Pairings: Kerry/Carter, Kerry/Dave, Kerry/Luka, Kerry/Elizabeth...I think you get the idea. The pairings are mostly in jest, and most of them should be taken lightly.
Summary: Kerry's identical twin sister, Karen, is in town and believes that Kerry should have a more active love life. In an attempt to help her sister, Karen starts a chain of events that lead to a series misunderstands, mix ups, and blunders...
Notes: Everything is pretty tame, a lot of stuff is left off screen, to you imagination, or insinuated. Also this isn't the first fanfic I've written, but it is the first ER fanfic I've ever tried. This is mostly dry humor, so don't freak too badly over the pairings.
Disclaimer: ER and all characters belong to NBC, Crighton, and the studios. I am only borrowing them for entertainment purposes.
Kerry stretched tiredly, her sore muscles telling her exactly why an older woman should never get involved with a younger much more energetic man. Bending over, she splashed her face, trying to wake up. Staying up 'til four in the morning had been a bad idea.
Standing back up, she found a paper towel thrust at her. "Thanks."
Elizabeth leaned against the sink, watching her dry her face and throw the towel away. "I'm not gay," she blurted awkwardly.
Kerry glanced over at her with sudden amusement. "Okay," she replied.
Elizabeth ignored her reaction. "Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I just don't like women like that."
"All right." Kerry shook her head and limped out of the bathroom. First Malucci then Corday, what was wrong with everyone? Was there some sort of virus going around that was affecting peoples mental health? She only hoped that they would snap out of it.
John glanced up from the chart he was reading nearby and smiled at her, unable to keep the deep blush from his face.
Kerry chuckled, leaning against the wall. "You're cute when you blush."
John blushed even redder, his grin splitting his face. A mischievous glint entered his eyes as he scanned the hall.
Kerry followed his gaze curiously, only to find hall deserted. She yelped as he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the empty supply closet, slamming the door behind them.
Elizabeth walked out of the bathroom, pausing as she heard a door slamming followed by giggling. Walking toward the supply closet she reached for the door.
"Did you think about what I said?"
Elizabeth slowly turned to Kerry, who was limping towards her. "Yes, and like I just told you, I'm not gay."
Kerry eyed her, grinning with pure mischief. "Oh, I'm sure we can change that..."
Elizabeth opened her mouth to protest, only to find herself dragged back into the bathroom by Kerry.
Kerry peeked out of the supply closet, making sure no one was around, and slipped out, followed by a slightly disgruntled, dazed Carter. She watched her newest lover slowly stroll down the hall toward exam one, whistling ever so softly.
Grinning to herself, Kerry headed for the front desk. She couldn't afford to slack up on the staff.
Dave glanced up at her with a dreamy smile on his face. "Hey, Chief..."
Kerry eyed him wearily. "Malucci, don't you have something you could be doing?"
"Uh, sure, Chief..." Dave hopped off the desk, winking at her as he strutted down the hall.
Conni shook her head. "I'm not sure if he's a doctor or a rooster sometimes."
Kerry laughed. "You're not the only one."
Conni glared briefly at the retreating doctor, then turned back to the phone.
Kerry reached over past Mark to grab a chart from the rack, surprised when Elizabeth briskly walked up. The surgeon turned an interesting shade of red, unable to meet her eyes as she passed. Elizabeth roughly grabbed Mark, slamming him into the wall and kissing him passionately.
Breaking the kiss abruptly, she turned to Kerry. "I told you once, I am NOT gay...!" The surgeon spun, walking briskly back down the hall.
Mark leaned against the wall, staring after her. "Wow..."
Kerry frowned glancing over at Carol. "What was that about?"
"I have no idea."
Kerry sighed, turning back to the chart. She had a strange feeling that it was going to be a long day.
Karen knocked on the door of Kerry's office, trying the doorknob. She glared at the door as she realized that it was locked.
Glancing around innocently, she pulled a small pouch from her pocket, removing two small pieces of metal. Sliding them into the lock, she heard the familiar click, and pushed the door open.
Entering, she moved to the desk and tried to open the top right-hand drawer. Finding it locked, she growled with rising irritation. "What is with her and locks?" Collapsing in Kerry's chair, she set to work on the offensive lock.
"Kerry, why aren't you downstairs?"
