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Chapter 52
He could hear Dawn moving around in the bedroom. Taking a deep breath, he quickly went through the litany of reasons and explanations for last night that he could use to reason with her. Opening the door, he greeted a bedraggled looking Dawn; her hair was hanging at odd angles and her mascara and eyeliner were smudged around her face. He couldn't help but smile.
"You look like you had a good time."
"Oh, the best." Sarcasm was dripping from her words as she wrapped the hotel's terry cloth robe around herself and started for the bathroom. "I love waking up and feeling like I got hit by a truck."
"I think we had a good time."
He watched her disappear into the bathroom and thanked the heavens that she hadn't found the marriage license yet. She needed to shower and relax a little before those flood gates broke, he thought. Dressing quickly, he looked at the black dress on the floor. There was no way she would want to wear than again tonight, he realized.
Calling the concierge while Dawn was in the shower, Will explained the problem and gave the man Dawns' dress and shoe sizes. He had to look at the bottom of one of her stilettos to figure out the last one. After being assured something would be done to take care of his dilemma, Will asked that a few things be found for him as well. He ordered room service as he heard the shower being turned off.
Smiling at a wet and beautiful Dawn, he sat on the bed and watched her towel dry her hair as she sat at the desk. "I ordered room service," he said.
"Good. I'm hungry." After drying her hair to her satisfaction, she turned in her seat and looked at him quizzically. "What did we do last night? I'm fuzzy after the time we went to the nightclub."
"Me too. Actually, I get fuzzy somewhere around when we were leaving the nightclub. You don't remember anything after that, do you?" Fighting an urge to cross his fingers, he hoped she would remember something; he didn't want to explain anything if he didn't have to.
"Umm…I kind of remember a cab ride and a lot of making out. And there was…were there flowers? I think I remember flowers on the walls. Like, hanging from the walls. Was that some kind of dream?" Standing, she stretched before coming to the bed and sitting next to him.
"I don't think that was a dream. Dawn…I don't know how to tell you this. Umm…I think…I think we got married last night."
A blank stare was on her face. After a few seconds, a short and harsh laughter escaped her lips. "No we didn't. I think I would remember that." He interpreted the look on her face as meaning he was an idiot.
Silently, he opened the drawer to the nightstand and handed her the paper he had secreted there earlier. "I found that when I woke up."
She stared at it long time. Feeling as though her breath was coming too fast, she put her head on her knees. Trying to get her lungs to slow their pace, she took a few deep breaths. Rising to her full height and straightening her back, she tried to put the strongest look she could on her face.
"We'll have to get it erased, or annulled or something."
"Annulment is a religious thing, I think."
"Whatever! We have to fix this! We can't be married!"
Leaning back on the bed, he tried to take the sadness out of his expression. "Why not?"
Her jaw dropped to the floor as she stared at him in disbelief. "Why not? Are you serious? What do you mean, why not? We can't be married, Will! We're barely a couple. We broke up yesterday! We got back together, but still, we broke up. And we aren't compatible and no one will understand and why are you being difficult?"
"Divorce is a public concern. If we get divorced, people will find out we were married, or are together, or whatever. Dawn, this is a no win situation. I mean, I'm…I'm not that upset."
Grabbing a pillow, she threw it at him as hard as she could. Throwing her hands into the air, she screamed, "You aren't upset? We got married last night!"
Her ranting was interrupted by a knock at the door. Frowning, Will rose to accept the lunch he had ordered and a note stating that their new clothes would be sent to their room soon. Thanking the deliver, he closed the door and released a slow breath. Before Dawn could explode again, he lifted the silver lids from the dishes and handed her a plate. The look on her face could have melted less confident men.
Sitting on the couch that was before the television, she ate in silence, trying to think of what they were going to do. Will was obviously not very upset with the idea that he was married to her. She, on the other hand, was scared out of her wits. She was in no way ready to be married, she thought. Stabbing at her crab salad, she tried to lay out an argument in her head that would make sense to him.
