A/N: I hope I made up for the last chapter's shortness with this one. It's kinda long. I don't know if I can update as frequently, 'cause we had a long weekend this week (3 days, woohoo!) at school, and tomorrow's Monday, so with homework and stuff, I'll try to get something up by Wednesday.

It's the first week of June; our finals are over, school is out of session. We're sitting on Ashley's thinking beach, but we're sitting there together. It's a Friday, and we're getting ready for the summer, spending what could possibly be our last Friday night in LA until the next school year.

Ashley is busy sketching something while looking out at the beautiful sunset over the Pacific Ocean. Her thinking beach is far away from everything and everyone else, so it's fairly quiet over here, just the waves hitting the shore a bit away from us. I'm reading, or at least, trying to, but my mind is abuzz with memories of Ohio. I've given myself until today to make and a decision, and I'm still on the fence. There's a couple of memories that have been circulating through my head all week, all the time. I don't know which one I want to go with; they represent such different things, one of them telling me to go to Ohio, the other telling me to stay in LA.

Luke, Elle, and I sat on the edge of the pier behind my house on a lazy August night, a couple of weeks before our junior year started. We laid stretched out, Luke on the left, Elle on the right, and me in the middle. We were looking at the stars, not really talking, lapsed into a comfortable silence.

"Have you guys ever wondered what you're going to do with yourselves after high school?" Elle asked.

Luke and I looked at each other and shrugged. "I haven't really thought about it," I admitted.

"It's a little scary," Elle muttered, and I reached out to take her hand for comfort. "I can't picture myself as anyone except for Elle the kid. I can't see Elle the adult."

"I'm sure Elle the adult will be a fine piece of meat," Luke joked.

Elle smiled at him and then said, "Thanks for the comfort Luke, but seriously. Not being here. Not being with you two."

"Hey, there's no way that'll happen," I immediately jumped in. "We're friends forever."

"BFFLs," Luke added, and then wrinkled his nose. "Wait, isn't that redundant?"

"Yeah, you nut," I teased playfully and swatted him.

"Seriously, though," Luke said. "We shouldn't worry about this. We'll always have our families who love us, and even if we crash and burn at college, we all have here to come back to. The lake behind Spencer's house is our safe place. Ohio is our safe place. If we hate college or just need to see each other again, we come back here. Deal?"

"Deal," Elle and I both agreed.

"Hey, guys," Luke began timidly after a moment of silence. "Do you think it's weird for a guy to like- like like- other guys or a girl to like like other girls?"

Elle shrugged. "Not really, I guess."

I thought about this for a moment, and despite everything my mom preached about the evils of that kind of thing, I didn't get the big deal. "I wouldn't mind," I told him.

"Good," he said, letting out a sigh of relief. "'Cause I think I might."

"Might what?" Elle asked, sitting up.

"Like like boys," he replied in a scared voice. "I think I'm gay."

Neither Elle nor I had anything to say. We looked at each other briefly, before tackling Luke.

"That's okay," I muttered into him, muffled by his shoulder. "We love you anyway."

"And we think it's time for a little night swimming," Elle added.

"We think what?" I asked, but then Elle had already grabbed both of our hands, pulled us up and jumped into the water.

Luke and I emerged, soaked and a little pissed. "You are SO gonna get it!"

"Spencer, what do you think of this?" Ashley asks, jerking me out of my memories. She holds up a sketch. The picture shows the sunset, beautifully shaded in black and white, the waves of the ocean lapping lightly against the grainy white beach, and a girl in a black hoodie, huddled over a book, just so a profile of the face is visible. Me.

"It's real nice," I say, but it renders me almost speechless. Ash does landscapes, animals, buildings, fruit, and sometimes city scenes with nondescript people and faces, but never portraits. I know that me in that picture isn't really a portrait, but it's most detail she's ever done on a person.

"You like it?" she mutters, almost to herself. She stares at the sketch, then at me, and the back at the sketch. She wrinkles her nose. "I don't think I did your eyes right."

I move over closer to her, so our shoulders are almost touching. She gives me a look for one brief moment, and then it's over. I'm not exactly sure what I saw right there, but decide to ignore it and focus on the picture. "I think they look good."

"They aren't pretty enough," she mutters, and then shoves her nose right back into the pad. I blush and continue to read my book. I'm not really sure what's up with her tonight; she seems a bit friendlier than usual. Maybe she has a migraine, and took her medicine. Sometimes it makes her act weird.

