CHAPTER 32

A/N: About the "potato up your posterior" in chapter 31: it's not an established expression (at least not to my knowledge). My family uses it whenever I'm restless and start pacing up and down and can't sit down calmly. I also heard something similar in a theatre vignette starring Rowan Atkinson (I think he's trying to dance properly in a disco, and the commentator on the stage remarks that people should not dance like they've got something up their bottoms…)

And no, Severus's Patronus is NOT mentioned in the previous chapter. You'll find out about his Patronus in this chapter. In the last book, his Patronus is a doe (I won't say more. Spoilers). His Patronus is different in my story.

---

Severus was sitting in Dumbledore's office, sipping at a cup of steaming tea. They had discussed about the Dementors, and Severus had just one more piece of information to tell the Hogwarts Headmaster.

"My Patronus has changed, Albus," Severus said softly, "the Order will have to be informed of this."

"What shape does it take now, Severus?" Dumbledore asked, feeding Fawkes with ground almonds.

"Expecto Patronum!" Severus exclaimed. An enormous silver panther shot out of his wand-end. It walked majestically around the two wizards, and as it turned towards them, a scar shaped like a lightning bolt was clearly visible on its forehead before it dissolved.

Dumbledore looked into Severus's eyes.

"Does Harry know?"

Severus shook his head.

"He doesn't."

Dumbledore went over to Severus and gently placed his hand on his shoulder.

"You love him, don't you?"

Colour flooded Severus's pale face.

"If we manage to defeat Voldemort in a few months from now and live to tell the tale, then we will divorce," he said finally, "and Harry will be free to fall in love and marry whom he wants or not marry at all. He will find someone who is worthy of him."

"I think he has already found that someone, Severus," Dumbledore said, smiling. "Don't forget to tell him. And not only about your Patronus. I will inform the rest of the Order about the Dementors. I will leave it to you to tell them about your new Patronus. Good night, my dear boy."

"Good night, Albus."

When Severus returned, the hall was empty; Harry was taking a shower. Severus collapsed onto the sofa. Harry would have to be dreadfully obtuse if he didn't understand what the change of his Patronus implied. Harry had seen Tonks's Patronus change when she had fallen in love with Remus Lupin. He would surely put two and two together when Severus told him. Or perhaps Severus could simply say that his Patronus was a panther but not mention the scar. But what if Harry wanted to see the Patronus? He would surely ask to see it. It was perfectly natural. And if Severus rebuffed him and denied him the sight, then Harry would be surprised and hurt. Which was also perfectly natural. Severus felt the beginnings of a headache. There were a few books on the coffee table. Severus picked up one at random and swore softly when he realised that he was holding the book upside-down. When Harry padded into the hall, hair still shower-moist, Severus pretended to be completely absorbed in his book. Harry sat down next to him.

"You're practically sleeping over that book. You'd better go to bed," Harry said with a little smile.

Severus shook his head. Harry knew that insisting that Severus go to bed would spark the man's quick temper and lead to sarcastic remarks. He therefore simply touched Severus's hand. It worked. Severus stretched a little and rose.

"May I ask you what you are doing out of bed yourself?" he asked dryly.

"Not being in bed," Harry answered.

"Are you trying to be witty?"

"No, just as factual as possible."

"That much is obvious," Severus observed, smoothing his robes and yawning delicately behind his palm.

"Oh, I wanted to give you this," Harry said, handing Severus a potato.

Severus's eyebrows clambered skywards.

"I managed to get it out of my ass," Harry said blandly.

"Harry Potter!"

"Sorry. Language. Extracting it out of my posterior proved to be a successful endeavour," Harry mock-corrected himself.

Severus glowered at his husband, sleepiness temporarily forgotten.

"You are talking nonsense!" he rapped out, thrusting the potato at Harry, who pushed it back at him and prodded it with his wand. It began to sputter dangerously.

"What the-?" Severus started, letting go of the potato.

"A contribution from Fred and George," Harry grinned as the potato exploded in a shower of sparks, "couldn't resist using it since you so conveniently mentioned a potato."

The "potato" sputtered again and disintegrated with a loud bang.

"Bed!" Severus ordered, thoroughly indignant while Harry laughed heartily.

"Only if you go to bed first."

"No, you are going to bed first."

"No, you are going to bed first," Harry quipped.

Severus hoisted Harry up in his arms.

"Hey! That's cheating!" Harry protested. It reminded him of the scene when Severus had carried him out of Gryffindor Tower, all the while bearing up with Harry's outraged protests.

"You will kindly stop behaving like a small child-"

"There's a child in every adult," Harry pointed out.

"Please exclude me."

"Of course. I forgot. You're not an adult," Harry grinned. Severus pressed Harry against his body and looked deeply into his eyes.

"I assure you that I am very much an adult," he breathed to Harry, his mouth close to Harry's. Their gazes strove with each other, both wizards determined to not look away. Severus slowly let Harry slide down from his arms.

"You're a little heavier than when I carried you from Gryffindor Tower," he remarked. "It is high time you put on weight and were less skinny. And you are still a growing teen."

"Well, whatever weight I'd put on at Hogwarts would disappear during my summer stay at the Dursleys," Harry said in a joking tone, but his eyes were grave.

"Now you're with me, and I am making sure that you eat properly."

"You eat very little yourself."

"I am used to small quantities, and I left my teenage years behind me a rather long time ago. But you can still change your eating habits. You are young."

"So are you," Harry said. Severus shook his head.

