Although the deliciously violent scenes seem to be dwindling as I keep writing more, this story DOES/WILL contain the following:
1) Delicious Violence.
2) Slight Blood Fetishes.
3) Underage Sex. (THIS INCLUDES: Underage Boy On Underage Girl Rape (Gasp! A hetero scene!), Mentions Of Overage Man On Underage Boy Rape, Underage Boy On Underage Boy Consensual Sex.)
4) Mentions Of Child Abuse.
5)Recollections Of A Suicide.
6) Angst. Lots & Lots Of Angst. I don't think it would be my writing without boatloads of angst.
I hereby admittedly state that I know hardly anything about the technicalities of jail time, the foster care system, or most mental/emotional/attachment disabilities/issues, and that I have made up details about these things for drama and easier writing.
Characters belong to Squeeeeeeeenix.
I think that's about it. I certainly hope this all covers my ass. Cos dammit, I don't want any complaints about anything that I've made sure to mention above.
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(Cid)
Inside recess. The worst of all possible things that could happen at recess time. I would honestly rather be in detention now, than stuck in this Goddamn cafeteria for another thirty minutes. Who cares if it's raining outside? I still want to be out there. I'll risk getting struck by lightning.
I close my eyes and rest against the wall, waiting for the next round of cards to begin so I can get back in the game.
"Cid."
I look, startled, at Vincent. He's sitting on his knees right next to me. Like, right next to me. When did he move so close? "What's up, Vincent?" He's going to talk!
"Cid, I want to tell you."
Any conversation between my friends has stopped, and the cards slap the ground quietly, at a much slower pace.
"Tell me what?" I ask.
"Everything," Vincent says. "But I don't know if I can." I'm not sure if he doesn't realize that our friends can hear him, or if he just doesn't care.
"Well, um, everything about exactly what do you wanna tell me?" Huh?
He thinks for a minute. "Well, that boy I got in a fight with. He wasn't the one who hit me."
"I know, Vince," I nod.
"The family I was staying with. The father was angry with me for getting sent home from school. We started yelling at each other and he just hit me," he explains, speaking softly.
"So what did you mean when you said it was all fixed?" I ask.
"I went straight to call my social worker and she came that night and moved me into another house," he answers. "I hadn't even been there for a whole day, and I had to move again."
"Where were you before?" I inquire.
"They said they couldn't handle me, and asked that I be removed."
"What about after?"
"I was at a house for about a month, but I... I can't talk about that right now."
"And after that?" I press.
"The night before last, I was moved to my current house," he says.
"Are things okay in the new house?" I hope he says yes.
"So far it seems to be alright."
"How come you didn't tell me about all your moving?" I ask. He just shrugs and looks ashamed.
"Hey Vince," Reno calls over. "Y'know, my sister was in the foster care system. That's how we got her. And well, I guess I was too, but I was too young to remember it at all. But it's all cool, man. Not a big deal, yo. Y'know?"
Vincent shrugs again.
Cloud's jaw drops. "Reno? You're adopted?"
"Dude. Cloud. Are you serious, yo?" Reno drops his hand of cards. "Are you serious, Cloud? My parents are black, Cloud. Look at my skinny white boy ass. For fuck's sake! How many times have you been to my house? How long have you fucking known me, Cloud?"
"I'm sorry, Reno! No, don't kick me!"
----"Hey now. What's all this?" I grin nervously, sitting up more against the headboard of my bed.
Vincent is on his knees beside me. He lifts his hand to my face and gently strokes his fingers across my jaw line. He's never touched me like this before and I never imagined he was capable of such soft, loving actions.
"Cid, I'm sorry," he tries to keep his eyes focused on mine, but he can't seem to.
"Well, thanks, Vince. But what exactly are you sorry for?" I ask, thoroughly confused as usual.
He lowers his hand to pick up my hand. "When I first came over, and I grabbed your wrist too tight."
"Oh, whatever," I try to laugh it off. "That was months ago. Don't worry. I'd forgotten about that."
"But I didn't, Cid," he goes on. "You said I was hurting you, and I got excited. I like hurting other people. It makes me feel really good. Cos I know I'm the one in control, so there's no chance of them taking control over me. That's what I've been told, anyway, as to why I do it. I don't care what the other person says, or how much they protest. I just don't care and I can't regret it, even though I'm told over and over that what I do is wrong."
He laces his fingers in between mine and squeezes my hand lightly before he continues. "But when it came to you, Cid, something was different. Something felt horribly wrong. I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought I wanted to hate you like everybody else, but there was something that made me feel like I shouldn't have been trying to hurt you, Cid.
"For the first time, and the only time since, I knew it was wrong, and I knew to stop myself, and for some reason, that really scared me. I was fighting with myself, wanting to push you away, but I really don't think that would make me as happy as I thought it would.