Karen glanced up, pocketing her lock pick set. The man glaring at her reminded her of an angry dog. She half expected the guy to start barking. "I lost my car keys." She opened the drawer and grabbed the ring of spare keys.
"You've got an ER to run and you're up here worrying about your car keys?"
Karen's eyes came to rest on his bald head, the voice in her head jumping up and down excitedly. Slamming the drawer shut, she walked up to him, her hands reaching up for the hairless skin. Romano started as she started to rub his head. "I just love men who are bald."
Romano was startled by how husky her voice was suddenly, unsure how to handle this.
"Bald men are just so sexy..."
Romano cleared his throat, moving away from her. "Uh, you...you should be getting downstairs..."
Karen walked toward the door, pausing in front of him, her left hand grazing his scalp. "I'm not the only one who thinks bald is sexy; there's a certain British surgeon who agrees with me."
Romano watched her leave, his mind on what she'd said. 'Lizzie thinks I'm sexy...' He smiled to himself, '...and why not, I am quite a catch.'
Karen stepped out of the elevator.
"Hey, Chief, miss me?"
Karen grinned at Dave, kissing him passionately. "Definitely..." She slid her hands down his chest. "Tell you what, meet me in the supply closet in five minutes."
Dave sighed happily, then took off at a run.
Karen grinned to herself. 'I haven't had this much fun since med school.' Walking out of the hospital she tried to decide what to do next.
Dave rubbed his hands excitedly in the dark supply room. He could hear footsteps approaching and just knew it was the Chief. Grabbing the short woman that entered, he kissed her deeply, pushing her into the wall.
The sharp explosion of pain to his stomach made him jerk away. The light snapped on, revealing a red-faced Jing-Mei standing there.
She slapped him hard across his face. "If you ever do that again I will personally neuter you." She stormed out of the room in a huff, marching toward the front desk.
Kerry glanced up at her. "What's wrong?"
Jing-Mei glared back at the supply closet. "Malucci attacked me!"
Kerry dropped the chart she was working on. "What?"
"When I went into the supply closet, he attacked me."
Kerry sighed and slowly limped toward the supply room. She had had enough of his behavior, and was going to see that he was appropriately punished.
As she walked into the supply room, Dave pulled her into a kiss, running his hands down her back.
Kerry kneed him sharply between the legs, using her crutch to knock him to the floor. He let out a high pitched whimper falling to his knees.
Sighing, Kerry walked out of the supply room. There seemed little point in berating Malucchi for his behavior until he'd recovered and could focus on something other than his injured...ego. "Malik, can you get Dave off of the floor?"
The large man glanced into the room and winced. "That has got to hurt."
John dropped the chart into the tray, his hand moving to the next one. "I always knew that Dave was an idiot, but to kiss Weaver like that..." John froze in a jealous rage, his eyes leaving the chart.
Randi smirked at Lydia. "Well, after the beating that she and Jing-Mei gave him, I seriously doubt he'll pull something like that again."
"Where is he?"
Randi glanced over at him. "Trauma two."
John threw the chart down briskly, walking to the trauma room, his anger seemed to grow worse as he slammed into the room. His eyes blazing at the whimpering man on the table. Pushing past Mark, he leaned over the hurt man. "You ever touch my girlfriend again and I'll kill you."
Dave rolled onto his side, groaning, "I didn't mean to touch Jing-Mei, I thought she was the Chief."
John grew even angrier. "I'm talking about Kerry, not Deb!"
"Kerry isn't your girlfriend, she's mine."
John glared at him. "I don't know what you're up to, but stay away from her." He spun around, marching from the room, leaving some very confused people.
Luka strolled into the ER happily, spotting Kerry immediately. "Good morning, Kerry."
Kerry smiled at him. "Morning."
Luka handed her the single fire-red rose. "It reminded me of you. Red fire that can be as beautiful and gentle as a spring's rain."
"Thank you." Kerry hugged him, giving him a quick peck on the cheek.
Luka smiled, waltzing into the lounge.
"...poor guy he's still in pain."
Jing-Mei grimaced at Lucy. "Good, the guy should learn to keep his hands and mouth to himself."
"What happened?" Lucy glanced over at him with mild surprise. "You didn't hear? Dave kissed both Jing-Mei and Weaver. He's still in trauma two..."
