Our friendly Reevey's faring fairly frustrated with that feisty, fickle Vinny feller.
The characters. They belong to Squeeeeeeeenix.
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(Reeve)
I don't get angry very easily anymore. I try not to hate anyone, and if I can't stop that, then I try to talk myself into just disliking them instead.
Sometimes, though, I can't keep myself from hating Vincent.
I feel so guilty for it. I want to like him, and I want him to like me, and I want him as part of our family.
He was being so sweet last night. He woke me up, asking nicely if he could sleep with me. He asked if he could trust me, and if I'd keep the monsters away from him. I don't think he was fully awake and conscious when he asked me those things, but of course I said "yes." I was happy that he'd finally come to give me a chance at big brother. He curled up next to me and slept peacefully for the rest of the night.
But then this morning, he's gone back to ignoring me. I don't really take well to being ignored. Not that I need constant attention, mind you. I'm way past that stage. But I try to say something as simple as "good morning" to Vincent, and he gives me a dirty look then goes on with his own business.
It just reminds me of when I was a little kid and getting the same responses for trying to get my bio-parents' attention. You know, trying for petty little things like food and medical care. Those kinds of insignificant needs.
I know I'm not five years old anymore, and I'm certainly not dependent on Vincent for those things, but I'm legitimately worried that his behaviour might trigger my old feelings and set me back. Certainly I've become much stronger emotionally over the past several years, but I was once a hurt little boy like he is. And if I'm going to regress, I'll be damned if I regress at the hands of damn Vincent.
I understand, to an extent, what he's going through, but I wish he'd learn how to control it. He's in therapy every few days, and apparently he has been for years. But it doesn't seem to do anything for him. I don't know if he completely ignores everything his therapists say, or if he's just simply immune to it. Maybe he's completely broken and can never be fixed? That's a scary thought. I wonder if that could even happen.
I'm glad to hear my mum yelling back at him. She's a good mother. She and my dad fixed me, and they're doing their damnedest to fix Vincent. But all Vincent does is get angry and it's frustrating to even the calmest and most even minded, like my mum. Like I said, she's a good mother, but sometimes even good mothers have their breaking points.
"I am sick and tired of hearing those words, Vincent!"
He's probably been cursing at her, or just saying "no" over and over again. Or both, more than likely.
"If you just can't be nice today, then you're coming straight home from school. You'll sit and do your homework, and I'll have a list of chores for you to do afterwards. If you don't come straight home after school, then I'm going right over to Cid's house and drag you out of there screaming if I have to." She really means business. "And you're not getting any good behaviour points for the rest of the day."
Ah, the behaviour points. If you earn enough points, you can either get a small prize at the end of the week (like ice cream, or a book, or something), or save up for something bigger at the end of the month (say, a video game perhaps). Vincent has been here for several months now, and he hasn't earned a single thing.
He storms out of the house, slamming the front door as hard as he can.
"One of these days, he's gonna slam a door of its hinges," my mum sighs.
"Sorry he's being mean, Mum," I try to comfort her with a hug.
"It's not your fault, Reevey. We'll get through to him someday."
I fucking hope so, or I'm gonna be the one calling his social worker to get him out of here. Dammit, I don't want to hate him.
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(Cid)
"Heya Vinnycent! You're off to school in a hurry," I hurry to catch up with Vincent when he doesn't slow down.
"Not going to school," he snarls.
"Well, where are ya going?"
"I don't know."
Well, that's not very comforting. "Are you, uh, are ya coming back?"
"I don't know."
"Vinny, you gotta come back."
"Leave me alone, Cid."
"Lemme come with you."
He kind of... growls as a response. A growl isn't a yes or a no, so I follow him, sort of forgetting the trouble we'll get in for skipping class.
"Can we slow down a little?"
"No."
"Ya running away, Vin?"
"I don't know."
"Please don't run away," I reach out to put my hand on his shoulder. I want him to stop walking, and I want to hug him.
"Shit, Cidney, just shut up! I don't know what the hell I'm doing, okay? I'm just pissed off!" He veers off towards a crappy little park and pulls himself up onto the gym set. I climb up apprehensively and sit across from him.
"Did something happen this morning?" I ask.
"Why do you care?" he snaps.
"Cos I'm your boyfriend now, smart ass. I'm supposed to care," I explain in a harsher tone than I initially intended.
"Yeah, well you don't have to. I don't need you to worry about me."
"Ouch, Vince."
"Shut up."
"No."
"Hmph."
"Come on. You wanna talk about it?"
"Huh-uh," he shakes his head. "When did you get your rabbit, Cid?"
"When I was like two, or somethin'. How come?" I wish he wouldn't change the subject.
"Does he keep you safe?"
"I, I guess it sorta makes me feel better," I tell him. "D'you have somethin' like that?"
"No, I don't, not really," he says. "But sometimes though, sometimes, when I feel all alone, when I'm scared of what's waiting in the dark, sometimes I'll pray, and I'll pretend someone listens... I guess that's... similar...?" he trails off. "I just, I keep fucking up."
"Aw, I'm sure it's not that bad." At least I hope it's not that bad. I hope he hasn't kicked the Cait or anything like that.
"But it is, Cid," he sighs. "I'm scared their gonna send me back to that Goddamn group home."
I'd heard horror stories about those places from Elena. Too many kids and not enough adults to give a shit about them. "Don't take this the wrong way, Vincent, but... why don't you just... be nice?"
"I can't. I've tried, but it's not easy like that for me. Nothing's easy for me like it is for everyone else, and so I... I just keep fucking up," he looks up at me, his bright red eyes looking shiny with tears.
"Vincent..." I shift closer to him. "Vincent, please don't cry."
"I can't help it. I'm sorry," he sniffs quietly and lets me put my arms around him. I like to be able to comfort him, but I wish I didn't need to do it so often. Poor little guy, breaks my heart to see him like this. "Nobody's gonna love me. Nobody's gonna keep me cos I can't get shit together."
I wish he wouldn't say those things. "Did Reeve's parents say anything about having you moved?"
He shakes his head again. "But I'm scared they're getting to that point, Cid. I can't stop fucking up. I can't, and I hate myself for it," he's full on crying now, shaking, grasping at my shirt with one hand, and the back of his neck with the other.
"Don't say that, Vinny, please," I beg him. He's gonna make me start crying. "Hey now, what are you doin'?" I pull his hand away from his neck. He's got a little blood on his fingertips. I push his hair away, seeing the deep scratches he's given himself. That's a very scary thing to me, that he can hurt himself so easily like that. "Why don't we take you back home, Vinny?" I choke out.
Vincent lets me hold his hand while we walk to his house. Much to my relief, his mum's home when we get there. Neither of us can get Vinny to talk, so I have to explain why he was bleeding, and why we weren't in school.
"You're not always easy to deal with, Vincent," she says. "But you need to understand that that doesn't make us love you any less."
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Did everybody watch House?? Good! heheheh
Back on topic. I have a couple later chapters written, but there need to be chapters in between now and then. So...hm...I gots me some thinkin' to do... Don't know how soon the next update will be D :
But I do wanna give a buncha thanks for the comments I'm getting. It's tres cool : D
TBC, yo!