"But then after I ignored you, tried to frighten you, tried you harm you... After all that, Cid, you go and tell me something nice. Maybe even the nicest thing anybody's ever said. I felt so guilty for the first time and I didn't know what to do, so I left."
Wow. After months of just a handful of words, I get an entire speech from him. I almost don't care what he's saying; I just want to keep hearing his voice.
It also occurs to me that I shouldn't be comfortable in this situation. I've become fast friends with a sociopath who could very likely buy pets for the sole purpose of killing them. But I am comfortable with him.
I need to say anything back to him, or I'm afraid he'll run off again. I need to say something pivotal. Something dramatic and life changing that will make him feel alright. I'm searching for The Right Words that, based on every damn movie ever made, should be coming forth freely any second now.
"Ask me something," Vincent says to me, not seeming to notice that I haven't responded to the first issue.
"Like what?" Again, I'm confused.
"Anything at all," he says.
"What happened to your parents?"
Vincent stays silent for a few moments. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't give an answer, but he eventually does.
"When I was still rather small," he begins slowly. "I was getting ready to go to sleep. I got in bed and waited for my mother to come tuck me in. She read my favourite story to me, which was special because I had made her read it to me so many times before, she usually refused when I asked for it. When she finished, she pulled the covers over me, kissed me goodnight, and said 'Sweet dreams, my little Valentine.' She said it every night to keep the nightmares away.
"I tried to sleep, but I just couldn't, and I had a stomachache, even though I hadn't eaten a bunch of junk before bed. So I left my room to get my mother and have her sit with me for a little while longer. I found her in her bedroom and I stood outside the door watching her for a moment before I went in."
Vincent pauses and lets my hand go. "From where I stood, I could see her, but I couldn't quite tell what she was doing. And then a loud, sharp bang filled the house, hurt my ears, and left as quickly as it had come," he hangs his head forward and tugs at his hair. "It scared me so bad..."
He's interrupted by the doorbell ringing, but I'm not going anywhere. We sit quietly until it rings again.
"Cid, the--"
"No, Vincent," I refuse. "That's the least important thing right now."
There's a familiar scraping and scrambling outside the house. A backpack comes through the window, followed by a pair of arms trying to pull themselves up. "Dammit Cid. I know this whole," a voice says between struggling grunts, "Window thing is a - gah! - special privilege for me - shit! - but I'd prefer the front door over--"
"Shut up, Reno," I warn as Reno comes tumbling through the window onto the floor.
"Oh. Shit. You okay, Vince?"
"Shut up, Reno," I tell him again and he sits down quietly on the carpet. I focus my attention back to Vincent, who's sniffling and keeping his face hidden behind his hands. "Just ignore him for now, Vincent. Tell me the rest, please?"
He takes a while to get started up again, set back by a few quiet sobs. "I went in her room, and saw her laying on the floor. I saw the gun too, and I knew that's what did it. There was blood, fuck, it was everywhere, and it was all coming from her. But I just sat next to her on the floor and just watched her until my father came home. And then he'd always blamed me for causing my mother to do such a horrible thing."
"Vincent, what happened to your father after that?" I dare to ask.
"I can't, please, not now," Vincent sobs into his hands. He's broken down and fully crying now.
"Okay," I tell him and bring up the courage lay my hand on his shoulder.
"No!" he yells and jerks away.
"Why not?" I ask.
"Don't touch me!" he answers.
"Do you really want me to leave you alone crying and upset and just forget about you, or will you let me try and help the best I can?"
He just keeps sobbing and I feel terrible. "Listen, Vinny, I know you're having a lotta problems right now, but how are you going to come to trust me if you don't give me a chance to prove that I'm not gonna hurt you?
"I think I'm coming to understand why you can't trust anyone, but I'm different, remember? You told me that just a little while ago. So maybe if I can stop you from doing certain things, maybe I can help you to do other things. But we have to try before you decide."
I ignore his protests and hug him, which only makes him cry harder. But he can squirm around all he wants; I won't let him go. "See? This isn't painful at all, right?" I try to keep a calming voice. Vincent very weakly attempts to punch me in the chest. But the impact wouldn't even faze an ant, so he just balls my shirt up in his fist and leans against me almost bonelessly, his head laying on my shoulder. "You're safe with me okay? And with Reno too," I add.
"Oh yeah, definitely!" Reno scurries over to the bed and sits against the headboard next to us. "Me and Cid, we'll help ya out. We'll keep ya safe," he says, leaning against my non-occupied shoulder and reaching over to carefully stroke Vincent's arm in an attempt to help comfort him.
We're quiet after that, save for Vincent's pitiful sounding sobs. He cries until the tears run out and turn into heavy, shuddering sighs, to an occasional whimper, as his breathing evens out and his body stills. His grip on my shirt lessens a bit, and I'm sure he's asleep by now.
