even though he did the penetrating?"

Hermione looked rather pained.

"Harry, he had to take a potion to consummate the bond. I mean…how humiliating is that?"

"Yeah…He touched my shoulder…after the…afterwards. And I told him not to touch me…"

"Try talking with him, Harry. Just try. And…er…try to remain calm. You can do it. He is very cynical, and you've got to try and get through to him slowly."

"How can I? He hates me."

"He doesn't know you. He hated and still hates your father. If there is a way to make him see you, Harry, then things could change for the better."

Hermione reached out and ruffled his hair with one hand.

"We've done such a lot of impossible stuff, Harry. Remember our third year, with the time-turner and all? Snape is caught in the past. He has to be brought to the present."

"I wish he were listening to you," Harry smiled.

She laughed.

"I know it's easy to say all this. Still, you and he are bound to each other by marriage and blood. That's a really powerful bond."

Harry nodded.

"I'll speak to him. I'll try, if he doesn't chuck me out first."

"He won't. You're going to turn eighteen very soon. You'll be an adult in the Muggle world as well. Tell him so if he threatens to throw you out."

"Yeah…In three days…Eighteen…"

They chatted for a long time, looking back on their days as students. Harry was sorry when Hermione gently insisted that she had to leave. He hugged her warmly, saw her off and reluctantly went back to his rooms, Hermione's words running though his mind. It was ridiculous. Severus and he hated each other, there was too much history between them…On the other hand, he could not bear the thought of having to live like this for goodness knows how many months. The man was his husband. Powerful magic bound them, as did the fact that Severus had saved Harry's life. Hermione was right – she nearly always was. He had to try and talk to Severus, or get Severus to talk.

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