Ashley's eraser and the crashing waves are the only things making noise at the moment, and I'm scared. Ohio never seemed so close as it did at this very moment. It reminds me of the windy days on the lake, when the water hit the pier, and nothing else made a sound. When I would sit out there, mostly by myself, but sometimes with Elle and/or Luke, and there would be no human noise. Like a vacuum.

We leave after about another half an hour. Ashley gets up, and I take that as a sign that it's time for dinner. Which is fine by me, considering my stomach is growling.

"Hey, Spencer?" She looks at me with expectant eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Wanna race?" I raise my eyebrows, and before I can even give an answer, she yells, "Ready, set, go!" She takes off down the beach like a rocket, and I follow behind her, laughing. She trips in the sand and stumbles, allowing me to sprint past her and tag the car, effectively winning the race.

By the time she stumbles over, I'm doing a victory dance. I'm elated by this, but I can't figure out why. The little race has been like a pick-me-up from my Ohio-induced doldrums. "So do I get my prize now?"

She smirks mischievously. "Yep. Here is your bouquet of roses." She rolls her sketch into a cylinder and hands it to me. "And here is your victory kiss." She leans over and kisses my cheek softly, staying there for just a second longer than she should have. "Happy?"

I nod numbly as I get in the car and buckle my seatbelt, not sure what to make of this. We've always been close in the touching kind of way- we share a bed every Friday night, and she holds my hand a lot. But it's like she's crossed a line tonight, and I'm not exactly sure that it's a bad thing.

"Where do you wanna go?" Ashley, once again, pulls me out of my own personal thoughts.

"Wherever," I mutter, looking at my thumbs. Ashley opens her mouth to say something, but decides against it.

"What about Tomato Paste?" That's our favorite Italian place, because of its amazing pasta dishes. She knows that's like my comfort food, ever since I told her my dad used to make spaghetti, meatballs, and tomato sauce on cold, snowy winter days. Ashley always suggests it when she knows I'm having a kind of shitty day.

I nod a little bit, and she reaches out and squeezes my hand for a second before pulling it away and putting it back on the steering wheel. I'm still not sure about these signals she's sending me; they're weirdly ambiguous.

We drive the rest of the way in silence. We're seated in silence. We look over our menus in silence. We order, and then Ashley breaks the silence.

"So, summer's coming up soon," she says nonchalantly, picking up one of the free bread rolls they gave us.

"Yeah, I guess it is," I mumble as I stare at my plate.

"Dammit, Spence." She's angry now, I can tell. "You know what I mean. What the hell is in Ohio that you can't talk about?"

I shake my head. "You don't want to know."

"Yes, I do," she sighs, and then shifts her tone slightly so that she sounds more comforting. "I want you to feel like you can tell me everything. God knows I've told you everything."

That hurt, and I think she meant it to. I think I needed it to. What really was the mind block that I had against it? Sure, for the past couple years I had no one, other than Luke, who I could really tell, who really would understand, who I really felt close enough to. But here was Ashley, who I felt closer to than anyone. And I just couldn't give that part of me up to her. Not yet, I realized. Not until she could see that part for herself. Not until she could see Ohio.

"I need to go there," I say, pretty much out of the blue. But by the cute smile on her face, she gets it. I can tell she gets it. "And I want you there to."

"Can you tell me something, anything?" she asks, almost pleading. "Don't want your machine gun to go in without any ammo."

I chuckle at this and then start chewing my lip. I'm not sure exactly what to put out on the table. "There's some bad blood between me and my family."

"Really? Then where are we staying?"

"My one brother, Clay, is offering up his place," I explains.

She looks at me, and I'm a bit uncomfortable. "That's all?"

I figure that playing dumb would be the best option. "All about what?"

She gives me an annoyed glance, the one that people always do when they tilt their heads. "You know."

I sigh. "I haven't talked to anyone, except for Clay, since I left three years ago. And..." I hesitate, once again, wondering if I should tell her I'm gay.

Ashley observes me with suspense. She's waiting for me to finish my thought, but I don't what to say. I don't know why I can't tell her, but I can't. So I just let myself trail off, sitting there in silence.

She sighs and leans back in her chair. "Look, I've been extra nice to you tonight, with all the extra comforting and stuff, but you're still not giving me anything."

I put my head down, ashamed. "Sorry."

"Sorry? I've tried to be supportive of you, and not ask too many questions, but you're not giving me anything to go on." She puts her head in her hands. "How am I supposed to help you if I don't even know the problem?"

I open my mouth stupidly a couple of times before blurting out, "I'm gay, okay!" It causes a couple of heads to turn our way. Ashley doesn't say anything at all; her only reaction is a slight nod.

