Chapter 14: Losing faith

As they days drifted by slowly, I felt like I was going to scream at the top of my lungs. I felt alone. Even though he was around, he would always be at the fort diving into endless tasks, even though he was with me...he was still thinking of her. My mind was not at ease when I knew he would come to me in the evenings, because I knew she would never leave his thoughts or heart. I somewhat gave up, but as soon as I layed eyes on his handsome chisled face and hear his velvet voice, I melted and I would once again engage in my invisible battle for James's heart.

I sat on the small stool in front of the piano, I tried to play what the tutor had taught me. James was very gracious enough to hire a tutor to teach me to play, I was a fast learner and accomplished to play everything. But I couldn't concentrate at all. I was restless these past few days.

A knock on the salon doors intrrupted me from my endless thoughts.

"Miss Howard, there is someone here to see you". said Rebecca as she came in and bowed to me.

"Who?" I rose my brow as I kept playing that small mello tune.

"Lord Beckett". replied Rebecca with an annoyed tone.

"Show him in". I replied. I was interested to finally meet this powerful man James had told me about. I really didn't pay much attention to what he had said, I was too busy thinking of the sweet moments we would spend together. Or mainly because I was not that interested in that moment because James was in the room. But now, oddly enough I was curious.

I turned to hear light footsteps enter my private salon, he practically glided his way in. He was not as tall as James, but yet his face commanded attention. In a way he was handsome, though there was something about him that was irresistable. I could not clearly make out what it was, but I also sensed danger. He startled me when he gently swept my hand to his lips.

"Good afternoon, Miss Howard". His voice rich and elegant.

"Good afternoon, Lord Beckett". I smirked. It was fake smirk, I was not all that happy that this man barged into my moments of thinking. "Would care for anything?"

"No, no thank you". he replied.

"Well, my lord what can I do for you, please sit". I motioned for him to sit. He smiled and went over to the chair by the fireplace, I took my place in the small sofa in front of him.

"I was wondering as to the whereabouts of Admiral Norrington". said Beckett. I could see that he was lying, James went to the fort like he always did. My instincts were telling me that this man came to get information out of me. I guess he was curious as to who I really was, but for James's sake I had to lie. I would do anything for him.

"Oh, that is odd because he went to the fort this morning and said he was going to be there all day". I replied innocently.

"I must have not seen him arrive. Pardon me for asking, but how well aquainted are you with Admiral Norrington?"

I knew it. "He is just a good friend of my family and he is helping me until I get back on my feet".

"Aha, I see. So he is just helping out a damsal in distress". said Beckett smugly.

"No, I would not necessarily call it that". I put my palm up to correct him, but I had no time to finish my sentence when he interrupted me.

"Being so that he is asking for something in return". added Beckett.

I was a bit shocked at this. He had no buisness in interrocating me like this, he doesn't even know me. I knew exactly what he meant. James and I had not even consumated this relationship of ours...wait, should I even call it that? Maybe Beckett was right, I was just a ploy for him to get his mind off Elizabeth. No, its not like that, he would never hurt me so.

"Lord Beckett, Admiral Norrington is not expecting anything in return, only a simple thank you. I am sorry sir, but that is no way to treat a lady like myself, for I do not even know you". I sneered as I stood. I practically growled at the pompus man before me.

"You are right, I apologize. I am just concerned for the well being of my men. I would not Admiral Norrington to leave something dear to him behind". replied Beckett cooly.

"Where is he going?" I was shocked to learn this, James never mentioned anything.

"A voyage, I have prepared an armada to prepare an attack on all pirates. That is why I asked, maybe you might be someone Norrington would want to leave behind".

"Well, then I guess your buisness here is done".

"So it is, good afternoon". He stood and took my hand up to his lips, I looked away. Through the corner of my eye I could see him smirk deviously.

I was glad that he left, I can drift back to my endless thoughts. But he was right, James was much more than a simple friend I claimed he was. He was my lover, well at least to me he was. I had no idea what I was to him...I have yet to know.

I kept pacing back forth in my room while taking a few glances out the window. I could not sleep at all,where was he? It was eleven in the evening. My mind was filled endless possibilities, what if something happened to him? I was worried and angry with him at the same time, one for not telling me about this voyage and two, because I felt this empty hole inside myself when he was not near me. It was a very agonizing feeling.

I stopped pacing when I heard a knock at the door.

"Come in". I instantly knew who it was. My heart always skipped a beat when he would enter the room.

"Narissa, why are you up so late?" He asked me if I was the one causing the worry.

"Because, I was waited for you." I sighed coming closer to him. "You told me you would be home in time for dinner, what happened?"

"Buisness, and I just needed to clear my head". He took me into his arms, crushing my body against his. We stood there for a few moments, not saying anything. We didn't need to, I felt so safe in his arms, I wanted to stay like this forever and never let go.

"How come you have not told me about this voyage?" I questioned him. I started to realize why he had not told me anything. It was because of her. This was a chance that he might encounter her again,which he did not want me to know.

"I did not want to worry you". he replied kissing the top of my head.

"Its a bit late for that". I replied. It was true, I was worried sick.

"I am sorry." He held me tighter. "How are you?"

"Better, but my mind will always be restless, James". I moved back to gaze up into his eyes. He seemed broken, he was torn between me and her.I could sense it. He cupped my face into his hands and looked deeply into my eyes. Tears were threatning to fall, I tried to hard to hold them back, but one droplet managed to run down my rosy cheeks. James quickly catched it with a kiss.

Soon enough, he kiss trailed down to my neck. I felt tingles run down my spine, we have never gotten this far. We had yet to comsumate this...this, whatever it was. As I gasped at his touch, I was surprised when he led me over to the large canopy bed. He gently layed me down as if I was a fragile child. I was so lost to his touch, I was gone. I wanted this pleasure to last for the rest of my days. His right hand caressed my curves while his other hand touch my thigh. I was panting at this point, his lips reached my ears whispering sweet things to me.

James was so lost in moment, that he was not realizing what he was saying. "Oh, Elizabeth"

My eyes shot open from my trance, raged filling my insides. "What!" I pushed him off me.

James furrowed his brows, and then he realized what he had said. "Narrisa, love, I did not mean that, I swear, I dd not". He moved closer to me.

"Don't touch me! Get away!". I yelled. I was so enraged by what he had just said. He was thinking of her while he was about to make love to me! I turned away and headed to leave the room. James quickly reacted by grabbing hold of my waist and thrusting me up on the wall.

"Where are you going? You know I did not mean that, I meant you and only you. I want you". James was about to shed tears, he felt so bad about what he just did. He decieved me.

"No you did not, you want her! I know so. All this time I have been blind, not wanting to see the signs. But I was wrong, you still hold a torch for her.". I pushed away from his storng grip around my waist. "Can't you see that I love you so much, I would do anything for you!" I began to walk away, when he grabbed me once more, making me face him. He lips crashing onto mine, his kiss was so sweet and tempting.

After he let go he looked at me.

"I love you too." he replied, still holding me tightly.

"I don't know what to believe anymore". I pushed away from him and ran out of the room with tears staining my cheeks. I had lost faith in the love of my life.I was so broken that I just wanted to go into the farthest depths and never rise up to see him again...