"I attended this school with your parents, Harry. How can you possibly regard me as young?"

"I have spent many months with you, Severus. You have included me in your life and share it with me every day. I have seen you smile and laugh; and all the time you are fighting against Voldemort to protect the wizarding world and me. You can be very passionate in what you do."

"Passionate?"

"Does that sound too un-Slytherin?" Harry teased him.

Severus stooped and whispered into Harry's ear:

"Believe me when I say that Slytherins, too, can be very…very…very…passionate."

He drew back. Harry stood on tiptoe and approached his mouth to Severus's ear:

"So can Gryffindors."

"Indeed," Severus said, his voice tinged with huskiness. He placed his hands on Harry's waist and began to move his feet and body musically.

"Are we dancing?"

"Sort of," Severus replied. "I don't know how to dance, actually."

"Neither do I."

"I remember your performance at the Yule Ball in excruciating detail," Severus remarked scathingly.

Harry laughed, one hand on Severus's shoulder and the other on his back.

Their eye contact became increasingly intense and probing, slowing down their swaying movements until they stood still in the middle of the hall, their faces close enough to touch. Harry's knees suddenly seemed soft. The whole room seemed to be holding its breath. Harry searched Severus's black eyes for answers. He noted the slight flush in the thin cheeks.

Severus hesitated. Then he released Harry abruptly.

"Good night," he said.

"Good night," Harry replied. When he slipped into bed, his heart was still beating quickly. He was both exhilarated and tremendously disappointed. If only he had been quicker and used Severus's hesitation to seal that tiny distance between them…But what if Severus had rejected him? Pushed him away? Shouted at him? Maybe it was better this way…And their marriage was supposed to be one of convenience…

Severus rose very early the next morning to avoid Harry and to have some time to think about his feelings. He had breakfast in his bedroom and went down into the grounds. The air was cold and crisp with the lingering freshness of dawn. He visited his sanctuary and listened to the wind chimes while he mulled over his marriage. How strange it all was! It had been a terrible start. The ceremony, the consummation, their violent arguments…and then, it had started to change. He had realised that Harry had interesting questions and conversation. That he expressed things by sketching and drawing. That when he smiled, everything became warm and bright. That he was loyal to Severus, defending him and standing by him. That he was not only handsome but smart, kind and…sweet. Severus could not think of any better word than "sweet". When had his heartbeat started accelerate whenever Harry entered the room? Whenever their hands or bodies happened to brush? Whenever Harry looked at him with those green eyes and smiled? Whenever he touched Harry's chain around his neck? He touched it again, closing his eyes; and he knew that he loved Harry very much, loved him more than he had ever loved anyone before. Seeing Harry's smile or hearing him laugh or looking into his beautiful green eyes was just what he needed to start the day and end it. He stood up and hurried back to the castle, making sure to replenish the birdhouse with seeds before he left. He had a long day of classes ahead of him.

When he returned to his rooms in the evening, silence greeted him. Annoyed, he remembered that Harry had told him that he would be in Gryffindor Tower with Ginny and her friends. Severus consulted his watch. The dungeon rooms were too still without Harry. Severus glanced towards Harry's bedroom. The door was ajar. He hesitated, wondering if he would be breaching Harry's privacy by standing on the threshold and simply looking inside. He overcame his hesitation and opened the door wider. The spacious room was very neat except for the portfolio of sketches lying on the table. Severus examined its contents. It was evident that his husband had talent and plenty of creativity besides a good tutor. A picture fluttered out and fell lightly upon the floor. He bent and picked it up. It was a simple sketch in black and white. The silhouette of a person was kneeling on the floor. There was a cavity on the left side of its chest, and its extracted heart was lying near its knee in a pool of black blood. Further away, a tall slim shadow with long hair had its back turned towards the scene, arms crossed upon its chest. The poignancy of the sketch made Severus's hands falter for a moment. The depiction of complete exposure in the face of total imprisonment of the heart, and thus feelings – for what else could the protective arms folded upon the chest signify? – was skilfully rendered. And was it an illusion that the kneeling silhouette resembled Harry with its messy hair? And the tall figure looked like him, Severus Snape…Could it be that Harry…? Not daring to complete the thought, Severus went through the remaining sketches in the portfolio. Then he looked at his husband's bed. Harry always made his own bed instead of leaving this task to the house elves. The bedclothes were fresh, taken from the cupboard where the house elves put the washed linen. He imagined Harry sharing his, Severus's, bed. He pictured himself looking into those green eyes…kissing that soft mouth…whispering into his ear... A photo album on the shelf caught his eye. He reached up and grasped it. It contained pictures of Harry's parents. He recalled that Harry had told him about Hagrid's gift. He leafed pensively through the pages and stared for a long time at a picture of Lily and James holding hands, smiling and waving at the camera.

"What would you say if you knew what I feel for Harry?" he asked them softly. He looked at Lily's green eyes.

"Your son is brave, strong-willed and very talented. And, above all, he is kind."

Lily waved at him.

"Thank you, both of you. For Harry."

He closed the picture album carefully and replaced it. He remembered that he still had to tell Harry about his Patronus. Harry was a Member of the Order of the Phoenix, after all, and Patronuses were one of the main ways the Order communicated. Harry loved to tease Severus by sending his stag Patronus to visit him randomly in the evenings. Severus, in turn, would dispatch his Ashwinder Patronus with some sarcastic repartee...Except that his Patronus was no longer an Ashwinder. Severus left Harry's room.

---