"Check." She calls out to the waiter. He brings it over quickly, and Ashley hands him a twenty and a ten, and says, "Keep the change." Ashley has a lot of money, from her father, who was a wealthy stock broker. He left his wife and Ashley for a young blondie, and Ashley has never forgiven him, despite all the money he sends her.

Once we're out on the streets, Ashley gives me a big bear hug, and I let myself enjoy it, if only for a second, even though the hug easily lasts sixty.

"I can't believe you're gay!" she exclaims happily, but then her face is shrouded in confusion. "Wait, then why did you date all those guys?"

"Because, 'cause..." I sigh. "Can't that be enough for tonight? I've been denying that for five years, that's why I've been dating all the guys. I don't want it. I don't want to be gay." And then I'm crying, crying all over myself, and all over Ashley, too, once she wraps her arms around my shoulders.

"D'you just wanna skip the movies and head home?" she asks gently.

I shake my head and wipe away some tears. "I think I'm in the mood for cheesiness tonight."

She led me into the store. "Hey, A-"

But Aiden isn't there. It's just some lame guy with a pimply face, glasses, and mousy brown hair. I feel like the entire universe has been disrupted because Aiden's not here to hand us some stupid movies and make stupid conversation with us.

"Oh, hey," the mousy haired check-out guy says, his voice nasally. "Are you two, um, Ashley and Spencer?"

Ashley took an attitude with the guy. "Who's asking?"

"The guy who works here usually," check-out boy explains. "Aiden, or something? He's out sick, but he left these for you." The boy reaches under the counter and pulls out two DVDs: "Casablanca" and "Friday the 13th." There's a note on them.

Ashley and Spencer-

I'm out sick with some sort of nasty flue thing, but I left you these. "Casablanca" for Spencer, 'cause she's into that sappy romance stuff. And then "Friday the 13th" for Ashley, since she loves horror movies. Plus it'll give you two little lovebirds a chance to cuddle :) Anyway, see you next Friday. Don't miss me too much!

-Aiden

"That's sweet of him," I say, "but I'm in a 'Mean Girls' mood today."

"Whatever you want," Ashley agrees. She quickly walks off to the "M" section, leaving me with the creepy kid behind the counter.

"So," he says, absentmindedly playing around with a Rubik's Cube. "You Ashley or Spencer?"

"Guess," I mutter, my head in Ohio.

"I'd guess Spencer," he says.

"Good job," I mumble, bored with him.

"Thought so," he laments. "It's a sexy name."

I'm pissed off right now. "I'm gay."

Mousy haired kid, instead of looking disappointed, asks, "Is she your girlfriend?"

"Yes I am," Ashley states proudly upon returning. Mousy haired kid looks like Christmas as come early, until Ashley tells him, "No, you can't watch. Just ring this up and move your eyes up a little, okey-dokey?"

"Yes, ma'am." Ashley and I share a smile as he hands us the DVD- in a bag.

We don't talk about this exchange on the way home, but when we get in bed, we sit a little closer than usual. She puts her arm around me, and I actually stay awake for the entire movie.

"So, Spencer," she says as she turns off the DVD player. "When do we leave? For Ohio?"

"Whenever," I mutter tiredly. She gets back into bed and in my almost drunken state, I snuggle up to her, my head on her chest, arm draped over her stomach, and both her arms encircling me, like a security blanket. And as I go to sleep, I dream of Ohio.

Two years ago, my cell phone rang. "Hello?" I'd expected it to be Ashley; she'd been away all day at her thinking spot, and hadn't called once.

"Guess who?"

I laughed into the phone. "Luke? No way. I haven't talked to you in forever! How's things?"

"I'm not here to talk about me," he said, a little worried.

"Luke, what's wrong?"

"It's just... God, you don't know?" He sounded incredulous.

"Um, no, I haven't really talked to anyone in Ohio, since, well, you know, so if it has anything to do with anything back there, then it's safe to say I'm out of the loop."

"Yeah, I get that, it's just... Wow, your own brother, and you don't know?"

I instantly went into panic mode. "What happened to Clay? Is he hurt? Oh my God, it's not Chelsea? Or Chris, is it?"

Luke chuckled weakly. "Not that brother. Your other brother."

"Glen? He hates me."

"But still, he's your brother."

"What exactly happened to my brother?"

"He's getting married, Spencer." Luke's voice was dry and emotionless.

"Oh." I didn't feel any reaction to this news. "That's... that's good for him."

"You don't get it."

I chuckled. "No, I obviously don't."

"He's getting married... to Elle."

I felt like I'd just taken a bullet to the heart.