"I'm so tired, Reno. And I haven't even done anything," I sigh. The response from Reno is a soft, inattentive moan as his hand slides limply down Vincent's arm. I turn my head to try to get a look at Reno without disturbing either of the two. His eyes are closed, his mouth is open. He's out too.
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(Vincent)
Things feel a little hazy for a moment, but far from disoriented. It doesn't take me long to remember where I am waking up and what had happened, which is always a welcome thing.
I want to move, but maybe I shouldn't. I'm not entirely at ease in this situation. I don't much like others putting their hands on me, but I try to remind myself that these aren't just other people. Cid and Reno have now both been defined as "friend". I know that friends are good to each other, but it's hard to just ignore such strong innate distrust.
Although I'll do my best to ignore it right now. I might actually like this little scene we're in. With Cid's head resting on Reno's head, resting on Cid's shoulder, they look funny that way. They look cute. I can't help but kinda smile a little, thinking that.
I shift slightly to a more comfortable position against Cid. It bothers me that I like the feel of my cheek pressed against the side of his neck. This whole "Let's Hug Vincent" thing is going to take some getting used to. I don't even want to admit to myself that this just might feel good. I won't let myself be convinced of it. Not yet, at least.
Maybe someday though. Maybe I can let myself hope for that. Let myself look forward to some time when I lay like this with Cid and Reno without having to be such an emotional wreck over it.
Maybe.
It's just so different for me.
But Cid's right. I will give it a try. I know he'll stop if I decide I don't like it. I mean... I mean... when I decide don't like it. ...Right?
Well, maybe I won't think so much on it right now. Just give in for a little while longer. Don't know how long I was asleep for, but I'm still tired. Emotions can really take it out of me, and that's always a hard one to go through.
It stunned me, seeing my mother like that; hole in her head (I tried to see inside of it, but couldn't tell what was what), blood staining the carpet, motionless, mangled, and dead. I don't think I knew what emotion I was supposed to be feeling at the time. I hadn't gotten past the stages where the only basic emotions were mad, sad, happy, and bored. There wasn't much that was really in there to convey the feelings of "dear God, my mother just committed suicide right in front of me." So I don't remember feeling anything at all, really. Not until later. And even then, it came slowly. Perhaps I was just too young to understand it all.
It started with simply missing my mum, as if she'd gone on a vacation without me or something. It escalated from there, over a time, to a full blown smack-in-the-face realization that I would never see her again, and she would never ever come to rescue me.
Looking back, I know full well I was not at fault for her death. I know now that she was not quite mentally stable, and that my father treated her terribly, and she simply didn't know how to handle her life and all the depression it brought with it. And I know, and I believe entirely, that she loved me. I know all this. Yes, hindsight's 20/20, and all that.
Enough of that, Vincent, or you'll start crying again.
I close my eyes and focus on better things. Something like how warm Reno's hand feels resting on mine. Yeah, something like that.
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(Reeve)
"Reevey!"
"Hey Reno. What are you doing with our Vincent?" I tease as Reno tackles me with a hug.
"We were over at Cid's. Thought I'd walk him home, yo."
"Not your Goddamn Vincent..." Vincent muttered vehemently and stalked up the stairs. The sound of a door slamming comes soon after.
"How's the flu going?" I ask.
"Oh, Rudey? Eh. Well, he's gettin' better. Doctor says he oughtta be comin' back to school in a couple'a days. Mum's got him like, quarantined from me an' Dad an' Elena. Sucks, yo. He sure is one bored son of a bitch."
"Yeah, I bet," I say, noticing that Reno's still hugging me. "Hey Reno? Does Vincent ever talk to you?"
"Barely. He talks to Cid sometimes. Nobody else, really," he answers.
"Oh," I'm a little relieved at that. "I was kinda worried that he just did that with me."
"Nah. Took him weeks to say a whole three words to Cid, an' even then, that was all he got," Reno explains. He quiets his voice a bit. "I feel really bad for him, y'know? Told me an' Cid about his mum today, an' just broke down, man. Just fucken lost it. Cried till he just passed out asleep, yo. It was just fucken sad... I dunno what other kindsa shit he's been through, man, but just what he told us today'd be enough to make me act like he does."
"Yeah, he's had to deal with a lot of other stuff too, but I should let him tell you if he wants to. He doesn't know how to handle himself at all. He's always letting his angriness take over. It sometimes takes him hours to calm down." Reno feels so small. "Do you eat at all?"
"Oh yeah, fucken, all the time, man. Ooh, that reminds me, yo. I'm gonna be late for dinner. Better make like a tree and split." He kisses my cheek with a big "muah!" and runs off down the street.
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TBC, yo!
Hahaha. Rude, Reno, and Elena are brothers and sister. I love that. At first, I wanted Barret to be their dad. Cos that made me laugh. But... then I thought about having their last name be "Turk" so they could be The Turks. But... I love the last name I picked for Reno. And I also love stupid Cloud. And I love big brother Reevey too.
The last part is just random banter. Needed more Reno : )