"We can't be married. We don't live together and we have no rings. We can't tell anybody because Buffy would kill you. Therefore, we have to figure out a way to make this go away. Maybe…maybe we could wait until everyone is really preoccupied and then get a quiet divorce. Maybe, like, fake an apocalypse so no one notices us. We could do that, right?"
He let the disbelief register on his face. Sure he hadn't heard her correctly; he shook his head and finished his sandwich. "Dawn. Listen to me. We are married. We don't have to live together and we don't have to tell anyone. This doesn't have to change our relationship."
"It changes everything! We can never go back to the way we were! Don't you understand, this means that we are together forever. There is no going back if we stay married. I can't just leave you; this is very complicated."
"So don't leave me. Dawn, I was planning on marrying you anyway." He let that information set in while he poured himself another glass of water. Taking his seat on the armchair perpendicular to the couch, he leaned back and watched the emotions play on her face.
She was quickly progressing from shock to anger to dismay. "You were? You wanted to marry me? And when was I going to learn about this?"
"Don't look so sad. I didn't say anything that should make you feel that way. You are the only woman I can imagine spending the rest of my life with. You know…I was talking to Angel about this the other day. We were talking about how we won't live forever anymore. He said he wasn't scared of death; that he was looking forward to an end to his saga. I feel just the opposite. I'm terrified of getting old, Dawn. I'm terrified of dying. I feel like my life is wasting away.
I get up in the morning, I go to work. I come home, I play the guitar, I see you, and I go to bed. I do it all over again every day. There's nothing extraordinary, nothing to make my life complete. If I go through this same routine every day for the rest of my life, I'll go insane. I want something more. I want a wife and a family and someone to leave something to. I'm tired of being alone, Dawn. So, I think I should be with you. I love you; I know you love me even though you don't know it yet. Maybe this was the kick start we needed."
Covering her eyes with her hands, she tried to gain control over her emotions before she spoke. Not sure if she should be angry or flattered, she took deep breaths before saying anything.
"Okay…let's say I agree with you about the being alone part. I don't like that either. So, neither of us wants to be alone. You love me. I'm not sure I can reciprocate. Besides, that, though, Will, I don't think I want a family. I don't think I ever want to bring children into this world."
He looked for a moment as if he had been hit with a sledge hammer. Recovering rather quickly, he leaned forward and stared into her eyes with intensity. "You are too scared to love because you have seen how much hurt your mom and sister went through. I am not your dad, Dawn. I will not leave you. I am not Angel; I can't lose my soul and go ape shit. Get it? You are stuck with me."
Swallowing hard, she fought the urge to throw her plate at him. He looked so confident, she thought, it drove her out of her mind. Wondering what the best tact would be, she thought for a long time before saying anything. Finally, when she had reached a conclusion, she lifted her head and leaned back on the couch, blowing out a long breath. "Will…oh, I give up. Okay, we're not getting a divorce. Where do we go from here?"
He smiled a little, but he felt he had won a hollow victory. He didn't want her to be with him by default. He wanted her to want it. "You said yesterday that if you left me, you'd be an idiot. You said yourself that I'm good for you. Why don't you want me, Dawn?"
Shock crossed her face briefly before she got control of her features again. "I do want you. I want you a lot. I just…don't know if I'll want you in a year or in ten years or in twenty. What if I don't?"
"Are you going to let that fear stop you from ever having a real relationship? Why give in to that fear, Dawn?"
Putting her head back, she stared long and hard at the ceiling. "Maybe I do love you," she whispered. "Isn't that odd? You were such a bastard. It wasn't your fault, really. You didn't have a soul. But then you got a soul and you went nuts. You hurt Buffy in so many ways. I should hate you just for that. But you are such a good guy now. I mean, you're caring and nice and funny and you are so good to me. Is that love? Is that enough?"
"Love is a choice, Dawn. We chose to love people. That choice has to be accompanied by emotion. I didn't choose to love Buffy; I let my cock and my emotions lead me to do what I did to her. She was part of that equation, though, you know. I know, Dawn, that I love you. Really and truly. I couldn't love before I had a soul; I had nothing to love with. Now, I am making a choice with my mind and heart and soul and body all in accordance. Every part of me is aching for you. I know it's weird. You don't think I remember Sunnydale and ask myself what the hell I'm doing with you? You were a whiny little brat. You were annoying and socially awkward. But I love you. I love you because I remember the girl you used to be and I see the woman you are now. I can't get rid of you Dawn. You're in the fiber of my being."