Luka didn't hear the rest, striding angrily out of the room to trauma two. The nurses backed away as he thundered into the room, sensing that a storm was about to erupt.
Robert 'the Rocket' Romano grinned as he saw his Lizzie. The surgeon was looking slightly irritated, examining a couple of x-rays. "Hello, Lizzie. Miss me?"
Elizabeth gaze him a glare that would normally make him weary, but now he understood exactly what that look meant.
Grinning wildly he moved closer. Her Rocket was here just for her.
Kerry rubbed her eyes again, trying to keep them from blurring up.
"Here."
Kerry took the cup of coffee from John. "Thanks."
The young resident hopped onto the desk next to her. "Tired?"
Kerry couldn't keep the glint from her eyes. "You would know."
"I didn't hear you complaining at the time."
Kerry turned back to the chart. "Neither were you, as I recall."
John flushed slightly then leaned closer. "And I probably won't tonight, either."
Kerry smirked at the chart, glancing up as a resounding slap shot through the ER. "What was that?"
Kerry pulled her glasses off, staring down the hall in time to see a red-faced Romano scurrying towards them. She could see what looked like a bruising handprint on the side of his face.
He paused in front of her. "We will talk later..." He marched off quickly towards the nearby elevators.
Kerry shook her head. "I'm going to check on Malucci..." John frowned slightly, and Kerry smiled reassuringly. "Then why don't we go get some lunch?"
John relaxed minutely. "All right." He hopped down and headed for the lounge to get his coat.
"Stay away from my girlfriend..." Luka spun around, storming from the room, leaving a frightened and very confused Malucci behind.
Conni glanced over at Carol. "Weaver's been busy," she quipped.
Carol frowned, shaking her head. "There's something funny about all this," she muttered. The Kerry Weaver she knew just didn't go around seducing the staff, then beating them up.
Kerry walked in, having calmed down somewhat. "How is he?"
Dave sat up quickly. "Fine, Chief.."
Kerry stared him down coldly. "Then perhaps you'd care to explain just what you thought you were doing?"
Dave grinned at her. "What you told me to."
"I never told you to maul anybody!"
Dave dropped his gaze. "I'm sorry, Chief, I thought she was you."
Kerry glared even harder at him. "Me?!!"
Dave glanced back up sheepishly. "The light was off, so I couldn't see. I really did think she was you."
"Malucci, why were you in there to begin with?"
Dave frowned slightly. "Because after you kissed me, you told me to meet you in there."
Kerry stared at him, trying to decide whether to call Psyche or not. "I never kissed you..." she said, indignantly.
"Sure you did, when you got off the elevator."
Kerry felt something click in her mind. "Dave? What was I wearing?"
Dave frowned deeper. "A dark red skin-tight sweater and black pants..." He finally took in Kerry's outfit. A blue button-up shirt and black slacks. "Hey, you changed clothes..."
Kerry ignored him. "Malucci, why were you coming onto me yesterday?"
Dave grinned, remembering how she flirted. "You flirted with me after you came down from Romano's office..."
Kerry suddenly realized exactly what was behind all the strange behavior. "I'm going to kill her..."
Dave took her hand, massaging the palm intimately. "Kill who?"
Kerry jerked her hand away. "Cut that out, I'm not interested in you."
Dave winked at her with a proud grin. "That's not what you said last night."
"I was with John last night..."
Dave shook his head firmly. "No you weren't, you were with me over at that new club, Purgatory. Then we went back to my place and..."
Kerry stopped him with a sharp look. "Did I have a tattoo?"
"Yeah, on your stomach. It was of..."
Kerry rolled her eyes. "...a snake, yeah, I know." She turned, walking from the room, knowing she couldn't legitimately punish Malucci over this. It was her sister's doing. Not that she wouldn't make him pay for using the supply closet as his own personal make-out room.
At least now she understood all the strange behavior in the last few days. Her sister was probably doing the same thing she'd done the week she'd transferred to the med school Kerry was at, and if she was, Kerry would make her dear sister pay.
"Ready?"
Kerry paused, staring at John. He was grinning happily and pulling on his coat. She couldn't help remembering the night before, and his sudden change of behavior towards her. Her heart suddenly broke in two, knowing deep down that the only reason he'd been with her last night was because of her sister. "John, I think we need to talk..."