Silent tears fell down her cheeks as she tried not to make eye contact with him. Wiping her cheeks and licking her dry lips, she focused on a fiber on the carpet. She felt hands on her shoulders and his presence in front of her before her mind had registered that he had moved.
"Let me in. Just let me in, Dawn."
Putting her head on his shoulder, she sniffed and nodded. "I can try. You're too stubborn to let me get away with this, aren't you? Why couldn't you just let me alone? Why do you have to be…this way?"
Smiling slowly, he grabbed her and drew her close. "You are a stupid little trollop. Do you know that? You show up in my apartment naked and conniving and think I won't come to love you? You think that being amazing and beautiful and intelligent and kindhearted are turn offs? Dawn, I had to love you. I couldn't ever love anyone else after you."
"What are we going to do?"
"Whatever you're comfortable with."
Pulling away from him slightly, she wiped her eyes again. "I want to spend more time with you. I don't think we should live together, yet, but maybe I could move stuff in? You know, like have a drawer or something?"
"You can have the whole damn dresser. And the closet if you want it."
Before she could respond, there was a knock at the door. Looking alarmed, she was about to question him but stopped as he rose. Realizing he had been expecting someone, she pulled the robe closer around her and made sure her eyes were dry. When she looked to the doorway, her mouth parted in shock and awe. Two bellmen were wheeling metal carts that had hanging from them about a dozen outfits all wrapped in the same plastic her drycleaner used.
"I thought you would want new clothes. That dress isn't very appropriate for daylight." Looking out the window, he frowned, "though that is burning quickly."
When she didn't move, he gently took her elbow and steered her off the couch and to the two racks of clothes. One rack had men's clothing hanging from it. Indicating the female clothes, he smiled at her and nodded.
"Well, go on then. Do you want all of it or does something offend you? Just tell these guys and they'll take it away." Grabbing an outfit from his selection, he indicated with a hand motion that the rest could go back to wherever it came from. "I'm going to go get dressed. Thanks gents."
She stared for a few seconds, her brain trying to register that he had thought of her enough to do this. It was only a few seconds before her shopping addiction took full force and she was looking at the ten outfits, she counted, that were before her. Thanking the men that had brought the clothes, she kept half of them. All of them were beautiful but she felt greedy accepting the lot of them. The shoes on the bottom of the cart had been unloaded onto the floor as she had perused the clothing.
When he came out of the bathroom, she was rearranging items on the bed. "Do you like it? We can get dressed and go shopping if you don't. I might want to slit my wrists, but I'd risk it for you."
"These are excellent. How did you do this?"
"I tipped the concierge very well. And he knows me from when I used to stay here a couple times a month. I asked him to bring you some things you could wear tonight; I think he called a boutique his girlfriend works at. Are they alright?"
Smiling, she chose a white dress with a bright blue belt and matching blue shoes. Slipping the robe over her shoulders, she pulled the dress over her naked form. The flowing material hugged her body and the belt accentuated her already thin waste. He watched as the outlines of her breasts became visible through the thin fabric. She looked sexy but not overdone. Shaking out her now dry hair, she went through her purse until she found a hair tie and pulled her hair back into a loose ponytail. It took about five minutes for her to apply powder to he face and lipstick and gloss to her lips.
He laughed at how absurdly quickly she had gotten ready. He stopped when he realized something was missing from the outfit. "You aren't wearing underwear." His face fell as hers suddenly took on an impish look.
"I guess I could." Smiling at his reaction, she slipped her underwear on and was out the door before he could get his shoes on.
Laughing to himself, he wondered what he had just gotten himself into. She was moody, impish and unpredictable. Sighing, he hoped he could keep up with his new wife. She was certainly going to keep him on his toes, he thought.